What being fat is to me

[SeanDon]

Sorry if this is a little weird or out of place, mods can delete it if they want, but i wanted to write this because i feel it best explains how i feel and why i'm trying to change it.

I wake up in the morning feeling extremely lethargic, and all i can think about is just staying in bed the entire day and forgetting about everything in the world for a while. I glance down to the floor next to me and see 3 bags of chips, 2 large soda bottles, 4 empty burger packs, 10 cans of diet coke....why? because i dont want to throw them away in the garbage that the rest of the family uses, because i dont want them to see how much i eat.

I check my phone and notice i have a message from my girlfriend. "I love you" she says. I think to myself...why? She is beautiful, gets guys asking for numbers and asking for dates all the time, yet she is with me. I'm fat, why would she be with me? Thats all i can think...i'm fat. i'm fat. i'm fat. I send her a message back, "I love you too sweetie, and i never want to lose you". I mean that too...99% because i love her to death and want to spend my life with her, and 1% because i'm scared if she does leave me i'll die alone. Why? I'm fat.

I get up and make my way to the bathroom, passing a mirror as i go. Great. Looking like **** today buddy....What else is new. I get in the bathroom and brush my teeth in front of the mirror. "Jesus i have tits....and stretch marks, and hair, and my face is fat and...****". I have a shower and get changed, then i head out the door.

I'm tugging at my shirt every 3 seconds because i dont want my tits to show through it. I'm pulling up my pants every 3 seconds because i like baggy clothing...tight clothing makes me want to kill someone. I meet my gf and have a great day...I tell her how i want to be Huge, like vin diesel! i specifically say i dont want to be a pretty boy...not a brad pitt....but more of a manly looking kinda buff like ...vin diesel. Its great dreaming about what i'd look like and how i'd act if i were big like that....

I admire my gf's physique and think about how lucky i am to have found someone so understanding, and someone that just clicks with me on every level, and on top of it she's gorgeous....and it feels wrong. It feels wrong that something so beautiful is with something so ugly. She deserves better...she deserves someone that respects themself, someone that will be alive in 5 years...someone that can live to be a father to her children...not a fatass. I want that guy to be me.

I drop my girlfriend off at work and kiss her on the cheek..."see you later" i say. I take out my ipod and turn on something adrenaline rushing...usually metallica or something hiphop related. I zone out for a minute and picture walkign around town in baggy pants and a black tank top, buff as hell. I see girls looking at me, and i like that they like me, but i also know i have my girl and that'll never change. I like feeling that power. I picture walking up to every bully i ever came across in my life and slapping his beer belly and laughing at him. "Who's a fat **** now, buddy?".

I get to the gym...Yeah i'm psyched, i'm gonna lift my ass off today man. I'm 260lbs, sure, but i got a good solid base of muscle...i'm not weak...nah, i can become buff in no time. I look around and notice everyone is muscular. ****. Suddenly the fantasy is over and i'm tugging at my shirt....my shorts are too short, you can see my fat legs. ****, i'm not lifting enough. **** i'm lifting too much, dont be an idiot. My girlfriend surprises me by showing up at the gym, and comes up to the free weights section to say hi...All the guys are checking her out, as she walks up to me, the fat guy, and kisses him and says hi.

I feel i dont match up. ****, that buff guy could take her from me. ****, that SKINNY guy could take her from me. "Hey honey...uh..i gotta lift, but i'll come to the treadmill in a bit ok?". I kiss her on the cheek and watch her leave....mostly to make sure no one walks up to her to hit on her. What would i do? Most of them are huge buff guys anyways...I gotta get buff, For myself...Gotta stop feeling pity. Gotta look good for me, and for her. She deserves it.

So i lift. The guy next to me smiles....i cant tell if its a good thing, or if he's laughing at the fat guy with the dumbbells. **** him. I lift more. I do my chest, my tri's. I work everything till i'm numb. Then i find my girl and i get on the treadmill next to her and i run. I'm running for my life. I dont want to be 35% bodyfat anymore....She doesn't deserve that, and i dont need to die just yet. This is why i do it....This is why.



...yea thats it. Sorry if thats too weird to anyone....i just thought it'd explain how i think.

[tattood]

Props for getting that out SeanDon. Keep working towards your goal and don't give up.

Dave

[lifequest]

Well are you just sharing or would you like to do something about it? Just a comment, generally if you think some ones to good for you, it shows, and pretty soon you’ll start to convince them you are right, they can do better, happened to me. Maybe once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide you want to man up and change your life come back and we can help you. Not trying to be an ass I just am not sure what you hoped to gain by writing that, everyone here has been overweight and changed, what makes you so special?

