Untitled Story

[The Experiment]

Loosely inspired from Buff and the Beautiful, I told John Promise a while and some time back that I was going to write a story. So here it is. No name yet. I thought of it during work today. Its been on my mind so much I skipped partying to write this. So I hope its good. Its not inspired or copied from anything.

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Chapter One

Imagine a city where there is no semblance of order. A community of the downtrodden; a consortium of lost souls. At first you wonder how a community can become this bad but then another part of you doesn’t care, as long as you never come in contact with that town. Where did that town go wrong? Police? Moral decay? As for this once great city, nobody really knows the answer. To quote an editor for the city’s paper:

It was like a train wreck. Everyone hated to see it happen but couldn’t stop seeing it.

This was the right way to describe this town. The Census bureau has avoided the town altogether but independent estimates place it at 150,000 to 200,000 citizens. Another question that was on people’s minds was, “Where was the police?” Good question. Nobody really knows. In recent years, due to loss of taxable income, the law enforcement has been laying off jobs. All that was left were ten officers and two detectives, who took turns playing Chief.

Its not as if the town was in complete squalor. In the Northeastern corner of the community, there was a suburb. Considered part of the city’s township, the people there have been trying for years to form their own township, to separate. The City Council stated that they agree that its not like the rest of the city but they are still a community. A new police division is there, with some of the finest minds and hardest working officers on the force. Too bad they’ll never step one foot in the city.

Detective Robert Browne was one of the two detectives in the city. Standing at exactly six feet tall, he had an athletic build that he acquired through intense weight training some ten years ago. He abandoned it once his morale was ruined from the job. He was a hardened man and nothing could phase him anymore. He could see the most brutal killings, the most violent of rapes, or the most horrific torture and it wouldn’t matter. He’s seen it. If something could be done to a person, he’s seen it.

Robert was slowly walking down the street to a diner in the city. It is rare for businesses to even operate. If they were successful, they were usually robbed. This diner was somewhat discreet and new so none of the usual crack heads knew about it. He walked in, ordered a Cheeseburger, paid the amount, and sat at a corner booth. He was staring out past the small window but wasn’t paying attention to what was going on. He was thinking about his days as a college student, where the only thing that happened that was bad was failing a test or running up too much on his credit card. That was an absolute cakewalk to the job he had.

In walked in Craig Moonves, a wiry looking fellow who was the other detective. Craig was too concerned with his chief aspect of the job instead of being a detective. He hadn’t solved a case in months. He was worried about budgets. So when Robert saw him walk in, he knew it was something about money.

“Hey Bob!”
“Its Robert.”

“Right.” Craig laughed nervously. In his right hand was a semi glossy briefcase. He sat down and opened it up. He pulled out a report and handed it to Robert. Robert pulled out a cigarette and lit it. When examining the document, he took a long drag from the cigarette. The Robert at age 20 would be disgusted at such a sight: smoking.

“What the **** is this?”
“Congratulations, you got a $4,000 raise. The bad news is that two more police officers will be fired by the end of this week.”
“How the **** does that make sense?”
“To be honest, they weren’t pulling in arrest quotas. I caught one of them sleeping at his house. Another one I might think is dealing drugs but I don’t know that…yet.”

Robert took another drag. The waitress handed Robert the Cheeseburger and he inspected the wrinkles of the white bun. He lifted it up slightly to see what was on it. Craig, nervous from the silence, continued on:

“Well, you see, the budget is getting slashed by $50,000. That’s enough to fire two officers but give minor raises to the ones that do the job right. You are one of them.”
“Thanks.”
“I found out that there have been 650 new reports of crime but only 37 arrests. Compared to last year’s numbers, that’s pretty damn good I’d say.”
“That’s still a ****ty number and you know it.”
“You’re right but that’s the ropes. Well, I’ll let you go. I got to figure out how to cut back on the luxuries.”

Robert half heartedly waved. In his mind, he thought Craig was a ****ing joke. He thought that Craig should be fired. Sure, an officer may be sleeping but Craig didn’t do a damn thing. He was too busy with finances, dragging a 1, maybe 2 hour operation to 8 or 10 hours a day. In Robert’s mind, there was no excuse for Craig to track his car, go in, and say that. He could be solving a murder. Robert took the last final puff from his cigarette and prepared to dig into his sandwich.

Leaving a tip of just two dollars, Robert left. He was to walk to his car to go back to the station and work a case that he hated. It was about some fat suburban woman who lost her diamond earrings to some prostitute. It would have been a non priority but she was the mayor’s cousin or something. He didn’t know. When fortune had shined brightly on him: he was approached by a rail thin prostitute.

