When to come out to school mates? (gay)

[Aba Waba]

Im in high school, and know hardly anyone in my classes. Alot of the guys are already sizing up the broads and determining who is "desirable". There are some gay people in the high school. No one in ym classes know Im gay except for my one girl friend, who says to tell people and be proud.

Keep in mind this is not The coming out, this is only letting my new classmates know and not have to hid it from them. I feel if I let it go too long I will have to front, and also will not be real to myself then when they do realize it'll seem like a huge deal. Whereas if I tell them Im gay now they may see it as no biggie. Or should I observe how they view homosexual students in case they're hostile towards them? They're going to find out sooner or later. And I dont want to have to answer the question about whose "tits" are the nicest(yes this has already happened).

When should I tell my classmates I like boys?

[phateless]

well... if you wait too long, some poeple could be mad... but if you do it too early, then some people might not have the chance to get to know you before they decide what they think.

that's a tough one bro, i wish i knew the answer. good luck.

reps for bringing up a serious topic.

[dazzlepecs]

tell your dad first






on fathers day

[-_-]

Make it a surprise... wait until youre in the showers and someone drops his soap

[Aba Waba]

Originally Posted by dazzlepecs

tell your dad first






on fathers day

He already knows and he's not happy about it :/

[ExtremeEnigma]

Originally Posted by Aba Waba

He already knows and he's not happy about it :/

haha did you expect him to be?

can we get a gay forum for this **** please?

[MILFWNAB]

Why tell them at all? I don't go around announcing my heterosexuality. (Just a joke, not the same thing, I know.)

But seriously, don't wear it like it's a scarlet letter or something. Let it come out naturally. And don't be in a hurry. Teenagers are the worst, cruelest homophobes out there. You may want to hold your cards close to your chest a bit longer. If locker rooms are going to be involved, you may want to get a guy's opinion because I really don't know what to say about that.

But for normal situations . . . Even though you're gay, surely you can judge a nice rack, right? ;-) Here's an example of how to come out:

(Apologizing in advance for my lame attempt at approximating teen boys' conversations!)

Guy: Check out those t*ts! Whose do you like best?
You: The one in the pink t-shirt looks pretty good.
Guy: Yeah, wouldn't you love to bury your face in that?
You: Actually, <laugh> Brad Pitt is more my type.
Guy: Looks at you in complete shock
You: Smile slightly, raise your eyebrows and quickly look away--don't want him to think you're making a pass at him, LOL
Guy: You're a homo?
You: Yeah, but don't worry--(laugh)--straight guys do nothing for me.

Note: Do *not* mention any mutual acquaintances unless you're 100% sure the one you mention is gay too. Do not ever even mention that you think any hetero guy in your school is nice-looking, even if you don't mean anything by it. Teenage guys (and most straight guys) are freaking paranoid about that stuff, and if you do you will get the crap beat out of you, sooner or later.

Good luck!

[ApatoJay]

do what everyone else here does and make serious comments but hide them by saying no homo afterwards. then you can be yourself without the commitment of actually being seen as a homo. (no homo)

[DaCougarMech]

i wanted to say to just let everyone know but then i remembered how bashed some of the gays at my school were

you just gotta gauge their reactions, buddy

[IRISH23]

well dont NOT tell people, but just act normally. just becuase your gay that doesnt mean you cant have an opinion toward whether or not a girl has nice breasts, i mean you are still human yes?

just act normally, and when it comes up just dont care about it. if you make a fuss they will make a fuss. if they ask why you didnt tell them, all you need to explain is that yeah you are gay but that doesnt change you personality, it just means you like guys.

where's twilomike? he should be fielding this not me.

[JAYOPTICK]

hell no you shouldnt tell them.

youll get gay bashed to the point where you wont want to live anymore

[TwiloMike]

Originally Posted by irishhercules

well dont NOT tell people, but just act normally. just becuase your gay that doesnt mean you cant have an opinion toward whether or not a girl has nice breasts, i mean you are still human yes?

just act normally, and when it comes up just dont care about it. if you make a fuss they will make a fuss. if they ask why you didnt tell them, all you need to explain is that yeah you are gay but that doesnt change you personality, it just means you like guys.

where's twilomike? he should be fielding this not me.

