Eating Disorder Support Group

[Environ]

Very very true -- but I honestly don't think he can do it in his house....the circumstances are just really really adverse for a 15 year old kid....

It sounds like come next weigh in , he'll be admitted to the hospital, if so that could really help.

I'd like to agree with you, but I don't think I can. In hospital, they will beef him up and send him home. At home, he will revert to his old coping skills - and those are destructive.

In my view, he has to give his parents the proverbial two fingers, get 'selfish' (I don't mean this in a negative sense), and start taking care of himself. Our bodies are great at adapting to stress. Labourers get callouses on their hands to protect the skin, muscles grow and get stronger in response to the loading put on the; we have evolved through thousands of years of previously unknown experiences and hardships and we have adapted. We have adapted to the STRESSES imposed on us. In Scoch's case, his parents are the stress. But, his current method of adaptation is to destroy himself.

No matter what kind of crap they throw at him, he must be strong enough to take it, but still eat. Since he is under their roof and they are his guardians, he must do as they tell him.

You know, one of the most commonly ignored characteristics of eating disorders is that it is not an individual-only condition. It almost always involves the whole family and sometimes not only does the sufferer of the ED have to change, but so too do other members of the family. And, this is where treating ED becomes very, very difficult. The members of the family who don't have ED often fail to recognise (or do not want to) that they have as much a problem as the sufferer or that they may be contributing in some way to the problems of the sufferer. Some things that spring to mind are mothers who, themselves, have always dieted, an alcoholic or drug-using abusive parent or a parent who pushes the child to unrealistic levels (often in sport, but also in academics).

In Scoch's case, his parents have a LOT of changing to do and I don't know if they ever will. The strike me as people who would be very offended if it was presented to them that they were actually the cause of their child's ED.

Since they are unwilling to change, what is he to do? Should he continue to live in this misery and hope that he lives long enough to get to age 18 so that he can be independent and leave them (bear in mind that he would still lack the skills to beat the condition) or should he force himself to take action now before it's too late.

Waiting until he is 18 is not an option here because he either will die beforehand or he will have to start his recovery afresh then, which will cost an absolute fortune, while at the same time, try to get through college and prepare for the rest of his life. And, college isn't exactly a bed of roses either; it brings its own stresses (I failed first year by the way because moving to a big city at such a young age was very difficult for me). Also, the longer you leave recovery, the harder it is to let go of the condition.

Scoch, sorry for speaking about you in the third person with you looking in, but you must be courageous now and, no matter what your parents say or do, you have to eat that food. Prove them wrong if nothing else.

[MarkVI]

I'd like to agree with you, but I don't think I can. In hospital, they will beef him up and send him home. At home, he will revert to his old coping skills - and those are destructive.

.

My bad, the hospital reality was different than what i was thinking.....I was thinking more of a Remuda type facility for some reason....which he should go to.

[determined4000]

My bad, the hospital reality was different than what i was thinking.....I was thinking more of a Remuda type facility for some reason....which he should go to.

yeah, the hospital is no good. I've been hospitalized twice, once for a week, once for 1.5months. I ate everything they gave me so I could get out as quick as possible and then I reverted back to my old ways, and even worse. During the 2nd hospitalization therapy was a big part but didn't help at all given my state of mind (I need to get out). I did a day program a few times but it was more of the same story there. I didn't really want to be there but needed to get my parents off my back. I truly believe you only get better once you make the decision that you want the ED out of your life and you are willing to do what is necessary to beat it. So until Scoch makes that decision I don't think it matters. The hospital may keep him alive longer by putting some weight on him but it won't help him long term. Only he can help himself for the long term.

[scoch]

thanks a lot for the advice guys, right now this is the only place i can safely talk about whats going on.

Oh man.....His parents faces need to meet my friend Mr. Lead pipe and his wife Mrs. fork in the eye.

Seriously...I don't know Kevin in real life and I want to rescue him from his horrible house lol....those damn parents

heh, yeah things have been a little rough at home. what makes things a bit tougher is that i want things to improve you know? After a year of meeting with a psychologist (with and without family), sometimes it seems as though things are getting better. Then i get smashed down and realize its all the same. Cant just "give up" either, heh, since anything other than strict "cheerful obedience" is considered rude/disgusting.

