Joke for all the Men out there (joke obviously)

Eyeamfireproof · 10-31-2007, 08:36 AM

I'm not sure how many of you have heard this joke, but I just heard it for the first time a few days ago

A man is sitting in his chair watching a football game, when he says to his wife, "Honey, grab me a beer!" His Wife says, "Nope, grab it yourself."

So he yells to her again, "Honey, grab me a beer!" Once again his wife says, "No, grab it yourself!"

He starts getting fed up with this, and says, "If you don't grab me a beer, you're not going to see me for a few days." His wife shrugs it off and says, "Who cares, grab it yourself!"

So one day goes by and she doesn't see him. The second day goes by and she still doesn't see him. Finally by time the third day came around, the swelling in her eyes went down enough so she could barely see him.

Disclaimer: I do not agree with any of the statements above. Please no negs ladies, I love you all

banu_okasha · 10-31-2007, 08:37 AM

lol....

sXeWarrior · 10-31-2007, 08:38 AM

Lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Illadelphia · 10-31-2007, 08:41 AM

negged.... for disrespect to women..

dabbmw2002 · 10-31-2007, 08:42 AM

lol

Dreamscapes · 10-31-2007, 09:04 AM

A man comes home from an exhausting day at the factory, falls onto the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he says, "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looks across, but reluctantly fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"

By this point his wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Sit there and Drink beer in front of that bloody TV! You're nothing but a good for nothing, lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore..." (she continues)

The man sighs and says, "It's started..."

j_son88 · 10-31-2007, 09:05 AM

A plane is just about to crash and a woman stands up, takes her clothes off, and offers anyone to make her feel like a woman one more time b4 she dies.

A man at the back takes his shirt off and says;

"here, can u iron this?"

Eminent Fate · 10-31-2007, 09:21 AM

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. She's already been told twice.

kag808 · 10-31-2007, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eyeamfireproof

I'm not sure how many of you have heard this joke, but I just heard it for the first time a few days ago

A man is sitting in his chair watching a football game, when he says to his wife, "Honey, grab me a beer!" His Wife says, "Nope, grab it yourself."

So he yells to her again, "Honey, grab me a beer!" Once again his wife says, "No, grab it yourself!"

He starts getting fed up with this, and says, "If you don't grab me a beer, you're not going to see me for a few days." His wife shrugs it off and says, "Who cares, grab it yourself!"

So one day goes by and she doesn't see him. The second day goes by and she still doesn't see him. Finally by time the third day came around, the swelling in her eyes went down enough so she could barely see him.

Disclaimer: I do not agree with any of the statements above. Please no negs ladies, I love you all

LOL!!! That's bad..... But I have to admit I'm LMAO right now. Tsk tsk....

Glowstix · 10-31-2007, 09:25 AM

nice jokes there fellas. repped

FutureFoe · 10-31-2007, 09:29 AM

Why do women typically have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

Eminent Fate · 10-31-2007, 09:30 AM

A man is playing golf and shoots a birdie on the first two holes when he gets a phone call from the hospital saying his wife has been in a terrible accident and may not live much longer.
"Right when I'm playing my best game ever. I can play a couple more and see how it goes and then I will race to see her." After a few more holes and a couple more birdies, he completely forgets about his wife and finishes the 18 holes, shooting the best round of golf he ever has. As he is celebrating, he remembers his wife and speeds off to the hospital. He is met by his wife's doctor.
"You should be ashamed of yourself! You finished playing didn't you? Your wife has been laying here in pain, suffering, asking for her husband. She is now going to be a vegetable and you will have to take care of her fo rhte rest of her life. How does that make you feel?"
The man starts to cry uncontrollably when the doctor puts his hand on his back and says; "I'm just f**kin with ya. She's dead. How'd you shoot?"

FutureFoe · 10-31-2007, 09:36 AM

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love' and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don't have time for nonsense..."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg..."

Adam: "What can I get for just a rib..."

TTime118 · 10-31-2007, 09:41 AM

haha that golf one was great

BB_Surf · 10-31-2007, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FutureFoe

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give 'love' and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don't have time for nonsense..."

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg..."

Adam: "What can I get for just a rib..."

Thanks a good joke. I've heard it before, but you have to have some knowledge about the bible to get it.

FutureFoe · 10-31-2007, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eminent Fate

A man is playing golf and shoots a birdie on the first two holes when he gets a phone call from the hospital saying his wife has been in a terrible accident and may not live much longer.
"Right when I'm playing my best game ever. I can play a couple more and see how it goes and then I will race to see her." After a few more holes and a couple more birdies, he completely forgets about his wife and finishes the 18 holes, shooting the best round of golf he ever has. As he is celebrating, he remembers his wife and speeds off to the hospital. He is met by his wife's doctor.
"You should be ashamed of yourself! You finished playing didn't you? Your wife has been laying here in pain, suffering, asking for her husband. She is now going to be a vegetable and you will have to take care of her fo rhte rest of her life. How does that make you feel?"
The man starts to cry uncontrollably when the doctor puts his hand on his back and says; "I'm just f**kin with ya. She's dead. How'd you shoot?"

Good one....here's another golf one.

One day a man and his wife are playing golf. The man gets up to the tee on hole # 6 and hooks the ball right into the woods. The man and his wife go to find it and see that its an impossible shot. His wife suggests shooting right between two tall trees. The man tries to make the best hit possible, but instead bounces the ball off the tree, off their cart and hits his wife square in the head. She seems okay at the time. The man finishes the hole, ends up shooting 3 over par, and drives his wife to the emergency room. She later falls into a coma and dies from her injury.
One year later, the man is playing golf with his friend. Once again, on hole number six he hooks it right into the woods, almost in the same exact spot. His friend suggests shooting right between those very same trees. The man then says "Nah....last time I tried that I shot 3 over par"

thesunlessea · 10-31-2007, 09:51 AM

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

Because she was a woman.

East1600plus · 10-31-2007, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thesunlessea

Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?

Because she was a woman.

why shouldn't woman be allowed to drive??

because there is no highway between the kitchen and the bedroom

FutureFoe · 10-31-2007, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East1600plus

why shouldn't woman be allowed to drive??

because there is no highway between the kitchen and the bedroom

zing

V · 10-31-2007, 10:09 AM

I love this thread.

ReppinDaUSA · 10-31-2007, 10:09 AM

subscribed!

SumblimeStyle · 10-31-2007, 10:13 AM

why don't women need watches?

because there's a clock on the stove.

ChristianBBer · 10-31-2007, 10:14 AM

What do you tell your wife when she gets out of the shelter for battered women ?

To do the laundry if she knows what good for her

Ozkar · 10-31-2007, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SumblimeStyle

why don't women need watches?

because there's a clock on the stove.

lol. Simple, yet funny.

Eminent Fate · 10-31-2007, 10:15 AM

You know what all the battered women in America have in common?

THEY DON"T KNOW HOW TO F**KIN LISTEN!!

Eyeamfireproof · 10-31-2007, 10:16 AM

Why is it so hard for girls to pee in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling a grilled cheese sandwich apart?

Eminent Fate · 10-31-2007, 10:17 AM

lol, that's nasty.

lionheart21 · 10-31-2007, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_son88

A plane is just about to crash and a woman stands up, takes her clothes off, and offers anyone to make her feel like a woman one more time b4 she dies.

A man at the back takes his shirt off and says;

"here, can u iron this?"

LMAO!!!

Eminent Fate · 10-31-2007, 10:19 AM

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?" (no beastiality)

Cold Pussy · 10-31-2007, 10:21 AM

ur apparent lack of ballz ruins the joke