is it wrong for a man to ask a woman for cash?

[SoulMeetsBody]

Okay I've been seeing this guy for only about a month now. He just moved back home unexpectedly which is 2 hours from where I live. Anyways, he wanted to come visit me tomorrow but said he might need some gas money for his way back. Now he's 22 and I'm 23 so I don't know if it's excusable since we're both broke and young and trying to sort our lives out financially...?? or should I get rid of him?

[anonymousblader]

I think you should just get rid of him.. but only if he asks for money again like if he keeps asking.. it's your choice but people like that don't deserve a good girlfriend

[pga617]

He sounds lame...get ride of him.

[gfundaro]

My bf hates to ask me for anything....most of the time he won't even take something when I offer it. But when it comes to traveling together, we go halfsies on gas. He's not really asking me for money, but he pays one way and I pay another. And we go halfsies on dinner usually too, and other random outings. There's nothing wrong with splitting the bill...it's not a 'guy' asking a 'girl'. It's one person asking another person.

[freebirdmac]

If you really want to see him, and you've got the cash, why not. It is tough getting started and it probably wasn't easy for him to ask. Now if he's a loser because he's lazy and that's why he's back home, forget it. Tell him to stay home.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by freebirdmac

If you really want to see him, and you've got the cash, why not. It is tough getting started and it probably wasn't easy for him to ask. Now if he's a loser because he's lazy and that's why he's back home, forget it. Tell him to stay home.

Yea if he's like your age and unemployed and living in his parents' basement, he might not be a real winner unless there's some extreme extenuating circumstances. But I really don't see a problem with him asking for some gas money to come see *you*.

[SoulMeetsBody]

yeah well the thing is..I really don't have cash I live off my dad's credit card since I'm still in school and he knows that. I already feel guilty using my dad's card for food..etc I work one day a week also. He was in school but stopped going because his best friend needed a business partner in real estate. His best friend works for his dad who's a multi-millionaire. He works a lot or so he says and claims that his friend guaranteed him 150k a year but he's not being paid just yet since he just started. Oh yeah he is currently living at his parent's house now. All he seems to care about is making money and not being "Average"

[freebirdmac]

If you don't have the money and it's your dad essentially paying, then no. He can ask his own parents. It'll be interesting to see how he handles this. It could tell you a lot about his character. I'd bet he'll come back and somehow put the onus on you. In which case dump him like a hot potato. If not, then you just might have something.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by SoulMeetsBody

yeah well the thing is..I really don't have cash I live off my dad's credit card since I'm still in school and he knows that. I already feel guilty using my dad's card for food..etc I work one day a week also. He was in school but stopped going because his best friend needed a business partner in real estate. His best friend works for his dad who's a multi-millionaire. He works a lot or so he says and claims that his friend guaranteed him 150k a year but he's not being paid just yet since he just started. Oh yeah he is currently living at his parent's house now. All he seems to care about is making money and not being "Average"

Hm. Well it's your choice. I've never been in that situation lol, my dad would sell me into indentured servitude before he'd give me a credit card You know deep down whether he's worth it or not.

[Dangerousd37]

Dump the chump! Do you think he will stop asking you for cash?? No it starts with gas then he'll leave his wallet when he takes you out then you will end up co-signing for something and owing tons of $$$. No REAL man will ask a woman for money. A loser who is looking to use you will. Do yourself a favor watch Judge Judy on any given day and you will see a lot of losers like your aforementioned one with the girls footing the bill and owing $$ and ending up in debt because of the loser who is long gone onto another woman. If your 22 yr old guy is so concerned about making money, he would have it already. I can guarantee someone I will buy them a BMW, but until they have it in their ownership- they don't have it! He's immature and looking for a free ride. He dropped out of school so he says because he will be making money... where is it?? Sounds fishy!? Guys at 22 are not that mature.. don't settle for less than you deserve!!!

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by Dangerousd37

Dump the chump! Do you think he will stop asking you for cash?? No it starts with gas then he'll leave his wallet when he takes you out then you will end up co-signing for something and owing tons of $$$.