Same here. He comes to a "conclusion" and then just revisits the issue again later. It's all just delaying. He has to decide for himself he really wants to get better, and there's not a whole helluva lot we can do about it.

your right, its just that i soonafter always start doubting myself, & then self bashing begins again. so i ask for advice again. maybe i should just write the "conclusions" down, or something so i dont revisit it.

In Scoch's case, his parents have a LOT of changing to do and I don't know if they ever will. The strike me as people who would be very offended if it was presented to them that they were actually the cause of their child's ED.

Scoch, sorry for speaking about you in the third person with you looking in, but you must be courageous now and, no matter what your parents say or do, you have to eat that food. Prove them wrong if nothing else.

yeah, last year when my Pediatrician "diagnosed" me with depression (and contacted child services)/expressed his concerns for how miserable i looked, for months my dad told me i wasnt depressed but just an angry "irrational"/crazy child. When my mom first found out how light i was (120 lbs june 07), she exploded in anger/yelling/rage. My dad still thinks im just "crazy" or "rude" if i ever get angry/frustrated at something he'll say or if i bring up the "past."

iv been REALLY working to find other interests, to cope with the mental side of the ED, books, walk to mall, movies, chores, and simply trying to block out all food thoughts. Coping with depression/self bashing makes it tough though. Mornings/daytime is the worst for me, dont know why (maybe partly due to worry about running out of calories, heh), when the depression/food thoughts kill me the most. know i should be stronger though, ironically one of the biggest things i bash myself for.

I am sorry your parents aren't supportive. I didn't realize things at home were quite as bad as they appear to be. However, maybe you can make a positive out of it. Make it a competitive thing. Like, I'll show them. They probably don't think I can gain weight, but I'll prove them wrong. Show them whose boss. Take control. Assert your inner strength. That way you will be well enough to go to college and rid yourself of them.

my parents arent "evil" people i guesse (guilt in me talking, lol), but like i said, when things get rough, they get really bad. They kind of support me gaining weight, but the way to "support" me is by talking about how bad/****ty/unmuscular i look compared to pre-ED, comparing me to other people (eg "Phelps eats so much, 12k calories, normal people need around that to maintain, he looks good because he eats like that, he obviously eats tons of carbs and no meat unlike kevin), or by trying to make me feel guilty. "if it were me, id be eating cake and candy nothing else, ice cream is how you gain weight, not foods like cereal or rice" "nobody cares about you but us, so stop being sensitive to what we say" "god your arms are so small"

they think im 142 lbs right now, and still use "negative" reinforcement. heh even the positive reinforcement hurt, "you look better now than before, before you looked disgusting, and couldnt even wear a shirt". [which i guesse is kind of true, but coming from a parent hurts a bit more] (yes pathetic)

they choose the "bash kevin till he kills himself from guilt/self worthlessnss and changes" route, which doesnt work too well for me.

sorry for bringing in the other issues guys, know its frustrating to hear me "complain" heh

[Aindreas]

your right, its just that i soonafter always start doubting myself, & then self bashing begins again. so i ask for advice again. maybe i should just write the "conclusions" down, or something so i dont revisit it.

No, I don't think that's it. I don't think you forget what was said about the issue, and I don't think you need to be "reminded" of it. I think the whole cycle is a delaying tactic because you haven't decided to recover, nothing more.

[determined4000]

my parents arent "evil" people i guesse (guilt in me talking, lol), but like i said, when things get rough, they get really bad. They kind of support me gaining weight, but the way to "support" me is by talking about how bad/****ty/unmuscular i look compared to pre-ED, comparing me to other people (eg "Phelps eats so much, 12k calories, normal people need around that to maintain, he looks good because he eats like that, he obviously eats tons of carbs and no meat unlike kevin), or by trying to make me feel guilty. "if it were me, id be eating cake and candy nothing else, ice cream is how you gain weight, not foods like cereal or rice" "nobody cares about you but us, so stop being sensitive to what we say" "god your arms are so small"

I know how that can be. My dad would just tell me to eat a a box of Oreos and a pint of ice cream every day because "that's what I would do if I were in your situation. And I'd be happy to do it. What's wrong with you?"

[Spottydog]

Hmm, I know that my motivation to eat came when I began to lift so that I could fuel my training and grow. Scoch, do you lift at the moment? If I wasn't exercising, I know I would have zero appetite/motivation to eat other than the tiny amount it takes me to not feel hungry (e.g. 1000ish calories).

