Ages ago, back in the good ol' days of the sex forum - someone started a thread with all these jokes. They offended everyone, women, prostitutes, u name it. But the good part was they were just downright funny, rather than totally offensive, and they were great to tell.
I wanna start this thread up again, i'm sure some of you out there will remember the jokes, and i will add some here myself now.
Enjoy
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Thread: Jokes for all occasions
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07-13-2005, 05:54 AM #1Trainer in Training
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Jokes for all occasions
Last edited by Mr_Slim; 07-13-2005 at 06:00 AM.
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07-13-2005, 05:59 AM #2Trainer in Training
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A bus full of nuns crashed, killing them all instantly. As they went to heaven and waited at the pearly gates, St. Peter came out to greet them
"Before you are accepted into heaven, you must touch the holy water with any part of your body thats ever come in contact with a penis"
The nuns look at each other, then one stands up and walks to the holy water. "once i was at a nudist beach, and i accidently brushed one with my foot" so she puts her foot in the holy water.
Another nun comes to the water "i was walking in a swimming pool and accidently brushed one with my hand" so she put her hand in the water.
All of a sudden there is a loud commocion at the back, and a nun starts running up to the front of the line to the holy water. St Peter looks at her and says "Sister Mary, what is the rush?"
Sister Mary says frantically "well if im gunna hav to drink the holy water, i sure wanna do it before Sister Anne puts her ass in it!"
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07-13-2005, 06:07 AM #3Trainer in Training
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A man was walking down an alley, after just being kicked out of his home by his wife. Funnily enough, he saw a prostitute, and asked how much for a handjob.
"$250" she replies. "OMG! im not paying you $250 for a handjob!" the man says suprised. The prosititute sighs and points to a Porsche on the other side of the road. "You see that Porsche? i own that - i bought it from the money i collected from giving handjobs... so i'm pretty sure its worth it"
The man thinks about it. "Well i guess ur right, lets go to a hotel" So they find the nearest, cheapest hotel and the prostitute gives him a handjob.
"OMG! That was the best handjob i've ever had!" cries the man. "How much is it for a headjob?"
"$500" says the prostitute. "Holy Shiit! - no way can any headjob be worth $500!" replies the man
"Hey, you see that apartment building opposite us, i bought that from the money i collected from giving $500 headjobs, so u better believe its worth it!" The man thinks for a minute. He decides to put off the new car, and goes for it - pays her $500.
5mins later - "OMG! That was the best headjob ever!" he cries. "Hey listen, just out of interest, how much is it for a ****?"
"Well, you see that casino down the street, that car dealership and that hotel?...."
"OMG, you own all that?"
"No, but i prob. would if i had a pussy"
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07-13-2005, 06:16 AM #4Banned
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A guy is f*cking his girlfriend, when she says, "I heard this morning that you were a paedophile. Is it true?" The guy replies, "Where the hell does an 8 year old girl learn a dirty word like paedophile?"
A guy is f*cking his girlfriend, when she says, "Isn't it a bit presumptuous for you to assume we should have sex on our first date?" He replies, "Well, yeah - but isn't presumptuous a big word for a 6 year old to be using?"
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty five year olds?
There's twenty of em.
What does one paedophile say to the other?
I'll swap you two fives for a ten.Last edited by Molester; 07-13-2005 at 06:20 AM.
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07-13-2005, 07:49 AM #5Trainer in Training
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Nah seriously though, women are great. I think all men should own at least 1 of them
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07-13-2005, 07:52 AM #6Trainer in Training
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I think it would be more convenient if all women were forced to wear all white - just like all the other kitchen appliances
what do you do if the lawnmower doesnt work?
Thats not the point - what was she doing out of the kitchen
What do women do when they get back from the battered wives home?
The dishes if they know whats good for them
What do 5000 beaten women have in common?
They dont listen
(these jokes are no representation of me....i just think theyre ****en funny)
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07-13-2005, 08:37 AM #7Banned
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cool! just dont use the b-word.. rock on!
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07-13-2005, 01:03 PM #8Registered User
- Join Date: Mar 2004
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how do u fix your broken dishwasher?
smack her.
what do you tell a women with two black eyes?
nothin,you've already told her twice
what do you call a women with one black eye?
a quick learner.....
background:helen keller is the one blind and deaf lady that was on the news
why wouldnty the dmv let helen keller get her license?
b\c shes a women
love women,just thought these jokes where funny!
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07-13-2005, 02:12 PM #9Registered User
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yoooo funny **** keep it commingOriginally Posted by kyle0k
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