Christmas Came Early.. Ot

[biggaz]

There's a few people on here that know me a little better than others but I'll try to explain things for others.

I got divorced five or six yrs back and lost contact with my children over four years ago. I wouldn't go through the courts, to arrange access, to go to pick them up and they not be there, to go back to court to hear the ex being told, "don't be naughty ".

I'm sure a lot of Fathers understand the situation....

Anyway for the last few years, all I've done is send birthday cards and christmas cards. Before anyone asks, I stopped sending presents and cash cos whatever I did was wrong. I stopped and ceased contact for my own wellbeing.. It was bitter!!

I hate christmas, I've a loving partner and a cracking dog, but its not the same.

Today I've bought the childrens cards, written short messages, trying to say that I've not forgot them, I'm always here and think of them, miss them every single day. Hard stuff to put into words. All I needed to do was drive fifty miles to post them at the ex's door. ( I just can't post them in the mail!)


Anyway, I sat here earlier on the forum, putting the drive off, not wanting to go on that drive to have to drive back home again, its difficult to explain. Kath came home, my partner, and said she'd drive with me. An hour later we're sat outside the house and as I walked to the door, my ex is actually sat in her car outside her house.

Long story short... I've met my fifteen year old son and my youngest daughter (11) for the first time in four years...

It wasn't great, but it's a start, to re-establish the relationship that I had with my children..I don't even know why I'm posting this but I need to share, I've just won the lottery, so depressed earlier today to where I stand now....


I can't hope for too much but.....

[grtrat1]

Nice story, but no way in hell would I have givin up. When my X left, I didnt see my son for almost 6 months(he was 1 1/2 yrs old) I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wandering when I can see him.
Till 1 day a customer of mine (family lawyer) told me, Im going to send her a court hearing for child custody. All of a sudden my X calls me and says come get your son for a couple weeks.
Ive had the adavntage ever since.

Dont EVER lose contact with your kids. Try to build a good relationship with what you have left..

Good Luck.

[lcash]

Congratulations. May this be the beginning of a new relationship with your children. God Bless.

Lcash

[biggaz]

Nice story, but no way in hell would I have givin up. When my X left, I didnt see my son for almost 6 months(he was 1 1/2 yrs old) I spent many nights crying myself to sleep wandering when I can see him.
Till 1 day a customer of mine (family lawyer) told me, Im going to send her a court hearing for child custody. All of a sudden my X calls me and says come get your son for a couple weeks.
Ive had the adavntage ever since.

Dont EVER lose contact with your kids. Try to build a good relationship with what you have left..

Good Luck.

Respectfully, I didn't explain even half the story and don't even wish to. Sincerely glad that you are seeing yours.

[Firminator4]

As a divorced father, many years ago, I know some of the pressures you've endured. I continued a relationship with mine through it but I can't judge you for not doing the same. Every situation is different. Christmas is a time for mending fences for many of us - I hope it turns out that way for you too. Seems you've already taken the first step.

Merry Christmas

[Bando]

....Long story short... I've met my fifteen year old son and my youngest daughter (11) for the first time in four years...

It wasn't great, but it's a start, to re-establish the relationship that I had with my children....

You missed some important years but I hope the years ahead will be good for all involved. I grew up in a single Mom house and my Wife's situation was similar so we agreed that Marriage for us is forever, period. 10th Anniversary is Thursday, and divorce is still not an option, homicide ... maybe.

I know if I was 15 or 11 I would be thrilled that my Dad made that drive, he never did - great job with that.

[mattlite]

congrats man, im happy to see that some1 got their wish this year

[farsscf]

I hope it all works out for you, and glad to hear you have a new partner who was willing to drive over there with you.

[Capt. America]

That's what Christmas is all about.....burying the hatchet and making peace with ourselves and forgiving those who hurt us in the past. Anger and hate eat us like a cancer......forgivness and acceptance are the best presents to give and recieve.

[LongnHard]

What a wonderful Christmas for you! It is a shame that your X has to be like that. Someonw who has not gone through this can not understand the torture that an X can inflict if they really want to play nasty. Now that your children are older it will be harder for her to do this without them catching on. This can work on your favor. I hope you are able to re-establish your ralationships now. It might not be easy, but it will be well worth it. Thank God you have a partner who understands and will support you. It sounds to me like you have just crossed a bridge in your life and there will be no looking back now. Good luck my friend. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

[Olie]

That's awesome news. Hopefully these "encounters" will happen more often.
My father died before I was born and I would give anything to see him, even if it's just once. You did a great thing.

