advice needed... my AFC days coming back to haunt me

[WCC]

got myself in a ****ty situation here.
back in May '05, i used to do karate.
in my karate class, there was a girl i liked. one day, i heard her whisper to one of her friends that she thought i was sexy. i got really excited, but back then i had no confidence and owing to the fact that i went to an all-boys school, no experience talking to girls either. i was a real loser back then. i was way too afraid to talk to her myself - seriously, i was almost phobic of girls back then (no homo). i had no idea how i should go about asking her out, so i wrote her a note and put it in her roller skate while she went to get changed. i can't remember exactly what i wrote - it was some wimpy **** about how i thought she was pretty and wanted to meet up with her some time. just thinking about it makes me cringe. needless to say, she ran a mile. next time i saw her, i plucked up the courage to ask her what she thought of my note. IDK WTF was going through her mind at the time - by the look on her face, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. she just said 'no, sorry' and walked off.

1 year later, i left the all-boys school i was at, and joined community college. a few days after joining, i saw her there. i wanted to shoot myself.

what's worse is that now i'm repeating a year, so i'm in the same year group as her.
and if that's not bad enough, she hangs around with all my friends, so i get to see her every day.
seeing her just reminds me of what a loser i used to be.

i've changed a lot now - i'm 40lbs heavier and look much better, my self-confidence is very high, i have lots of friends and i have no social anxiety any more. i've come a very long way since then.

WTF do i do here?
i don't want to get with her anymore - i don't know what i saw in her in the first place. she has a boyfriend anyway, who also hangs around with us. he's a pretty cool guy.
understandably, she's extremely awkward around me. i feel like a complete tool - i really want to say something to break the ice and end this ****. any ideas?


cliffs:
- back in '05 there was a girl i liked in my karate class.
- wanted to ask her out but was a terrible AFC, too pussy to speak to her, so slipped a note in her roller skate while she went to get changed.
- obviously, this scared her off.
- a year later, i left the all-boys school i was at. a few days after joining community college, i saw her there.
- she was in the year below me but now i'm repeating a year, so we're in the same year.
- not an AFC anymore; came a long way since then.
- made myself lots of new friends but her BF is one of them, so she hangs around in our group.
- she is extremely awkward around me; i feel like a complete tool around her.
- i don't like her anymore, but i really want to say something to end this awkwardness.

thanks.

[Fidelis]

Treat her like any other girl you're not interested in. If you want to be her friend, just start talking to her like it never happened. It's not a big deal--it was years ago. Don't let it get to you and you'll be fine.

If she sees you being awkward around her, that's not going to help. Be CONFIDENT. You don't have to impress her. You don't even need to try.

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Fidelis

Treat her like any other girl you're not interested in. If you want to be her friend, just start talking to her like it never happened. It's not a big deal--it was years ago. Don't let it get to you and you'll be fine.

If she sees you being awkward around her, that's not going to help. Be CONFIDENT. You don't have to impress her. You don't even need to try.

i act like she's not there, but i can't help feeling like a ****ing tool. just reminds me of what a loser i used to be.
she feels very awkward around me.
we have another year to do after this one, so i have to break the ice somehow.

[HISI808]

karate chop her face.

[Jrockin629]

I would just let it go, but if it bothers you that much... say something. If your positive that shes being awkward while your around, then I would say something. Just tell her something alongs the line of, "Alot of things have changed since last year, I just want us to be able to be comfortable as friends" .... blah blah blah.

But you have to be positive shes feeling this way for that specific reason, or you going to just look like an ass.

[user23960508710783]

Drop it/her -- you'll never be able to look at her without remembering your AFC days.

I think you feel like you need to say something to her to PROVE that you're no longer that AFC anymore.

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Jean-Paul4447

Drop it/her -- you'll never be able to look at her without remembering your AFC days.

I think you feel like you need to say something to her to PROVE that you're no longer that AFC anymore.

yeah, i do actually.
i'm going to be seeing her every day for the next couple of years, so i don't want her thinking i'm some sort of loser.
her awkwardness makes me feel like a tool, which is why i feel i need to say something.
i'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but if we're going to be seeing each other every day, i'd like to be friends with her.

[Menosis]

Originally Posted by WCC

i had no idea how i should go about asking her out, so i wrote her a note and put it in her roller skate while she went to get changed. i can't remember exactly what i wrote - it was some wimpy **** about how i thought she was pretty and wanted to meet up with her some time. just thinking about it makes me cringe. needless to say, she ran a mile. next time i saw her, i plucked up the courage to ask her what she thought of my note. IDK WTF was going through her mind at the time - by the look on her face, she didn't know whether to laugh or cry. she just said 'no, sorry' and walked off.

