A Little story on my life and the recent events transpiring + What do I do now?

[hellsflame64]

Warning: This is extremely long, I highly suggest reading this all to understand what's been going on, but there are cliff notes at the end of both of my posts.

I'm going to start off with a little word: Wow. These past 2 weeks have seemed honestly, like 2 years. only 2 weeks ago I was happy, living my life without many cares. I was a practicing LaVey Satanist. I didn't hold extremist racist beliefs, but I projected myself like I did. Or at least projected myself so that I sounded like I did. I was thoroughly against Christianity, and often voiced those opinions. I didn't care what I said to anyone, because it wouldn't matter in a few years. I did my homework usually, and did my best to get good grades while still having fun.

Well before we start, let's give a little history on my life. Around the age of 6 my parents got divorced and I moved here to Illinois. I was disagnosed with ADHD and Asperger syndrome around this age. I was an extremely smart kid, and I still am. I got all A's, especially in Spelling and Science class. I remember in 3rd grade I got really interested in Astronomy, I don't remember how, but I kept reading and reading and reading about it, trying to understand formulas for things like Black Holes that a lot of College students don't even know. I did my 3rd grade science fair project on E = mc2, and tried to explain it. I still have the posterboard and the trophy for having the best Science Fair project in the entire school (K-8), and I remember telling my teacher that I wanted to be an Astrophysicist. All of this in 3rd grade, at the age of 8-9. Ever sice then I've always been open to new, radical ideas, such as the Satanism I mentioned earlier. So skip a few years, and now I'm 15.

After these past 2 weeks my life has changed completely, totally, remarkably, amazingly, and thoroughly. 2 weeks ago I made a comment that would cause a huge fiasco that will change my life forever (and still is). It all started with a girl. I'll call her Chelsea, even though that's not her name.

Chelsea. Wow, she seemed godsent. She was smart, opinionated, open, and had sex appeal. She was Jewish, which is weird because in this aftermath of events, she tells everybody that I'm "A racist bastard that thinks that all Jews and Blacks should be killed". She was also ****ed up, but unique, which is something that I crave, especially in girls. That turned out to be a fatal mistake. After about 2 weeks of talking (I had a girlfriend already at the time), we finally started going out. She ended up breaking up with me after a day, telling me that "Relationships are pointless" or some other bull****. But I didn't think too much about it. It didn't really get to me; nothing ever does. But, then people started to get wind of it. People heard that I had got dumped after a day and would never quit talking about it. About 10 people made fun of me for it at school, and it continued with Phone calls and AIM/Myspace messages after school. After about 30 people bothered me about it, I got pissed off. Not at the girl, but at everyone else. It sounded like she was telling people about it and getting them to make fun of me for it though. I left a stupid comment on my friend's myspace that said something like "****ing Jews. I'm going to go on another Holocaust. I thought [this girl] was different but she's just another Jew."

So, the next day, her friend (I'll call her friend Brittany, that's also not her real name) read the comment and got pissed off. I guess she felt like Chelsea would never say anything about it, so Brittany had to say something about it. I got 3 angry messages from Brittany, who up to this point was one of my good friends, and all of my other good friends are even better friends with her. I told my friend (I'll call him Eric) about it and he told me "If it ever comes down between you and Brittany then I'm on Brittany's side, only because we've all been friends with her since longer than I can remember", and I have to respect that so I immediately reconsidered my situation. I sent an AIM message to Brittany, and tried to talk the whole thing out but I guess she was just so ****ing pissed (or PMSing) that she wouldn't hear any of it. She told me "I basically own you right now, and I'm going to ruin you.", and I knew she could. The **** I had on my myspace, the comment I left on my friends myspace, everything could get me expelled (I go to a private, Christian school). As my normal response, I'm not going to sit back and watch her ruin all my ****, so I begged her to forgive me one last time (At this I get harassing phone calls from Chelsea making fun of me saying things like "Oh, haha. Now your begging a little short Irish girl for forgiveness huh?"), and it was obvious her answer was no.

