just need some reassurance with my diet

cocopuffs · 11-12-2007, 09:07 PM

right now i am currently trying to gain mass.. so i need to put on weight.. im 5'6 and i weigh 116..

154 grams of protein

42 grams of fat

135 grams of carbs..

i need peoples opinions, too much fat? or what are your suggestions..

and as for cardio how is 4 days a week of 30 min?

i lift 6 days a week too.

and does having carbs in my last meal of the day really make a difference with body fat percentage in the long run?

thank you chicas =]

**Emma-Leigh** · 11-12-2007, 09:29 PM

1. At 16 yrs of age the LAST thing you need to do is 'monitor' and 'overly control' your diet... And ANYONE who suggest you need to 'count calories' is really (really) doing you a dis-service. At your age you don't need to set yourself up for a life of disordered eating.

2. Eat more (lots more).

3. Make sure you eat lots of nutrient dense foods - dairy, vegetables, fruits, nuts/ seeds, whole eggs, red meats, lean meats, whole grains, legumes...

4. BUT - DO NOT restrict the types of foods you eat eg - you are allowed 'processed' or 'baked' (eg: cake, biccies/ cookies). YES you should eat a healthy and wholesome diet of lots of fresh and natural foods - but don't think you can't enjoy the treats too. All of it has a place in moderation.

5. lift less (you don't need to lift 6 x a week...). 3 to 4 good solid weight training sessions a week will be much more effective and allow proper recovery so you can make gains and see positive change.

6. Carbs in the last meal make NO DIFFERENCE to your bodyfat. None at all.

Amanda76 · 11-12-2007, 10:11 PM

Big Bump to everything Emma Leigh said.

If you're trying to gain mass, you're going to need to eat a lot more than 1,534 calories/day. I personally would try my damndest not to drop my calories to less than that when trying to LEAN UP...and I'm no longer a growing girl (well, not in the sense that you are

).

twinnett · 11-13-2007, 02:40 AM

Emma took the words out of my mouth...and put them much better too...

cocopuffs · 11-13-2007, 07:56 AM

thank you very much..

okay so i understand that i should be eatin more if im only eatin arond 1500 and i want to gain... its something i figured but its like a reassurance thing i like to have to make sure, ya know?
but as for cardio... i guess i will do my best to cosume around 2000 cals and cardio 30 min 3-4 days a week. this gain can be a slow process..and with cardio im sure it makes it even slower. but i honestly love cardio.. i feel like a slug if i dont get any!

**Emma-Leigh** · 11-13-2007, 11:40 AM

As uncomfy as it is - the 'just for reassurance' thing is EXACTLY why you need to force yourself not to count! It is the only way you will learn to get balance back and to develop a healthy relationship with food.

You need to break the cycle of control to realise that you DO NOT need to be anal and count everything in order to 'be healthy' and to 'stay in control' -- infact, you LOSE control when you let your 'excessive control of food' take control of you!

I'll explain:

1. You are anxious about 'gaining fat' or 'getting fat' or 'being fat' or 'eating too much' or 'losing control' or 'gaining weight' or 'getting flabby' or 'getting larger' or 'being larger' or 'enter choice of anxiety topic related to fat/ weight/ body image here'... [on this note - the anxiety might not even be directly related to your body - it could well be related to your life in general... But food has become 'the link' of control for you..].

2. As you feel out of control (anxiety is basically feeling 'worried' about an outcome that is out of your control), in order to control that anxiety you 'tighten down' your control of food/ your calories. And this is exactly how Anorexia (and other eating disordered and disordered eating patterns) start out --> Because, in reality, the anxiety <> food restriction cycle actually controls you...

You have basically 'trained' yourself into 'restricting' your food. (anxious about body weight --> feel out of contol --> control food excessively --> anxiety goes away --> feel better --> more likely to react the same way next time). Same way an animal learns to avoid an unplesant situation by stopping a behaviour (eg: bark collars that spray citrus spray work on the same principle... The dog barks --> Collar sprays citrus in face --> unpleseant sensation. So the dog eventually learns to not bark. Eating normally has, essentially, become the 'citrus factor' for you. So you have learnt to 'control' your intake to decrease the unplesant anxiety you feel about 'eating normally' and possibly 'gaining weight' as a result).

