Male-Female Relationship Theory For Males (long)

[unkept_]

I was kind of bored tonight, people please give me feedback, thanks.

Over the years, I’ve been making observations and theories in social dynamics because I tend to have an outside view on things. I have no doubt that people will disagree, and in some cases flame me with what I’m about to say. I’m putting it up here for constructive feedback and experiences you can relate to what I’m talking about.

Old Ideas Revisited

Many times I see several boyfriend/girlfriend problems posted in this forum and the simple solution seems to relate back to the very basics that people tend to forget about in relationships. Genetically, we are not very different from our ancestors hundreds or even thousands of years ago. Men were the hunters and leaders of the family, and the women were supporters and in a way assistance to help the family prosper. It sounds sexist nowadays, but men ultimately told women what to do most of the time, and the women would follow. If you fast forward time and look at today’s age, there is a great deal of progression for independence and being an individual in society, depending on yourself for your own success. This has caused women to break out of their “following” role and become a self-starter or leader themselves in order to survive (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing). One problem: relationship-wise we still follow our ancient subconscious thoughts and motives.

You may have several reasons for getting into a relationship, maybe you just want to have sex with someone all day, maybe you want the companionship, maybe you want a significant other, whatever it may be, we were designed to pursue these endeavors for a reason. We are thinking about reproducing and creating a family to support each other and grow on to produce another generation of our kind. When you get into a relationship that you want to turn out successful, you must follow the ancient ways in which we were programmed. Now hold on before someone calls me a sexist bastard, I’m not talking about a man in a wife beater yelling for his wife to do the dishes and make him a sandwich, I’m talking about social roles.

When we pick a mate, males tend to analyze appearance and ability to bear children (and to pass on good genetic traits), females generally analyze social status, ability to provide for the family, and if their mate is to stick around. Attractive women who say that they will only date someone who looks like Brad Pitt are only fooling themselves because women (for the most part, this is a generalization) analyze men for different subconscious qualities as listed above. It’s no surprise women prefer clean and well groomed men over the guy with poor hygiene, it means he can take care of himself. If a man can’t take care of himself, how does he take care of the family? Women don’t want Brad Pitt because he’s “hot,” they want him because of his healthiness, ambition, social status, and all kinds of other factors that relate back to tribal days. Fact is, Brad Pitt is a good looking guy but women look beyond that to other important qualities when it comes to choosing a mate, sure they’d prefer someone looking like Brad Pitt, but most women will settle for someone else who has the traits to lead the family, regardless of appearance. Do you ever wonder how hideous guys get with some of the most attractive girls? They display all of the qualities females are attracted to, most notably their social status, usually because of being an alpha male or leadership ability.

Without getting too far tracked in how men and women subconsciously look for qualities in their significant other (and also because this is a highly debatable topic), there are ancient ways that need to be followed to a certain extent to maintain a healthy relationship (at any age). In the past, men were the leaders, head of the family, the hunters and providers, the women were essentially following, listening, and looking up to the man. This still holds true today, whether women want to admit it or not. When you get into a relationship, you aren’t immediately thinking about getting married, having some babies, and her staying at home while you go to work and do the job. Relationships at first are generally casual, while one or both of these people may not be looking to do all of the family stuff, they are both subconsciously thinking about it. In that essence, I bring the first requirement for a healthy relationship.

1. Be the leader, let her follow.
This holds especially true in this day an age, women have rights (nowadays) and have the ability to choose who she wants to be with very easily, while men on the other hand are literally horn-dogs looking for a new companion with little to no luck (relatively speaking about men in general). The fact is, many Men want to be with the attractive woman, thus giving the woman the ability to choose their mate. Women choose carefully and have the upper hand in the choice of mate because they subconsciously are looking for someone with the traits as the head of the family; they also want someone who is healthy and able to protect her and the children.

