clare's journal- recovering fatophobe

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 5, 2006

25 minute walk (leisure outdoor, way to sore to run today! )

60 minute power yoga class

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 6, 2006

(Not in order performed…)
SLDL: 125x10, 125x9, 125x7
Flat Bench DB Press: 30x11, 35x7
Tri Reverse Pulldowns: 40x5, 35x10
Wide grip Lat Pulldowns: 80x10, 80x9
UN-Assisted Pull-ups: 0x6, 0x5
Hammer Curls: 30x11, 30x11, 30x10
Incline Curls: 20x10, 20x11
Plate Loaded Squat Press(high stance): 415x8, 415x8, 410x11
Bent Lat Raise: 15x8, 12x13
Leg Extension: 150x10
Standing Cable Ham Kickbacks: 80x7, 75x10
DB Rows: 30x9, 30x8
DB Plie Squats: 40x12, 40x10

Cardio: 15 minutes elliptical

Comments: Ugh! This was the hardest workout all week! I am so insanely sore, and I’m not sure why. I’ve dropped GMs now, and I thought that would help me recover, but my back hurts worse than ever. I think I am in need of a rest week (it’s been many months since I’ve taken a rest from lifting.) I’ve been telling myself that for a long time, but I keep “saving” it up incase we decide to take a trip or something. This is really stressing me out. We’ll see how I feel on Saturday I guess!

[faceoff2005]

Oooh, yeeeowch, sorry to read about the sciatica and back pain. I know them both well and I know they SUCK. FWIW, I found ice more helpful than heat for sciatica (applied directly to the most flaring part of the nerve, unless that means you have to sit in a tub of ice!) and I've heard some people have better relief with aspirin instead of iboprofin or NSAIDs (made no diff for me, but if you like variety in your medicine cabinet...)

Anyway, hope those settle down and your body adjusts to adding running into your routine.

How's about a mini break? Like, a day or two? It's supposed to be almost 60 here in MN! Perfect strolling weather!

Take care of yourself!

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 8, 2006

(Not in order performed…)
ATG Squats: 110x8, 110x8, 105x10, 105x8
One Legged DB Squats: 20x10, 20x9
Narrow Lat Pulldown (underhand): 87x11, 87x10
Seated Row: 108x8, 108x8
Leg Extension: 167x7, 167x6
Asst. Military Pullups: 30x7, 30x7
Decline Bench DB Press: 30x13, 30x10
Standing Curls: 25x7, 25x6
Cable Curls: 80x8, 80x8
“Arm Extension” Cybex Triceps Machine: 50x11, 50x11
Overhead Tri Cable Extension: 80x9, 80x7
Pullovers: 35x7, 35x7

15 minutes yoga stretching

Comments: Totally disgusting guy with BO in the gym today. He kept using the chest fly machine in reverse mode, and slamming his body against the pad like he was humping it. People are so un-aware of themselves.

[waitlifter82]

People are so un-aware of themselves.

IMO, I think it's quite the opposite. He's very aware of himself and therefore doesn't care about what other people think. It's people that don't know themselves such that they rely on the comments/thoughts/criticisms of other people.... okay, i'm really reading too much into this (long day).... bring some lysol into the gym next time and spray the bastard

ehh.... nice squats How do you like the feel of them compared to parallel?

[spytechs_wife]

it was weird because he was totally clean looking and stuff. theres no way this guy could possibly have been aware of it and not cared. it stunk up the entire fitness center. and its not a small area. if he DID know and didnt care then hes a big jerk!

anywho, i love the ATG squats. well, i dont hate them. i like them better than the other ones-- can't really explain why. just like the feeling of power i get when i come back up, i can really feel the strength in my leggies.

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 9, 2006

3 mile run

Went the "wrong" way and ended up going uphill into the wind, but oh well better workout!

[young_squatter]

Great workout clare, your atg squats are really coming along. Keep up the great work. Thats funny about the guy with BO

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 10, 2006

4 mile walk/hike
60 minute power yoga class

[scott_donald]

wow u must have moved enough to wlk here htis year so far...