This is one of the most painful things I have ever seen here. (Well besides the gay pr0n, I wanna scoop my eyes out with a spoon afterward) But the whole note thing....I actually cringed while reading it.

That would just kill me having to see her again.

[-bt11]

lol OP what did the note say?

[Ex-Terminator]

Originally Posted by WCC

WTF do i do here?
i don't want to get with her anymore - i don't know what i saw in her in the first place. she has a boyfriend anyway, who also hangs around with us. he's a pretty cool guy.
understandably, she's extremely awkward around me. i feel like a complete tool - i really want to say something to break the ice and end this ****. any ideas?

I'll tell you exactly what you should do. You should sit back in a lounge chair, pop a cold one, and watch as she skanks around and destroys her life. Meanwhile, you study hard and become good at whatever you want to be. Here's why: she has an expiration date. You don't. Someday, her beauty will fade, the beauty that made her life so easy, mainly because there was an AFC on every street corner who would give her the world in exchange for the slightest little bit of affection. So work hard, build a life and a career, just knowing that the day will come when she can no longer wrap guys around her little finger just because of her looks.

Now I want to point something else out to you. I didn't originate this concept and I can't remember who to give the credit to, but anyway..... take a good look around you. Attractive women are literally everywhere. On the streets, in the mall, in the clubs, you name it. Therefore, attractive women are a surplus commodity. Surplus commodies are automatically devalued because they're, well, in surplus. The market is flooded with attractive women. However, attractive women are like diamonds in a sense. Diamonds aren't actually rare at all, but their value is kept high by clever advertising and artificial shortages. Since theoretically 80% of the available women are chasing 20% of the available men, it artificially increases their value to the other 80% of men. Follow me? Good.

Now let me tell you what actually *is* rare and valuable: a man who has his life together. That's right. A man who doesn't suck up to women, who knows who he is and what he wants in life, who knows where he's heading, and who refuses to let anyone or anything get in his way.

So my advice to you is as follows; live your life to the fullest. Ignore this girl. Stop worrying that she'll tell what you did. Who cares if she does? It only says one thing about you, that you're a normal guy with normal desires. If someone has a problem with that, then it's their problem, not yours.

So be the best that you can be and the women will come naturally.

[Menosis]

^ ya what he said!

[user23960508710783]

Originally Posted by WCC

i act like she's not there, but i can't help feeling like a ****ing tool. just reminds me of what a loser i used to be.
she feels very awkward around me.
we have another year to do after this one, so i have to break the ice somehow.

She's probably awkward around you because she thinks you don't find her attractive (since you never approached her).

[wannaBmoy]

jokingly insist on a threesome. That'll show her that your comfortable and funny. And if she says yes ... all the better and you can post in one of the "have you ever had ____ threesome before?" threads.

[jordaro2002]

Regardless of what she's thinking, it has nothing to do with you. Enjoy who you are now. That past awkwardness is only alive if you acknowledge and keep it alive.

You can't read minds so why bother trying to read hers??

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Menosis

This is one of the most painful things I have ever seen here. (Well besides the gay pr0n, I wanna scoop my eyes out with a spoon afterward) But the whole note thing....I actually cringed while reading it.

That would just kill me having to see her again.

lol. i cringe every time i think about it.
remembering it is bad enough.
having to see her every day just takes the piss.

Originally Posted by -bt11

lol OP what did the note say?

i don't remember exactly what it said. it was over 2 years ago.

it was something along the lines of 'hey, i don't know how to go about this so i decided to write you a note. you're pretty and you seem like a nice person and i'd like to get to know you better.'

Originally Posted by Ex-Terminator

I'll tell you exactly what you should do. You should sit back in a lounge chair, pop a cold one, and watch as she skanks around and destroys her life. Meanwhile, you study hard and become good at whatever you want to be. Here's why: she has an expiration date. You don't. Someday, her beauty will fade, the beauty that made her life so easy, mainly because there was an AFC on every street corner who would give her the world in exchange for the slightest little bit of affection. So work hard, build a life and a career, just knowing that the day will come when she can no longer wrap guys around her little finger just because of her looks.

Now I want to point something else out to you. I didn't originate this concept and I can't remember who to give the credit to, but anyway..... take a good look around you. Attractive women are literally everywhere. On the streets, in the mall, in the clubs, you name it. Therefore, attractive women are a surplus commodity. Surplus commodies are automatically devalued because they're, well, in surplus. The market is flooded with attractive women. However, attractive women are like diamonds in a sense. Diamonds aren't actually rare at all, but their value is kept high by clever advertising and artificial shortages. Since theoretically 80% of the available women are chasing 20% of the available men, it artificially increases their value to the other 80% of men. Follow me? Good.

Now let me tell you what actually *is* rare and valuable: a man who has his life together. That's right. A man who doesn't suck up to women, who knows who he is and what he wants in life, who knows where he's heading, and who refuses to let anyone or anything get in his way.

