Girlfriend has a guy who she slept with messaging her

[NedStark]

So this guy called my girl while we were hanging out, When the phone rang, she told me to pick it up.. when I picked up the guy ended up hanging up.
I then asked who he was, she told me it's some guy who's been asking her to go out with him and he's been super intense lately and she's been denying his approaches and ended up arguing with him. But he's no one. I brushed it off.

But then... then I started realizing something. and I put two and two together.
She's slept with him before we were exclusive... January of the year. It shouldn't bother me, we were casually dating. That's fine.

I doubt they've seen each other since we became exclusive (March). It bothers me that this guy called her.. Now April 21st.. Why are they still talking if we're exclusive. They must be pretty comfortable with each other if they're talking on the phone.

Matter of fact she told me this guy sent HER a picture of ME in the club last week, I wasn't doing any infidelity i actually invited my girl out to the club that same day i was just there to show up for a bit so she wasn't bothered.

This girl has treated me greatly since I've met her... but just figuring this out has bugged me.

I'm not sure how I should approach this situation... I'm not going to tell her I know they banged, and I don't want to tell her to "block" him... That's just not a good look. Just the fact that she even entertains this guy is what bothers me. She should just be ignoring him not arguing...

This relationship has always been GREAT, and honestly this is the only issued I've come by in the relationship

What do



CLIFFS:
GF one night stand calls her
GF passes tells me to pick up phone, one night stand guy hangs up
GF says dude has been intense, sent me a picture of me in the club
GF has been denying dudes advances
OP uncomfortable w/ the fact this guy called her in the first place(Feel like GFs been leading this guy on til just recently or possibly banging while we've been dating) when they banged in January and we're now in April, been exclusive since March
OP not sure what to do, great relationship until i found out.


edit: update post 30


edit 2:

Update

I had a phone call with her. earlier this afternoon shortly after my last post I made in this thread.

I told her if you're with me you shouldn't be entertaining other guys. She said "He's just a friend, just like you have girl friends." I replied with "I told her yes, but you and I both know this isn't an actual friend he wants to get with you."
She says "I don't even speak to him, he talks to me. I just reply and deny his advances I told him I'm in a relationship with you several times. Besides you don't know how I speak to him, I'm not friendly with him" Told her "The fact that you even respond to him is what bothers me, you shouldn't be speaking to him period."

She agreed and told me she won't speak to him anymore and assured me of it. Also thanked me for being open about my feelings about it. I've set my boundaries with this girl before and she's never crossed them but this red flag dropped big. Ever since the phone call she's seemed more happier with me, been texting me a lot more lately. Called me cheerfully


I know much of the gut instinct. The gut instinct is what led me to know about this guy, the truth always reveals itself. Always. That's why I don't stress over insecurity issues, cheating etc. But this red flag definitely needed to be addressed and I feel calm about the relationship now.

I found the guys FB/IG btw. Looks like miscer bodybuilds (Not aesthetical looking though) has a 40k following etc.. motivational quotes etc. For such a big guy, he's a little bitxh for taking pictures of me in the club. Not sure if I should do anything. I live in a small city though, i will definitely encounter him eventually at some point in my life.

Do I think of him as a threat? No, not for now.. but he's definitely an orbiter.

How do you guys feel about the way I handled the situation?
I appreciate all the insight and help I received in this thread. Spreading reps.

[mkz93]

Matter of fact she told me this guy sent HER a picture of ME in the club last week .

Elaborate on this. Did he ninja a pic of you or some creepy chit?

[NedStark]

Elaborate on this. Did he ninja a pic of you or some creepy chit?

Yes, he was in the club and ninjad a pic and sent it to my girl.

My girl sent me that picture, saying "Look what my friend sent me" i asked her "Who's your friend I'd like to introduce myself" But she hesitated, i found it odd... coincidentally a week later I found out what type of "Friend" this guy used to be.

The guy was trying to obviously catch me in a act. They definitely had a fling, who knows how long it lasted.. started early January. I casually saw this girl since December.
We were definitely casual up until end of January.