[Geeper]

Here A LOT of use have been there... Right ****in there and know exactly what you are talking about.... and to your credit, you put it into words pretty dam well!

It's scary, overwhelming, intimidating and more. Just remember not all the guys are laughing at you. Sure I'll be honest, some probably are, but there are other who see you and they themselves know the courage it takes to do what you are doing,,, They will be the ones who'll try to help you or at least try to be a work out buddy.

Anything you need help with I'm always around cat

[Be-Be]

We feel for you. A lot of us have been there - we know you can leave that place and find a better, happier, healthier life because we have. It doesn't matter how long it takes; focus on positive and strive for babysteps of improvement. Every month, every year can be better than the last.

It doesn't matter if you look like the latest, greatest movie star - nobody that cares about you cares about that. You need to look like the best possible you and more importantly, you need to feel good about you.

That guy smiling next to you - stop the negative thoughts that he was laughing at you. Not that you care what his opinion was but maybe he was impressed that you are a great enough guy to get such a babe. You don't know so don't assume the negative.

[mickgreen58]

Originally Posted by lifequest

Well are you just sharing or would you like to do something about it? Just a comment, generally if you think some ones to good for you, it shows, and pretty soon you’ll start to convince them you are right, they can do better, happened to me. Maybe once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide you want to man up and change your life come back and we can help you. Not trying to be an ass I just am not sure what you hoped to gain by writing that, everyone here has been overweight and changed, what makes you so special?

I guess you missed this.....

Originally Posted by seandon

i wanted to write this because i feel it best explains how i feel and why i'm trying to change it.

And this...

Originally Posted by seandon

I get to the gym...Yeah i'm psyched, i'm gonna lift my ass off today man. I'm 260lbs, sure, but i got a good solid base of muscle...i'm not weak...nah, i can become buff in no time. I look around and notice everyone is muscular. ****. Suddenly the fantasy is over and i'm tugging at my shirt....my shorts are too short, you can see my fat legs. ****, i'm not lifting enough. **** i'm lifting too much, dont be an idiot. My girlfriend surprises me by showing up at the gym, and comes up to the free weights section to say hi...All the guys are checking her out, as she walks up to me, the fat guy, and kisses him and says hi.

And this...

Originally Posted by seandon

So i lift. The guy next to me smiles....i cant tell if its a good thing, or if he's laughing at the fat guy with the dumbbells. **** him. I lift more. I do my chest, my tri's. I work everything till i'm numb. Then i find my girl and i get on the treadmill next to her and i run. I'm running for my life. I dont want to be 35% bodyfat anymore....She doesn't deserve that, and i dont need to die just yet. This is why i do it....This is why.

- Mike G.

[supplementsavvy]

Originally Posted by lifequest

Well are you just sharing or would you like to do something about it? Just a comment, generally if you think some ones to good for you, it shows, and pretty soon you’ll start to convince them you are right, they can do better, happened to me. Maybe once you stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide you want to man up and change your life come back and we can help you. Not trying to be an ass I just am not sure what you hoped to gain by writing that, everyone here has been overweight and changed, what makes you so special?

I don't think he was trying to say that he's special or any different than other fat people. I think his message is one that anybody who is or ever has been really overweight can identify with.

[Mister_A]

Pretty touching story man.

Dont give up. Stop eating ****. Work out every single day even if you dont feel like it.

This story should make you motivated more than anything. You have a hot girlfriend. Get to it man. Work your ass off. Do cardio twice a day. It's hard but do it.

I used to be just like that. I was over 300lbs. I regret that I didnt start losing weight sooner. It's horrible being fat. Trust me I know.

I'm down 130lbs now. My background on my computer at home is an old fat picture of me. It makes me motivated to keep going every day until I reach my goals. (which will never end. i always make new goals).

Just dont quit man.

Good luck.

Sorry for my long rant. It's all emotion writing that.

[rdryden]

Originally Posted by supplementsavvy

I don't think he was trying to say that he's special or any different than other fat people. I think his message is one that anybody who is or ever has been really overweight can identify with.

I dont think lifequest was bashing him... I think it was meant more in a motivational way.... thats just the way I read it

[Be-Be]

Originally Posted by rdryden

I dont think lifequest was bashing him... I think it was meant more in a motivational way.... thats just the way I read it

I think so too. Different things motivate different people. I just hope one of us helps Sean find his motivation. See Sean, we all want you to succeed.

[lifequest]

After re-reading it I see that if read with a different tone it comes off as me bashing the poor guy. It’s meant more in a pep talk kinda way, whups

And I identify with it as well. I’ve never been HUUUGE or anything 23% bf was my worst but I’ve had quite the gut and wore size 40 pants and never anything tight.