[Pretty Hardcore]

Hopefully, this is the start of building a new relationship with your kids. Merry Christmas

[WeebleNoMore]

Holidays are always tough for people that have experienced divorce. My divorce was finalized on Dec 14th and while this is technically the 2nd christmas where we've been apart, it isn't any easier, espeically on the kids.

Hang in there, follow your heart. Your kids will grow up and if they are given the opportunity to see whats in your heart, and what the truth is, they'll understand. If not today, someday.

Peace.

Michael

[Wooly_Ace]

The first step is always the hardest. Hopefully things will continue to grow for you and your relationship with your children will be a strong one.

[biggaz]

The people of the OV35 are truly awesum, thanks to everybody for the words of support and encouragement.

I didn't expect to be in this situation for another few years yet, so its wonderful to have the chance right now. My partner, Kath, is very supportative in this issue, but I have been reminded, by a couple of posts, thats its all to easy to take for granted that support from those closest to you.

Thanks again everyone who has taken the time and effort to post and may your Christmas be as happy as mine is going to be.

[911medic]

Re-establishing contact is a great first step. I'm sure that there is some serious fence mending left to do, but you're off to a good start.

Congratulations to you, I hope this leads to a reconciliation for you and your family. Merry Christmas.

[bodyhard]

There's a few people on here that know me a little better than others but I'll try to explain things for others.

I got divorced five or six yrs back and lost contact with my children over four years ago. I wouldn't go through the courts, to arrange access, to go to pick them up and they not be there, to go back to court to hear the ex being told, "don't be naughty ".

I'm sure a lot of Fathers understand the situation....

Anyway for the last few years, all I've done is send birthday cards and christmas cards. Before anyone asks, I stopped sending presents and cash cos whatever I did was wrong. I stopped and ceased contact for my own wellbeing.. It was bitter!!

I hate christmas, I've a loving partner and a cracking dog, but its not the same.

Today I've bought the childrens cards, written short messages, trying to say that I've not forgot them, I'm always here and think of them, miss them every single day. Hard stuff to put into words. All I needed to do was drive fifty miles to post them at the ex's door. ( I just can't post them in the mail!)


Anyway, I sat here earlier on the forum, putting the drive off, not wanting to go on that drive to have to drive back home again, its difficult to explain. Kath came home, my partner, and said she'd drive with me. An hour later we're sat outside the house and as I walked to the door, my ex is actually sat in her car outside her house.

Long story short... I've met my fifteen year old son and my youngest daughter (11) for the first time in four years...

It wasn't great, but it's a start, to re-establish the relationship that I had with my children..I don't even know why I'm posting this but I need to share, I've just won the lottery, so depressed earlier today to where I stand now....


I can't hope for too much but.....

Thanks for sharing, sometimes when we write things down it is sort of therapeutic in its own way.

It is definitely a start, I can't say I know what you are going through as I have never been in that situation but I know that having a relationship with your children has got to be one of the best feelings in the world, stay strong man, things can only get better.

[BergMuscle]

Great news. Thanks for posting it here.
Merry Christmas and hopes for more good stuff like this in 2008.

[marcmn]

This is a gerat post, I hope all continues to go well for you and your family....MERRY CHRISTMAS!

[nmoliver]

I am very happy for you. May you continue to see your children and be a force for good in their lives as they continue to enrich yours!

Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas!

Neil

[biggaz]

Re-establishing contact is a great first step. I'm sure that there is some serious fence mending left to do, but you're off to a good start.

Congratulations to you, I hope this leads to a reconciliation for you and your family. Merry Christmas.

Thanks for sharing, sometimes when we write things down it is sort of therapeutic in its own way.

It is definitely a start, I can't say I know what you are going through as I have never been in that situation but I know that having a relationship with your children has got to be one of the best feelings in the world, stay strong man, things can only get better.

Great news. Thanks for posting it here.
Merry Christmas and hopes for more good stuff like this in 2008.

This is a gerat post, I hope all continues to go well for you and your family....MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I am very happy for you. May you continue to see your children and be a force for good in their lives as they continue to enrich yours!

Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas!