[nice17]

Ok, just talk with her and make clear to your girlfriend that you don’t like that. Don’t tell her to block him, don’t overreact at all just stay cool, but at the same time make clear your intentions. After that you will see her reaction, and if she insist to have any form of contact with him, then ignore her and go NC.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but if a woman who is into relationship, she has any sort of communication with another guy, this isn’t a good sign at all, that means she isn’t 100% into you. Above all you have to be careful to protect yourself and don’t let this woman to hurt you.

Another thing is that the other guy by sending your pic to her, just he is demonstrating to her his low value, this is a creepy and beta behavior. On the other hand, not all women apreciate the true 'alphas' anyway...

[anonymous]

[NedStark]

I appreciate the responses, really need some outside perspective. As of right now I plan on calling her tomorrow afternoon and tell her my issue with it. btw she doesn't know that I know they slept together, i feel like she thinks I'm stupid and that might be one of the things that's bugging me here.

Ok, just talk with her and make clear to your girlfriend that you don’t like that. Don’t tell her to block him, don’t overreact at all just stay cool, but at the same time make clear your intentions. After that you will see her reaction, and if she insist to have any form of contact with him, then ignore her and go NC.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but if a woman who is into relationship, she has any sort of communication with another guy, this isn’t a good sign at all, that means she isn’t 100% into you. Above all you have to be careful to protect yourself and don’t let this woman to hurt you.

That's what's thrown me so off guard she's seemed super into me since February... this red flag has dawned on me. I'm considering breaking up with her, I'm just so hesitant because this relationship has been so great.

sorry brah, this girl sounds like trouble


She should be putting this guy on ignore and having nothing to do with him.

" some guy who's been asking her to go out with him and he's been super intense lately"


She is enjoying the attention. If she wasn't interested at all she would put a stop to that straight away, she has let it happen.

That's what I mean, why is she entertaining him and not ignoring him. She did let it happen but she's denied his advances.

I hate to admit it brahs, but I'm infatuated with this girl so I can't make a good judgement if she's a sloot.... she's been great girlfriend material. i really wanted a LTR with this girl.. but this redflag.

[swhitese]

unfortunately, you've been cucked. literally classic red flags

you call her out on this she's going to turn it around on you being insecure, controlling etc. and you'll end up feeling bad for jumping to conclusions, but deep down you'll always know she cheated on you. sorry bro

[NedStark]

unfortunately, you've been cucked. literally classic red flags

you call her out on this she's going to turn it around on you being insecure, controlling etc. and you'll end up feeling bad for jumping to conclusions, but deep down you'll always know she cheated on you. sorry bro

That's the thing though, was it really being cheated on? It was still early in the relationship.. casual. i was still speaking to other girls as well at the time.

Honestly, I'm going to confront her on it. Life's too short to not say how you feel def more fish in the sea. I honestly want to know if she's going to deny it. If she's going to lie through it, if she lies I'm going to dump her. Just annoys me that she even entertained an argument with this guy.

[swhitese]

That's the thing though, was it really being cheated on? It was still early in the relationship.. casual. i was still speaking to other girls as well at the time.

Honestly, I'm going to confront her on it. Life's too short to not say how you feel def more fish in the sea. I honestly want to know if she's going to deny it. If she's going to lie through it, if she lies I'm going to dump her. Just annoys me that she even entertained an argument with this guy.

nah i'm not talking about before. just put all these incidents together

they've slept together already, she was sketchy about admitting who sent the picture, and him being comfortable enough to call probably means they've been talking pretty regularly behind your back. if she hasn't cheated yet she's at the least entertaining him and stringing him along in case she wants to monkey branch later. just my opinion

[idontknowbro]

When you have your first argument, she'll contact him and he will tell her everything she wants to hear about you being wrong and how she deserves better than you. She won't have sex with him but he'll reinforce her crazy shiit which will make life harder for you.

u mad?

[FU3L]

Why has she not blocked his number?

[TheMorcant]

Peace out now... You can thank me later. I've been with some crazy chicks (narcissist/borderline personality disordered) and it usually takes 90 days for them to slip up and show you the crazy. It sounds like that is what just happened. Theres no winning with these types. Like SWHITESE said, she'll somehow try to guilt you or shame you for her wrongdoing. But, I'm just guessing, what do I know?

Look at it like this, when you're attached it's too easy to be the guy who thinks it won't happen to you or that this girl is different. What advice would you give to a friend having the same problem??