Anyway - to get back to the point..... If you don't break that cycle - you'll get worse... because more and more will be 'consumed' by the anxiety - and you'll have to restrict more and more to avoid it.

Don't wake up to find yourself 90#, living alone, frail, scared, isolated and bitter.... Work through the anxiety instead.... You'll realise that a healthy, relaxed and balanced intake of food is not all that scary.

dani5162 · 11-13-2007, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma-Leigh

As uncomfy as it is - the 'just for reassurance' thing is EXACTLY why you need to force yourself not to count! It is the only way you will learn to get balance back and to develop a healthy relationship with food.

You need to break the cycle of control to realise that you DO NOT need to be anal and count everything in order to 'be healthy' and to 'stay in control' -- infact, you LOSE control when you let your 'excessive control of food' take control of you!

I'll explain:

1. You are anxious about 'gaining fat' or 'getting fat' or 'being fat' or 'eating too much' or 'losing control' or 'gaining weight' or 'getting flabby' or 'getting larger' or 'being larger' or 'enter choice of anxiety topic related to fat/ weight/ body image here'... [on this note - the anxiety might not even be directly related to your body - it could well be related to your life in general... But food has become 'the link' of control for you..].

2. As you feel out of control (anxiety is basically feeling 'worried' about an outcome that is out of your control), in order to control that anxiety you 'tighten down' your control of food/ your calories. And this is exactly how Anorexia (and other eating disordered and disordered eating patterns) start out --> Because, in reality, the anxiety <> food restriction cycle actually controls you...

You have basically 'trained' yourself into 'restricting' your food. (anxious about body weight --> feel out of contol --> control food excessively --> anxiety goes away --> feel better --> more likely to react the same way next time). Same way an animal learns to avoid an unplesant situation by stopping a behaviour (eg: bark collars that spray citrus spray work on the same principle... The dog barks --> Collar sprays citrus in face --> unpleseant sensation. So the dog eventually learns to not bark. Eating normally has, essentially, become the 'citrus factor' for you. So you have learnt to 'control' your intake to decrease the unplesant anxiety you feel about 'eating normally' and possibly 'gaining weight' as a result).

Anyway - to get back to the point..... If you don't break that cycle - you'll get worse... because more and more will be 'consumed' by the anxiety - and you'll have to restrict more and more to avoid it.

Don't wake up to find yourself 90#, living alone, frail, scared, isolated and bitter.... Work through the anxiety instead.... You'll realise that a healthy, relaxed and balanced intake of food is not all that scary.

wow....this is completely true, you have no idea how happy I am someone knows this and is teaching it-- so smart!
OP, LISTEN TO HER. I got into that cycle...am in it... wahtever. I dont know how to get out, and while Ive gottent it to a point where I can live, I cant not plan, or count, or think about it constantly. If I get out of contro of what I eat, I restrict, too much. I'm only 18, and I think there's a possibilty that I might be like this for a long time, if not forever.
Anyway, I'm fine, I just htink that if a situation like this is avoidable, it should be avoided.
Emma-Leigh, I always appreciate your posts. Thanks for being so educated and sensible!

twinnett · 11-13-2007, 07:15 PM

It does NOT have to be that way forever...thanks to Emma, I broke out of that cycle! 1 yr ago, I was 107# and miserable...you can be healthy w/out being obsessive!!

cocopuffs · 11-13-2007, 10:39 PM

emma thank you very much.. i know its all a psychological thing when it comes to dealing with stressing and controling food.. its unfortunate i've put myself in that position and i'm trying to dig my way back up to the surface. it is difficult sometimes but i try not to look at it that way.
i've been training for months and lately i've gotten no where..but the past few days i've gotten to a point to where im like wow i barely ate that much these past few months and still looked like a stupid twig victorias secret model with a scrawny ab outline, when i couldve ate alll that and looked pumped but cut.. you know what i mean... so now i have like a million questions that i could ask but i need to just do it.. just eat, train and sleep and not over think it because that gets me no where obviously! but thanks so much again emma.

batteryrequired · 11-20-2007, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Emma-Leigh

As uncomfy as it is - the 'just for reassurance' thing is EXACTLY why you need to force yourself not to count! It is the only way you will learn to get balance back and to develop a healthy relationship with food.