In over-generalized terms, most women can go out tonight and have sex, if they wanted to, while men on the other hand generally cannot. Think about it. If a decent to good looking girl came up to you and said she wanted to have sex with you, how many guys deny it? A small minority maybe, but the majority will follow through. Flip the tables; If a decent/good looking guy came up to a girl and asked her to have sex, he’d receive a slap on the face and doesn’t end up getting any (unless the girl is extremely unattractive and wanted some desperately, which in itself is a minority case as well).

What does this all have to do with men being leaders, you might ask? Women this day an age have the ability to choose their mate far more than men have. When you let the woman be the leader in the relationship, this empowers her to look for someone better because she’s not totally satisfied in the relationship and because she has many options. She’s not attracted to someone who does everything she wants, she wants someone who can lead the family and take care of everyone important to her, not someone catering to her (as much as women say they want to be catered to). My advice to men on this point is to be the leader, set the plans, and be your own individual while being in a relationship. Keep your girl on her toes, demonstrate that you have high value by doing things that are important to you, be fun, and don’t smother her. If this leader/follower balance is disrupted, the relationship is usually not successful.

2. Be a step ahead.
Women love to look up to their man, not only for leadership but in attempt to be able to learn and attempt to have control over him—don’t let this happen, if she controls you, she assumes leadership, when she assumes leadership, the balance is disrupted and the relationship will be unfulfilling and she will probably leave. Don’t take this too literally, I’m not saying women are control freaks and are out to make you slaves; they’re really just testing you and they do it subconsciously without actually thinking that they are testing you. If you can defend your stance and not become totally controlled, it shows that you have higher value because you believe in your own principles; it is seen as a quality women find in men.

This step again involves the practice of executing leadership. In other words, if you are a boring guy and can’t ever think of what to do, she will begin to get a control over you because it turns to be a privilege to be with her. She knows more interesting things to do and places to go, she also knows that you don’t have much to teach her or take her to, in essence you begin to follow her, and once again the leader/follower balance is disrupted.

You must be more socially known and knowledgeable than she is. Have a large circle of friends and acquaintances. Know the hotspots for entertainment, fun, and interesting things to do. Have connections and get to know and do more things that promote your higher value in the relationship. If she sees that you are an interesting person and have more knowledge and good social rapport, she will want to be with you to partake in what you do. If not, what does she have being with a boring guy? She can easily walk off and get a new one.

3. Stay up to par.
Never get too comfortable in a relationship. Look sharp (don’t slack off on appearance), be social, and never ignore anything for your relationship. Don’t ignore your close friends, don’t cancel plans significant to you to be with her, and don’t burn your bridges because you’re in a relationship. You want to portray the ability that you are able to find another partner should things go bad, this makes your partner want to be with you more, because you’ve got something in you that facilitates getting another girl, and will be attracted to keeping you. If she knows you are capable of getting another female companion, she wants to keep you for herself because there’s obviously something special about you that women want, she’s going to want to hold tight on to that. In turn, she will stay up to par and attempt to impress you to keep you around. You stay attractive; she’ll be attractive for you.

Ever notice how if you walk into a club, bar, or social area with some females, whether they be friends, family, or whatever, other women instantly look at you. Why? You’ve got something apparently that keeps those females there. Same concept here, if you are attractive to other females as well, she will want to hold on to you. Stay sharp and attractive and in turn, your partner will want to be with you.

[unkept_]

4. Moderate the situations.
Again, this is another leadership quality. Don’t let her hold you on the phone for 3 hours talking about her girl problems. Don’t let her convince you of doing something against your own beliefs. If you were in an important lecture class and she calls you, don’t leave to go answer your phone. Set some ground rules for yourself. If your friend called you during your important lecture class, would you drop the lecture to answer? No. So why would you do this for your partner, knowing the conversation may have not been as important as the lecture, or knowing that it could wait until after? There is a way to be flexible and understanding, but don’t fall under control. Be available to help her out, but don’t be available all the time even when you shouldn’t be. You have a life you’re working on too! Don’t forget about number one.