[NitrogenWidget]

That's the thing though, was it really being cheated on? It was still early in the relationship.. casual. i was still speaking to other girls as well at the time.

Honestly, I'm going to confront her on it. Life's too short to not say how you feel def more fish in the sea. I honestly want to know if she's going to deny it. If she's going to lie through it, if she lies I'm going to dump her. Just annoys me that she even entertained an argument with this guy.

maybe she did, maybe she didn't cheat.
One thing is for sure, she is being shady and only giving you half-truths.
Also, this guy is actively pursuing her, sending her pics of you while out trying to get you in trouble and she hasn't blocked him?

That's a red-flag.

[Fairplay]

She's put him on the bench. She's giving him just enough attention so he stays in orbit. He'll be the first one in those sugarwalls when you two fight or break up. She's probably had so many partners and flings over the years that she doesn't take this relationship very seriously.

We've all dated these fun crazy girls. She is not yours it is just your turn man so enjoy the ride while it lasts. Get off before it turns to sh!t. And keep your eye out for a proper girl.

[MHannibal]

fact she hasn't blocked him is a problem OP, if I message a girl and I'm being a cheeky **** n she isn't interested in me at all she will block me ... or say I've had a ONS with a girl and I message her to follow up a few weeks or months later then she blocks me, it's because she's in a relationship. Girls know how to behave OP, if they want to.

The fact this **** was taking pics of u in a club and sending them to your gf, personally I'd have a go at hacking into his emails/******** and have a look but each to their own. The perks of being technically inclined.

[Fairplay]

I'd have a go at hacking into his emails/******** and have a look but each to their own.

It'd be a gold mine no doubt

[itsgoingtobe]

brah i feel what you are going through,
-confront the problem.
-Tell her what you know.
-let her know that you are not some dude, who is, going to allow her to cuck you.
-Break it off with her, kick her to the curb and find some other sugar walls. asap

you may never get to bang her sweet sugar walls again but shes going to remember you as the alpha that broke up with her for her ****.


dont lose sleep over sloots opie. stay safe

edit: trust your gut feeling....

[Kushkiss]

She should have blocked and deleted him ages ago, no contact. Any response she gives him, even if it's arguing, gives him the green light to keep hassling her. She's responding lol. How old is she OP?

[jerkeife]

Ok, just talk with her and make clear to your girlfriend that you don’t like that. Don’t tell her to block him, don’t overreact at all just stay cool, but at the same time make clear your intentions. After that you will see her reaction, and if she insist to have any form of contact with him, then ignore her and go NC.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but if a woman who is into relationship, she has any sort of communication with another guy, this isn’t a good sign at all, that means she isn’t 100% into you. Above all you have to be careful to protect yourself and don’t let this woman to hurt you.

Another thing is that the other guy by sending your pic to her, just he is demonstrating to her his low value, this is a creepy and beta behavior. On the other hand, not all women apreciate the true 'alphas' anyway...

Do this and respond appropriately.

[InVentive44]

She has no respect for you man! her responding and not blocking this clown says it all. Trust me man, I was in a relationship where the girl treated me like chit. Never again. Get out now man please for the love of god

[nice17]

even if it's arguing, gives him the green light to keep hassling her.

This.

Flirt has many aspects, if she is still provocative and maintain any sort of contradictive contact with that other guy, this isn't a good sign at all. For every woman above 20 this behaviour is unacceptable.

[jamestown0101]

What do

CLIFFS:
GF one night stand calls her
GF passes tells me to pick up phone, one night stand guy hangs up
GF says dude has been intense, sent me a picture of me in the club
GF has been denying dudes advances
OP uncomfortable w/ the fact this guy called her in the first place(Feel like GFs been leading this guy on til just recently or possibly banging while we've been dating) when they banged in January and we're now in April, been exclusive since March
OP not sure what to do, great relationship until i found out.

Why commit to a girl that has ONS to begin with? Let alone, one that still is in contact with dudes? This is only what you know about.

Set boundaries. If a woman crosses the line, kick her ass to the curb. Would be swinging through her social circle like ****ing tarzan on steroids at this point.

I almost noticed a grey pube the other day.

If i am entering my Clooney years and on the prowl, you can too brah.

