Worst sex you ever had? Share your funny stories.

[Big_League]

This thread could get real funny real ****in fast.

I guess I'll start. I've been with some girls who are just lights off, missionary type girls, and although that sex usually isn't great it really isn't BAD. The worst sex I ever had was a time with my current GF.

Now normally the sex we have is great, we both know what each other likes and are good at it. But, there was this one time, over spring break...

I wasn't really in the mood but we hadn't ****ed all day and she wanted some, it was about 11 at night. We go to the bedroom and start kissing and stripping. Guys if you've ever had sex when you weren't into it, you know what I'm talking about here, basically I'm pumping her but wanting to do something else, waiting for her to O. For some reason she isn't even getting close to having an orgasm, normally she does real easy, and I'm on top so I stop and I tell her I'm gonna eat her out. As I'm getting off her somehow she manages to ****ing elbow me in the eye HARD (she was reaching for this body candy stuff on the nightstand), like I thought it was gonna be a black eye, thank god it didn't. I got pissed and went to the bathroom and checked, no black eye but it was red, needless to say she didn't get any more that night but that was probably the worst I've ever had.

Let's hear your guys' stories.

[BORN2BREED]

Not bad sex, but a bad sex story.
Once, and I mean ONCE. I lasted about 1 minute. I'd say that was pretty bad and embarrassing. Luckily I had had sex with this girl 20+ times already and has never lasted less then 15 minutes. There was obviously round 2 involved that time.

My current gf is pretty bad in bed and is starting to let herself go. So the sex is getting worse and worse for me. Thats all i got. I really dont know why im still with her.

[bob my nob]

im 16 and have never had sex thats pretty bad

[Big_League]

My current gf is pretty bad in bed and is starting to let herself go. So the sex is getting worse and worse for me. Thats all i got. I really dont know why im still with her.

lmao

[BORN2BREED]

lmao

Haha, she wont let me break up with her, anyone else ever have a girl like this?

[uber_buff]

Haha, she wont let me break up with her, anyone else ever have a girl like this?

how can she not let you break up??
just piitb and leave her ass on sidewalk

[misterwaterfall]

Haha, she wont let me break up with her, anyone else ever have a girl like this?

Yea man. I started in easy with the break up talk. Sayin how stuff isn't goin to well, and how we should "change" something. So she gets a little teary eyed and tells me how she loves me and how she doesn't think I love her. I was like "well, what do you want me to do about that?" she didnt have any answer, but I did get some oral services in you feel me :tup:

[BB is 4 life :)]

Haha, she wont let me break up with her, anyone else ever have a girl like this?

Canadianslacker im disappointed in you bro.....you dont break up with girls like that, you MAKE them break up with you.....just be a complete **** with her, dont do things you say you will, change or break plans last minute, start talking to people on the fone when your with her, interrupt her conversation to ring a friend to arrange a lads night out....

The possibilities are endless.....

Eventually, she'll get bored, get pissed off, and leave you alone she'll go and find someone 'better'.....hahaha.

[captain_insano]

Ive never had bad sex, but once I hooked up with a random girl at a club and ended up at her place. She didnt want to do anything but I ended up getting her to give me some oral as I had made the effort to go to her place (well that was how I sold her). I kind of wish I hadnt even asked, I had to offer to help her just to finish. I ended up putting one in her mouth but it wasnt pleasurable, it was just a relief to get it over. She was a cute little brunette but needless to say, I didnt see her again.

[sobelik]

This thread could get real funny real ****in fast.

I guess I'll start. I've been with some girls who are just lights off, missionary type girls, and although that sex usually isn't great it really isn't BAD. The worst sex I ever had was a time with my current GF.

Now normally the sex we have is great, we both know what each other likes and are good at it. But, there was this one time, over spring break...

I wasn't really in the mood but we hadn't ****ed all day and she wanted some, it was about 11 at night. We go to the bedroom and start kissing and stripping. Guys if you've ever had sex when you weren't into it, you know what I'm talking about here, basically I'm pumping her but wanting to do something else, waiting for her to O. For some reason she isn't even getting close to having an orgasm, normally she does real easy, and I'm on top so I stop and I tell her I'm gonna eat her out. As I'm getting off her somehow she manages to ****ing elbow me in the eye HARD (she was reaching for this body candy stuff on the nightstand), like I thought it was gonna be a black eye, thank god it didn't. I got pissed and went to the bathroom and checked, no black eye but it was red, needless to say she didn't get any more that night but that was probably the worst I've ever had.

Let's hear your guys' stories.

oh man i had something like that happen the other night.... we start makin out and i start to tickle/tease her and i guess i just tickled her too much and she jabbed me in the throat(by accident) but she got me right in a pressure point and nearly made me pass out... totally ruined the mood...expt for 30mins later we were back at it!