“Hey big boy, $10 and I’ll suck your dick.”
“I’m a ****ing cop.”
“So?”
“So? That means you got two choices: get the **** out of here or me hauling your skinny, diseased ass in. Take your pick.”
“Come on, I need the money.”
“Then it’s the second choice.”

Robert picked up the old prostitute, who had maybe half a dozen teeth left, and started dragging her into his car. She bit and scratched. Adrenaline was rising for Robert and when she landed a successful kick to his balls, he decked her. Right across her face, which landed her on the ground. Robert, trying to take care of this business while making it look like he was unphased from the intense pain down on his groin, picked her up, slammed her against the wall and demanded who her pimp was. After refusing, he punched her again. This time, blood was slowly pouring out of her mouth. She quickly gave him the name and location.

‘A crack house.’ Thought Robert as he hopped in his car, got out another cigarette and drove towards its location. Robert was a clean cop but hated ‘pissants’ like that prostitute trying to dominate him. Maybe a 6’5” thug but not a prostitute whose diet was a combination of vodka, crack, and meth. The adrenaline began to rise to the point where he didn’t even think about his balls. It was a few minutes and thoughts raced through his head. He at first was going to rough up the pimp. Now he was deadset on killing him and stealing whatever cash he had.

When arriving at the house, Robert loaded up three pistols and inserted the silencers. Robert checked if they were loaded. They were. This should have been enough to take out everyone there. If not, he was sure he could beat their asses to death. He walked out and into the dilapidated movie theater.

When walking in, the first sight was a circle of men who were huddled around a fire. A few of them were smoking crack. One was talking but it was unintelligible at that distance. Muffled rock was playing. Robert looked down on the ground to see assortments of needles, porn mags, broken crack pipes, and broken bottles of liquor. He walked down the hall where he saw an old restroom with no door. He peeked inside to see a girl getting gangbanged by two black guys and one white guy. She looked so clean, so pure. It must have been a rape. Robert was too desensitized to rush in. He was content on killing the pimp/dealer, then worrying about that. Walking down another room had some old homeless woman riding a morbidly obese man. He walked in another room to find the dealer, who was halfway asleep or strung out. Robert didn’t know and didn’t care. He cocked one of his pistols. The dealer woke up.

[The Experiment]

“Who the **** are you.”
“Look at my ****ing badge, dip****.”
“What? You here to arrest me, pig? You can’t do ****. I run this town. At my word a dozen mother****ers will bash your head in.”
“Who said arrest you?”
”So, you’re letting me go?”
”What gave you that idea?”

At that point Robert quickly whipped out his pistol and shot the dealer right between the eyes. Perfect kill. Silent kill. It began. Robert walked to the room with the two adults ****ing and killed both of them. He walked into the room where the rape was occurring. He shot one of the guys across the neck. Before the other guys could pull out and run to get their weapons, Robert unloaded three bullets into the two guys. The girl collapsed to the ground. Robert peered over her and said, “Don’t move. Stay where you are. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Robert walked down to find out one of the bums must have had amazing hearing. He was stumbling towards Robert with a sawed off shotgun, savagely rambling something that Robert could not hear. Robert shot the bum in the chest. He figured this would buy him some time so he ducked in the restroom, cocked the second gun and would come out with both guns blazing. He unloaded bullets into the circle. Many would try to get up but would be riddled with bullets by the time they could get up. All dead. All was quiet. Not even a whimper from the girl.

With a smirk on his face at his deeds, he took out another cigarette, lit it, and took a very long drag. He then walked back to her to find her looking for her clothes.

“Are you alright.”
“**** no.”
“Would you care to tell me what happened?”
“I’m from the suburbs. My boyfriend and I were fighting and I demanded he drop me off. This was a few blocks away. He wanted to take me back but I was so sure I wanted to leave, that I…that I…refused. A minute later, those three pricks jumped me. This was yesterday. They’ve been raping me nonstop, except to take a **** or shoot up.”

Robert’s tough exterior began to crack with rage and sympathy but maintained composure.

“I can’t find my clothes.”
“I’ll tell you what: we need to reach an agreement. You can go through all of these guys’ clothes, get their money. I’ll take you into the hospital to get tested and in exchange, you never tell anyone about me shooting this place up. Agreed?”
“Agreed.”
“I got my gym clothes. They’ll do for now.”

The girl ran around naked going through the pockets of every man while Robert was going through his trunk. He kept his third pistol cocked in case some ******* would get any good ideas. He got his clothes, walked in, handed them to her.