LOL

That's sort of a funny chain of events. I don't know if I'd really go that far in saying he's a total loser...depending on how far you are, that might be a lot of money. When my bf and I drove up to northern VA it was about $150 round trip, that's quite a bit. If you're 23 and can't be expected to make your own living, why is he expected to at 22? Not to be rude or anything, I'm just pointing out what seems to be a double standard.

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by gfundaro

LOL

That's sort of a funny chain of events. I don't know if I'd really go that far in saying he's a total loser...depending on how far you are, that might be a lot of money. When my bf and I drove up to northern VA it was about $150 round trip, that's quite a bit. If you're 23 and can't be expected to make your own living, why is he expected to at 22? Not to be rude or anything, I'm just pointing out what seems to be a double standard.

It's a funny chain of events.. but not to the girls it happens to. Unfortunately some guys take advantage of women financially and the women turn around and go "but I loved him". I may only be a little older than you, but I've seen girls give guys tons of money. If a guy wants to see you he will find a way.. wild horses or a war couldn't stop him. If he was a REAL man he would find a way to pay the gas to come see you even if it was bumming it off of his friends. If he wants to see you he should pay- you deserve it. If he's finding excuses like I don't have the money or time... he's just not that into you. Guys don't have the balls at that age to say it, so its in how they treat you. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are the sugar mama... or to be more precise your father being a sugar daddy to your man?? It's not right. A REAL man would have more pride than that to sponge off of your folks credit card. Just do yourself a favor don't co-sign anything and don't open anything joint with this guy. Think of it this way if you felt comfortable about giving the $ you wouldn't have asked if it was wrong. You are questioning it - go with your gut.

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by Dangerousd37

It's a funny chain of events.. but not to the girls it happens to. Unfortunately some guys take advantage of women financially and the women turn around and go "but I loved him". I may only be a little older than you, but I've seen girls give guys tons of money. If a guy wants to see you he will find a way.. wild horses or a war couldn't stop him. If he was a REAL man he would find a way to pay the gas to come see you even if it was bumming it off of his friends. If he wants to see you he should pay- you deserve it. If he's finding excuses like I don't have the money or time... he's just not that into you. Guys don't have the balls at that age to say it, so its in how they treat you. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are the sugar mama... or to be more precise your father being a sugar daddy to your man?? It's not right. A REAL man would have more pride than that to sponge off of your folks credit card. Just do yourself a favor don't co-sign anything and don't open anything joint with this guy. Think of it this way if you felt comfortable about giving the $ you wouldn't have asked if it was wrong. You are questioning it - go with your gut.

oopss.. almost forgot at 22 or 23 ( male or female)even if they are in school should have an income and have a job--- even if its a small paying internship, waiting tables. But, if a guy at 22 doesn't have a job- he's not looking for one and doesn't want one-- but wants to party. At 22 for the most part you are either in school and have a job/internship or have a job. A guy who doesn't is looking for someone to support them and be able to have fun. Even for real estate you need some sort of education/ training.. don't believe me look into it. Plus, have you seen the real estate market right now... people are jumping ship from the real estate business because its so bad right now. See... http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20378837/
Just trust your gut- if its saying somethings fishy and not right don't do it!
All the best of luck! :O)

[TeresaMalia]

I was going to say that it sounds fair….he drives to see you and you split the cost of gas with him. It takes two to be in a relationship right?
BUT he knows your living off your dad so basically he is asking your dad to pay for it ….I’d say no. I’d actually see that as a red flag that he is willing to ask you to use your dad’s money.

[gfundaro]

Haha so why is it not a problem that she is living off her dad at 23, but it is a problem that he asks for some gas money at 22? It looks like neither of them are very independent. He's got some odd job proposal, and she can't afford gas money.

I guess I just don't see why a "real man" has to foot the bill but a chick can live off her parents.

[skizbees]

Originally Posted by gfundaro

Haha so why is it not a problem that she is living off her dad at 23, but it is a problem that he asks for some gas money at 22? It looks like neither of them are very independent. He's got some odd job proposal, and she can't afford gas money.

I guess I just don't see why a "real man" has to foot the bill but a chick can live off her parents.

It's the ever popular, inconviently pulled phenomenon = The Gender Card!*

*batteries not included, limited lifetime warranty, taxes subject to applicable state laws.