Neil

All I can say again is thankyou for the kind words and support. As John (BH) said, it is good to unload your/my problems. It's now christmas day here in the uk, so I'll say goodnight and Godbless.

[bodyrokk]

me being on the other side of that(i have custody of my 3 three kids)my X wife doesnt have too much to do with them and i see how angry it makes them. ITs to the point where they dont even care if she calls anymore.i come from a huge family ,my mom has 13 brothrs n sisters and all of them have alteast 4 kids..And we all get together for picnics and hollidays..I think its great that you are trying to get back in there with them...good luck and merry christmas

[Jules Verne]

Thanks for sharing. It may seem like a bit of a 'rant' when you wrote it, but I think stories like this and Bodyrokk's might well help me though today.

[gbg]

There's a few people on here that know me a little better than others but I'll try to explain things for others.

I got divorced five or six yrs back and lost contact with my children over four years ago. I wouldn't go through the courts, to arrange access, to go to pick them up and they not be there, to go back to court to hear the ex being told, "don't be naughty ".

I'm sure a lot of Fathers understand the situation....

Anyway for the last few years, all I've done is send birthday cards and christmas cards. Before anyone asks, I stopped sending presents and cash cos whatever I did was wrong. I stopped and ceased contact for my own wellbeing.. It was bitter!!

I hate christmas, I've a loving partner and a cracking dog, but its not the same.

Today I've bought the childrens cards, written short messages, trying to say that I've not forgot them, I'm always here and think of them, miss them every single day. Hard stuff to put into words. All I needed to do was drive fifty miles to post them at the ex's door. ( I just can't post them in the mail!)


Anyway, I sat here earlier on the forum, putting the drive off, not wanting to go on that drive to have to drive back home again, its difficult to explain. Kath came home, my partner, and said she'd drive with me. An hour later we're sat outside the house and as I walked to the door, my ex is actually sat in her car outside her house.

Long story short... I've met my fifteen year old son and my youngest daughter (11) for the first time in four years...

It wasn't great, but it's a start, to re-establish the relationship that I had with my children..I don't even know why I'm posting this but I need to share, I've just won the lottery, so depressed earlier today to where I stand now....


I can't hope for too much but.....

That definitely is an early Christmas present! Something made you write those cards and get in the car and go even the way you were feeling don't give up hope use this situation as your inspiration to keep trying it looks like someone wants you to be together w/your children and his birthday is today.I feel the same way around the holidays not a good time for me ether.I hope all works out for you and your children. MERRY CHRISTMAS and thanks for sharing

[biggaz]

That definitely is an early Christmas present! Something made you write those cards and get in the car and go even the way you were feeling don't give up hope use this situation as your inspiration to keep trying it looks like someone wants you to be together w/your children and his birthday is today.I feel the same way around the holidays not a good time for me ether.I hope all works out for you and your children. MERRY CHRISTMAS and thanks for sharing

I,ve done it for christmas's and Birthdays each year, but just posted them at the door. The journy was my penance, putting in the time and effort to try to show that I cared. One occasion last year my ex actually arrived whilst I was at the doorstep, saw me and drove away with the kids in the car. That was difficult to accept, but time goes by and is a great healer and mender of fences.

[biggaz]

Thanks for sharing. It may seem like a bit of a 'rant' when you wrote it, but I think stories like this and Bodyrokk's might well help me though today.

Don't ever give up. I had faith that the children would come to find me, if they wanted to, when they were older. All I did was to keep contact at this time of year and birthdays. I don't know if they even received anything I took, but for my own self, I had to try.

[gbg]

Yea time...one day at a time. Sounds like your dealing with someone who's not in the best mind set thankfully you have someone by your side now well you know what they say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and remember your kids will one day be of the age to do what they want so keep your voice in their ears and your face in their eyes.

[Adina]

I've not seen my dad since I was nine years old. They need you every single day. Don't ever give up on them.

Merry Christmas!

Adina

[biggaz]

We,ve been exchanging e-mails for the last couple of days. My son, oldest child, and youngest daughter were pleased to see me and looking forward to meeting me again. My eldest daughter, the strongest, most self reliant child of all, is willing to see me.

We,ve arranged a visit on monday, New Years Eve at their house, so things are really looking up. I've missed so much of them growing up, that I still find it difficult to accept that I'm getting this chance now.

[gbg]

Looks like 2008 might be your year! CONGRATULATIONS