5. Don’t forget to input into the relationship.
Many men might get carried away with the idea of being an alpha male (which these qualities are a part of) is far above the aspects involved in relationships. Remember, a relationship is mutual, if she is constantly seeking your “approval” or looks up to you as a partner and you don’t reward her for her behavior, she will leave because it appears you are uninterested or unappreciative. Don’t get too wrapped up in being in control. If she dresses up really nice for you, give her a compliment, if she does something nice for you, make sure you treat her for it. It becomes a process of the more she invests, the more she receives. Women like compliments and they like to be flattered, if they don’t earn it don’t give it to them. If you compliment or flatter them when unnecessary, they begin to see themselves as the prize, not you. You want to be the prize so they can stay with you. Reward them for good behavior and they will want to stay with you to get your affection.

[All in all, I may be adding to this list in time. The basic underlying principle is that becoming more of an alpha male results in more attractive qualities that females see in you. Everyone is capable of being an alpha male, start working at it.]

The Big Picture and Total Concept

The key to a long lasting and fulfilling relationship is your ability to display alpha male qualities, every point above is a reference to one. Alpha male qualities make your relationship stay healthy and in balance. Have you ever noticed how women are attracted to alpha males? The quarterback of the football team—leader of men, ambitious, protects his own, is confident, knows his own principles, in shape and healthy, high social status, etc. etc. When would the quarterback bend over backwards and get on his knees to keep a girl? Never. He has options because he has so much to fall back on, not to mention other girls are attracted to him already. How about that very popular guy you know who seems to know and get along with everyone and goes out every night? His social status is high; he believes in respect, protects his friends, leader of the pack, he’s confident, more than likely well groomed and in good shape. When does he bend over backwards for a girl? Never as well. He goes out every night, knows a lot of people, and has qualities many women find attractive. Women like to be led and be taught, they look for the leaders and teachers. They want protection and someone who stands up for the family. If you can’t meet these subconscious needs, she’d prefer to go out and find another male.

In essence, I find men treating their women in the relationship with too much courtesy, love, compliments, control, and a transfer of leadership because they want to do anything to keep her there. Fact is, if you make her the prize, she has every reason to leave you. If you are the prize, she has every reason to be with you to attain it. Don’t bend over backwards for a girl in your relationship, it’s not worth it. You don’t enjoy it and she’ll end up leaving you, it’s a double negative. You be yourself, keep your ambitions, you be the leader, she will follow, you will be happy for being yourself, she will be happy to be with someone interesting and capable of being her mate, it’s a double positive.

Women ultimately seek the alpha male because they are the best mates. If you show her that you have qualities of an alpha male, she is more inclined to be with you and you’ll both be happy. Alpha males don’t bend over backwards or become someone’s bitch (don't take that statement too literally). Alpha males are on top of their game; they lead people, have high social status, and watch out for number one while taking care of everyone else. When women see the alpha male, they see a prize to be had. On the other hand, when men see women as a prize, the woman has you in the palm of her hands… you turn her off because you are nothing like an alpha male, you are nothing like what she wants because you make her the prize, don't do this. You just bent over backwards for her in hopes of keeping her and she’s going to leave you because of it. Don't fall into this. The harder you try to keep her around the more inclined she is to leave. Remember, alpha males are willing to walk away because they have a lot more going for them than to try and fix a bad relationship.

WWAMD? What would an alpha male do?

Now think back to unsuccessful relationships you’ve had, can you relate to any of this? Do you see why your relationship failed? Do you see why you guys lost flare? Post your experiences.

[Amris]

I think it's an incredible write-up. You seriously did a downright awesome job. Indeed, I would point many, many young men to this thread for instruction.

Mega reps.

[UsernameTaken]

DAYUM that's long,, no way am I reading all that right now,,,, but reps for the effort.

[naweaver]

nice post


heres some reps!

[unkept_]

I think it's an incredible write-up. You seriously did a downright awesome job. Indeed, I would point many, many young men to this thread for instruction.

Mega reps.

Thank you.

DAYUM that's long,, no way am I reading all that right now,,,, but reps for the effort.

Yeah, had to put long in the title for a reason .

