Blumpkin

[Doctor Swole]

I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.

We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.

Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the “bouncer” over.

Bouncer: What’s going on over here?
Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.

I take off my aviators to get a better look.

Me: <giggling> Fatceps.

I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, “Big Daddy” it says.

Me: Big Daddy?
Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.

I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.

Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on those fatceps of yours.
Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter>

After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge ****. That Mega Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.

Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm…
Me: Get the f**k out? I’m trying to **** in peace here
Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
Me: F**k’s a blumpkin?
Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while they are taking a ****.

<I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>

Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your f**king teeth.

<I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>

Drunk girl: Was it good?
Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+

<Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out>

Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.

I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.

Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?

I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Lex is in.

Me: Let’s f**King go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.
Lex: I got this bitch licking my nuts right now!
Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.

I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie F**kin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.

I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I thought to myself, smiling. “Doctor Swole, sometimes you even impress yourself.”

[Ghosting]

Gee, I wonder who this is. Same person who posted about not being cool and having any friends.

[Durty Sanchez]

"The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks."

Classic line.

[Steinkalt]

welcome back enjoy the rep

[TBernard]

The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.
--------------------------
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I almost fell out of my chair at work from this one.

Good story Dr. Swole, keep 'em coming!

[Steinkalt]

"The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks."

Classic line.

You've got to be th luckiest SOB on earth since that was supposed to be a neg rep for encouraging him.

[Steinkalt]

The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.
--------------------------
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I almost fell out of my chair at work from this one.

Good story Dr. Swole, keep 'em coming!

Don't encourage him

[Durty Sanchez]

You've got to be th luckiest SOB on earth since that was supposed to be a neg rep for encouraging him.

Thank you. I won't do it again!! Just don't neg rep me after you recharge!

[Steinkalt]

lol I just got a PM from DR Swole asking what my problem was. Doesn't feel very alpha to me.

[Doctor Swole]

lol I just got a PM from DR Swole asking what my problem was. Doesn't feel very alpha to me.

Bitch I'm more alpha than you could ever dream of. Thats why I got the neg rep, cuz you're afraid of my alpha status.

[TBernard]

Don't encourage him

Why? His stories are pretty damn funny, and only a little kid would be "offended" by his stories, or actually believe they are a somebody lying.

If you don't like his stories, don't read them, pretty simple.

[Steinkalt]

Psssssttt! Dr Swole is alpha. what do you think of that?

[Steinkalt]

Why? His stories are pretty damn funny, and only a little kid would be "offended" by his stories, or actually believe they are a somebody lying.

If you don't like his stories, don't read them, pretty simple.

I'm not offended I catually laugha t a couple of them myself, but he and 50 other people are killing the sex section with there alpha crap. so i'm discuraging then all from continuing to post ****. Feel free to enjoy all of your alpha masterbation stories in the Teen section where it belongs.

[enjoyincubus]

ok..i cant take it anymore...what are aviators?

[TBernard]

I'm not offended I catually laugha t a couple of them myself, but he and 50 other people are killing the sex section with there alpha crap. so i'm discuraging then all from continuing to post ****. Feel free to enjoy all of your alpha masterbation stories in the Teen section where it belongs.

Then ask him to move the stories to the teen section, its not like he will automatically move the stories over there if everyone agrees to "not encourage him".

It would be about 50 times easier and quicker to ask him to move them to the teen section and off the sex section.

I personally do not care where they are posted, as I will read them. Just let us know if they get moved. Communication is KEY here

[Dark Phoenix]

Bitch I'm more alpha than you could ever dream of. Thats why I got the neg rep, cuz you're afraid of my alpha status.

A real alpha wouldn't need to post saying how alpha they are.

Further more, those who say they don't care what others say are desperated for others to think they don't care. - George Carlin

Pathetic.

[Chris95]

Keep curling those 35's Dr. Swole aka True Blue. And 70 on bb curl! LMAO.

I love your "I'm a loser with no friends thread"...Classic!

Guys........yes the stories are obviously in his wet dreams, but he always claim they were real. That is what gets me.

[Doctor Swole]

ok..i cant take it anymore...what are aviators?

http://www.usoutdoorstore.com/istarimages/p/p-321400482!354.jpg

[Doctor Swole]

Keep curling those 35's Dr. Swole aka True Blue. And 70 on bb curl! LMAO.

