The JVA appreciation thread

[bango skank]

It's a shame that nobody realized his true brilliance until it was too late.

RIP JVA. He was, is and always will be the Master.

[jonvauerbach]

It's a shame that nobody realized his true brilliance until it was too late.

RIP JVA. He was, is and always will be the Master.

John Von Auerbach: John Von Auerbach on Mortality

A famous man once said "The weak die and the strong survive."

That famous man was John Von Auerbach. Belief is the psychological state in which an individual holds a proposition or premise to be true. The premise, in this case, is that mortality is unavoidable. My psychological state does not adhere to this premise -- therefore, I am immortal.

Mortality is an unproven theory. To this date, I have yet to come across someone who has experienced mortality and lived to tell us that it is, in fact, true.

- John Von Auerbach

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John Von Auerbach recently appeared on Oprah to tell his story on how "The Secret" changed his life and turned him into one of the most successful Life Coaches West of the Mississippi River. Although the show never aired, John helped millions of people realize that "The Secret" is more than just a book.

[bango skank]

He Is Risen!

[chazzy1864]

He Is Risen!

Indeed. He also has created a workout journal. Quite the compelling read.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=112242421

However I see you've already found it. Perhaps others eyes will be opened by it though.

[alan aragon]

If that's the real JVA, I bow in reverence. He's virtually the messiah of these forums.

[bango skank]

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John Von Auerbach is virtually the messiah of these forums.

fixed.

[rockymac]

More from the master from another forum

hxxp://forums.runnersworld.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/652106038/m/8401053185

Hi -

My name is John Von Auerbach. Some of you may already know me from previous 10k and 1/2 marathons that I did fairly well in and I'm pretty proud of myself to say the least.

As a bodybuilder who uses running as a tool to lower his fat percentage, I wonder what the goals are for other runners. If your goal is not to lower your fat percentage, what is the point of running?

I run for one purpose and one purpose only. To achieve a fat percentage of 2%. If it wasn't for that, I'd probably just be doing curls.

So I'm wondering what drives other people because I guess I'm just not seeing it because every other reason just seems flat out idiotic.

Yours truly,

John Von Auerbach
---------------------------
Who is John Von Auerbach?
John is a professional bodybuilder who has competed against some of the best bodybuilder's in the world.

Hello All -

It looks like I've garnered a lot of interest on the internet - but to think that this is satire is mind bottling.

I am virtually a championship bodybuilder known in many bodybuilding circles as well as fitness junkets.

I think what many of you don't realize is that I was banned from bodybuilding.com because of a difference in philosophy. My bodybuilding philosophies are fairly contreversial and often times I offend without purpose, or cause.

I've realized through my bodybuilding studies that these same philosophies ring true in running. However, after running for 2 months now I've discovered no sense of gratitude from running other than a slight decrease in BMI.

My question was fairly simple yet I am ridiculed by a group of egotistical runners. Is it that hard to answer a complex and mind stimulating question?

I for one, hope that all of you look at this thread and realize how pompous you are.

- John Von Auerbach

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John Von Auerbach was nearly cast as an extra on an episode of Grey's Anatomy when they were looking for a young, handsome, built man who was injured during a construction catastrophe.

[quote]
quote:
Originally posted by The Saint:
Come on guys be nice.

Bodybuilders need love to.

Greased up, overly tan, speedo kind of manly love.
By the way John, running servers a far better purpose than bodybuilding. There is no reason for you to have a chest so big you can't play golf or baseball. You may look good now but just wait till you get older and your boobs are sagging down to your waist. All I can picture is Meatloaf from Fight Club. You know what they called him so I won't repeat it. Running makes you lean, have a strong heart and lungs, and well lets just say we can run all day (in more ways than one) and not get tired....DW likes that.
I also enjoy not having to walk sideways to get through a door.

quote:
Originally posted by cirestan:
Stupid bodybuilder.

He thinks when we get hit by a truck we get trapped under it. Some one needs to tell him we go flying through the air and land in a ditch.


Cirestan - Thank you for the first hand knowledge on what occurs when you are hit by a truck when running on the road.

However, in my years as a first responder it's been my experience that people become trapped. This is mainly due to a mud flap issue. When trucks do not have mud flaps, Cirestan, you may be right -- you might fly into a ditch as you did. However, in my years on the first responder force, I have never seen a truck without mud flaps. Never.

Here are some photos of my training. I have no doubt that after seeing these photos you'll think twice before second guessing a first responder and his ability to get you out of a rock and hard place. Or in most cases, a truck and a mud flap.

[rockymac]

and there is more ....

Originally posted by Gabbar Singh:

quote:
Originally posted by runner846693:
How is it possible to fall into such a deep,passionate and all consuming love affair with yourself and the mirror?

I think the real answer is the opposite. From all the "mass" and "big" talk I jumped to the conclusion that this was a guy with short man's syndrome. Then I felt guilty for thinking that.

Looking at the pics, there are some from '04 that show a tiny skinny guy and some from later on (that "John" posted here) showing a very short but stocky guy.

If it's the same guy, and I'm still not ready to acknowledge this character as real, the story is clear - a tiny, insecure guy who has built himself up (good for him if was natural) but is still insecure to the point of being disturbed and gets an ego boost out of bragging on his "hugeness" and insulting others.

John, if you're real, just be yourself, not some mythical "big" person. God loves you the way he made you. Nothing wrong with having a bodybuilding hobby, but don't make being "big" your identity.