[damn y_all]

back in HS we were hanging at coney island during the summer and we hooked up with this group of girls from upstate NY, i ended up getting the longest most painfull hand job ever, then when she began to finally suck me alittle i shot off in her mouth in like 45 seconds. i guess she WASN'T expecting that because she gagged n pulled my tool out of her mouth, let go of me n started spitting, etc!!! while i was still cumming. the party was over

[Wendel_Clark_17]

I was at this party and I'll I wanted to do was watch hockey. But anyways this girl I knew was all over me and she dragged me upstairs. So we started getting it on. I noticed that there was a t.v. in the room and a remote by the side of the bed. I thought to myself "Why not kill two birds with one stone". She was on top of me so I started to move us closer and closer to the remote and the edge of the bed. Eventually we got within striking distance of the remote and I shot my arm out. The momentum carried us off the bed and she went tumbling onto the ground. I got the remote and looked at her sprawled out on the floor and started to laugh. She looked at me and said "What the ****?" and got mad and left. I watched the rest of the game.

Another time I went back with this chick from the bar. I was blinding drunk and don't remember a lot of what happened. But at one point I got off of her and staggered into a dresser knocking things flying. I think I passed out on top of her for awhile too. In the morning I couldn't remember her name so I put on my pants and walked out to her kitchen. I started to go through her purse looking for her driver's licence or something. She came out and yelled at me (thinking I was robbing her). Rather than trying to explain myself I just ranaway shirtless and shoeless.

[BORN2BREED]

Canadianslacker im disappointed in you bro.....you dont break up with girls like that, you MAKE them break up with you.....just be a complete **** with her, dont do things you say you will, change or break plans last minute, start talking to people on the fone when your with her, interrupt her conversation to ring a friend to arrange a lads night out....

The possibilities are endless.....

Eventually, she'll get bored, get pissed off, and leave you alone she'll go and find someone 'better'.....hahaha.

Trust me, I do it all. But she loves me. All that ends up happening is I hear more whining and complaining.

[EZ-Bar]

it was actually my first time and I was at this party and me and this girl did a couple shots and talked and started making out and the person throwin the party told us to go somewhere private and do that so we went and all the rooms were full so we decided to go into the bathroom. I stopped by the sink and she went over by the toilet and we both stripped and she got on her knees and said come here so i took one step and slipped and knocked my self out on the bath tub. She got dressed and dressed me and left laughin her ass off supposedly.

Luckily we did it 2 weeks later and now are pretty good freinds and she has to tell that story to every girl I meet

*edit also like half of my school knows about that night to so im pretty famous .

[Khemist]

Last weekend I was with a girl I met the same night. She was a slut! She kept ****ing biting me HARD, I still have bruises from it. She was crazy as hell she wanted me to bite her tits and basically wanted all the pleasure. I have also had beached whales too (not fat) that just laid there, lazy as hell.

Some chicks are ****ed.

[KingLitti]

This thread could get real funny real ****in fast.

I guess I'll start. I've been with some girls who are just lights off, missionary type girls, and although that sex usually isn't great it really isn't BAD. The worst sex I ever had was a time with my current GF.

Now normally the sex we have is great, we both know what each other likes and are good at it. But, there was this one time, over spring break...

I wasn't really in the mood but we hadn't ****ed all day and she wanted some, it was about 11 at night. We go to the bedroom and start kissing and stripping. Guys if you've ever had sex when you weren't into it, you know what I'm talking about here, basically I'm pumping her but wanting to do something else, waiting for her to O. For some reason she isn't even getting close to having an orgasm, normally she does real easy, and I'm on top so I stop and I tell her I'm gonna eat her out. As I'm getting off her somehow she manages to ****ing elbow me in the eye HARD (she was reaching for this body candy stuff on the nightstand), like I thought it was gonna be a black eye, thank god it didn't. I got pissed and went to the bathroom and checked, no black eye but it was red, needless to say she didn't get any more that night but that was probably the worst I've ever had.

Let's hear your guys' stories.

I taged your mom, it was ugly

[mdiggitydawg]

it was actually my first time and I was at this party and me and this girl did a couple shots and talked and started making out and the person throwin the party told us to go somewhere private and do that so we went and all the rooms were full so we decided to go into the bathroom. I stopped by the sink and she went over by the toilet and we both stripped and she got on her knees and said come here so i took one step and slipped and knocked my self out on the bath tub. She got dressed and dressed me and left laughin her ass off supposedly.

Luckily we did it 2 weeks later and now are pretty good freinds and she has to tell that story to every girl I meet

*edit also like half of my school knows about that night to so im pretty famous .

LMAO

[damn y_all]

a couple years ago one of my buds told me the funniest thing, he hooked up with a girl at a bar or somewhere they were fooling around n he busted on her titz n neck, they were laying there in the afterglow and she starts freaking out, for some reason her skin reacted to the cum, an allergy or something it was stinging n burning and her skin was all pink n puffy when she washed it off!!