The card may offer the excuses listed below:

It's someone else's money (*coughfaultcough*), not hers. So why is there a problem? Daddy is her ATM, and the bf is chasing a destination to survive I gather. He still won't be happy if he gets there. Where's her accountability in calling him out for wanting to see her ? Don't want to be single or admit wanting to be financially responsible for one's own actions. But being a princess about it just might be cool. Or uh...

Step on toes, I will.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by skizbees

It's the ever popular, inconviently pulled phenomenon = The Gender Card!*

*batteries not included, limited lifetime warranty, taxes subject to applicable state laws.

The card may offer the excuses listed below:

It's someone else's money (*coughfaultcough*), not hers. So why is there a problem? Daddy is her ATM, and the bf is chasing a destination to survive I gather. He still won't be happy if he gets there. Where's her accountability in calling him out for wanting to see her ? Don't want to be single or admit wanting to be financially responsible for one's own actions. But being a princess about it just might be cool. Or uh...

Step on toes, I will.

LOL

Exactly...if I was living off my parents still, I wouldn't be pointing fingers at others who were as well. It's tiring belonging to the gender so famous for living off men while touting their independence. So many don't live up to the Destiny's Child song as far as paying bills, but they like the chorus..."all the ladies who independent"...lol

[norinicole]

Definitely a red flag. I've been there.

You say it's only been a month that you've been seeing each other? Doesn't seem like long enough for you to be able to accurately assess his character. So he's in on this grand scheme to make tons of cash? So while he's waiting he's doing what?? Nothing? I'm sorry, if someone (guy or girl) really wants to see someone, they will find a way.

I vote for dumping the guy before you start investing money and your heart.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by norinicole

Definitely a red flag. I've been there.

You say it's only been a month that you've been seeing each other? Doesn't seem like long enough for you to be able to accurately assess his character. So he's in on this grand scheme to make tons of cash? So while he's waiting he's doing what?? Nothing? I'm sorry, if someone (guy or girl) really wants to see someone, they will find a way.

I vote for dumping the guy before you start investing money and your heart.

I wonder if guys talk about this stuff with their friends when they pay for everything on the first date...

"Dude, she didn't pay for anything? Sounds like a total loser. Shouldn't she have a job by now?"
"Well man I don't know, I mean she seemed really nice and said she was waiting for a call back from Macy's."
"You really shouldn't invest that much in her, next thing you know she'll be forgetting her wallet and..."


lol

[No-Exit]

There's more to the situation than transportation costs here.

Go with your gut... obviously it bothers you enough to post as a question on a forum... so you know something is up. That, by itself should say something.



But...

1. He said he needed gas money to get back... so he's asking for 1/2 of the cost since he's paying to get there.

2. He may have been mentioning it as if to say "I'd like to see you but cant afford to drive back. Let me know if I can get some help from you to get back otherwise I may not be able to come out."

I agree that this will escalate into a larger issue... but I think its because neither of you can stand on your own two feet. 200 miles is a considerable distance when you cant afford transportation.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by No-Exit

There's more to the situation than transportation costs here.

Go with your gut... obviously it bothers you enough to post as a question on a forum... so you know something is up. That, by itself should say something.



But...

1. He said he needed gas money to get back... so he's asking for 1/2 of the cost since he's paying to get there.

2. He may have been mentioning it as if to say "I'd like to see you but cant afford to drive back. Let me know if I can get some help from you to get back otherwise I may not be able to come out."

I agree that this will escalate into a larger issue... but I think its because neither of you can stand on your own two feet. 200 miles is a considerable distance when you cant afford transportation.

Very good post. It does take a lot of work to have a successful long distance relationship, a lot of give and take.

[norinicole]

Originally Posted by gfundaro

I wonder if guys talk about this stuff with their friends when they pay for everything on the first date...

"Dude, she didn't pay for anything? Sounds like a total loser. Shouldn't she have a job by now?"
"Well man I don't know, I mean she seemed really nice and said she was waiting for a call back from Macy's."
"You really shouldn't invest that much in her, next thing you know she'll be forgetting her wallet and..."


lol

LOL. Good call.

At least I let the guy know from the beginning that he's going to be paying for everything.

Kidding!