Alright, another study-related question... I'm supposed to be "answering" to 3 made-up scenarios where somebody says something that seems to say "being thin is the only way to be" (ex boyfriend says "Size 2 is the ideal size for a woman" or friend says "I decided I will eat nothing but grapefruit from now on until I look good in a bikini").

[biglilly]

Stupid binge eating.

Its definitely a mental thing(I guess everything could be but I digress).

I would say that the binge eating holds some purpose in life(stress, depression, emotional, entertainment, social) and then it becomes a part of your routine and habits and it seems hard to break.

I've found that a lot of visualization and NLP techniques have helped me deal with it.

Asking yourself simple questions when you're in a calm, relaxed place and waiting for your mind to give you the answer.

Strange as it sounds ,it works.

[DeathCereal]

Hey guys, hopefully one of you can help me out.

Iv posted about my past leading up to my ED before (broken back, no sports, abuse, depression, etc) and though it started over 16 months ago, iv still been dealing with a lot of the problems.

Right now im really trying to focus on "getting my mind off of food" and to start enjoying life, but its been proving really difficult with family interactions, and "Food thoughts". No matter how hard i try, it wont get out of my head. Stressing about food, streching my stomach (big), and always feeling hungry/never satiated with meals.

This may sound really pathetic, but it honestly scares me as i always have GIANT Meals, but after i finish them, i still feel hungry/needing more., regardless of how "stuffed" i am.(and its not like i can eat all day) This screws with me a ton, because i cant stop thinking about food, and because i realize that im still hungry.

Part of it might be due to the many "mental restrictions" i put on myself, eg can only eat every 2 hours, stress about streching the stomach, inherent guilt, etc.

Iv been "under"/below 135-140 lbs for over 13 months, so that might screw with me?

During the school year, i literally felt like i couldnt' walk from lack of energy/fatigue, but recently, its as if my body has adjusted to the "light weight". I still feel kind of ****ty, but its not as bad as before. "adaption"? I talked to Josh about this, and we kind of both agreed that wasnt so good, but im not sure.

*But the biggest issue right now has been unsatiation/always feeling starving , regardless of how large a meal is (screws with me both mentally/physically) just want to have a meal(s) and then enjoy hobbies/life. (can look forward to meals, but focus more on other activities/friends, depressions sucks , heh)

This is me right now (looks a lot worse through camera, body disomorphia?)
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...003/pic001.jpg
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...003/pic003.jpg
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...003/pic006.jpg
http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z...003/pic008.jpg

other thing is my stomach is almost permanantly bulging/puffing, permanant bloat or stomach strech?,

Do you guys see how the bottom part of his stomach is sticking out?

How do you get rid of that because that's pretty much what I look like except my torso looks a bit fuller and my legs are smaller.

[Environ]

Do you guys see how the bottom part of his stomach is sticking out?

How do you get rid of that because that's pretty much what I look like except my torso looks a bit fuller and my legs are smaller.

Don't you realise that this guy is emaciated, malnourished and has very low muscle mass? This particular forum isn't exactly quite the right place for you to be asking this particular question. Your comment will probably make him feel even worse about himself.

If and when he recovers, things will be different. So, he has to gain weight before he looks healthy again.

[determined4000]

Do you guys see how the bottom part of his stomach is sticking out?

How do you get rid of that because that's pretty much what I look like except my torso looks a bit fuller and my legs are smaller.

First of all it looks like it sticks out more than it does because he lacks definition in his chest (its practically sunken in as opposed to a muscular one that would stick out).
Second, when you are malnourished your stomach releases gases that can cause that (why you see kids on Feed the Children commercials with pot-bellies). Both circumstances are fixed with normalized eating.

[determined4000]

Don't you realise that this guy is emaciated, malnourished and has very low muscle mass? This particular forum isn't exactly quite the right place for you to be asking this particular question. Your comment will probably make him feel even worse about himself.

If and when he recovers, things will be different. So, he has to gain weight before he looks healthy again.

Ditto.

[Aindreas]

Do you guys see how the bottom part of his stomach is sticking out?

How do you get rid of that because that's pretty much what I look like except my torso looks a bit fuller and my legs are smaller.

If you look like him and are asking this question you should probably spend more time in this thread and less on the rest of the forum. You are 14, don't do this to yourself.