[spytechs_wife]

APRIL 11, 2006

(Not in order performed…)
Deadlifts: 175x5, 165x6, 155x8
Lat Pulldowns: 91x8, 91x7
Incline Press: 35x7, 35x6
Plate Loaded Squat Press: 415x8, 415x8, 410x10
Dumbbell Front Raise: 15x9, 15x9
Alternating Flat Press: 25x22, 25x20
Cable Curls: 75x11, 75x11
Overhead Cable Tri Extension: 80x8, 80x8
Triceps DB Kickback: 20x6, 15x12
Shoulder Press: 20x9, 20x9
DB Step Ups: 35x8, 35x8 (each leg)

Abs: 9 sets
15+ minutes yoga stretching

Comments: Swallowed my dang gum. No more calf raises, my calves are giant. ATG squats is enough for them. I'm going to get a pedicure now.

[spytechs_wife]

wow u must have moved enough to wlk here htis year so far...

that is quite possible mister donald. cant beat this weather we are finally having. it was a loooooooong and depressing winter and yesterday it was 75 degrees out! i had the top down on the mini, and it was GOOD.

[young_squatter]

Great workout clare, If I saw a women in my gym deadlifting 175 I dont know what I do, slow down I dont want you to pass me

[waitlifter82]

I like this journal better then that stupid 'intense' journal

And great work on the deads, Clare I know you don't like them (and in fact, dread them), but the PR must of felt good Are you doing them every other week now? If not, that would be my advice due to yoga.

Oh, and let's see some pics of these so called 'giant' calves of yours

[spytechs_wife]

Great workout clare, If I saw a women in my gym deadlifting 175 I dont know what I do, slow down I dont want you to pass me

thank you ys! dont worry i wont be attempting to pass you anytime soon. and when i say soon i mean never.

I like this journal better then that stupid 'intense' journal

And great work on the deads, Clare I know you don't like them (and in fact, dread them), but the PR must of felt good Are you doing them every other week now? If not, that would be my advice due to yoga.

Oh, and let's see some pics of these so called 'giant' calves of yours

thank you, and yes, i still hate deadlifts. i cant stand the anxiety, i am already nervous about next week. i am doing them every week, and since i am supposed to be eating more, i cant justify dropping them. although that would be my dream come true. i just wanna be a regular lady in the gym for awhile u know? not like the crazy skinny girl who lifts like the men. i just wanna do the damn cybex machines and feel awesome about myself! there you go, got me on a rant. LOL

ive always had bigger calves, right now they are the same size as my knee area! and ive got these sweet gross veins running up the backside of each. im a damn mutant!

cLaRe

ps i have cute toes

[spytechs_wife]

Classic Chicken Noodle Soup

29 oz raw chicken breast, diced
4 oz chopped onion
6 oz yolk free egg noodles
3 servings frozen vegetable mix (peas, beans carrots, etc)
5 chicken bouillon cubes
8 ½ cups water
1 bay leaf
½ - 1 tsp each:
rosemary
savory
parsley
coriander
pepper
salt
basil

Cook diced chicken in large stock pot. Add other ingredients EXCEPT noodles and bring to a boil. Add noodles, reduce heat, and simmer until the noodles are soft.

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

TOTAL MEAL:
CAL 1755
FAT 11g
CRB 172g
PRT 233g

FOR 10 SERVINGS OF APPROX. 10 OUNCES: (each)
CAL 175
FAT 1.1 g
CRB 17.2g
PRT 23.3g

[spytechs_wife]

Super Easy Chicken and Rice Casserole

1 lbs chicken breast, diced
1 medium onion, chopped (5 oz)
½ cup uncooked wild rice or wild/brown blend
1 10 ¾ oz can cream of chicken soup (98% fat free version)
1 can water
6 oz celery, chopped
1 tbsp salt (optional, to taste)
1 tbsp pepper
1 tbsp savory

Combine all ingredients in slow cooker and stir. Cook on low for 5-7 hours (depending on your cooker), stirring occasionally.

Goes great with cottage cheese and rye crackers!

NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION

TOTAL MEAL:
CAL 1060
FAT 20g
CRB 116g
PRT 103g

FOR 5 SERVINGS OF 8.4 OUNCES: (each)
CAL 212
FAT 4g
CRB 23g
PRT 21g

[faceoff2005]

Hey, girl!

How ya doing?

You added the dreaded step ups!! Didn't I warn you they were evil, evil? Oh, who am I talking to...you of the deadlifting hall of fame

Hope things are well and you didn't perish in the Mem. weekend heat wave!

[spytechs_wife]

No, I'm not starting up my journal again. Just a quick update on how things are going for me.