[No-Exit]

Originally Posted by gfundaro

I wonder if guys talk about this stuff with their friends when they pay for everything on the first date...

"Dude, she didn't pay for anything? Sounds like a total loser. Shouldn't she have a job by now?"
"Well man I don't know, I mean she seemed really nice and said she was waiting for a call back from Macy's."
"You really shouldn't invest that much in her, next thing you know she'll be forgetting her wallet and..."


lol

My general rule is that the one who asks the other out should EXPECT to cover the cost of the activity unless otherwise agreed. I will personally always try to cover my half if invited out, or if it's 2 activities and they insist on paying for the first, I'll get the second.

After one outing, you know where the other person stands with sharing costs and I'd rather be taken advantage of once by a mooch than be seen as the mooch by someone worth seeing again.

Sounds rather technical but works in most situations - dating and friends.

[gfundaro]

Originally Posted by No-Exit

My general rule is that the one who asks the other out should EXPECT to cover the cost of the activity unless otherwise agreed. I will personally always try to cover my half if invited out, or if it's 2 activities and they insist on paying for the first, I'll get the second.

After one outing, you know where the other person stands with sharing costs and I'd rather be taken advantage of once by a mooch than be seen as the mooch by someone worth seeing again.

Sounds rather technical but works in most situations - dating and friends.

THAT IS AN AWESOME QUOTE

I agree entirely again Too bad I can't rep you twice.
I try to keep just about everything 50/50 unless it's a birthday. It works well...no one feels taken advantage of, both parties are treated equally well.


LOL @ norinicole! At least you're honest hahah

[trainwithrae]

red flag

if he wants to see you badly enough he will find a way. IMO he is testing his boundaries. Don't be a doormat. Find a man that will treat you like a lady, not an ATM

[Zerafian]

All I can say is hes got balls, especially for the length of time you all have been together. You really gotta suck up your pride to ask your gf for cash..especially gas money.

I would say it should only be a one time thing....I would ask a neighbor before I asked my girl.

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by Zerafian

All I can say is hes got balls, especially for the length of time you all have been together. You really gotta suck up your pride to ask your gf for cash..especially gas money.

I would say it should only be a one time thing....I would ask a neighbor before I asked my girl.

NOW that's a REAL man... a guy who asks for $ to see you in a month's time... not a cool thing. Sounds like the cold pizza theory... a guy of this sort would rather have the cold pizza thats in a box on the floor by the couch rather than get off his duff to cook a filet mingon... this theory goes for girls as well when a guy starts wanting things like money that soon in a relationship, hate to say it but he may be getting his fun by someone closer and using $ as an excuse.

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by trainwithrae

red flag

if he wants to see you badly enough he will find a way. IMO he is testing his boundaries. Don't be a doormat. Find a man that will treat you like a lady, not an ATM

I completely agree.. a woman or an ATM.. hmm sounds like he's looking for a free ride!

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by TeresaMalia

I was going to say that it sounds fair….he drives to see you and you split the cost of gas with him. It takes two to be in a relationship right?
BUT he knows your living off your dad so basically he is asking your dad to pay for it ….I’d say no. I’d actually see that as a red flag that he is willing to ask you to use your dad’s money.

I agree it takes two in a relationship... but in a months time asking for .. it doesn't sound right. It would be like asking someone you just met for $... my guess you'd get a one finger salute. In a months time guys try to impress a girl they want... they like the thrill of the chase... and they put their best face forward... if this is the guys best face I'd hate to see what's down the road. Most guys would be ashamed to ask their girl in a month for $. A REAL MAN would want to treat the girl at least for the first few months, not ask for $.

[Dangerousd37]

Originally Posted by gfundaro

Haha so why is it not a problem that she is living off her dad at 23, but it is a problem that he asks for some gas money at 22? It looks like neither of them are very independent. He's got some odd job proposal, and she can't afford gas money.

I guess I just don't see why a "real man" has to foot the bill but a chick can live off her parents.

It's one thing to live off of her parents but why should some stranger live off of them too??? Would you have a random stranger take your hard earned money with no returns?? Would you spend $40 ( a tank of gas) for a random stranger??? That is what this guy is to those parents... We don't know the whole story of why she is living on her parents credit card, BUT he has no right to sponge off of them.