[Xhale12]

Had a decent day today. In school I didnt eat the lasagna which was what they were serving and instead had a salad with olive oil and some fruit and yogurt. This was preety sad for one of my 3 meals so I recognized what I did at home and post football practice I guilt freely indulged in some captain toast crunch, and 2 brownies, along with my chicken and veggies. Feel great and am not stressing over it at all which is good progress for me.

[DeathCereal]

Don't you realise that this guy is emaciated, malnourished and has very low muscle mass? This particular forum isn't exactly quite the right place for you to be asking this particular question. Your comment will probably make him feel even worse about himself.

If and when he recovers, things will be different. So, he has to gain weight before he looks healthy again.

You're right, sorry.

[Aeris]

Had a decent day today. In school I didnt eat the lasagna which was what they were serving and instead had a salad with olive oil and some fruit and yogurt. This was preety sad for one of my 3 meals so I recognized what I did at home and post football practice I guilt freely indulged in some captain toast crunch, and 2 brownies, along with my chicken and veggies. Feel great and am not stressing over it at all which is good progress for me.

Captain Toast Crunch = Cinnamon toast crunch + captain crunch? sounds delicious

It's awesome to hear that you aren't stressing about indulging. Great progress; I'm happy for you.

[Xhale12]

Captain Toast Crunch = Cinnamon toast crunch + captain crunch? sounds delicious

It's awesome to hear that you aren't stressing about indulging. Great progress; I'm happy for you.

Yea but now im starting to get that guilt feeling. Hopefully i will be able to get past it.

[MarkVI]

Yea but now im starting to get that guilt feeling. Hopefully i will be able to get past it.

dude -- you won a boxing match!!!! celebrate!!!!

[Xhale12]

dude -- you won a boxing match!!!! celebrate!!!!

yea i know i should be. damn food though man its just a tough thing to overcome. its like once youve had this disease its always something that lurks in your mind.

[Aeris]

yea i know i should be. damn food though man its just a tough thing to overcome. its like once youve had this disease its always something that lurks in your mind.

eh..I know what you mean. The most important thing is just wanting to get better though. Once you have the willpower, you're on the right path.

congratulations on the boxing match by the way I seem to have missed reading about it, but good job.

also, as far as it always lurking in your mind..I completely understand. I have specific examples, but they aren't really pleasant to hear about.

edit: also -

I'm sorry for being hypocritical here, but I can't see a reason for me to want to recover. Obviously I don't want to die, but I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that. My teeth are normal, I'm still breathing, I can go running just fine. Besides slight headaches and lightheadedness, I don't feel like purging and restricting are really hurting me. And it all seems so easy now, and since it's such a huge part of my life, I would miss it if it were gone. I just don't have any motivation to stop.

I know it's a problem though, because it isn't normal. I want to be normal and have a personality, and go out with friends and do fun things like everyone else, but at the same time, I feel really safe just where I am.

[Environ]

I'm sorry for being hypocritical here, but I can't see a reason for me to want to recover. Obviously I don't want to die, but I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that. My teeth are normal, I'm still breathing, I can go running just fine. Besides slight headaches and lightheadedness, I don't feel like purging and restricting are really hurting me. And it all seems so easy now, and since it's such a huge part of my life, I would miss it if it were gone. I just don't have any motivation to stop.

I know it's a problem though, because it isn't normal. I want to be normal and have a personality, and go out with friends and do fun things like everyone else, but at the same time, I feel really safe just where I am.

You know, there is a whole philosiphical belief system called Positiveness (I think this is what it is called). Anwyay, I think it's flawed except for newborn babies, but here's a short description.

An object only exists for a newbody baby WHILE they are looking at it. The moment it is taken away from their line of sight, it no longer exists and they have no concept of what it is. People who believe in positveness state that we only know that things exist because we have seen them (adults have memory, so once an object has been seen, or an emotion has been felt, it stays with us; babies don't have this capacity in the first few weeks of life outside the womb).

So, these people believe that there are lots of things out there that exist, but just don't know about it because we haven't experienced them yet. You should be able to relate to this. Recovery is out there but, since you don't know what life is like without the condition (except, perhaps for a few innocent childhood memories), you have no concept of what it is like and, therefore, you are finding it difficult to understand why it is better to recover than to remain as you are. The condition is aslo your control mechanism (except that it controls you, not the other way around), so, from a safety point of view, it's difficult to let go.

