Lorana Bobbit is the woman who cut off her husbands PENIS.
Here are the jokes ...........
The rumor is that Mrs. Bobbit will be released, as the evidence won't
stand up in court.
What did Lorena Bobbitt say about a recent snowstorm??
There's six inches on the ground.
What did John say to Lorena after the deed was done?
No hard feelings.
What did Mr. Bobbitt say when he was propositioned by a hooker?
Sorry, I'm a little short this week.
How is Mr. Bobbit like my favorite operating system?
They're both UNIX (eunuchs).
Mrs. Bobbit is dating a golf pro... Nothing sexual, she just wants
to improve her slice.
Have you heard about the new John Bobbit doll.... Some assembly required.
The John Bobbitt porno version of the Addams Family, brings a whole
new meaning to the character "Thing".
Human society is made up "Hunters" and "Gatherers". After the attack,
John Bobbitt became both.
The John Bobbitt theme song...
"Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner".
or.. "Every Time You Go Away, You Take A Piece Of Me With You".
or.. "Why Not Take All of Me"
or.. "50 ways to cleave your lover"
I hear Lorena's going to do an infomercial about Ginsu knives.
Did you hear that John Bobbitt quit his job??
Yeah...... I guess he just wasn't cut out for it.
Did you hear that John Bobbitt will be posing for a spread in Playgirl..
Yeah...... He will appear on page 20, continued on page 24
John was asked by a reporter how he felt after the attack.
His response was "Light-headed".
Any truth to the rumor that Lorena Bobbit is about to start stumping
for tougher domestic violence laws??
Hey, I heard they are going to take the whole Bobbit thing and make it
into a made for tv movie.
What are they going to call it??
Gone With the Wand
The Silence of the Loins
The Dong of the South
At Lorena Bobbits trial, she admitted that she DID want sex the night of
of the 'crime', but she wanted it TO GO.
Lettermans top 10 list from 01/13/94
Quotations from the Lorena Bobbitt trial:
10. Who ordered the Diet Slice.
9. Could your honor instruct juror #4 to stop giggling.
8. Mr. Bobbitt, will you please rise.
7. I paid $500.00 for this ticket, now dammit, I want to see
6. What's Andrew Guiliani doing here.
5. 1 million Dollars, all you gotta do is say you used a Ginsu.
4. Mr. Bobbitt, I'm with the velcro Corp, and we have and idea
for an ad.
3. If President Clinton were here I bet he'd be eating fries.
2. No, I said put your HAND on the bible.
1. Look out! Lorena's got the gavel.
When John Bobbitt dates women do you think he tells them that he
It seems the Bobbitt incident was all a misunderstanding. Lorena was
upset about how her husband was treating her and asked a counselor what
she should do. The counselor suggested that she might "try a separation."
Guess who is the new product spokesman for Sears snap-on tools?
Lorena was charged with one count of malicious injury and one count of
You know, it's a good thing the police were able to locate Big John B's
severed member. Can you imagine a picture of it being on every Milk
carton in the country???
Lorenas activities have opened up a whole new gamut of new career
cook at Benihanas
peperoni slicer at a pizza parlor
spokesperson for Ginsu knives
(It's the tripple decker pecker wrecker, is slices and dices,
it circumsizes and jullianes.)
Whats the difference between Lorena Bobbitt and Bob Barker??
Bob Barker is a Slick Pricer.
One advocates neutering.
Whats the difference between John Bobbitt and a hot dog??
About 6 inches.
There were two disk jockeys in Norfolk, Va. who went to the first
couple of days of the Bobbitt trial. Anyway, before the trial began
they gave away hotdogs and a can of slice for free, and if you could
not eat the whole thing, they would cut it in half for you.
I hear that John was right in the middle of testifying in court when
Lorena stood up and cut him off.
What did Michael Jackson say to John Bobbitt??
Silly Bobbitt, Dicks are for Kids.
Why is John Bobbitt afraid to go to the movies??
He's afraid they will ask to see his stub.
The official medical term used for what she did is Clipadicfromhe,
or in some areas, Wankerectomy.
John Bobbitt is suffering from PMS - Penis Missing Syndrome.
What did Lorena tell her husband after the deed was done??
I have matters well in hand.
Did you here that John Bobbitt is changing his name to avoid the
Yeah, he's changing it to Les Johnson.
or maybe Les Manley.
Well, by now, everybody must have heard about Mr and Mrs Bobbit in the good
ol' U.S. of A. I was listing to the radio on Tuesday morning when I heard a
song dedicated to these two persons. If you know the Paul Simon song "50 way
to leave your lover", then sing the song to yourself, but replace the words
with those below.
The problem was she didn't
like the way you run her life
And that she wants to find some way
to end all of this strife,
And since the day the man stood
And pronounced you man and wife
she's dreamt of 50 ways to cleave her lover.
She's lain awake at night
And thought of what she'd do
Practiced on root vegetables
And now my boy it's true
That tonight it's not a carrot's turn
It's time that she showed you
50 ways to cleave her lover
50 ways to cleave her lover
She could cut off your dick, Mick
Hack off your old boy, Roy
Snip off your knob, Bob
And set herself free.
Whip off your cock, Jock
She won't leave you with much, Bud
She'll chop down your tree, Lee
And set herself free.
Thread: Lorena Bobbit Jokes
07-10-2005, 12:02 PM #1
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Lorena Bobbit Jokes
Last edited by mistermuscles; 07-10-2005 at 12:05 PM.Kerry Adkisson (1960-1993)
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07-10-2005, 12:10 PM #2