So my advice to you is as follows; live your life to the fullest. Ignore this girl. Stop worrying that she'll tell what you did. Who cares if she does? It only says one thing about you, that you're a normal guy with normal desires. If someone has a problem with that, then it's their problem, not yours.

So be the best that you can be and the women will come naturally.

thanks for taking the time to write that, but you seem to be missing the point.
i don't have any feelings of bitterness or contempt towards her. she's a nice person. i ****ed up - i came across as desperate, needy and spineless. it's hardly surprising she feels awkward around me.
she's nothing special to look at - i'd give her a 7/10. i used to think she was really hot, but i've seen much better. i'm not interested in her now.
most of my friends already know about what happened - i told a few of them about it myself. nobody's got a problem with it - we laughed about it together.
the way i see it is that because we hang around together, i should try to become her friend.

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Jean-Paul4447

She's probably awkward around you because she thinks you don't find her attractive (since you never approached her).

interesting theory.
personally i think it's because i came off as a loser.

i'll talk to her next time i see her. i'll ask her if she still does karate, and take things from there.

[Ex-Terminator]

Originally Posted by WCC

thanks for taking the time to write that, but you seem to be missing the point.
i don't have any feelings of bitterness or contempt towards her. she's a nice person. i ****ed up - i came across as desperate, needy and spineless. it's hardly surprising she feels awkward around me.
she's nothing special to look at - i'd give her a 7/10. i used to think she was really hot, but i've seen much better. i'm not interested in her now.
most of my friends already know about what happened - i told a few of them about it myself. nobody's got a problem with it - we laughed about it together.
the way i see it is that because we hang around together, i should try to become her friend.

Um....no. I'm totally getting the point, but maybe I didn't express myself very well. I understand that you don't have any hard feelings for her, but it's obvious that you feel awkward around her. If you want to be her friend, that's your business, but you also need to ask yourself why you feel such a need. You've singled her out as someone you *need* to befriend and it's for one reason: you want things to not be awkward with your group of friends because she once rejected you.

What I'm saying is that you did nothing wrong and there's no need to put her on a pedestal because of it. You liked her, you acted on it, she rejected you. There's really no guilt that should be applied to either of you. But I still stand by what I said in my previous post and it applies to 98% of the women today.

[Menosis]

Originally Posted by wannaBmoy

jokingly insist on a threesome. That'll show her that your comfortable and funny. And if she says yes ... all the better and you can post in one of the "have you ever had ____ threesome before?" threads.

And if not you can start a new post "I took wannaBmoy's advice and got my a** wooped and a restraining order filed".

Either way I think both would be interesting reading. Besides the magic 8ball says "This look promising".

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Ex-Terminator

Um....no. I'm totally getting the point, but maybe I didn't express myself very well. I understand that you don't have any hard feelings for her, but it's obvious that you feel awkward around her. If you want to be her friend, that's your business, but you also need to ask yourself why you feel such a need. You've singled her out as someone you *need* to befriend and it's for one reason: you want things to not be awkward with your group of friends because she once rejected you.

What I'm saying is that you did nothing wrong and there's no need to put her on a pedestal because of it. You liked her, you acted on it, she rejected you. There's really no guilt that should be applied to either of you. But I still stand by what I said in my previous post and it applies to 98% of the women today.

i get it now, thanks.
i would probably feel alright around her - it's her awkwardness that makes me feel like a tool.
everyone gets on with everyone in our group, which is why i hate the weirdness between us. she avoids smiling and talking with me, which is what makes me feel awkward. if she were less shy and awkward around me, i'd be fine.

the act of me liking her and then getting rejected isn't the problem - it's the way everything happened that sucked.

[phateless]

I say just be yourself and act like nothing's up. Maybe even chat with her a bit to show her you're over it. If she feels like there's nothing weird on your end, maybe she'll follow your lead?

Or you could always just say "Hey i'm sorry about the way things played out. I'm a totally different person now, I don't have feelings for you anymore, so let's just all be friends."

[WCC]

Originally Posted by phateless

I say just be yourself and act like nothing's up. Maybe even chat with her a bit to show her you're over it. If she feels like there's nothing weird on your end, maybe she'll follow your lead?

Or you could always just say "Hey i'm sorry about the way things played out. I'm a totally different person now, I don't have feelings for you anymore, so let's just all be friends."

thanks.

i've been playing it really cool this week - socialising, mixing, making new friends... just working on my popularity and social skills. got quite a lot of girls interested in me in the process - things couldn't be going better.

i didn't speak to her at all - like i said, i've been playing it cool.
she's a lot easier around me now though - she can see i'm not a loser who lacks confidence anymore. yesterday she saw me in the hallway and smiled at me. i spoke to her briefly later on that day as well. i didn't mention anything about that note - i just treated her like any other girl i'd just met and wanted to become friends with.

thanks for all the advice guys.
i'm all out of reps, but i'll spread some tomorrow (except to that guy who mentioned the 3some... i'd have probably gotten a slap and a sexual harrassment lawsuit ).