I sea you did a damn good job yourself, there.

To the OP:

I agree with irishhercules. Don't make a big deal of it. Do you have friends in your high school now? They would be the ones who ought to know: if they ask, don't deny it. If not, then as you make friends you can let people know that you're gay. It's not a big deal that you like guys so don't make it one.

[phateless]

Originally Posted by CaV961

haha did you expect him to be?

can we get a gay forum for this **** please?

this is a relationship like any other. what makes sexual orientation have anything to do with this??!!

i'm straight, btw.

[wasabe]

There's no need to go around telling people. It's nobody's business.

[AKR]

Originally Posted by CaV961

haha did you expect him to be?

can we get a gay forum for this **** please?

are you too incompetent to understand what (gay) means in a thread title? did you really HAVE to click on the thread to whine about it like a little baby? how about we get a forum for bigots, and you can go hang out in there with your white, male, straight friends.

[Scarface2883]

Why should you have to tell ppl? I never understood this from homosexual ppl (no homophobe) of having to "come out." Most of the time, ppl can tell if homosexuals are homosexual anyway, so coming out is kinda funny most times.

But, I don't see why it's anyone's business what your preference is. It's not like I go out of my way to tell ppl I'm straight.

Worst thing you can do is to go all gay pride on us by waving a rainbow flag and wearing a leather thong. Straight ppl can't stand that.

If you act like it's no big deal like "yeah, I'm gay" and keep it moving it's no big deal.

[AKR]

i agree that you shouldn't make a big deal of it. don't treat it like a big deal, and other people will be less likely to make a big deal of it as well. if you run into class, waving a rainbow flag, announcing your sexuality, you will only feed into the idea that your sexuallity is anyone's business and means a ****. if some guy asks you about a girls body, just casually say, "oh, i'm gay," and leave it at that. don't hold a press conference or anything.

[AKR]

Originally Posted by ryannath

Why should you have to tell ppl? I never understood this from homosexual ppl (no homophobe) of having to "come out." Most of the time, ppl can tell if homosexuals are homosexual anyway, so coming out is kinda funny most times.

But, I don't see why it's anyone's business what your preference is. It's not like I go out of my way to tell ppl I'm straight.

i can understand why people feel the need to do this when they're gay and not straight, but i still think it just feeds into the drama. no one gives a **** if you're straight, but plenty of people care if you're gay. straight people don't get beat up and harassed every day because they're straight, but many gay people do. people feel the need to announce their homosexuality because everyone makes such a big deal of that particular sexuality, but i think people should just play it cool.

[phateless]

Originally Posted by ryannath

Why should you have to tell ppl? I never understood this from homosexual ppl (no homophobe) of having to "come out." Most of the time, ppl can tell if homosexuals are homosexual anyway, so coming out is kinda funny most times.

But, I don't see why it's anyone's business what your preference is. It's not like I go out of my way to tell ppl I'm straight.

Worst thing you can do is to go all gay pride on us by waving a rainbow flag and wearing a leather thong. Straight ppl can't stand that.

If you act like it's no big deal like "yeah, I'm gay" and keep it moving it's no big deal.

It's true... I think it was Morgan Freeman who said in an interview on black history month that he thinks we should do away with that month because it calls attention to racial tension and exacerbates it. Things should be equal all the time. I don't think gay people should have to hide who they are, but calling attention to it actively and intentionally almost invites other people to react. Just be yourself and don't be ashamed of it.

TwiloMike, what's your opinion on this?

[sfondry]

Originally Posted by AKR

i can understand why people feel the need to do this when they're gay and not straight, but i still think it just feeds into the drama. no one gives a **** if you're straight, but plenty of people care if you're gay. straight people don't get beat up and harassed every day because they're straight, but many gay people do. people feel the need to announce their homosexuality because everyone makes such a big deal of that particular sexuality, but i think people should just play it cool.

QFT

i'm straight anyway. my roomie is gay, no biggie.

[Ma1n3vnt]

Just express yourself find true friends tht respect you even if u are gay, who cares if you're gay. like seriously at first they may make fun of you and ****, but you gotta man up and take the ****

[TwiloMike]

Originally Posted by phateless

It's true... I think it was Morgan Freeman who said in an interview on black history month that he thinks we should do away with that month because it calls attention to racial tension and exacerbates it. Things should be equal all the time. I don't think gay people should have to hide who they are, but calling attention to it actively and intentionally almost invites other people to react. Just be yourself and don't be ashamed of it.