[egon]

it was actually my first time and I was at this party and me and this girl did a couple shots and talked and started making out and the person throwin the party told us to go somewhere private and do that so we went and all the rooms were full so we decided to go into the bathroom. I stopped by the sink and she went over by the toilet and we both stripped and she got on her knees and said come here so i took one step and slipped and knocked my self out on the bath tub. She got dressed and dressed me and left laughin her ass off supposedly.

Luckily we did it 2 weeks later and now are pretty good freinds and she has to tell that story to every girl I meet

*edit also like half of my school knows about that night to so im pretty famous .

LOL, nice

[1/2man1/2amazin]

i was having sex with my gf once... she has her nipple pierced and i had my chain on. anyways my chain got tangled with it and we had to take like a 5minute break to untangle it... ahha thts not really funny... but i beat that up like b-am b-am so whatever haha

[Gym_Warrior]

ive been headbutted which chipped my front tooth, and i once threw up after bangin. have almost passed out 5-10 times from going at it too hard for too long.

[oklahoma]

well I've had sex a total of 12 times with 2 different girls, so no really bad stories about *sex*.

but.

this spring break, I was in Panama with every other high school kid in America, and we were at an 18+ club (we were all 18 except for one friend who had a fake ID, which had him at 19, kind of a random age). anyway, classic club story, boy meets girl (she looked really good, probably a 7-8 out of 10 if I may say so), we start dancing, head over to a table and talk for a while, then we head back to my hotel at ~2 am. I was clearheaded because I hadn't drank anything harder than a wine cooler that night, but I was still a little nervous because I had never hooked up with a stranger before.
Anyways, we're making out on my bed with the lights off and I pull down her skirt and thong and go down on her WIHOUT HAND TESTING---TAKE NOTE THIS IS A (***HUGE***) MISTAKE, and of course, get a mouthful of hair. I was so disgusted I just rolled over and moaned, and she got pissed and left.

[Footballcoach]

The first time did my Gf(which was also her first time at sex)
Istarted kissing her neck she giggled and stuff so i though i was hitting a hot spot she then proceeded to knee me in the groin. After that we were undressed(me fully her pantys and bra) She look down at me and said something which mess up my mood "Thatswhat a penis looks like?"

I replyed yes "I expected bigger." I got pissed at that comment but sucked it up. Later i was eating her out and she started scratching my shoulders ............. Then she came and ripped my right shoulder up so bad that I got Life time scars from that. Then decided to do something "Dirty"
I gave her a rim job(bad idea!) For reason you can guess........YUCK!

Anyway right before i was about to take her................
"(GF name) ****! where is my purse "I'm "Doing something" sOMETHING i'll help you later.Then i was about to take her and........ "Get up you little slut and help me find my purse!" (coming from her sister)

"**** you!" I finally got around to doing it.... Without a condom
I ran out thanks to my ****ing brother taking them so i went skin.

Now after blah blahblah and her screaming of pain and me shushng her and all that stuff we cum and i have to pull out and bust my load on her leg.
Her sister the burst in and proceeds toscream as loud as humanly possible. She then runs out. "Now i know why you hate her" I said. We then say in silence for 5 minutes till i hear a knock on her door."Hey....(GF name) I Found my purse!" Me and her got dressed and I Gave her a hug(couse i' not mean enough to give her a kiss LOL) And went home.

At dinner my dad looked my torn shoulder(wearing a muslce shirt)
An asked me what hapened I said i would tel him later.(m mom was in the room)
And said to my mom that it happened at Football camp.
After brushing my teeth and using mouth wash(twice) I told dad the story.

And he luaghed. Gave me adice to live for.

Never **** a girl when someones home.

Lessons to live by

[mdiggitydawg]

"I expected bigger."

Lol, owned!

[Footballcoach]

Lol, owned!

Shut up

[dparm99]

Never **** a girl when someones home.

Great advice pindick

[Footballcoach]

Great advice pindick

Bigger then you.

6 inches bitch

[dparm99]

Bigger then you.

6 inches bitch

It's 'than' not 'then' you moron. Come back when you've reached puberty!

[alka8]

My first and only time having sex was bad. The girl was rather fat and she kept getting like a phone call from her mom and so i'd go limp (we were dry humping at this point in time.) I actually had to go get porn and watch it with her and basically start jacking off.. then i grab a condom, whip her sweats off, and start going at it... basically i'm like going limp while i'm in her b/c i'm not even turned on.. she's sitting there staring at the ceiling while twirling her hair (and later she said she was thinking about what she was gonna wear the next day). Horrible, just horrible.

[JABOFN]

i dont have any bad sex stories

but i was out in public once and i kissed my girl and when we leaned back a big spit string remained between the two of us and someone else walked right up behind us and was about to walk through it, that was pretty embarassing