Anyone REALLY friends with their ex?

[figure9]

I got dumped a little more than a month ago after a good, solid two year relationship. She broke up with me because this was her first serious relationship and felt as though she needed to experience other things, she didn't know if it was going right, she didn't think she could love me the way I needed, etc. etc.

Anyway, as my luck would have it, we live together. Fortunately it's a 4 bedroom condo and we don't share a room, but that doesn't redeem the fact that we still live under the same roof and see each other every goddamn day. At first she was all about being friends, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be the case. It never really is. It seems like after she dumped me she must have lost respect for me or something because she'd only talk to me when no one else was around, or when she needed me to do sh!t. Long story short, we got into it this morning, some really harsh stuff was said and we're no longer talking.

So my question is this: Is anyone out there really friends with their ex and if so, how the hell did you do it!?!?

Any advice for me is much appreciated.

[Ace_2004]

You live with your ex girlfriend?
LOL holy **** man, that must be a nightmare.

[bigcc]

ouch

[figure9]

Originally Posted by Ace_2004

You live with your ex girlfriend?
LOL holy **** man, that must be a nightmare.

Yeah, and we bought a f*ckin' puppy together too! I even hate the thought of coming home each day and try to stay out as much as possible. Hey, only 6 more months until my lease is up...

It's crazy what you'll do when you think you're going to be with someone for the rest of your life. I hate to say it, but this has really killed my outlook on relationships.

[poolshark472]

I honestly don't think it's possible to be friends with an ex. There's always way too much history to ever allow a healthy friendship. Either one or both parties almost always still have some sort of intimate feelings for their partner and when that's the case, the relationship will eventually inevitably "relapse".

[NeXMuScLe]

friends with the majority of my ex's
only one has made it unbelievably hard
to get along. she broke up with me
but still wanted to be with me idk...
regardless she starts arguements over
everything. its do-able just difficult.
might be that i havent lived with any
nor believed any of them would be
my wife in the future.

[DieselZ]

no.

[Disenfranchised]

No I'm not friends with any of my exes. I think it's because I don't put forth an effort to be friends with them.

I don't see a point in still being friends once you break emotional and physical ties.

[figure9]

Originally Posted by Disenfranchised

No I'm not friends with any of my exes. I think it's because I don't put forth an effort to be friends with them.

I don't see a point in still being friends once you break emotional and physical ties.

That makes sense. I'm that way with all of my other ex's. I figured I'd put forth the effort this time because I thought maybe this girl was different from some of the other trash I've tossed on the curb and it was better than nothing, maybe I could rekindle something (at least a physical something...), and maybe I just wanted peace in the condo. Otherwise it'd be f*ck off and don't ever let me see your face again.

[GoJu]

she (my ex) also broke up with me but we remain friends, it's not really easy but helps that I don't see her everday, living in the same house as her would be crazy.

[Erik2806]

forget that. i know i could never be friends with them. why waste any time

[figure9]

For one thing, in addition to dating we were best friends to each other. That's a sh!tty thing to lose, so I guess that's one reason I put forth the effort. It sucks now because what I said to her and what she said back in the heat of argument are things that can never be taken back. So the one time I try is the one time I fail.

There are 100 reasons to be friends with your ex and 1,000,000 reasons NOT to. I just wanted to know if anyone's done it successfully and if any one has any advice for my situation.

Right now my plan is keep lifting and make the bitch jealous!

[rdnjr]

I typically don't associate with the most recent ex too much. When a new girl comes along, then yeah I will talk to the ex, because any left over feelings for her will be gone. There is only 1 chick that I used to see that I don't associate with AT ALL anymore, but that was a really ****** up situation, and I really despise her anymore for the **** that she done. Any others I don't have a problem with. We call each other up or if we see each other somewhere, then we will talk and catch up and see how each other is doing and whatnot. I don't talk to any of my ex's on a regular daily basis though. I don't see any sense in being childish about things...whats past is the past.

But yeah man you are in a really ****ty situation. That has to suck. Make her jealous, bring home other chicks, etc.

Good Luck man.

[MillerTime07]

no wont work. do yourself a favor and cut off all ties. i had the same **** happen to me, and then i realized she would only talk to me when she had nothing better to do. so forget her man, do yourself a favor.

[L-Mendes]

when are you guys going to realize relationships are a waste of time and money?

[KeyboardWarrior]

Originally Posted by figure9

I got dumped a little more than a month ago after a good, solid two year relationship. She broke up with me because this was her first serious relationship and felt as though she needed to experience other things, she didn't know if it was going right, she didn't think she could love me the way I needed, etc. etc.

Anyway, as my luck would have it, we live together. Fortunately it's a 4 bedroom condo and we don't share a room, but that doesn't redeem the fact that we still live under the same roof and see each other every goddamn day. At first she was all about being friends, I was pretty sure that wasn't going to be the case. It never really is. It seems like after she dumped me she must have lost respect for me or something because she'd only talk to me when no one else was around, or when she needed me to do sh!t. Long story short, we got into it this morning, some really harsh stuff was said and we're no longer talking.

So my question is this: Is anyone out there really friends with their ex and if so, how the hell did you do it!?!?