[brianphi]

Originally Posted by WCC

- not an AFC anymore; came a long way since then.

Oh Really? Prove it.

[WCC]

Originally Posted by brianphi

Oh Really? Prove it.

how, and more to the point, why?

i'm not an AFC anymore because i'm very self-confident (sometimes a little over-confident actually), popular, sociable and can talk to girls without being the slightest bit nervous.

last time i checked, the pre-requisits for being an AFC were the exact opposite of all these qualities.

[Dickbiggenstein]

I'd take that roller skate and shove it up her stench trench. Then do the karate chop as someone else suggested.

[brianphi]

Originally Posted by WCC

how, and more to the point, why?

I dunno, I guess that's what you have to figure out, you did after all post this thread.... sounds pretty AFC to me.

personally, I would chock it up to a learning experience and move on... if you don't care about her now, what is awkward?

[WCC]

Originally Posted by Dickbiggenstein

I'd take that roller skate and shove it up her stench trench. Then do the karate chop as someone else suggested.

LMAO @ 'stench trench'.

Originally Posted by brianphi

I dunno, I guess that's what you have to figure out, you did after all post this thread.... sounds pretty AFC to me.

personally, I would chock it up to a learning experience and move on... if you don't care about her now, what is awkward?

well nothing now. it's all sorted - read my post. i decided against speaking to her and just played it cool, now she thinks i'm a pretty cool guy and isn't awkward around me anymore.

originally i felt awkward because we see each other every day, and i didn't like the weirdness between us.
nothing was AFC about me asking for advice. the only AFC thing i did was write her that goddamn note 2 years ago, but i'm past that now.

anyway, forget about it - i handled it. everything's cool.

[phateless]

Originally Posted by brianphi

Oh Really? Prove it.

I think he already did.

[Mernalous]

Originally Posted by WCC

yeah, i do actually.
i'm going to be seeing her every day for the next couple of years, so i don't want her thinking i'm some sort of loser.
her awkwardness makes me feel like a tool, which is why i feel i need to say something.
i'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but if we're going to be seeing each other every day, i'd like to be friends with her.

Nevermind u fixed it, good work.

[Catch39]

the problem is you care too much...if you were truely indifferent and got plenty of ass you would not care what this girl thinks. her awkwardness would not make you feel like a tool, because you wouldn't care. It sounds to me as if you're getting one-itis, but I don't want to jump to conclusions because I didn't read the whole thread. Here's my advice:

Talk to/hit on other girls PUA style in front of her. That will show her you have plenty options in the pipe and you are not worried about what she thinks. It will turn the tables on her.

[Charuto222]

Originally Posted by Ex-Terminator

I'll tell you exactly what you should do. You should sit back in a lounge chair, pop a cold one, and watch as she skanks around and destroys her life. Meanwhile, you study hard and become good at whatever you want to be. Here's why: she has an expiration date. You don't. Someday, her beauty will fade, the beauty that made her life so easy, mainly because there was an AFC on every street corner who would give her the world in exchange for the slightest little bit of affection. So work hard, build a life and a career, just knowing that the day will come when she can no longer wrap guys around her little finger just because of her looks.

Now I want to point something else out to you. I didn't originate this concept and I can't remember who to give the credit to, but anyway..... take a good look around you. Attractive women are literally everywhere. On the streets, in the mall, in the clubs, you name it. Therefore, attractive women are a surplus commodity. Surplus commodies are automatically devalued because they're, well, in surplus. The market is flooded with attractive women. However, attractive women are like diamonds in a sense. Diamonds aren't actually rare at all, but their value is kept high by clever advertising and artificial shortages. Since theoretically 80% of the available women are chasing 20% of the available men, it artificially increases their value to the other 80% of men. Follow me? Good.

Now let me tell you what actually *is* rare and valuable: a man who has his life together. That's right. A man who doesn't suck up to women, who knows who he is and what he wants in life, who knows where he's heading, and who refuses to let anyone or anything get in his way.

So my advice to you is as follows; live your life to the fullest. Ignore this girl. Stop worrying that she'll tell what you did. Who cares if she does? It only says one thing about you, that you're a normal guy with normal desires. If someone has a problem with that, then it's their problem, not yours.

So be the best that you can be and the women will come naturally.

wow....just....wow. This is probably the very first thing I've read on this forum that literally doesn't have a single bit of untruth that I can detect.....bravo ex-terminator, reps for you.