I'm 6'5", 260 lbs, but many of the best people I've known, including my #1 hero Phil Keaggy, are little.

Some like to lift, some like to run, some don't give a rip how ripped they are, just let everyone do their thing.



Gabbar Singh -

I appreciate your attempt at breaking down the challenges I've faced in life and how I've become the person I am (Huge).

However, you couldn't be further from the truth. You are right - I was once skinny. You are right - I am huge now.

However, the insults and ego seem to be coming in just as fast as they are being tossed out. Fact of the matter is that if we stood face to face - you wouldn't be saying these things because I'd log snatch you faster than a Camaro opens legs.

The truth is everyone, you guys and gals are just as nuts as the bodybuilders. It's why I gave up bodybuilding and focused on heavy lifting. Bodybuilders and runners are one in the same - they are joined at the hip in obsessive compulsive disorder.

I on the other hand am able to crush temptations at the root.

- John Von Auerbach

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John Von Auerbach is the leading log snatcher in Western Iowa.

Originally posted by Pathfinder20:
Why do I run? Because I know that while running, there is approximately a 0% chance I will run into JVA...



You're right Pathfinder. People don't run into John Von Auerbach. People get run over by John Von Auerbach.

- John Von Auerbach

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John Von Auerbach is a huge supporter of Yohimbe Bark Extract supplements.

[BillabongVolcom]

JVA is priceless! JVA is should be a MOD!

Originally Posted by JVA
Hello Saint -

This is exactly the type of ego that drives me away from runners and into the loving arms of other bodybuilders.

a)I happen to serve as a first responder. If I didn't have a huge chest, I wouldn't be able to lift that truck that you get trapped under after getting run over because you run on the road instead of on the sidewalk. Perhaps you should consider the fact that big chests save lives. You depend on me.

b) I look good now and I'll look good later. Muscle doesn't turn into fat. Perhaps if you had an online degree in Kinesoalology like myself, you would know.

c) Saint - if your picture provides any proof, the only thing you are running from is your sexuality.

d) I don't walk through doorways - I crush them.

What you don't understand, Saint, is that the life of a bodybuilder is more than looking awesome. It's about living the life of discipline. Runners are undisciplined.

I don't claim to be an expert on running although I feel I am. I'm sensing jealousy -- perhaps your lady friend isn't looking for endurance -- she's looking for mass. If you would just listen to my advice I can provide you with the Huge Gains you are looking for.

[rockhuddy]

I'm very happy to see this thread stickied again. JVA's thoughtful and inspiring posts can help us all reach our full potential.

[de_barathrum]

I'm very happy to see this thread stickied again. JVA's thoughtful and inspiring posts can help us all reach our full potential.

remember, jealousy makes for small biceps.

[rockymac]

I have to post this again .....
priceless..... please come back JVA , we miss you.

Originally posted by Pathfinder20:
Why do I run? Because I know that while running, there is approximately a 0% chance I will run into JVA...

You're right Pathfinder. People don't run into John Von Auerbach. People get run over by John Von Auerbach.
- John Von Auerbach

[lotus_esprit5]

bahahaha funny stuff.

[BillabongVolcom]

Where the hell is JVA!

[jonvauerbach]

For those of you that don't already know me, I'm John Von Auerbach a licensed and professionally trained Hip Flexor Instructor. I also write on this forum and have been banned three times for my contreversial opinions.

Due to the unfortunate circumstances of everyone knowing that I'm a joke on this particular forum, I have moved on to other more interesting forums and writing adventures.

I also have a pen name of Dudley B. Dawson and am writing articles for examiner.com. If you liked JVA there's a chance you might like Dudley B. Dawson, though not Bodybuilding oriented. Geared towards those stuck in a cube all day long.

The link is: http://www.examiner.com/x-3040-Minne...bicle-Examiner

Consider this JVA's unofficial retirement from the Bodybuilding.com forum but John Von Auerbach does have a ******** page -- so to does Dudley B. Dawson.

Who is John Von Auerbach?
John is someone who realizes that rear deltoids are much like climaxes in a novel. They are important, and they are in the back.

[chazzy1864]

Everyone, please bow your heads, as we share a moment of silence.

[GuyJin]

Beyond brilliant.

I am dumbstruck with awe...as well I should be.

[ironwill2008]

I am dissapoint.

[Al Swearengen]

say it ain't so Jon, say it ain't so!!!!!!!!

[de_barathrum]

*salutes to a fallen hero*

[chazzy1864]

I figured this thread could use a little bump. For those of us who remember him dearly and maybe forgot the teachings, or for the young ones, who never had the privilege of knowing, and can be enlightened.

[spirit3530]

Legendary Exercise section troll.

ROFLMAO


5 stars must re-sticky

[chazzy1864]

For those who do not believe the prowress of JVA, then please, I'm sure we all know and respect Mr. Aragon:

{speaking on JVA}He's virtually an expert at powerlifting, bodybuilding, and the acquisition of hot babes.

[-Lucifer]

Hey, I remember this fellow (Jon)! I remember reading one of his posts back when I was Mr. Lurker lol.

[BillabongVolcom]

Bump!! Long live JVA!

[Francis333]

Alan

[CodyBaragar]

Im confused.

[Francis333]

Im confused.

unaware lool

[Hyruliangoat]

lmao these are awesome

[alan aragon]

Brief mainstream moment for JVA: http://www.examiner.com/article/obes...n-von-auerbach