So, from this point in my mind it was war. I told one of my few remaining friends about it, and she told me "Brittany is a bitch. I hate her anyways, I'll always have your back." and later her sister called me asking if I wanted her to call Brittany and harass her. I told her not to, because I wanted things to try to blow over, and if they were cool the next Monday (this all happened over that weekend), then not to ever do it, but I'd call her Monday if things went bad, and if they went bad than she could unleash if she wanted. I also posted some bulletins on Myspace, not addressed to anybody, with threats in them, and those will become important later.

Well, things seemed alright on Monday, nobody came up and said anything and in study hall me and Brittany even talked a little bit and had a little laugh. So I thought everything was cool, or at least with Brittany it was, and after all Brittany was the one who blew this out of proportion in the first place. Chelsea didn't even do anything really. But I guess it wasn't. I told Eric that I thought things were cool, and I guess with his stupid ass, he called Brittany up and asked if things were cool between me and her and her response was "**** no we're not cool I ****ing hate his guts and tell him to stop posting ****". So I guess we weren't cool. At this point I was confused as hell. However, I continued not to say anything to either of the 2 girls or about them.

Well that didn't seem to work. Tuesday, the very next day, I was called down into the principal's office where I was confronted about the conflict. I said everything I needed too, and I was told things about what was on my myspace needs to be deleted or taken off and I need to continue to not say anything to or about these 2 girls and that I need to change myself. I realized these things, and I realized that I can't continue to hold these beliefs, or at least I can't voice them, and still achieve my dreams in life. So I changed myself accordingly. I dropped the LaVey Satanism, and I stopped saying anything about any race at all. And I continued to not say anything bad about this girl.

Well. Still nothing happened at school. However, Thursday both of them went around telling all the black people that "I hate black people and I think they should all die" and going up to my favorite teacher, and telling her that I said she was a "Fat **** that deserves to burn in hell", and finally, printing out the bulletins and comments that I made, even printed out my blogs about Satanism and stuff, and brought them to the principal. So I got suspended for 3 days for making threats. Well, I got through that pretty easily (after all I just stayed home and played computer games all day), and then tuesday came.

[hellsflame64]

Yes, just last Tuesday was when it all happened. I was on my way back home from Driver's Ed and I got The Phone Call. God, it was only a week ago but it seems like numerous months. I picked up the phone and said "Hello?". "What the hell is going on?" was the first thing I heard. It was my Mom, calling me on her way home from work. Confused, I asked, "What are you talking about?". She replied: "The Police called me at work and said that they are at our house and nobody is answering. What the hell is going on? What did you do?". At that, time froze. My jaw dropped and I almost dropped my phone as well. After what seemed like five minutes, I shook off my stupor and asked, "What are you talking about? Where are you? What do you want me to do?". She told me not to come home yet but find somewhere and wait for her to call me back before coming home. I stopped in a parking lot nearby our house until my mom called me back and told me to come back home and told me the dreaded news - It was in fact having to do with the recent events at school. I had hoped that those 2 girls wouldn't take it this far, but it seems they had and there was nothing I could do.

I got home and it turns out that my mom had stupidly let the Police into my house and they were searching my room for guns, weapons, or bombs of any sort. "Oh, ****" I said. "No, I don't have any guns or anything in my room. I might have some knives, like old multi-tools and things for camping, but that's all I can think of now." I watched as the police officer searching my room one-by-one brought out all the things I had forgotten, mostly just harmless things like foam-papped nunchucks. But then he pulled out some old target shooting papers. You know, when you go to the shooting range they have big huge sheets of paper with outlines of people marked on them that you shoot at? Yeah, those. I could see how that would be badly incriminating for me, but I just looked and it seems he put everything back and didn't take anything to the evidence bin.