[Below 30]

That was well laid out with nothing for me to disagree with. It actually could be a guide for guys to pick up girls, because it should help men understand that women don't want a weakling coming up to them.

It's not mentioned enough, but what makes long posts nicer to read, is the use of paragrahs. Nice work -30-

[peng]

I'll add to that with the best quote summing up healthy gender interaction that i've ever read:

Heterosexuality is based on the exchange of female power for male power expressed as love. A woman expresses her femininity and love when she accepts her husband's leadership. She empowers him.

[unkept_]

I'll add to that with the best quote summing up healthy gender interaction that i've ever read:

Heterosexuality is based on the exchange of female power for male power expressed as love. A woman expresses her femininity and love when she accepts her husband's leadership. She empowers him.

Amazing! Where did you find that quote?

[peng]

Amazing! Where did you find that quote?

No idea. I found it in a notepad file. I probably read it on a site somewhere and liked it enough to save it.

[Beansent]

Wow..this is very logical information. Nice.

[W.I.N.]

Incredible, I relate to everything of this, if not, the great majority of it.
Wish I had read it before

[Vante]

subscribed...

Will read later...

[unkept_]

Bump.

Appreciate any input, anything that qualifies or disqualifies. Thanks.

[microsize]

Brilliant.

[loney]

Here are some reps unkept. I'm going to save this on Word.

But here's something I've never understood.

I?m not saying women are control freaks and are out to make you slaves; they?re really just testing you and they do it subconsciously without actually thinking that they are testing you.

Why do they subconciously test a male in the first place? Is the main reason to just weed out all the useless and ****ty males she has no interest in?

[unkept_]

Here are some reps unkept. I'm going to save this on Word.

But here's something I've never understood.



Why do they subconciously test a male in the first place? Is the main reason to just weed out all the useless and ****ty males she has no interest in?

Basically yes.

The thing is, alpha males or men who display lots of alpha male characteristics don't back down from what they want and what they believe in. To add more to that matter, they don't believe in bending over backwards for someone else when it's usually unecessary (alpha males are not desperate people).

We must remember that women have first hand picks when it comes to choosing a partner. If she wants to make sure that you're the one for her, she'll try changing you or your motives in her favor and she doesn't usually realize she's doing this, she may see it as getting some leverage in the relationship, but really behind all of that, it's a test of pre-selection. If she is given too much leverage over you, she begins to take the leadership role, as you are yielding to her, instead of the other way around. The balance is disrupted.

I'm not saying that your girl should have little to no leverage in the relationship, just don't let her get you to do things that are sometimes unnecessary or out of the way that she could otherwise accomplish (generally speaking). We want to reward them for good behavior, they soon realize the more they invest into the relationship, the better it gets, and if they see you as the prize, they're going to want to escalate it as much as they can and this control to them feels good. You can go out on a limb, just make sure there's a good reason for it.

[Handsome Maxout]

i agree with everything you say, your advice will work, but if you are looking for a very serious relationship perhaps fear should not be keeping her with you, it should be love. Sadly, 99 out of 100 times love is absent or forgotten, i guess im the minority. my minor reps for a truthfull yet saddening post IMO.

[tmac4real]

Great post. I just had a question regarding girls in HS/college. And social status in HS atleast is usually No.1 attracting factor. But why in HS. As far as I understand I dont think HS girls choose a BF based on his ability to lead and support a family?

So I was wondering then, while the attractions for all women are generally the same, are the REASONS the same as well?

[BMEgrad]

Great post. Add a bit more, when you can, and it'll definitely be qualified for a sticky, IMO.

I've had a relationship in which I basically violated EVERY SINGLE point on that list. It didn't last very long, obviously. Stupid one-itis. If I knew then what I know now, I could've probably salvaged that relationship and been with a pretty interesting chick. Oh well.

I regret my actions, not my loss of the chick though.

Oh, and I say go ahead and make that guide on how to become an alpha male. You have a good writing style, so it'll prove to be a good guide for others.

[unkept_]

Great post. I just had a question regarding girls in HS/college. And social status in HS atleast is usually No.1 attracting factor. But why in HS. As far as I understand I dont think HS girls choose a BF based on his ability to lead and support a family?