I love your "I'm a loser with no friends thread"...Classic!

Hey buddy... was that bouncer you? I didnt get a good look at his face but the fatceps were very similar

[Newbtime]

I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last week. Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.

We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders in Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha dominance. We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2, a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk. I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.

Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had stolen the blender. One girl had brought the “bouncer” over.

Bouncer: What’s going on over here?
Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks like 19 inch pythons on this guy.

I take off my aviators to get a better look.

Me: <giggling> Fatceps.

I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, “Big Daddy” it says.

Me: Big Daddy?
Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.

I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.

Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on those fatceps of yours.
Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs out of the room while I explode into laughter>

After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the party, I realize I have to take a huge ****. That Mega Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some drunk girl comes into the bathroom.

Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are really sexy and ummm…
Me: Get the f**k out? I’m trying to **** in peace here
Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
Me: F**k’s a blumpkin?
Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while they are taking a ****.

<I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>

Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your f**king teeth.

<I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended up swallowing every last drop.>

Drunk girl: Was it good?
Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+

<Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and walk out>

Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.

I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.

Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything, just Brad Pitt in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?

I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door Lex is in.

Me: Let’s f**King go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.
Lex: I got this bitch licking my nuts right now!
Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.

I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, and Bouncer is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry, but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen. You could be Ronnie F**kin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if you are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.

I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I thought to myself, smiling. “Doctor Swole, sometimes you even impress yourself.”

You are not funny,You are not cool,You are just a mother ****in tool,get off this forum

[Newbtime]

You've got to be th luckiest SOB on earth since that was supposed to be a neg rep for encouraging him.

LOL that sucks,

ps.rep me

[Newbtime]

Bitch I'm more alpha than you could ever dream of. Thats why I got the neg rep, cuz you're afraid of my alpha status.

lets see when was the last tiem i heard to word "alpha" lets see when i was about 11 years old there was this cartoon called ginger foutly or somthing liek that,her little brother in the cartoon (9 years old) acting like a "alpha male" growling and barking at people,man you are real mature bro

[CrObbER]

This was hilarious! This is the funniest post on this forum that I've read so far!!
For me it's not important if it is true or not!

[Newbtime]

I'm not offended I catually laugha t a couple of them myself, but he and 50 other people are killing the sex section with there alpha crap. so i'm discuraging then all from continuing to post ****. Feel free to enjoy all of your alpha masterbation stories in the Teen section where it belongs.

Bump

ps.rep me

[Chris95]

08-31-2004, 10:10 PM #9
TRUEBLUE83
The Alpha Male


Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Legendville
Age: 24
Posts: 330
Rep Power: 0 chest/bi 8/31

incline db bench
12x50
10x55
8x60

flat db bench
8x60
8x60
8x65

cablecrossovers
10x50 each side
9x 60 each side
8x 70 each side

bb curls
10x70
10x70

db curls
10x35
10x35
10x35

[Newbtime]

Keep curling those 35's Dr. Swole aka True Blue. And 70 on bb curl! LMAO.

I love your "I'm a loser with no friends thread"...Classic!

Guys........yes the stories are obviously in his wet dreams, but he always claim they were real. That is what gets me.

****in hughe bump

"Yes im the one that dug up his journel"

[Steinkalt]

08-31-2004, 10:10 PM #9
TRUEBLUE83
The Alpha Male


Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Legendville
Age: 24
Posts: 330
Rep Power: 0 chest/bi 8/31

incline db bench
12x50
10x55
8x60

flat db bench
8x60
8x60
8x65

cablecrossovers
10x50 each side
9x 60 each side
8x 70 each side

bb curls
10x70
10x70

db curls
10x35
10x35
10x35

I only use 30's I feel so small

[Doctor Swole]

journal was started as a joke... you f**kin bunch of queers

[Chris95]

Was the post about sucking farts out of a girls ass a joke too? And the one where you magically turned 6 years older in only one year?

[Doctor Swole]

Was the post about sucking farts out of a girls ass a joke too? And the one where you magically turned 6 years older in only one year?

Yes. I make lots of joke threads, ass hat. Although these threads are real