They arrested me, didn't tell me why or any of the charges (I refused to talk to them - the "right to remain silent"), but they took me downtown and took my fingerprints and a picture. I didn't say anything except "okay", "alright", "I'm ready", "excuse me", and "thank you" when someone would open a door for me or something. But anyways, after that, they brought me down to the Hospital and put me in the Mental hospital. So that's where I've been rotting ever since tuesday night; I just got out about 3 hours ago. The people there were pretty cool, and I kind of miss some of them. However, while I was there I saw certain people, they weren't trying to fix themselves at all, only making things worse for themselves and I just kept thinking "Damn, I'm too smart and I have too much potential to be in here."

Well after a week I finally got out today and I've never been happier. And I just found out why the cops came to my house in the first place: Chelsea and Brittany had got all their friends to tell the principal that I said that I was going to bring a gun to school and shoot everybody. I never said that, never implied it, and never thought about doing it. Ever. But, the police were called and I can't go back in time so it's all up to the lawyer, and actually it sounds pretty good for me at the moment too. The bulletins that are to be used as evidence don't mention anybody's name, and I might be able to get the case overturned, in which case I would also sue her for medical bills, lawyer bills, and emotional damages. But not just for vengeance, in all honesty my mom can't pay all of those bills on her own, and with all the **** I've just been through I feel I do need some compensation. But the thing that worries me is the comment I left on my friends page about Jews and the Holocaust. What could people do about that?

Anyways, I'm being charged with the Misdemeanor of Disorderly Conduct and could face anything from teen court to 364 days in Jail if I am convicted. This is all bull****, but yeah I did bring it upon myself, but holy crap, I am doing everything I can to fix this problem, but I can't solve anything if they won't cooperate.

What do I do now? I'm definitely going to move up to my dad's (far away from here) as soon as I can, after finals are over, so that this doesn't keep happening. I deleted my Myspace, or at least I deleted as much as I could, Deleted the comment I left on my friends page, deleted all my blogs and deleted all my friends. I'm also thinking about converting to Christianity, thanks to a book I've been reading a lot lately, I'm thinking about going back to my 3rd grade interest and actually becoming an Astrophysicist, but I have to get through this first. I've changed myself a lot for the better and I just hope that it turns out good and I don't have to go to Jail or anything.


Cliff notes:

- Went out with a Jewish girl for a day, got made fun of many times for getting dumped that quick, got pissed off and said I was going to go on another holocaust (not serious)
- I apologized but these 2 girls didn't want to here it and said that they were going to ruin me, afterwards I made some threats (threats that weren't addressed to anybody and didn't mean)
- Girls printed them out and get their friends against me and their friends parents to call in to the office and demand that I be punished, I got suspended for 3 days
- On my last day of suspension, I came home from drivers ed to find out that these girls and all their friends had made up bull**** about me and said to the police that I was going to bring a gun to school and kill everyone
- Police searched my house, found no weapons and I was put in the mental hospital for a week and I'm now being charged with Disorderly conduct and could face anything from Teen Court to 364 days in jail if convicted.


So what do you think? What should I do now? Advice? How should I proceed from here, and do you think my plans for the future are screwed because of this?

[Melkor]

Don't say stupid things that you KNOW will get you system-raped. Control yourself, sheesh.

[jake24]

Wow...For a young guy like yourself you have been into alot....Getting into satanisim, that's asking for trouble right there, being thrown into a mental instution must have been a very humbling expereince.....As for those people who lied on you, forgive them life is to short to hold grudges...I was once lied on when I was 17 for sexual harassment, I was shocked that any one would tell such lies on me...You need to turn from the error of your ways, and be a productive part of society...Leave your current situation, and start over in a new place, and start being a blessing to people.

[J-Bol]

The relationship section is that way \/

And I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure you won't get any jail time. Especially since it's your word vs prepubescent girls.

[TheStender]

What are they actually charging you for? Doing nothing? If anything, the girls should be charged for making up a terroristic threat. And how did the cops not tell you what you were being charged with? Isn't that a law that they have to?

