workplace harrassment... am i overreacting?

[ab-swing asianbabe]

hey guys,

I just wanted to get a general consensus as to what you think is considered harrassment in the workplace.

Thing is, there is a certain male (he is like a middle aged family man) and he's always been pretty friendly to me. I've noticed that he sometimes he comes over to chat and would nudge me, or touch my hair. I had a cut finger and he got really concerned and took hold of my hand to look at it.

Now - is that just being caring and I am overreacting, or is physical contact a complete nono in the workplace. I'm probably being a bit anal, but I just don't feel 100% comfortable... thanks guys

[stacey 010]

well, personally I believe that if the person is 'invading your own personal space' and is making you 'feel' uncomfortable then its not appropriate.

I guess you need to know if there is actual intent behind the actions.
He may just be generally a very caring 'family' guy and has a sense of need to protect....and may not realise that he is making you feel uncomfortable, or it may actually be intentional.

I would let him know that you find his actions uncomfortable and go from there. If hes sorry and stops... then it probably wasnt intentional and let it go...he knows for the future...but if he doesnt, its crossing the boundary in my book and warrants and kick up the ass.
Hope my opinion helps.
Stace

[CheryleB]

It doesn't sound like harassment to me. We each have our own comfort level with proximity and touching and they can be vastly different. I don't feel comfortable with people coming too close (with a few exceptions) and one co-worker was often in my space. I made a joke of it one day by laughing and making a circular gesture with my hands around me and laughingly said, "stay out of my space man". He understood and was more careful. If you are okay with it, you could be even more direct and just tell him that you don't feel comfortable with people being that close or touching you in the workplace. I'm sure if he's a nice guy, he will respect your boundaries and back away.

[buttandlegs]

If he makes you uncomfortable then just say "Hey, I don't mind chatting with you, just don't touch me because it makes me uncomfortable"

The problem is, most men KNOW they are making you uncomfortable. They do it as a way to feel dominant and powerful, all the while making it harder for you to say something by being "friendly". I say, **** the bvll****, if someone makes you uncomfortable, YOU take control of the situation. It takes some practice to get thr hang of it, after that you'll be loving it. Good luck.

[user437490845hjgf]

its hard to say.. However, im probably gonna have to say hes trying to hit on you. Even if one of my close girl friend's hand was cut i wouldnt take it in my hand and examine it. Although, theres always the chance that he was just being nice so id let him off easy before goin off on him.

[Rachel_n_SD]

just put him in his place. im kinda desensitized to any sort of harrassment after 6 years in the military, but all you have to do is let him know that you dont like what he is doing, in an assertive way. dont flounder around like "oh, um, could you please not do that?" just tell him, look, I really dont like when you do that, cut it out."

[AphtaLyfe]

Sounds like he is hitting on you. Maybe not quite harassment... but definately being more touchy than he should be.

[Sweet Cheeks]

but I just don't feel 100% comfortable... thanks guys

than he's going to far and you should ask him to stop,if he continues then i would call it harassment

[TurbulentFluid]

I dunno... I work with men, 94% of the place I work in (ATM a ME college) are men, so they treat me like "one of the guys" most of the time... I get smacked on the back, patted on the shoulder, "drummed" on the head (we're a bit immature at times ), I get squeezed in the car with them when we go do fieldwork, and I never complained about any of that... Plus, since I'm quite fit, no one puts me through unnecessary chivalry of the "you don't have to do this, you're a girl" sort. Some of them asked to feel my biceps and stuff (this made me uncomfortable, they're not AS big yet ).
Coming from such a background, I wouldn't call what you describe direct "harrasment", although I must say I agree with everyone else; if he's making you uncomfortable then it IS the wrong kind of touching (had that too, from the guys who tried to hit on me) - just tell him right up front to cut the cr*p and be done with it. Maybe not be too hostile the first time you tell him, try something like CheryleB did...

[ab-swing asianbabe]

thanks all
TurbulentFluid - if i was treated just like everyone else that would be fine - but this guys is 2x my age - and feels like he's treating me differently/better.

But I think next time he tries i will let him know of my disapproval. thxxx

[SarahLou]

Any behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable is harassment. Ask him to stop, then if continues raise a formal grievence against him. You shouldn't feel intimidated or uncomfortable at work. It would be best to get another work colleague to be there if you do speak to him, that way you have a witness.

[NHBBareKnuckler]

Well for me, I don't think he should feel welcome to touch you. Also, I feel you should let him know he isn't welcome to touch your hair, that's a little pit over the top.

But how does it make you feel exactly? And whatever that feeling is, doesn't matter. He needs top stop. This is exactly how things start.

Simply explain to him that all the physical contact is unwelcome.

Also, what makes you think men doing things like touching your hair is just a friendly hello?

[TurbulentFluid]

Also, what makes you think men doing things like touching your hair is just a friendly hello?

A woman just knows.
Also, if you get a mild concussion as a result of it, it's REALLY just a friendly hello.