funny muscle jokes

[hurley7789]

This one only works on someone else that is big...They walk in with their hands in their pockets...Do you have a permit? And they say "A permit for what?!" and you say , You cant just carry around concealed deadly weapons! Kinda lame i know

I work at wal-mart, and everyone calls me muscle man. I'm not huge but im above average. Anyway, one day i walked in before work and got one of those pink stickers that you have to get on returned items so that the service desk knows you broght it in the store. I put it on my arm and walked over to the service desk and said " I would like to returns these guns" They still make references about that to me.

haha good one with the walmart

[youngdude]

what do you call a guy wit muscles?

arnold.

[Apexx]

what happened when the bodybuilder jumped into the pool of carrot juice


He found string beans and some toothpaste straped to a knee brace with duck tape

WTF!?!??????

[Icehouselifter]

Call 911...im cut

haha priceless

[DanceyPants]

Lmfao so this is the one I use around all of my friends.
And it makes it even funnier that I'm a girl, and not overly muscular.
But still the only athletic one in my group


" Damn, you could strangle a baby with them pythons! "


Feel free to use.

[Turbomunkey]

Lmfao so this is the one I use around all of my friends.
And it makes it even funnier that I'm a girl, and not overly muscular.
But still the only athletic one in my group


" Damn, you could strangle a baby with them pythons! "


Feel free to use.

pics of your pythons?

[Delgod]

Call 911...im cut

haha priceless

Lmao.

[DanceyPants]

Lmao sorry no pics of my guns.
I just work out to get in shape for sports, not to have muscles.
That's why I use these jokes, because I don't have overly muscular arms lmao.

[Dk716]

im pretty nervous, i have a serious doctors appointment today, check out the tumour in my left arm.

followed my a cocky Bi Flex haha

[6FOOTJAKE]

I almost got arrested today
Why?
For having those guns!!!

its "i got pulled over by the cops today, why?, for carrying these guns!"

[ticguy200]

there's big, bigger n OMG ITS COMING THIS WAY!

[borisl21]

"You better call a plumber, cause these pipes are about to burst!"

Do you have a dictionary?

i got the DEFINITION!

[Jasper505]

While standing at an angle do a tricep flex while pointing towards your shoes and ask "You like my new shoes?"
(bonus: If in shorts, give a calf flex as well)

Somewhat like one that was posted earlier:
Do a sort of cross the body/palm up bicep flex while asking "Is the (location of your choice) over there?"

[BAM21]

"Suns out guns out" is a classic

[Lymwill]

Do you have a dictionary?
no why?
For this definition

[__Iceman__]

Did you see them talk about them on the news?
They said a beast was about.

[booboo2]

good bb jokes so far

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one to say lookin good bro!

[Liftingkid25]

here's one:
hold your arm like its hurt while covering up your flexed bicep. say to someone "I just got stung by a huge bee! Look at the swelling on my arm!" Then show the flexed bicep.

[G5P]

good bb jokes so far

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, one to screw in the lightbulb and one to say lookin good bro!

lol..

[FiNePoWder277]

have u been to the pet store lately
no, why
cause these puppies need a home(flex)

[qualitywah]

go up to some swole ass 150 lber ... "excuse me can you direct me to wear i can buy tickets to the board the swole train?"

"i think im getting this bad sickness..."
-bert stare
"what is it?"
"Swoleosis"

[Crescenti2012]

"You better call a plumber, cause these pipes are about to burst!"

omg...

[Liftingkid25]

Ask someone, "Do warm things usually expand?" If they say yes then flex your bicep and say, "My arm must be really warm, then."

[Colt-45]

Ask someone, "Do warm things usually expand?" If they say yes then flex your bicep and say, "My arm must be really warm, then."

[LinebackerGod]

lol **** that was my exact reaction

[heyxdevin]

hey guys if u have any funny muscle jokes please post them i need a laugh something short like

you have the tickets:
the tickets to the gun show

you have any tape?:
i am ripped

they closed stone mountain.
why?
they found a bigger rock

no joke this hot ass teacher said this to me

her:some one call the vet your pythons are sick

then i was obligated to give her the d multiple times

[heyxdevin]

you can tri (flex your tri) to get bi (flex your Bi) but you wont get back (hit a back double bi) or for alternate ending say youll get trapped (then most musclualr)

these guns are illegal in 49 states...thats why im here.

fav


sticky

[Adiesel]

I forgot to floss my teeth this morning, can I barrow your arms?

Probably my favorite.

[DjentBrah]

Used this on my dad. Provided concern followed by lols.

Me: "dad I think I had a bad allergic reaction!!!!"

Dad: "from what!?"

Me: "I dunno but look how swelled up I am! *massive flex session*"

inB4 stats and "do you even lift?"

[DeanCorp]

I love my abs so much I protect them with a layer of fat.