saying no to food without offending those who offer it to you

karate_girl · 10-28-2007, 09:36 PM

Hey gals,

I have recently moved overseas to study and have been very lucky that a fantastic family is going out of their way to make me feel welcome. I see them at least 2x a week if not more, we usually spend the day together (where we eat out and often go for drinks) or they have me for dinner. The problem is that they always offer me cake or chocolate, or I find myself in situations with them where I am obliged to eat or drink things that I really dont want to.

I am very serious about my training and eating - plus I have PCOS and am insulin resistant - so I am very worried about all the sugar that I am eating.

I don't want to offend them and I am prepared to have a treat 1x per week, but I cannot be doing this 3 or 4x a week - its like I will be throwing all my hard work into the bin. What do you ladies do when you don't want to offend people who are offering you food or drinks that you really dont want to be having.

Amanda76 · 10-28-2007, 11:17 PM

Say, "I am very serious about my training and eating - plus I have PCOS and am insulin resistant - so I am very worried about all the sugar that I am eating."

I personally never feel obliged to eat anyone else's food. They'll learn soon enough not to offer it to me if they're going to get their feelings hurt over my refusal to try it. Besides that, why is the burden of protecting everyone's feelings placed on you? What about your feelings?

Revmachine21 · 10-29-2007, 07:43 AM

Actually, we might be able to offer better advice if we know which country you are visiting. Every place is different, and certain things would work better than others.

In Japan, you can get away from social convention by simply saying you are under doctor's orders. Everybody understands this. And you can get out of all sorts of high pressure drinking situations that way.

When I was a homestay student, my medical history was provided to my homestay family to ensure they knew what to avoid.

Has your program done the same?

SpaceCakeGirl · 10-29-2007, 09:59 AM

I think in every country doctor's orders are hard to argue with

I just say "Oh, that looks great but I can't eat it. Thanks so much, though." I like the word 'can't' as opposed to 'won't' because it can imply all sorts of things...maybe I have diabetes, or I'm allergic to food coloring, or lactose intolerant or whatever.

I've been getting highly annoyed at the pressure to drink lately. I like to play drinking games (beer pong, etc), but I don't drink. So I'm playing beer pong and some dude is giving me crap because he can't handle the fact that I'm beating him and not drinking....so I just told him I'm pregnant. Can't argue with that.

He's a friend of a friend and I see him on a regular basis and I realize this COULD have the potential to get awkward, but I'm choosing to find it highly amusing.

Most people that know you and like you and support you WANT to accomodate you and make you happy. They're probably giving you sweets because they think everyone likes sweets. If you told them that a yummy fruit salad or something would make you happier, I'm sure they'd be willing to make that instead.

Amelia · 10-29-2007, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amanda76

I personally never feel obliged to eat anyone else's food. They'll learn soon enough not to offer it to me if they're going to get their feelings hurt over my refusal to try it.

Exactly. My family used to try and get me to eat the junk they were eating and I continually refused (politely of course) and now they don't even offer. Stick to your guns.

karate_girl · 10-29-2007, 11:53 AM

thank you for all your replies. I am in Canada. I suppose the difficult thing is that I have told them that I am insulin resistant and need to watch what I eat very carefully so they are aware, its just that I accepted some dessert a couple of times (as an irregular treat) and it seems that now they are always offering.

darkangel · 10-29-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karate_girl

...plus I have PCOS and am insulin resistant...

"Thanks, but I have health issues and am on a restricted diet."

You aren't required to put your health (or your fitness goals) at risk to keep other people happy. Eventually, people will learn and quit offering you stuff you can't eat.

Revmachine21 · 10-29-2007, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karate_girl

thank you for all your replies. I am in Canada. I suppose the difficult thing is that I have told them that I am insulin resistant and need to watch what I eat very carefully so they are aware, its just that I accepted some dessert a couple of times (as an irregular treat) and it seems that now they are always offering.