My point was that EVERYONE on the fat loss forum knows what he feels like and almost everyone here is doing something about it, not bitching and moaning about how their life sucks. He’s complaining about being fat but clearly is coping with his depression with crap food, shown here:

Originally Posted by SeanDon

I wake up in the morning feeling extremely lethargic, and all i can think about is just staying in bed the entire day and forgetting about everything in the world for a while. I glance down to the floor next to me and see 3 bags of chips, 2 large soda bottles, 4 empty burger packs, 10 cans of diet coke

I was trying to understand if he was asking for pity, just sharing, or if he was asking us to help him, which I think is abundantly clear I do a lot of.

I was trying to point out that although we can relate to him we do not really feel bad for him especially if he’s doing things like eating horrible food.

SeanDon, if your serious about getting lean, post a goal sheet( I explain how in my journal), and post a diet you can follow and I will help you do both. But honestly man your attitude is HORRIBLE

Look up “defeatist attitude” that is what you have:
Synonym: pessimistic
Synonym: negative
Synonym: fatalistic
Synonym: resigned
Synonym: despondent
Synonym: despairing

Antonym: optimistic
Antonym: upbeat

This is using the synonym function of word, I think that describes you pretty well. I study psychology a lot and you need to take a step back and look at who you are and why.

Yes you are over weight, is seems like you want to change but why are you eating all that crap food you know is only making the problem worse?

Why are you saying you don’t deserve an attractive cool caring Girlfriend? Clearly she doesn’t agree with you, you can’t be THAT BAD.

When I picture you I picture a guy on the street hunched over with his hands in his pockets kicking a pebble feeling sorry for himself.

If you want to change ask for help, if not, then good luck.--LQ

[DJohnson]

Use it to push you.

Oh yeah, and I'd way rather be Brad Pitt than Vin Diesel. You're crazy!

[flab 2 fab]

Sean pics of the chick would make this thread alot better!!!! J/K im in the same boat as you were , but i wake up everyday take m vitamins and supps, eat healthy, and feel better everyday now. Even notice a few chicks looking my way every now and then. Best of luck and write your goals down and look @ them everyday @least once.

[SeanDon]

Hey thanks for the responses everyone.....I didn't take anything here as bashing, like i said i guess its a little weird or whatever. Its just that some people use certain things to motivate themselves, and i thought instead of writing down 10 reasons i want to change, i'd just show myself in story form why i want to change....and maybe someone else out there would relate it to themselves in some weird way and feel the same.

As for DJohnson, you're nuts. Vin Diesel has the double package! He can get the girls AND beat the hell out of the guys. Brad Pitt would suffer at the hands of Vin. Its true, Its true.

[skelooth]

sean don, you have no idea how much we have in common. Hiding food wrappers? YUP I used to do it constantly... constantly tugging at clothing to hide my moobs, did that too. Feeling not good enough for my beautiful girlfriend? Did that too.... Props to you for changing NOW, because I did not change until it was too late, and now I probably really will die lonely.

[Monkey Wrench]

I laughed at some things in there being so true that I do myself. Tugging at the shirt (especially me I have big shoulders to add to my problem) and pulling at your pants because you like them baggy but they don't fit well. Whenever I get down to bench I have to readjust my shirt/shorts :-/

Atleast it seems like you got a cool girl If shes really as cool as she sounds she isn't going to go for some other guy based on looks and will stick with you through your transformation.

[Be-Be]

Originally Posted by SeanDon

As for DJohnson, you're nuts. Vin Diesel has the double package! He can get the girls AND beat the hell out of the guys. Brad Pitt would suffer at the hands of Vin. Its true, Its true.

Yeah, but I'd sure be there to nurse Brad back to health.

Actually, a friend of mine knows him and says he is extremely skinny.

[The_Champ01]

Touching story man. But think how hard it is for larger guys that have no girlfriend for support, are in the same position and feel absolutely hopeless…

Just keep at it man, clean up your diet and do cardio twice a day...

[Mister_A]

I think if you show extra effort and your girlfriend sees it that's definately some extra points for you in her book.

[Yogurt]

that's deep man...

I understand what your going through 110%. You are depressed and are going through a rough time. You have to cheer up and realise how good your life actually is. Hell just having a girl is enough to make me happy. You have to look at the future and not the present. Just motivate yourself more, you want to look good so work for it, you are paying the price for eating ****ty.

Anyways, good luck to you!