“Hey, I found $300.”
“Let me have $50 of it.” The girl handed Robert the $50 while she changed. He looked away but it didn’t matter. After she got his clothes on, she ran with him to the car where he sped off as fast as he could go to the hospital. He wanted to get away from the crime scene as soon as possible. She thought it was to make sure that she wouldn’t get AIDS. She was sure that she was going to get some type of disease. She had no real emotions right now except relief. She always watched TV shows of where women were raped and wondered what would happen if it happened to her. She was kind of surprised in a way that she did not react like the women on TV.

After dropping her off, Robert gave the doctor the story, and took the girl to the room to get tested for diseases. Robert would speed off like he went to the hospital to his friend Duane, who owned a pawn shop two blocks away from the diner.

Duane Johnson was a former college defensive end. He grew up in this town when it was during its “Golden years.” He joined the force to stop the town’s inevitable decay. Three years into the job and he was fired. He was in his mid 30s, around Robert’s age range. Although Duane looked much more haggard than Robert. Duane’s pawn shop was the place where crack heads could sell HDTV’s for $150 that were clearly stolen or jewelry for pennies on the dollar of the initial cost. Duane would use this place as his own personal electronics store. He and Robert were on the force together and still talked.

When pulling up to the pawn shop, Robert stepped outside, locked the door, and waved at Duane, who instantly noticed Robert’s car. Robert walked in to hear the infamous jingle when the door is opened.

“Hey, Duane, what’s going on?”
”Same old ****, man.”
“How’s the business?”
“Today has been the same ****: people looking to buy but never doing it and crack heads selling stolen ****.”
“I did something that was ****ing nuts.”
”Oh, really. What?”

Robert explained the story to Duane.

“Sounds like an action movie.”
“Yeah. I was just thinking if it was the right thing to do.”

Duane paused for a moment and said:

”Man, I wished I would have thought of that. For years, those *******s have been running through the town. Raping, smoking, stealing, killing. It never ****ing ends. Do you know how many times I’ve been robbed. Seven times. I don’t make any God damn money because what money I do get is being stolen. I’m surprised I’m even open for business or even alive. You didn’t do a damn thing, wrong. From now on, I’m taking my shotgun and shooting whatever prick thinks he can get away with robbing me again.”

Robert smiled. He now felt right for doing this.

“I think from now on, I’m going to start a new way of policing. If I see someone getting raped, their rapists get shot. For every dickhead who things he can slang dope, boom, a bullet to his ****ing skull. I’m tired of it Duane and my eyes are wide open to this ****.”
“Oh ****, man. You’re getting me fired up!”
“You and me.”
“You and me what?”
“We start a group. A group to make sure the innocent are able to live and the felons get their punishment.”
“I don’t know man.”
“I don’t want you to answer right away. I’ll get back to you a week from today so you can think about it.”
“Ok.”

Robert purchased a DVD player and a dozen DVDs from Duane for only $100 and walked out. He was so pumped that he nearly forgot the girl. He sped over to pick her up. The girl told him that she wouldn’t know for two days. She wanted her parents to never know. Robert said he would drop her off a block or two away from her house. She agreed.

At his house after that day was over, Robert was smoking, reading the paper. The paper never talked about anything in the city. It was always news about the suburban section. Sometimes they would have old men and women talk about the “good ol’ days” of the city life. Robert heard them all from his relatives. He heard about how it was one of the fastest growing cities and how there wasn’t a poor soul there. Perhaps its why he chose law enforcement. He sat back on his recliner, just staring at his ceiling. He was still abuzz over the day. It was exhilarating to him. For one day for most of his career, he felt in charge. He was safe. It was a dawn of a new era.

Robert looked at the clock: time for bed. He also decided he was going to wake up at 6 am now to hit the gym. He was going to make the city safe again.

[dkinaev]

Nice. Sets a "max payne" sorta atmosphere imo. Maybe you should use more metaphors etc.. to describe the envirnoment, thus immersing the reader even further.

Also. I like easy to read books. But have you thought of the final message you are trying to get across. The deep "moral-of-the-story"? just wondering.

-Dmitri.

[The Experiment]

Maybe. I'm pretty new at this stuff and not one to use metaphors but I will try. The creative juices were flowing and wasn't about to drown it with alcohol so I wrote this instead. I'm throwing in an awesome plot twist. Going to be completely different. This story is kind of like a combination of Boondock Saints (killing the evil), The Shield (cutting corners to do the job), and Max Payne. Not sure how many chapters are in it but in my noodle I already have Chapters 2 and 3 done. I'll probably type up the second later today.

[krayZ]

I read some of it but didn't like it. You start getting into details but then you would stop and start something else. You don't have a chance to get "into" the story. Just my input.

[TDE]

Damn, you should make a movie about this, it would hit #1 on the Box Charts.