You might say something along the lines of "You know, I need to stick to my doctor's diet, I slipped up last time I accepted and it made me feel weak/sick/pain/insert adjective. It's just that they look so tempting! I really appreciate the thought."

misstransformer · 10-30-2007, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karate_girl

Hey gals,

I have recently moved overseas to study and have been very lucky that a fantastic family is going out of their way to make me feel welcome. I see them at least 2x a week if not more, we usually spend the day together (where we eat out and often go for drinks) or they have me for dinner. The problem is that they always offer me cake or chocolate, or I find myself in situations with them where I am obliged to eat or drink things that I really dont want to.

I am very serious about my training and eating - plus I have PCOS and am insulin resistant - so I am very worried about all the sugar that I am eating.

I don't want to offend them and I am prepared to have a treat 1x per week, but I cannot be doing this 3 or 4x a week - its like I will be throwing all my hard work into the bin. What do you ladies do when you don't want to offend people who are offering you food or drinks that you really dont want to be having.

Hi KarateGirl, I would explain that although you love certain foods, you avoid them for "health" reasons, or because they decrease your overall wellbeing. It's a short, quick, and honest response. People who care, will immediately shift to preparing foods you can enjoy, or stop offering unhealthy items. For some reason, people are more responsive, when they feel it's for "health" reasons, rather than just weight loss(which is technically a health issue) or looking better. Should it matter? No! But people have a variety of pre-conceived opinions, and that's the world we live in.

T

Lauroo · 10-30-2007, 11:26 AM

Don't worry about it, whatever you tell them I'm sure they are going to respect your decision. People seriously aren't going to feel personally offended that you are not eating a piece of their cake, you have to stop feeling bad about it.

Do you think if you offered them oatmeal mixed with egg whites that they would eat it because they feel guilty?????????? What about a can of tuna with an apple?

Think about it

They wont be offended, they are just trying to be polite. Once you stop taking it they will eventually stop offering so much. Just politely refuse. Canadians are usually pretty friendly, we speak English too, so explaining about PCOS should clarify things!!!

Good luck

terracotta · 10-30-2007, 11:30 AM

Yeah, I'd explain to them you have a medical condition, and you have to limit those types of foods. In Canada, there shouldn't be a problem.

darkangel · 10-30-2007, 12:08 PM

It's the accepting it on some occasions and denying it on others that folks find confusing. I deal with the same thing. I have digestive issues. When they're under control and I really want to have a cheat, I can eat a wider variety of foods. When flaring, I eat a very restrictive diet. People don't know what to think, so I've tried to be more consistent with how I eat when I'm out socially and save the occasional cheat for home.

terracotta · 10-30-2007, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangel

It's the accepting it on some occasions and denying it on others that folks find confusing. I deal with the same thing. I have digestive issues. When they're under control and I really want to have a cheat, I can eat a wider variety of foods. When flaring, I eat a very restrictive diet. People don't know what to think, so I've tried to be more consistent with how I eat when I'm out socially and save the occasional cheat for home.

Yep, that's definitely a good point.

Eileen · 10-30-2007, 07:39 PM

If someone offered you a cigarette, you'd have no trouble saying, "No, I don't smoke," and wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings. This is really the same. Say "No thanks, I don't eat that," and leave it at that.

karate_girl · 10-30-2007, 07:57 PM

thanks for all the replies. I am invited for dinner again tomorrow night - so I will put the polite refusal to practice.
Its funny though how some people just don't understand what constitutes healthy eating - I don't mean that everyone has to eat 100% clean all the time, but for example even though I explained that I am insulin resistant and that this leads to diabetes they made me salmon which was marrinated in a sweet soy sauce (added sugar or honey). I will post the results after tomorrow night.

worldofwiz · 10-30-2007, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by karate_girl

thanks for all the replies. I am invited for dinner again tomorrow night - so I will put the polite refusal to practice.
Its funny though how some people just don't understand what constitutes healthy eating - I don't mean that everyone has to eat 100% clean all the time, but for example even though I explained that I am insulin resistant and that this leads to diabetes they made me salmon which was marrinated in a sweet soy sauce (added sugar or honey). I will post the results after tomorrow night.

I tell people the same thing ad alot of times they just dont get it. So sometimes I'll say "no, eating that can kill me."