[skelooth]

Originally Posted by The_Champ01

Touching story man. But think how hard it is for larger guys that have no girlfriend for support, are in the same position and feel absolutely hopeless…

Just keep at it man, clean up your diet and do cardio twice a day...

then they lose the weight, and still feel hopeless!

i disagree about cardio. cardio more than 4x a week is overkill. I lost 90lbs and saw my best results when NOT doing tons of cardio.

[yellowspeed]

man that was deep. I gotta say, I have no gf or anything. I just try to think about my future and being healthy. Also, I become more knowledgeable about health and can help my parents be healthy and live longer too. Keep it up man.

[The_Champ01]

Originally Posted by skelooth

then they lose the weight, and still feel hopeless!

i disagree about cardio. cardio more than 4x a week is overkill. I lost 90lbs and saw my best results when NOT doing tons of cardio.

True about cardio, but I like to break it up I can't stand doing one whole complete session it's easier for me to break it up into micro-sessions...

[SeanDon]

Hey everyone, thanks for the support and the replies.....

I dunno what it is really, but i wanted to write that because when i re-read it, even when i'm totally unmotivated, it makes me realise that what i'm giving up is all of that crap i wrote about. I have no idea where i'll end up and how i'll feel when i get there, but i know it'll be 100% better than what i feel right now, and that helps a lot.

[casinoNZ]

Man thats where I used to be almost exactly

Hiding food wrappers and tugging my shirt and wondering if people were looking at me.

But after going to the gym every day for months, something just changed…I would walk into the gym and think this is MY gym and to be honest I don’t even notice the other people around, not even the hot chicks. I’m there to do war with myself and nothing else.

Your in a good place… you know what you want, now you just gota take it.

Btw your very lucky to even have a girl…girls wouldn’t even talk to me when I first started. Only now when I’m almost done am I getting attention from them.

[Armitron]

no wonder fat loss can be so dramatic in Americans!

" 3 bags of chips, 2 large soda bottles, 4 empty burger packs, 10 cans of diet coke"

wtf!
my friggin lunch before, was a sandwich on rye, yogurt, a piece of fruit, and water but wooooooooooooooa

but seriously, good job and keep up the hard work

[SeanDon]

yeah its pretty bad when you eat for emotional reasons. But that doesn't matter much now. That was then, this is now.

poof.

[rdryden]

Originally Posted by skelooth

sean don, you have no idea how much we have in common. Hiding food wrappers? YUP I used to do it constantly... constantly tugging at clothing to hide my moobs, did that too. Feeling not good enough for my beautiful girlfriend? Did that too.... Props to you for changing NOW, because I did not change until it was too late, and now I probably really will die lonely.

look at lifequests post about why seandon's attitude sucks....

Originally Posted by lifequest

SeanDon, if your serious about getting lean, post a goal sheet( I explain how in my journal), and post a diet you can follow and I will help you do both. But honestly man your attitude is HORRIBLE

Look up “defeatist attitude” that is what you have:
Synonym: pessimistic
Synonym: negative
Synonym: fatalistic
Synonym: resigned
Synonym: despondent
Synonym: despairing

Antonym: optimistic
Antonym: upbeat

This is using the synonym function of word, I think that describes you pretty well. I study psychology a lot and you need to take a step back and look at who you are and why.

Do you not see any similarities between his attitude toward food and your attitude toward girls?
I havent been around here long, but I do know you are a bit of a legend around here based on your transformation. You of all people should know that it is all in your attitude.
Do the exact same thing you did with losing weight.
WRITE DOWN goals!
Start with little things, like "today I started a conversation with 3 girls at the mall"
I took lifequests advice and wrote down goals in the past tense... this helps unbelievably.... (I should of known... GRANDMA's always have the best advice )
but start that way and build yourself up... crying about it isnt gonna help


and btw... wtf is wrong with you seandon? vin diesel is a TOOL. Brad Pitt is the man... plus he is actually a good actor with lots of cool movies

[user34566548717114]

hey man you had the balls to put it all on the table thats guts not alot of people would ever do.....you already did the hardest part


its to be strong when your fresh in the game, but what defines you is what you do when your exausted and wanna just give up......

[supplementsavvy]

Originally Posted by Armitron

no wonder fat loss can be so dramatic in Americans!

" 3 bags of chips, 2 large soda bottles, 4 empty burger packs, 10 cans of diet coke"

wtf!
my friggin lunch before, was a sandwich on rye, yogurt, a piece of fruit, and water but wooooooooooooooa

but seriously, good job and keep up the hard work

You got overweight from rye bread, yogurt & fruit? To me those seem like sensible foods, apart from the fact that you don't have any proteins. You must've been eating a ton of that stuff to get overweight