Any advice for me is much appreciated.

That's a very interesting situation lol. I think the only way you would be able to stay friends with an ex is if it was a mutual breakup. Otherwise one of the parties will hold some sort of resentment of the other. Good Luck mate, you have it tough. How long has this arrangement lasted? I don't think that i could last a week haha.

[Ellimist]

I am friends with one of my ex's.

It took over 2 years and a lot of silence for it to happen. Believe me, this is going to be the longest 6 months of your life.

[Tiny J]

Originally Posted by figure9

For one thing, in addition to dating we were best friends to each other. That's a sh!tty thing to lose, so I guess that's one reason I put forth the effort. It sucks now because what I said to her and what she said back in the heat of argument are things that can never be taken back. So the one time I try is the one time I fail.

There are 100 reasons to be friends with your ex and 1,000,000 reasons NOT to. I just wanted to know if anyone's done it successfully and if any one has any advice for my situation.

Right now my plan is keep lifting and make the bitch jealous!

I'm still friends with my ex, it was more because of her that we broke up, but I consider it mutually because I knew why and whatnot. We still chat, and I believe from small hints, that she still is into me. Neither of us said "it's over" and never wanted to get back together, just both of us are kind of young, she has a kid (not mine, but I don't care) and we may get back together sometime. I'm just being real supportive, I thought I ****ed something up at the beginning of the relationship because of overwhelming feelings and bad advice.

All in all though, I believe you need to come back slowly. Of course it's never going to be the "best friends" again, but you can make it so you guys are still real comfortable and enjoy each other's presence. I love being around my ex, of course there are still emotional attachments, but she's the best thing, with nothing bad, to happen to me.

With your situation though it seems that if nothing can be taken back that sucks bro . If you gave it enough time, sooner or later if you started talking, or maybe give it a week or two, or a month if that. If you want it that bad YOU need to come apologize or whatever, make the first step who cares. It's not a pussy thing to do no matter what anybody says. In the end, do what YOU want to do because if you're gonna mess it up, don't let any other person's advice screw it up for you, it's not their relationship right?

I feel like Dr. Phil, or some sort of help guru spewing out all that info, but just trying to give you all the options you can and see that I've kinda done the same.

Good luck.

Edit: BTW my ex and I are also best friends, since high school.

[figure9]

Originally Posted by MillerTime07

no wont work. do yourself a favor and cut off all ties. i had the same **** happen to me, and then i realized she would only talk to me when she had nothing better to do. so forget her man, do yourself a favor.

Hahaha, well after what's been said that is my only option.

Basically some friends, me and her were all drinking before, during, and after the game (eat **** Pitt!) and she started gettin all wishy-washy. It seemed like she was acting close, then backing off, basically screwing with my head. So when I got sick of playing games I went and did my own thing, naturally pissed off. She said she was tired and going to bed, I said I was going to get cigs, so she came in my room trying to give me money as I'm emptying my change jar (low on funds this time of year) and I threw it back to her, so she starts ranting, f this, f you, etc. etc. Next thing I know she's laughing and bs'ing with one of the guys in her room. Clearly she was tired and going to sleep. So I f*cking left, she's calling me and texting me, I told her to f*ck off a number of times and at one point I said something along the lines of "choke on it, whore." Little did I know that she'd turned off her phone by then. So she busts in to my room the next morning demanding an explaination, confronting me and sh!t. Then she started mocking me to my face, saying stuff like things like it's my fault that we can't be friends, she doesn't care about me at all, I'm a poor student and cadet, and I'm going to go cry in my room like a bitch because I have nobody.

There really isn't mending a friendship after some sh!t like that. I'll be goddamned if I let any bitch put me down like that and then go crawling back.

[figure9]

Originally Posted by Tiny J

I'm still friends with my ex, it was more because of her that we broke up, but I consider it mutually because I knew why and whatnot. We still chat, and I believe from small hints, that she still is into me. Neither of us said "it's over" and never wanted to get back together, just both of us are kind of young, she has a kid (not mine, but I don't care) and we may get back together sometime. I'm just being real supportive, I thought I ****ed something up at the beginning of the relationship because of overwhelming feelings and bad advice.

All in all though, I believe you need to come back slowly. Of course it's never going to be the "best friends" again, but you can make it so you guys are still real comfortable and enjoy each other's presence. I love being around my ex, of course there are still emotional attachments, but she's the best thing, with nothing bad, to happen to me.

With your situation though it seems that if nothing can be taken back that sucks bro . If you gave it enough time, sooner or later if you started talking, or maybe give it a week or two, or a month if that. If you want it that bad YOU need to come apologize or whatever, make the first step who cares. It's not a pussy thing to do no matter what anybody says. In the end, do what YOU want to do because if you're gonna mess it up, don't let any other person's advice screw it up for you, it's not their relationship right?

I feel like Dr. Phil, or some sort of help guru spewing out all that info, but just trying to give you all the options you can and see that I've kinda done the same.

Good luck.

Edit: BTW my ex and I are also best friends, since high school.

About 36 hours ago I would have agreed with you. See above.