TwiloMike, what's your opinion on this?

We had a discussion about this just recently in the Gay Thread. One of the younger members, 23, just started a job post college and was wondering how to treat the subject of his gayness around his coworkers. The general consensus, and I agree with it, was that he should just be himself: worker first, personal life distant second. No extra attention necessary.

Then again, we have quite a few members who no one assumes are gay (in real life) and there was a comment that precisely such members ought to be ones to out themselves to actively dispel the notion that all gay guys are queeny fembots (nothing against queeny fembots), to put an "actual typical gay" face forward, instead of just the stereotype which doesn't speak for most gays.

I'm torn about such things as Black History Month and Gay Pride Parades. Yes, they call a lot of attention to themselves, and the turn some people off, but they also serve as a vehicle for maintaining a presence and keeping up a voice when one is necessary.

[phateless]

Originally Posted by TwiloMike

I'm torn about such things as Black History Month and Gay Pride Parades. Yes, they call a lot of attention to themselves, and the turn some people off, but they also serve as a vehicle for maintaining a presence and keeping up a voice when one is necessary.

I completely agree! And since I've lived in the SF Bay Area my whole life (berkeley, born and raised) I'm going to attend the next gay pride parade, even though i'm straight. I was merely putting forth that idea for discussion.

I think I'm also torn. I really haven't decided what I think about outing yourself vs. playing it cool.

[MILFWNAB]

Originally Posted by TwiloMike

I'm torn about such things as Black History Month and Gay Pride Parades. Yes, they call a lot of attention to themselves, and the turn some people off, but they also serve as a vehicle for maintaining a presence and keeping up a voice when one is necessary.

But is the impression people get of gays from watching a gay pride parade the one you want them to have?

[TwiloMike]

Originally Posted by phateless

I completely agree! And since I've lived in the SF Bay Area my whole life (berkeley, born and raised) I'm going to attend the next gay pride parade, even though i'm straight. I was merely putting forth that idea for discussion.

I think I'm also torn. I really haven't decided what I think about outing yourself vs. playing it cool.

I think such things are a mixed blessing. The idea is inclusion so everyone comes out, plain families, organizations, and the "freaks". Of course the "freaks" get most attention and are remembered longer. Yes, some events can foster divisiveness but in general I view the parades as a necessary eyesore... for now. Eventually they will lose relevance and I hope that in time we won't need them and they'll be done away with. As long as the parades are peaceful I support their current use.

I marched once in the NYC Gay Pride parade. It was the first such parade I attended. I marched with a synagogue because I knew one of the guys who was marching, and I actually helped carry their banner. About half way through the march I heard my name called out. "Mike" is pretty typical, but my last name isn't. I was being called out in a big way. I looked for who was calling me and I saw two people from my high school (I was a senior at that time). I ran over to them to say hi, and asked them what they were doing there (they're both straight, guy and girl). They said, "Supporting you!" I hadn't told anyone that I was marching... but seeing them there and hearing that made my day.

[phateless]

Originally Posted by MILFWNAB

But is the impression people get of gays from watching a gay pride parade the one you want them to have?

You should see the castro and haight-ashbury in SF on halloween... now that's a parade!

[TwiloMike]

Originally Posted by MILFWNAB

But is the impression people get of gays from watching a gay pride parade the one you want them to have?

Depends. The bits and pieces shown on TV are only a tiny part of what happens at the parade. Most of it is organizations (police, fire fighters, politicians, etc.), various help organizations, lots of families supporting their family members, businesses, etc. The "freaks" are but a small part. People who come out to see the full parade get the proper sense of what is being put forward.

[TwiloMike]

Originally Posted by phateless

You should see the castro and haight-ashbury in SF on halloween... now that's a parade!

Jealous. Never seen it.

[the_mac_attack]

If I were you, I don't think I would tell anyone. But I wouldn't hide it either.

If it comes up, just explain it. If they don't like it, their loss. (no homo)

[Nayoo]

Don't tell anyone anything.
If they can't figure it out, there idiots.