In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds , so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said , "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth iron plates to lift, shoes for running, a bike and water to swim in so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
- FROM BLUEBIRDBLOCKER
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Results 1 to 19 of 19
Thread: God vs. The Devil
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06-22-2006, 04:54 AM #1Registered User
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God vs. The Devil
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06-22-2006, 05:22 AM #2One more time
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LOL So true....
Really though you could replace the word "Satan" with "Modern Man". We are our own destruction
I've gained and lost over 100lbs more times than any man alive should. Do as I say and not as I do.
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06-22-2006, 05:24 AM #3Registered User
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THIS is HILARIOUS Man i got my whole office cracking up right now...hahahaha
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06-22-2006, 05:34 AM #4Registered User
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lol! funniest post of the day.
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06-22-2006, 06:12 AM #5Registered User
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hilarious!! haha
stupid is as stupid does
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06-22-2006, 06:13 AM #6Cannoneer of Spam
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Satan holds the patents on all of that stuff??? What a guy!
Height: 6'1"
8/15/05 317 lbs over 30% bf
01/06/07 299 lbs 25.5% bf
01/15/07 298 lbs
_____________________________________________
To be successful, you must decide exactly what you want to accomplish, then resolve to pay the price to get it.
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06-22-2006, 07:12 AM #7Banned
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Originally Posted by SpamCannon
I know satan seems like a great guy
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06-22-2006, 10:09 AM #8Registered User
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Great post and oh so true!
"Its hard to accept failure when you know in your heart you didn't try your best" RP
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06-22-2006, 11:35 AM #9Go TB RAYS/BUCS/LIGHTNING
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If it tastes good, feels good or looks good....
it's probably BAD for you.
TRUE story.
Like It Or Not
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06-22-2006, 05:44 PM #10Registered User
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glad you enjoyed it
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06-22-2006, 10:13 PM #11Registered User
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Satan created the jumbo jack. In an attempt to make satan be somewhat fair, God made Satan price it at .99 cents. Then Satan raised the price to $1.29 after everybody was hooked.
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06-22-2006, 10:20 PM #12Registered User
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Hah! That is also a very true post! ^
Full-Contact-Fighter
Age: 18
Training-in:
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu // Boxing // Muay Thai // Greco-Roman Wrestling
Current Weight: 190.2 Goal: 185.00
Favourite Type of Training:
5 Set - 7 exercise circuit training // 60 sec. rest period.
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06-24-2006, 12:11 PM #13Mesomorph :D
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**** god and satan, they aren't real.
Religion is the worst thing that ever happened.Please don't neg me, I have e-tourrets syndrome.
Start:
140lbs
5' 6"
15% BF
Lifting for 8 months:
184lbs
5' 8"
13% BF
Tupac R.I.P.
R.I.P. Rollie, Little Buddy.
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06-24-2006, 12:22 PM #14Farmer Tan
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Rocksmtu
If I could put your whole post in my sig I would.
Sorry to be a grammar nazi, but: You're means "You are." Y-o-u-r means your. As in your hand, your head etc.
"Then" refers to a place in time. E.g. "I went to the store, THEN I went home." It is not used for comparison.
"Than" is the one used to compare two things. E.g. I would rather eat beef THAN chicken.
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06-24-2006, 09:07 PM #15But you can call me Paul
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nice man, reps for that
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06-25-2006, 02:13 AM #16Registered User
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Disagree, seriously how do u blokes think we got here, how do u think the world came to be?? God created the heavens and the earthOriginally Posted by The_Game16
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06-25-2006, 03:09 AM #17Registered User
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Originally Posted by The_Game16
yeh, cos i'm sure u've learned and are aware of everything there is to know in ur sixteen years on the planet
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06-25-2006, 04:36 AM #18Registered Loser
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It is a pretty funny bit of wrting, but you have to remember that really very few countries actually eat like that. America's the worst offender but Britain is catching up very fast (it may even be ahead in terms of percentages; I haven't checked recently). Look at places like France, Italy, Greece, Japan; all in the developed world but with much fewer incidences of obesity.Originally Posted by skeloothLOL So true....
Really though you could replace the word "Satan" with "Modern Man". We are our own destruction
Basically Yanks and Limeys are a bunch of gluttonous fcuks but no one should generalise to make it appear that they represent the rest of the human race.
Then there's the fact that the 1.2 billion people in the world live on less than $1 a day. It's doubtful that they are overweight.Awesome. Awesome to the max.
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06-25-2006, 05:14 AM #19Banned
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Reps, but what is wrong with HMO if I may ask?
Rocksmtu
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