You need to break the cycle of control to realise that you DO NOT need to be anal and count everything in order to 'be healthy' and to 'stay in control' -- infact, you LOSE control when you let your 'excessive control of food' take control of you!

I'll explain:

1. You are anxious about 'gaining fat' or 'getting fat' or 'being fat' or 'eating too much' or 'losing control' or 'gaining weight' or 'getting flabby' or 'getting larger' or 'being larger' or 'enter choice of anxiety topic related to fat/ weight/ body image here'... [on this note - the anxiety might not even be directly related to your body - it could well be related to your life in general... But food has become 'the link' of control for you..].

2. As you feel out of control (anxiety is basically feeling 'worried' about an outcome that is out of your control), in order to control that anxiety you 'tighten down' your control of food/ your calories. And this is exactly how Anorexia (and other eating disordered and disordered eating patterns) start out --> Because, in reality, the anxiety <> food restriction cycle actually controls you...

You have basically 'trained' yourself into 'restricting' your food. (anxious about body weight --> feel out of contol --> control food excessively --> anxiety goes away --> feel better --> more likely to react the same way next time). Same way an animal learns to avoid an unplesant situation by stopping a behaviour (eg: bark collars that spray citrus spray work on the same principle... The dog barks --> Collar sprays citrus in face --> unpleseant sensation. So the dog eventually learns to not bark. Eating normally has, essentially, become the 'citrus factor' for you. So you have learnt to 'control' your intake to decrease the unplesant anxiety you feel about 'eating normally' and possibly 'gaining weight' as a result).

Anyway - to get back to the point..... If you don't break that cycle - you'll get worse... because more and more will be 'consumed' by the anxiety - and you'll have to restrict more and more to avoid it.

Don't wake up to find yourself 90#, living alone, frail, scared, isolated and bitter.... Work through the anxiety instead.... You'll realise that a healthy, relaxed and balanced intake of food is not all that scary.

Emma, I think i may just share this with my 14 year old daughter. We just had a doctors appointment yesterday to see if her thyroid is finally kicking in with the medication. Its up where it should be but she still lost 9 more pounds in the process. With her heartbeat being now irregular and her hands and feet being cold all the time now, she was pretty sure that my daughter is suffering from anorexia. She feels guilty for finishing food on her plate, etc. She eats....just not enough. I am just going nuts over here with how to fix this and help her thru it. I don't think my soon to be ex wife helped out any when she was living with us either. She would skip meals etc. just to drop some weight (this is the girls stepmom). So I am a single dad trying to get my daughter thru this...if any of you have any suggestions....please let me know. The doctor is looking up a support team to help us out thru this as well. I wish there was someone like you women in here that was close enough that I could let her talk to someone so she can better understand how important it is to eat enough. She eats clean, I gotta hand her that.....its just not enough of it. Shes athletic too so I told her she needs nutrition in order to compete. Any help is appreciate! Thanks.

Muppetcaper · 11-20-2007, 06:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by batteryrequired

Emma, I think i may just share this with my 14 year old daughter. I don't think my soon to be ex wife helped out any when she was living with us either. She would skip meals etc. just to drop some weight (this is the girls stepmom).

I'll be thinking of you. I try really hard not to respond to eating disorder posts, because it's a slippery slope for me. It brings back a lot of anxiety and makes me question everything I'm doing right now. . .I have to use this board and read, read, read, lots of other people's posts to know that I'm doing the correct thing in order to be balanced, healthy. I'm way overweight right now - but I wasn't always this way. After my initial treatments for EDO, martial arts became a great way for me to channel my energy; to gain some control over something; to get rid of fear. This past year, especially, has been an enormous struggle for me. I have gotten so fat, that I have to be VERY CAREFUL not to utilize old habits that I know will get the weight off quickly. I know lots and lots of tricks to get down to skin and bone. But I don't want to! And ESPECIALLY when I feel this handful of fat I can grab around my abdomen. I've never had belly fat before and it makes me SO FURIOUS and then BOOM - out comes the self loathing, the bull**** about me being a total piece of crap that no one really cares about, that worthlessness.

Can you believe that all of that is triggered by a few extra pounds? I just had to take a break from typing that, take a deep breath, go look at a picture of Jamie Eason and tell myself "You can't get THERE if you're going after THAT look, dear."