Anyway, since you don't know what life is like without the condition, you 'have no reason to want to recover'. So, concentrate on not dying young for now.

[betterbody22]

role model for scoch:
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=110251411

[Xhale12]

Hey guys I am making progress getting over my ED but ever since I started to incorporate foods that I used to not even look at I can never tell when I am full. Like my body has lost all of its function to be able to recognize when Im full. Has anyone had this problem and how did you correct it?

[Environ]

Hey guys I am making progress getting over my ED but ever since I started to incorporate foods that I used to not even look at I can never tell when I am full. Like my body has lost all of its function to be able to recognize when Im full. Has anyone had this problem and how did you correct it?

Time will correct it.

[scoch]

Hey guys I am making progress getting over my ED but ever since I started to incorporate foods that I used to not even look at I can never tell when I am full. Like my body has lost all of its function to be able to recognize when Im full. Has anyone had this problem and how did you correct it?

thats been happening to me, except with clean foods (even in large amounts), kind of sucks, but weight will correct it,

[scoch]

I'm sorry for being hypocritical here, but I can't see a reason for me to want to recover. Obviously I don't want to die, but I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that. My teeth are normal, I'm still breathing, I can go running just fine. Besides slight headaches and lightheadedness, I don't feel like purging and restricting are really hurting me. And it all seems so easy now, and since it's such a huge part of my life, I would miss it if it were gone. I just don't have any motivation to stop.

I know it's a problem though, because it isn't normal. I want to be normal and have a personality, and go out with friends and do fun things like everyone else, but at the same time, I feel really safe just where I am.

i kind of know how you feel. other than occassionally having trouble breathing if i go to the gym/go for a swim, and feeling tired going up stairs, strangely i actually feel better than i did during the school year (though right now im just chilling at home all day). during the school year, going up the stairs caused immense pain, chronic pain all day, barely walk, etc, but now, 5-10 lbs heavier, (but still really light) i dont feel "as bad", as if my body's adapted to being so light.

im sure as hell not comfortable worrying about calories/feeling 4k is nowhere near enough (my ED equivalent of your ED) but like you, restriction/self bashing/etc has become a "habbit/part" of my life as well.
parents/life at home arent really improving for me either, so i understand the motivation problem.

just remember that theres a much better/happier life available to you in the near future once you recover, even if it doesnt seem that way, (at least what people tell me, heh)

since getting help from people on here, the term "Stay strong" has taken on a whole new meaning for me.

[MarkVI]

I'm sorry for being hypocritical here, but I can't see a reason for me to want to recover. Obviously I don't want to die, but I don't feel like I'm anywhere near that. My teeth are normal, I'm still breathing, I can go running just fine. Besides slight headaches and lightheadedness, I don't feel like purging and restricting are really hurting me. And it all seems so easy now, and since it's such a huge part of my life, I would miss it if it were gone. I just don't have any motivation to stop.

I know it's a problem though, because it isn't normal. I want to be normal and have a personality, and go out with friends and do fun things like everyone else, but at the same time, I feel really safe just where I am.

You know.....an EX who I miss dearly said the exact same thing to me....that is why we split, because she didn't want to change and I couldn't go through that....please try and end it before your health dissapears one day.

[Xhale12]

And it all seems so easy now, and since it's such a huge part of my life, I would miss it if it were gone. I just don't have any motivation to stop.

I know it's a problem though, because it isn't normal. I want to be normal and have a personality, and go out with friends and do fun things like everyone else, but at the same time, I feel really safe just where I am.

Wow man I can relate to this so much. I think you should try to find another hobby. For so long diets and losing weight, eating clean, etc. was like so fun to me. I almost did it for entertainment and I am still struggling with that to this day. Sports have helped me alot and they allow me to take my mind off of food when I am playing them. I would recommend you try to find something else that you enjoy. Good luck bro!

[MarkVI]

Wow man I can relate to this so much. I think you should try to find another hobby. For so long diets and losing weight, eating clean, etc. was like so fun to me. I almost did it for entertainment and I am still struggling with that to this day. Sports have helped me alot and they allow me to take my mind off of food when I am playing them. I would recommend you try to find something else that you enjoy. Good luck bro!

Aeris is a girl bud

[Xhale12]

Lol sorry about that Aeris but the message still applies.

Thanks for maken me look stupid mark