[jake24]

Originally Posted by hellsflame64

I'm also thinking about converting to Christianity

Very wise choice....But don't assume this will make your life 100% better, following Christ is a very narrow road of self - denial its not easy to be a real follower of Christ, but it is worth it (trust me) I did this many years ago, and its the best decision I have ever made......You must humble yourself before a holy God, and repent of your sins, and put your faith, and trust in Jesus Christ..Repent, means to confess your sins to God, and forsake them once and for all...Your repentace must be done toward God, you must right the wrongs you have done, and vow to live a life of obediance to God, and put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ...If you do this you will be born again of the spirit of God, and you will be transformed into a new creation.....Any questions, you might have feel free to send me private messages, also check out (www.christiananswers.net)

[hellsflame64]

Originally Posted by Melkor

Don't say stupid things that you KNOW will get you system-raped. Control yourself, sheesh.

I've been like this for almost 3 years now, and nobody's taken it this way. They all know that I'm joking. Even these 2 girls know, they are just putting on an act saying they are truely feeling threatened and demanding that something be done.

to J-Bol, it's not word vs. word - those girls have printed out all the bulletins and comments that I've left, even though they're gone now, they got to them first. So it's not just word now.

jake24 - yeah I've just been looking all over the place at philosophies and things and it seems like every time I read about something interesting I tick into it and all the sudden it's "the true way" and I have to follow it. I've realized that now though and I'm capable of doing things like that while not automatically believing everything people say. And while I still do respect Anton LaVey and all of his Satanists out there, I've just realized that as a teenager its nearly impossible to have a philosophy like that and keep moderatioin and self-control in order, so it's something I just can't do.

TheStender - The Police later, after I was admitted into the Mental Hosptail, told me that I actually had been arrrested (up to that point I wasn't even sure if I had been arrested, they never said anything like "you're under arrest", they just read me my rights and I had to sign some paper and write that I refused to talk to the police), and he told me that I was charged with Disorderly conduct.

[J-Bol]

Originally Posted by jake24

Very wise choice....But don't assume this will make your life 100% better, following Christ is a very narrow road of self - denial its not easy to be a real follower of Christ, but it is worth it (trust me) I did this many years ago, and its the best decision I have ever made......You must humble yourself before a holy God, and repent of your sins, and put your faith, and trust in Jesus Christ..Repent, means to confess your sins to God, and forsake them once and for all...Your repentace must be done toward God, you must right the wrongs you have done, and vow to live a life of obediance to God, and put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ...If you do this you will be born again of the spirit of God, and you will be transformed into a new creation.....Any questions, you might have feel free to send me private messages, also check out (www.christiananswers.net)

Yes, the path is very very hard. You can't just give in to temptation which is extremely hard. Especially when it surrounds you everyday of every moment.

[jake24]

Originally Posted by hellsflame64

jake24 - yeah I've just been looking all over the place at philosophies and things and it seems like every time I read about something interesting I tick into it and all the sudden it's "the true way" and I have to follow it. I've realized that now though and I'm capable of doing things like that while not automatically believing everything people say. And while I still do respect Anton LaVey and all of his Satanists out there, I've just realized that as a teenager its nearly impossible to have a philosophy like that and keep moderatioin and self-control in order, so it's something I just can't do.

You shouldn't believe everything people say, heck you don't have to believe me, because what I speak of; you can experience it for yourself, obey the gospel, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free, as for self control its not in human nature to very good at resisting temptation, that's because your born with sinful desires which can only be controlled with the help of the holy spirit residing in you...You have tried alot of things, why not try following Jesus Christ,You have nothing to do by doing this, if you want to know the living God personally then Follow Christ, if not its your choice.

[iliketodoit]

Originally Posted by jake24

Wow...For a young guy like yourself you have been into alot....Getting into satanisim, that's asking for trouble right there, being thrown into a mental instution must have been a very humbling expereince.....As for those people who lied on you, forgive them life is to short to hold grudges...I was once lied on when I was 17 for sexual harassment, I was shocked that any one would tell such lies on me...You need to turn from the error of your ways, and be a productive part of society...Leave your current situation, and start over in a new place, and start being a blessing to people.

explain

[Al_Pal]

get a lawyer.

you will end up pleading guilty to some really minor misdeameanor bull****. Prob end up with what they call "diversion" it is just watered down probation. be good for like 6 month or a year, depending how long they give you. Hopefully you learn your lesson.


i faced the exact same charges when i was your age. But mine was for a notebook full of lyrics they found at my school that had what they considered "terroristic threats"

[hellsflame64]

Originally Posted by iliketodoit

explain

I could explain better than him because I WAS a Satanist and I've experienced it first hand.