The thing is - you can WANT to help all you want. But it's really tough to help someone with issues like this. The support group is a GREAT idea. Another idea is to get together with a dietician and have some fun (not serious and droll) talking about what food REALLY DOES to your body.

People often make the mistake of trying to force anorexic or pre-anorexic people to eat really fattening things just so they'll put on weight. Or they try to make them believe that they can eat anything they want. That might work for some people, but it sure as hell didn't work for me. What helps me is being armed with facts, with science, with support when the bull****, self-defeated noise from within comes up to tell me I'm not worth anything.

You guys will probably have heated, emotional arguments about food. It's a very emotional and scary thing that you may not understand. You may find yourself scratching your head and wondering "What the hell is she screaming for? It's only a pat of butter?" You'll just have to hang on for the ride.

I swear, EDUCATION about food, balances, proper caloric intake. . .that all helps. Good luck. Crossing my fingers for you both!!!

IronCamp · 11-20-2007, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by batteryrequired

Emma, I think i may just share this with my 14 year old daughter. We just had a doctors appointment yesterday to see if her thyroid is finally kicking in with the medication. Its up where it should be but she still lost 9 more pounds in the process. With her heartbeat being now irregular and her hands and feet being cold all the time now, she was pretty sure that my daughter is suffering from anorexia. She feels guilty for finishing food on her plate, etc. She eats....just not enough. I am just going nuts over here with how to fix this and help her thru it. I don't think my soon to be ex wife helped out any when she was living with us either. She would skip meals etc. just to drop some weight (this is the girls stepmom). So I am a single dad trying to get my daughter thru this...if any of you have any suggestions....please let me know. The doctor is looking up a support team to help us out thru this as well. I wish there was someone like you women in here that was close enough that I could let her talk to someone so she can better understand how important it is to eat enough. She eats clean, I gotta hand her that.....its just not enough of it. Shes athletic too so I told her she needs nutrition in order to compete. Any help is appreciate! Thanks.

What a tough situation. I don't have advice to lend, b/c I have never dealt with and ED, but I hope Emma has some advice that will help you out.

Tulsa28 · 11-20-2007, 08:24 AM

Thank you so much for that post emma liegh. I struggle with this everyday. I'm currently reading Shrink Yourself (about emotional eating) and it seems to be sinking in! Good read,I hope it helps!

**Emma-Leigh** · 11-20-2007, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by batteryrequired

Emma, I think i may just share this with my 14 year old daughter. We just had a doctors appointment yesterday to see if her thyroid is finally kicking in with the medication. Its up where it should be but she still lost 9 more pounds in the process. With her heartbeat being now irregular and her hands and feet being cold all the time now, she was pretty sure that my daughter is suffering from anorexia. She feels guilty for finishing food on her plate, etc. She eats....just not enough. I am just going nuts over here with how to fix this and help her thru it. I don't think my soon to be ex wife helped out any when she was living with us either. She would skip meals etc. just to drop some weight (this is the girls stepmom). So I am a single dad trying to get my daughter thru this...if any of you have any suggestions....please let me know. The doctor is looking up a support team to help us out thru this as well. I wish there was someone like you women in here that was close enough that I could let her talk to someone so she can better understand how important it is to eat enough. She eats clean, I gotta hand her that.....its just not enough of it. Shes athletic too so I told her she needs nutrition in order to compete. Any help is appreciate! Thanks.

Hey there.

Firstly - I want to say you rock. Seriously and honestly. just being there for your daughter and encouraging her through this time is THE BEST thing you can do. Kudos to you for this.

Secondly - it is likely to 'get worse' before it gets better'.... And there is probably going to be lots of arguments and disagreements and battles to come. But DO NOT lose track of the goal of the turmoil.... At the end of the day your daughter WILL thank you for the 'tough love' you might need to display.... So keep your wits about you and try to maintain your judgment... It hurts - but like a bandaid being ripped off quickly - do it as fast, effectively and 'cleanly' as you can and the 'trauma' is minimised.

Anyway... with regards to your daughter.... I am not sure what to offer specifically - the factors that effect what works and what doesn't in any one person is really variable because it really depends on what stage they are at, what precipitated the eating to begin with, and their ability / motivation for change.