[figure9]

Originally Posted by KeyboardWarrior

That's a very interesting situation lol. I think the only way you would be able to stay friends with an ex is if it was a mutual breakup. Otherwise one of the parties will hold some sort of resentment of the other. Good Luck mate, you have it tough. How long has this arrangement lasted? I don't think that i could last a week haha.

That is very true. Unfortunately this breakup didn't make sense to me and it still doesn't. She had sort of a rough time growing up and I think she let some of those issues come between us, plus she was stubborn as hell. Rather than having the balls to work through her issues together, she though she's be better off dealing with them alone. Yeah, it's working out great for her.....(sarcasm)

Well were together for a little over two years (holy sh!t, two years ago today was when we first started thinking about making in permanent...) and we've been living in the same condo for a year and a half. We've been living together broken up for maybe a month and a half. It has yet to start getting better.

[Tiny J]

Originally Posted by figure9

About 36 hours ago I would have agreed with you. See above.

It's hard not to let your emotions and actions freakin take over huh? What I did was extremely minor compared to that, but I felt like a complete jackass after I did it. Just overwhelming emotions suck. After all the details you gave, I can't really tell you that it's gonna be better, or work out, or anything of that nature. It pretty much looks over... sorry bro.

[figure9]

Originally Posted by Tiny J

It's hard not to let your emotions and actions freakin take over huh? What I did was extremely minor compared to that, but I felt like a complete jackass after I did it. Just overwhelming emotions suck. After all the details you gave, I can't really tell you that it's gonna be better, or work out, or anything of that nature. It pretty much looks over... sorry bro.

Yeah man, letting your emotions get the best of you can definitely have some negative consequences!

I saw her today and I can tell this whole mess is eating her up inside. After she went off on me I said "well I bet you feel better now." She replied with, "no, I actually feel like sh!t." She always puts on a tough skin, but it never lasts long.

I wouldn't mind making up to the point that we're at least cordial to one another, and I think with time it may happen, but as you said before, it probably won't work out. 99% of the time when we would fight when we were together I would swallow my pride, man up, and admit my mistakes and apologize and try to fix them. She carried the other 1%. I really don't see the use in being the one to back down. I tried to apologize this morning, but she rejected it because she claimed it wasn't sincere. The way I see it, I've done my part. Maybe she'll come around, maybe not. Either way, I can't really do much now.

[MillerTime07]

Originally Posted by figure9

Yeah man, letting your emotions get the best of you can definitely have some negative consequences!

I saw her today and I can tell this whole mess is eating her up inside. After she went off on me I said "well I bet you feel better now." She replied with, "no, I actually feel like sh!t." She always puts on a tough skin, but it never lasts long.

I wouldn't mind making up to the point that we're at least cordial to one another, and I think with time it may happen, but as you said before, it probably won't work out. 99% of the time when we would fight when we were together I would swallow my pride, man up, and admit my mistakes and apologize and try to fix them. She carried the other 1%. I really don't see the use in being the one to back down. I tried to apologize this morning, but she rejected it because she claimed it wasn't sincere. The way I see it, I've done my part. Maybe she'll come around, maybe not. Either way, I can't really do much now.

in my relationship everything was always my fault and i would have to carry 99% of the relationship. some days she wouldnt hang out when i wanted to, but god forbid i ever say i cant hang out. things like that make me realize how bad of a relationship i was in. it just sucks and is hard to get away once you get emotional attached. but i havent talked to her for 2 months and i dont know if i ever will.

[aenz1879]

Don't really have an ex.

[Les Paul]

Originally Posted by figure9

So my question is this: Is anyone out there really friends with their ex and if so, how the hell did you do it!?!?

yeah i am friends with pretty much all of them. two in particular i still am relatively close to and talk on the phone to and shyt.

[KeyboardWarrior]

Originally Posted by figure9

That is very true. Unfortunately this breakup didn't make sense to me and it still doesn't. She had sort of a rough time growing up and I think she let some of those issues come between us, plus she was stubborn as hell. Rather than having the balls to work through her issues together, she though she's be better off dealing with them alone. Yeah, it's working out great for her.....(sarcasm)

Well were together for a little over two years (holy sh!t, two years ago today was when we first started thinking about making in permanent...) and we've been living in the same condo for a year and a half. We've been living together broken up for maybe a month and a half. It has yet to start getting better.

Normally my advice would to be sever ties completely. This isn't appliciable in your situation, so i guess all that you can do is be civil towards her. Just say no more than "Hi, howz it going". It is just a very awkward situation for both of you. Also whats up with her constantly texting and calling you when your out doing stuff? She seems a bit strange

[Jem777]

We broke up two years back. Had a thing going on for a few months after that but decided to make it a clean break. Haven't really hung out with her since. But my mate's gf is her best friend, so we do meet each other some times, for dinner/supper/drinking/clubbing. But not really friends.

[Arlecchino]

Yep. We were together eleven years, but no real drama when we split up, just could not live together anymore. We get along much better now than we did the last year we were married. No kids, so that makes it easier.

[niospecv]

You can be friends with your exs however if she has a bf or you have a gf it is appropriate to stop talking to them out of respect for your bf/gf.