[VaughnTrue]

juvenile court blows...i went through it in a ****ty way very different than you are, but it was horrendous nonetheless.

it sucks to learn, but this country ISNT free. learn to watch what you say...if not, you'll pay the price.








PS: jokes about the holocaust aren't funny. ever.

[jake24]

Originally Posted by iliketodoit

explain

Your joking right?...If you seriousy have to ask, then I don't think you would undertand the explanation.

If you don't know the answer already, I feel sorry for you.

[Melkor]

Originally Posted by hellsflame64

I've been like this for almost 3 years now, and nobody's taken it this way. They all know that I'm joking. Even these 2 girls know, they are just putting on an act saying they are truely feeling threatened and demanding that something be done.

to J-Bol, it's not word vs. word - those girls have printed out all the bulletins and comments that I've left, even though they're gone now, they got to them first. So it's not just word now.

jake24 - yeah I've just been looking all over the place at philosophies and things and it seems like every time I read about something interesting I tick into it and all the sudden it's "the true way" and I have to follow it. I've realized that now though and I'm capable of doing things like that while not automatically believing everything people say. And while I still do respect Anton LaVey and all of his Satanists out there, I've just realized that as a teenager its nearly impossible to have a philosophy like that and keep moderatioin and self-control in order, so it's something I just can't do.

TheStender - The Police later, after I was admitted into the Mental Hosptail, told me that I actually had been arrrested (up to that point I wasn't even sure if I had been arrested, they never said anything like "you're under arrest", they just read me my rights and I had to sign some paper and write that I refused to talk to the police), and he told me that I was charged with Disorderly conduct.

I'm not being mean, but it sounds like you are going to reap the whirlwind bro. People don't think it's funny to talk about shooting up schools and genociding the Jews anymore. Turns out, it never was.

[TheStender]

Originally Posted by Melkor

I'm not being mean, but it sounds like you are going to reap the whirlwind bro. People don't think it's funny to talk about shooting up schools and genociding the Jews anymore. Turns out, it never was.

He didn't talk about shooting up his school though, the girls made it up.

Chelsea and Brittany had got all their friends to tell the principal that I said that I was going to bring a gun to school and shoot everybody. I never said that, never implied it, and never thought about doing it. Ever.

Also, did they have a warrant to search your house? And I'd really look into the fact they "arrested" you without telling you why. I'm pretty sure that's against the law. They should have to tell you why you're being arrested, and read you your rights. If they don't, they're usually in big trouble. (That whole Miranda Supreme Court Case ruling and everything)

[Absolute0]

I think you should be able to put anything you want into an online blog. It's called freedom of speech. Don't like what someone is saying, don't read it. Even the KKK has a website.

So I understand the bull**** factor there, you're 15 so you're lacking in the wisdom to see how your attitude affects the immediate world around you. Your intelligence is definitely there though, I think you're a vey smart kid... somehow you ended up with poor, vengeful friends though. Rise above them, you're way too smart to get your life dragged down by the relentless attacks of dumb bitches.

Astrophysics sounds good, start specializing. The amount of money you make is really determined by how sharply you can specialize in an area. Keep up the schoolwork, and be mindful of the social scene - you can't play a Satanist rebel and get away scot free forever. Be polite and this **** will never happen.

Christianity might help you out, but I'm a bit of an atheist so I would advise you not to jump into anything because of any immediate gains in "assurance." I don't know how you'd reconcile astrophysics knowledge with religion anyway. It's not a bad choice... I'm just saying don't jump into anything. Put the time into academic work.