BUT - what has been known is that earlier intervention is BETTER (and it sounds like you have, at least in part, found this pretty early??) and having an encouraging/ supportive family helps too.. No - don't 'allow' her to be sick (and certainly do not TREAT her as sick) but support her and make yourself available as a 'sounding board' for her idea's. Remember that it really is not about 'the food' - that is only really a 'symptom' of the underlying issue... it is the anxiety/ self-hate/ low self-esteem/ perfectionism / a sense of 'pride' in being 'the skinny one' [+ any other of a myriad of other things] that are actually at the root of the problem... So, eventually, these things need to be identified and worked through.

Basically --> although getting her weight up to a healthy point is the FIRST step (and is really, really important to do) - it is not the main issue for long term treatment...

Anyway... some key points.... As I said - Don't allow her to 'be sick'... And don't treat her as 'sick'... One of the things that perpetuates the illness and something that will make her worse is people 'giving exceptions' because she is 'ill'... Be TOUGH but realistic as to what she can do.

So, she needs to know that 'life goes on' as normal. She should still have to do 'her part' in the house - cleaning up/ washing/ feeding the dog etc... as well as doing 'normal kid stuff' like school/ sport/ movies etc)... So she should be encouraged to go out with friends (one of the aspects of the disease is that it will eat away at her social life - because so many things involve 'food' - and if she doesn't want to eat/ or if it makes her uncomfy, she will likely retreat to the comfort of her room).

The problem is, as I say above, the disease is self driven (at least in part).... So, at the end of the day, it is about your daughter being able to overcome those fears associated with food and her anxiety around eating... You need to encourage her to change her eating patterns/ food rituals and help her to see that she can 'survive' that anxiety associated with this change... The best thing you can do is to not 'baby' her and also to not make 'allowances' for her and her 'disease'. Get her involved in things and allow her to 'make decisions' [and mistakes] for herself and encourage her when she makes those good decisions.

So, for example, to help normalise her eating she shouldn't be allowed to eat 'something different' to other members of the family... But she could help in deciding what you all eat, and could help with the cooking/ shopping and preparing of the meal. Same as going out to friends/ relatives houses. She shouldn't be allowed to order 'special food' - but help her to decide what to eat (often people with eating disorder/ disordered eating take AGES to decide what to get on a menu) and guide her as to what would be a 'normal portion'. Also - if you know any fit, healthy and down to earth females in the area (that are of NORMAL weight) then they are always handy as 'examples' too - it helps to demonstrate that she CAN enjoy normal and healthy portions, without being 'obsessed', and without 'getting fat'.

Lastly - although it is hard - try not to focus EVERYTHING on physical/ food related things.... She needs to find/ be involved in things that are not related to 'sport' or 'image' or 'food'. So encouraging / fostering her interests in other things (like painting? Or reading? Music? etc) and discuss with her general things (boys, school, movies... ermmm... politics??

)... This can also help to stop the narrowing of her focus to a world of 'food, exercise and disordered eating'...

Ermmm.... I hope that helps??

LionChick · 11-21-2007, 02:12 AM

Battery.. uhm something or other...

I had a lot of trouble with getting over the ED mindset myself. I mean, 10 years of ED. Not fun.

Emma is completely right, as usual, though.

I think two of her points are really, really key:

1) Being too restrictive perpetuates the ED cycle. The view I've always seen this from is that when you're restricting you're cutting and or burning kcals, and when your intake is limited and you're burning a lot, you are slowing your metabolism and making the "loss" process harder, which ultimately makes you more depressed, which makes you want to lose more, and you have to go to greater and greater extremes (and therefore put yourself in more physical danger) to do it.
There is obviously a place in everyone's life for healthy eating. And I do think that having a "structure" helps. Not necessarily "I can only eat this, this, and this, followed by this, this, and the other" but setting "meal times"-- knowing that you WILL eat a say, 6, 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9 or whatever. It makes meal time easier. Whether you're hungry or not, you're going to eat. Maybe the meal will be a grilled chicken salad, or maybe it will be a biscuit and honey. I don't know enough about nutrition to say, but knowing that food time is coming and you're going to go through with it really helps.
That being said, having a nutritionist really helps, too. It sort of takes the burden off of you to figure out what to eat. They can give you good ideas of foods that will work for you and give you the results they (and hopefully you, eventually) want, as well as monitor your exercise.

