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  1. #1
    Killer Boots, Man! mistermuscles's Avatar
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    Talking Lorena Bobbit Jokes

    Lorana Bobbit is the woman who cut off her husbands PENIS.

    Here are the jokes ...........


    The rumor is that Mrs. Bobbit will be released, as the evidence won't

    stand up in court.

    -------
    What did Lorena Bobbitt say about a recent snowstorm??

    There's six inches on the ground.
    -------
    What did John say to Lorena after the deed was done?

    No hard feelings.
    -------
    What did Mr. Bobbitt say when he was propositioned by a hooker?

    Sorry, I'm a little short this week.
    -------
    How is Mr. Bobbit like my favorite operating system?

    They're both UNIX (eunuchs).
    -------
    Mrs. Bobbit is dating a golf pro... Nothing sexual, she just wants
    to improve her slice.
    -------
    Have you heard about the new John Bobbit doll.... Some assembly required.
    -------
    The John Bobbitt porno version of the Addams Family, brings a whole

    new meaning to the character "Thing".
    -------
    Human society is made up "Hunters" and "Gatherers". After the attack,

    John Bobbitt became both.
    -------
    The John Bobbitt theme song...

    "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner".

    or.. "Every Time You Go Away, You Take A Piece Of Me With You".

    or.. "Why Not Take All of Me"

    or.. "50 ways to cleave your lover"
    -------
    I hear Lorena's going to do an infomercial about Ginsu knives.
    -------
    Did you hear that John Bobbitt quit his job??

    Yeah...... I guess he just wasn't cut out for it.
    -------
    Did you hear that John Bobbitt will be posing for a spread in Playgirl..

    Yeah...... He will appear on page 20, continued on page 24
    -------
    John was asked by a reporter how he felt after the attack.

    His response was "Light-headed".
    -------
    Any truth to the rumor that Lorena Bobbit is about to start stumping
    for tougher domestic violence laws??
    -------
    Hey, I heard they are going to take the whole Bobbit thing and make it
    into a made for tv movie.

    What are they going to call it??

    Free Willy

    Gone With the Wand

    The Silence of the Loins

    The Dong of the South

    Indecent Disposal

    Lorena Scissorhands

    Cocktail

    Save Willy
    -------
    At Lorena Bobbits trial, she admitted that she DID want sex the night of
    of the 'crime', but she wanted it TO GO.
    -------
    Lettermans top 10 list from 01/13/94

    Quotations from the Lorena Bobbitt trial:

    10. Who ordered the Diet Slice.
    9. Could your honor instruct juror #4 to stop giggling.
    8. Mr. Bobbitt, will you please rise.
    7. I paid $500.00 for this ticket, now dammit, I want to see
    Streisand sing.
    6. What's Andrew Guiliani doing here.
    5. 1 million Dollars, all you gotta do is say you used a Ginsu.
    4. Mr. Bobbitt, I'm with the velcro Corp, and we have and idea
    for an ad.
    3. If President Clinton were here I bet he'd be eating fries.
    2. No, I said put your HAND on the bible.
    1. Look out! Lorena's got the gavel.
    -------
    When John Bobbitt dates women do you think he tells them that he
    is unattached?
    -------
    It seems the Bobbitt incident was all a misunderstanding. Lorena was
    upset about how her husband was treating her and asked a counselor what
    she should do. The counselor suggested that she might "try a separation."
    -------
    Guess who is the new product spokesman for Sears snap-on tools?

    John.
    -------
    Lorena was charged with one count of malicious injury and one count of
    highway littering.
    -------
    You know, it's a good thing the police were able to locate Big John B's
    severed member. Can you imagine a picture of it being on every Milk
    carton in the country???
    -------
    Lorenas activities have opened up a whole new gamut of new career
    possibilities:

    pickle slicer
    asparagus harvester
    Rabbi
    cook at Benihanas
    peperoni slicer at a pizza parlor
    spokesperson for Ginsu knives
    (It's the tripple decker pecker wrecker, is slices and dices,
    it circumsizes and jullianes.)
    circumcision surgeon.
    -------
    Whats the difference between Lorena Bobbitt and Bob Barker??

    Bob Barker is a Slick Pricer.
    One advocates neutering.
    -------
    Whats the difference between John Bobbitt and a hot dog??

    About 6 inches.
    -------
    There were two disk jockeys in Norfolk, Va. who went to the first
    couple of days of the Bobbitt trial. Anyway, before the trial began
    they gave away hotdogs and a can of slice for free, and if you could
    not eat the whole thing, they would cut it in half for you.
    -------
    I hear that John was right in the middle of testifying in court when

    Lorena stood up and cut him off.
    -------
    What did Michael Jackson say to John Bobbitt??

    Silly Bobbitt, Dicks are for Kids.
    -------
    Why is John Bobbitt afraid to go to the movies??

    He's afraid they will ask to see his stub.
    -------
    The official medical term used for what she did is Clipadicfromhe,
    or in some areas, Wankerectomy.
    -------
    John Bobbitt is suffering from PMS - Penis Missing Syndrome.
    -------
    What did Lorena tell her husband after the deed was done??

    I have matters well in hand.
    -------
    Did you here that John Bobbitt is changing his name to avoid the
    publicity??

    Yeah, he's changing it to Les Johnson.

    or maybe Les Manley.
    -------
    Well, by now, everybody must have heard about Mr and Mrs Bobbit in the good
    ol' U.S. of A. I was listing to the radio on Tuesday morning when I heard a
    song dedicated to these two persons. If you know the Paul Simon song "50 way
    to leave your lover", then sing the song to yourself, but replace the words
    with those below.

    Enjoy

    The problem was she didn't
    like the way you run her life
    And that she wants to find some way
    to end all of this strife,
    And since the day the man stood
    And pronounced you man and wife
    she's dreamt of 50 ways to cleave her lover.

    She's lain awake at night
    And thought of what she'd do
    Practiced on root vegetables
    And now my boy it's true
    That tonight it's not a carrot's turn
    It's time that she showed you
    50 ways to cleave her lover

    50 ways to cleave her lover

    Chorus:
    She could cut off your dick, Mick
    Hack off your old boy, Roy
    Snip off your knob, Bob
    And set herself free.
    Whip off your cock, Jock
    She won't leave you with much, Bud
    She'll chop down your tree, Lee
    And set herself free.
    Last edited by mistermuscles; 07-10-2005 at 12:05 PM.
    Kerry Adkisson (1960-1993)
    Steve Irwin (1962-2006)
    Owen Hart (1965-1999)
    Eddie Guerrero (1967-2005)

    You are missed!!!
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    Triumph Rocket III Poleyhants's Avatar
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