-I have gained 8 or 9lbs since I started recovery, and still have some to go. My period is not back, and I am still "technically" underweight. I was threatened many times with inpatient, but damn, I don't have the time for that, so I thought I better get it together on my own. I still see a therapist almost every week.

-It was difficult, mentally, but I no longer do squats or deadlifts. I do SLDLs, and I still train good and hard. I tried a set of light deadlifts yesterday and the awful feeling I got in the pit of my stomach came back with full force, so I know I am not ready to do that yet. I do a 3 day split currently, about 22-25 sets per workout, plus abbies.

-Physically, after undereating and overtraining for so long (mostly my back) I have developed some nice sciatica that affects my lower back and legs. It comes and goes and can be very painful at times, but it seems to be getting better as I keep the fats up in my diet. I tried physical therapy, but they just wanted to massage my a$$ and gave me some hugely lame streches. This is another reason I had to drop heavy deads and good mornings. They tighten my back up way to much and I would be in such pain for days after. Yah, excuses excuses, but honestly this is a good one.

-In addition to my regular cardio, I have started to add a bit of HIIT once or twice a week, as my energy levels have increased finally. I still run a few times a week, do yoga twice a week, take lots of walks, and basically stay active.

-I still have a mental hurdle that if I don't exercise, or I am not in pain from something, that I am not working hard enough and don't deserve to eat. Last Saturday I cried most of the day because I was so tired from the week that I didn't do cardio. I felt like such a loser, but I forced myself to rest.

-Much of the weight I have aquired has gone to my midsection, protecting my internal organs incase I start "starving" again. I am trying to be patient and wait for my body to balance out, but being summer, I sure wish I could wear fitted clothes!

-I am in quite a depression, and am taking St. John's Wort to try and help. I make a concious effort constantly to keep my negative thoughts in check. It is tiring but it is what I have to do.

-One of the major revelations that I have had is that fitness/bodybuilding is NOT my job, or my reason for living. It is something I do on the side to keep my body and mind healthy. With that said, I have taken much more time doing what I love to do-- photography, gardening, crafts, and shopping of course! HA!

-Every day is a struggle with the depression and body image issues, but dang, I eat peanut butter every day, so its not all bad. I still don't eat anything outside of my "box" but in time I hope that will come too.

Well this was long! It feels good to write things out. Maybe I will add more if I think of other things. I'm an expert now, so if anyone has any questions about anorexia or recovery please feel free to ask me. I am happy to help anyone.

Clare

[waitlifter82]

Sounds good, clare - always nice to hear of the progress you've made and your determination to make yourself better Will be praying for you as always

[chuckles_345]

Good to hear things are starting to go better for you.

[faceoff2005]

Hey!

Good to see your update. Your perspective sounds fantastic, though I know how hard it can be to translate that perspective into day to day activities. Keep beating those negative thoughts with a big old stick and they'll simmer down eventually.

Ouch on the sciatica. Nerve pain is so different from muscle soreness. Muscle soreness can usually be worked around or through, but nerve pain is relentless. Thank goodness they expect it to go away as you continue to recover. Whew. (ANd I hear ya on the PT..."hi, have you ever heard of a superman stretch for the low back?" Gee! No! Whassat??! Erector sp-whatsis? Ok, here's my $15 copay).

Enjoy the heat wave...100 degrees Sat! Yargh!!

Take care.

[spirit3530]

Very brave of you to share that Clare. I will pray for you and your family during these tough times.

[spytechs_wife]

Very brave of you to share that Clare. I will pray for you and your family during these tough times.

thanks, i appreciate the prayers. but i am not brave, i am quite pathetic actually. i shouldn't have let this happen in the first place.

[waitlifter82]

oh, btw.


BE STRONG AND DON'T GIVE UP! YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

um.... I think this deserves a bump

[spirit3530]

Most people try to hide it. That is why I said you were brave.

[spytechs_wife]

Most people try to hide it. That is why I said you were brave.

thank you again...i'm sorry if i came off rude i really appreciate your kind words. yesterday was a bad day. today is new and i will try harder.

[spirit3530]

its all good Clare. Stay focused and God Bless.

[Glyder]

Not sure if you still check in here, but heya! How are things? I am sorry to hear you got in such a jam, but happy to hear you are fighting it, and I hope things are going well!

Just a quick update, Shannon and Hannah are doing great! We just started going to the gym together (hannah goes to the daycare at the gym). I will send you some pics so you can see how she is doing! I gotta get some sleep!