The other really good point I think....
2) Not to continue to perpetuate the "sick" mindset. I know for me, Rex formed a sort of identity. I felt like everyone knew me for being sick, so it was like, even if I were hungry, I didn't want to eat because it would make me seem "normal" or something. I know this doesn't make much sense, but that is how it worked. It's good to try to really boost your daughter's confidence in areas other than fitness and diet; if she's got a skill, like, I don't know, underwater basket weaving or chipmunk tattooing, really focus in on that skill and help her develop it.
For me, I know that Rex got powerful because it replaced what I used to be... like i used to say "I am Kristin. I am a runner." and then it was "I am Kristin. I am a Rex." but the biggest step is when you can say "I am Kristin. I like running, nutrition, writing, tattooing, and lifting, but I am not defined by any of these things."

As far as the irregular heartrate goes and all, please, be careful. I got to that point myself, and it was terrifying. I was trying to run 20 or so miles a day on 100 kcals, and I would often pass out in random neighborhoods, or get so starved that I couldn't find my way back to my car or to people. Luckily I live in a relatively small and caring community, and people knew me, understood what was up, and took me home, but this isn't always the case. Have you had her electrolyte balance checked (blood test)-- I am kind of lazy, not going to try to reread all the posts, but make sure you do that. You can take salt supplements (I did, at least) that will restore potassium levels and sodium levels at least temporarily to prevent immediate harm.

Actually, besides the other 2 points of Emmas being, as usual, right on target, I really like what she had to say about "healthy" female images.
There are so many BEAUTIFUL women who don't look like pencils. Many women are larger even though they are very fit and eat good diets. Look at Queen Latifah! She's gorgeous-- but not small. Or for a bit less extreme example, Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas has a nice, womanly shape, Madonna, Gwen Stefani, Marion Jones (steroids not taken into account), any of the Olympic Pole Vaulters, Paula Radcliffe (world's fastest marathoner, and she's definitely not a twig-- she eats major, major porridge), Kat Von D (from LA Ink), etc. Beautiful women, "normal" bods. You can find them anywhere.

Sorry this was not intended on being so long. I just feel like I really want to help. So one more point. I have this dog, right. When I bought him, they told me "yeah, he's a shih-poo, a shihtzu and poodle mix. he's probably going to weigh in at about 6 pounds." Well right now my dog is 21 pounds, and he's not a fat dog, just very, very muscular and tough. I went back to the store and i was like "that shih-poo you sold me; he weighs 21 pounds, and he's really strong and not obese or anything-- why did you say he is going to only weigh six pounds?" and the guy was like "well, when you breed dogs, you roll the genetic dice. you never, ever, just roll 50/50. sometimes you roll 99/1, and in your case that is what happened-- you got all the ****, and none of the poo." Point of this analogy: your daughter is a blend of you and her mother and all the generations of people in your family tree. The genes she got gear her body to be a certain size and weight naturally, and although you can certainly tweak what you've been given (just like I don't let Yoshi the shih-poo get fat and I keep his coat clean and trimmed), you can't change it (he will not ever be a six pound dog. he's just not of those genes). So you gotta rock what you've got.

Okay, that was longer than an James Michner novel, and probably less exciting (wait! nothing can be less exciting than Chesapeke, my bad), but I hope this helps you and anyone out.

Big REPS to EL, if my bb.com will ever let me do more reps.

PS. Yes, I know I'm still underweight... but I'm BULKING with pride now, and I'm headed UP joyously!

LionChick · 11-21-2007, 02:17 AM

ps. i don't know where you're at in Indiana, but I've found some great people here in GA whose numbers I can give you; i would say if you are near the universities you should definitely try to contact their athletic departments and ask them who they use for nutrition, etc. I've been to Terra Haute probably ten or eleven times in the past year or two and found all the people at I State to be very kind; not much info on IU, and I've also really liked the people I've met at Notre Dame.

I'd be glad to give you the numbers of the folks I use, if they can help you. Support teams are key. Try to get:
1) Nutritionist
2) Trainer?
3) Counselor
4) Psycho who can prescribe things (anxiety meds are OK and helpful for some to overcome the barrier)
5) Support group
6) Person who can train daughter in other interests (painting instructor, chipmunk tattoo master, whatever)
If they're all talking, and you're talking with them, and you've all got the same goals-- progress will be made!