So I was wondering then, while the attractions for all women are generally the same, are the REASONS the same as well?

Social status is everything. Relationships are apart of social ventures.

High school girls don't conciously think about choosing a mate for a family, it's purely subconcious. What they do look for in addition to other qualities is the ability to protect, defend, and stand up for her and his/her loved ones.

By reasons, do you mean going back hundreds and thousands of years in the past? Yes. The look of the mate to a female was never important, only the abilities and qualities he has. The look of the female is important to the male, they have to bear children and they need to be healthy.

Men and women ultimately approach relationships subconsiously with the thought of reproduction. Getting into a relationship is a step towards reproducing, even if it doesn't seem so. Women look for the best qualities in a man to support the family. They aren't thinking about family immediately, but they are a step towards it. If a poor choice is made for the first step towards reproduction, how does that yield successful surival and offspring? It doesn't. Women will always pre-select you on your abilities and qualities, and very little for your appearance.

[unkept_]

Great post. Add a bit more, when you can, and it'll definitely be qualified for a sticky, IMO.

I've had a relationship in which I basically violated EVERY SINGLE point on that list. It didn't last very long, obviously. Stupid one-itis. If I knew then what I know now, I could've probably salvaged that relationship and been with a pretty interesting chick. Oh well.

I regret my actions, not my loss of the chick though.

Oh, and I say go ahead and make that guide on how to become an alpha male. You have a good writing style, so it'll prove to be a good guide for others.

Oh, you caught that comment right before I deleted it. I'll spill the beans.

I will write one, I just don't want anyone to expect it soon and pressure me .

Edit: Oh and by the way, I'm seriously overwhelmed by the outcome everyone has had in this thread. The comments here are not even half of the thankful rep comments I've recieved. I'm glad I can help.

[caramon]

Well written.

[W.I.N.]

Oh, you caught that comment right before I deleted it. I'll spill the beans.

I will write one, I just don't want anyone to expect it soon and pressure me .

Edit: Oh and by the way, I'm seriously overwhelmed by the outcome everyone has had in this thread. The comments here are not even half of the thankful rep comments I've recieved. I'm glad I can help.

ME WANT!!(no pressure)

[imfocused]

Now think back to unsuccessful relationships you?ve had, can you relate to any of this? Do you see why your relationship failed? Do you see why you guys lost flare? Post your experiences.

I Sure can! You get reps for this Bro it says everything i plan on passing on to my son.

[BMEgrad]

unkept_, how old are you by the way (no stalker)? And what are your experiences with "becoming alpha"?

[AOD86GT]

Very well thought out and written.

Reps to you.

[MonarchX]

WTF... women want alpha males for SEX, not relationships.

I have yet to see an alpha who does relationships.

Most relationships are with sweet nice AFCs!


This thread has a lot of good, but alpha males don't DO relationships because they can go out and f*ck anyone they want!

And how many women posted that they would rather f*ck an outside dude who is really good looking rather than the most social alpha male?

[BMEgrad]

WTF... women want alpha males for SEX, not relationships.

I have yet to see an alpha who does relationships.

Most relationships are with sweet nice AFCs!


This thread has a lot of good, but alpha males don't DO relationships because they can go out and f*ck anyone they want!

And how many women posted that they would rather f*ck an outside dude who is really good looking rather than the most social alpha male?

IMO, that's an over-generalization on your part. An alpha male does what he wants, essentially. Granted, most don't want relationships with girls that most AFCs would give their left nut for, but that does not mean the idea of relationships to them is like religion for an atheist. And as much as I hate to illustrate examples with PUAs, there are plenty of them have sought relationships, including but not limited to Style, Mystery, and Juggler.

[MonarchX]

Most hot chicks are not in relationships with alpha males. Maybe they want them, for whatever reason they don't become their GFs.

Besides, an alpha male is alpha when he goes out. No matter how hard you try, women will always be in control at HOME while men are in control at WORK.