PS. Read "The Silence of Great Distance"-- amazing book about ED's and athleticism. I'll even mail you my copy if you want it. It's that worth it.

batteryrequired · 11-21-2007, 06:04 AM

Wow. Thanks girls for all your input. Emma...thanks so much, it sounds like I am on the right track then so far.
Lionchick...i pray you find a way thru your struggles. I am sure its not an easy road still to this day.
She still questions and argues with me about eating (which is no surprise to anyone i am sure) She had her 3/4 cup of oatmeal this morning (3/4 before cooking), some bacon and I made her eat some of the eggs I made and then an apple. She says she feels like a pig after eating all that but I told her we need to get her built back up again here real quick so that we can tackle the next problem. We even discussed lunch. She packed a turkey sandwich and I had her take a banana instead of an apple (which she protested). She is also going to eat the corn at the school (her sister doesn't like corn so she is going to eat hers) Nice thing about having older sis there to see her eat!

The 3 of us are in this together.
I know one thing that has not helped her get into this condition. When her stepmom was still here....she was always saying how all she had for lunch was her yogurt cause she didn't have time to eat and then she would pinch what roll she had (which was nothing) and said she would love to get rid of that. Always said she wanted a tummy tuck too and this and that....yada yada yada...and then wondered why she is tired all the time too. That on top of many other issues led to her moving out which by the way was a good thing, the stress is gone. She didn't want to pursue counseling to fix the marriage....tells you the priority there. So I am glad she isn't around so that I can get my daughter the treatment she needs now. Her stepmom doesn't believe docs can help with anything pretty much....self help treatment is what she goes by. I know my girls trust me...Taylor all the time afterwards when shes bucked me on the eating and finishing her food, will come up to me for reassurance that she didn't eat to much or anything. I also noticed one other thing....back when she was 6, I had her diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) We got thru that with medication ok and she went off of it several years ago. We thought it was under control enough that she could do that. Well, I think its flaring back up again as she is getting repetitive in some things that she is doing and I think that is part of the ED thing too. Disorders normally come in pairs, so some of you that have ED....look for something else. If there is something else there, that has to be taken care of along with it to get everything to balance out right and keep them under control. Taylor had ADHD along with it. Kid could talk a mile a second I kid you not....lol. Hopefully I will hear from the doctor today and find our support team.
Good luck Lion in your journey....and Emma...thanks sooooo much for your input too. Some good info in this thread right here.
Have a great day ladies!

LionChick · 11-21-2007, 10:19 AM

don't worry, i'm not mentally struggling with it anymore...

occasionally i have a moment where i feel bad about something... like maybe i'm challenged by a meal on an offday when i'm not hungry... so i just pick out my favorite food (beef, usually) and make that the staple of the meal. i'm always so excited about the beef that it's easy to stick other things onto it and get through the meal okay.

but it is DEFINITELY beatable. I am proof.

These things do come in pairs, though. I was relieved, actually, to be diagnosed with a few other "mental things"-- it sort of helped me understand how my mind worked and why it would get fixated on something as "trivial" as food as a mechanism for control. This also helped my parents and I heal our relationships, which had been thrown off because they simply didn't understand how my mind worked, and I didn't understand them. Now we use sentence constructions that my therapist supplied me to communicate, and they are more careful about things that bother me and lead me towards feeling out of control. For example, I have severe problems with certain textures; so i had to get some different clothes, sheets, etc. that wouldn't affect me strangely. I also have a weird ability to be able to memorize movies or song lyrics the first time I hear them, and sometimes I drop these quotes into context randomly; while they used to be ignored because they seem out of place, now my parents ask me about them and help me realize that i am stealing words. This usually helps me to express more directly whatever is bothering me... Anyway, this is very very mild autism, but it came coupled with the ED, and I'm sure that ADHD, etc. couple with it, too.

One of the hardest thigns, I think, to remember and accept as a parent, is that you aren't going to be the one who can make your daughter change-- she's got to want it on her own. BUt you can help her to establish healthy habits. I will type more later; my father just came home and he's still weak from the hospital, so I need to help him get ready for his check up.