Said LTR may or may not have reached its climax. Pursuing other options sounds like an ideal scenario.

In either event, she is clearly not showing you respect but, cutting said dude off in mid sentence. Its more common now a days with dudes being cucked in hollywood movies and no fallout or consequences.

Letting her know, she is not replaceable, that new girls are turning 18everyday goes a long way. A lot of women are like that frog in a pot of hot water roasting on the burner. Its a slow simmer at first but, the frog wont get out. It will stew into its own demise. Woman trash their youth with female logic and utter stupidity squandering their greatest asset as a booty call.

Fertility and failing biology is the game changer. Women start singing a different tune once baby fever kicks off. Expiring aesthetics is not a great selling point when younger, thinner, and hotter girls are around the corner.

Stay on the grind kuz.

[1slo5oh]

So this guy called my girl while we were hanging out, When the phone rang, she told me to pick it up.. when I picked up the guy ended up hanging up.
I then asked who he was, she told me it's some guy who's been asking her to go out with him and he's been super intense lately and she's been denying his approaches and ended up arguing with him. But he's no one. I brushed it off.

But then... then I started realizing something. and I put two and two together.
She's slept with him before we were exclusive... January of the year. It shouldn't bother me, we were casually dating. That's fine.

I doubt they've seen each other since we became exclusive (March). It bothers me that this guy called her.. Now April 21st.. Why are they still talking if we're exclusive. They must be pretty comfortable with each other if they're talking on the phone.

Matter of fact she told me this guy sent HER a picture of ME in the club last week, I wasn't doing any infidelity i actually invited my girl out to the club that same day i was just there to show up for a bit so she wasn't bothered.

This girl has treated me greatly since I've met her... but just figuring this out has bugged me.

I'm not sure how I should approach this situation... I'm not going to tell her I know they banged, and I don't want to tell her to "block" him... That's just not a good look. Just the fact that she even entertains this guy is what bothers me. She should just be ignoring him not arguing...

This relationship has always been GREAT, and honestly this is the only issued I've come by in the relationship

What do

I am sorry to say this kind of fuqkery never stops either. You would think once you hit your late 20's early 30's you would be mature enough to deal with things appropriately... but nah... its easier to revert back to HighSchool he said she said Bull$hit.

When me and my wife met and started dating she had 3 or 4 guys she had been with before me trying everything they could to get back in it... she would show me the texts and emails... I wasn't much worried about it personally but the fk boi's were relentless... one of her ex's even tried telling her I was fking around on her.. "and he saw it with his own two eyes".... Just LOL... I can certainly be an a$$hole but cheating just isn't my thing.. never has been never will be. I flat out told her to decide who she believes quick because I didn't want to waste my time... guess you've figure out by now who she picked. But funny story... just last month she had a guy she dated like 10 years ago hit her up and ask if she wanted to get together... Her response..

"Im married and pregnant... Ill send my husband"




Moral of the story Opie... just do you... if she is going do something stupid with this guy she is going to do it and you wont be able to stop it. But I would draw your line in the sand with it... tell her as confidently as you can without sounding insecure AF... that if she is with you then she needs to ghost this MF... like now.

[ThePoz]

That's what's thrown me so off guard she's seemed super into me since February... this red flag has dawned on me. I'm considering breaking up with her, I'm just so hesitant because this relationship has been so great.

I'm not going to tell you what to do or stop you from doing anything but there are consequences to actions. I'm not comfortable with you maintaining even casual conversation with guys you've been with or are pursuing you. I think you've been great since we started dating and I want that to continue. However I need to say that if needed I'm not afraid to move on.

[azakdan2682]

She should have blocked and deleted him ages ago, no contact. Any response she gives him, even if it's arguing, gives him the green light to keep hassling her. She's responding lol. How old is she OP?

This. Anytime a girl responds she is at least somewhat interested or wants the attention.

[redliner9]

Why has she not blocked his number?

X2

Think about that for a minute

[Nedo]

Women like attention so they will seldom block. However, if she claims to be arguing with him then obviously he is annoying her, in which case she should have blocked him. In person, ask to read her texts with him. If she is being a good girl, she should have nothing to hide and hand her phone over. Or you can snoop it. Its amazing what desperado's will do to stay out of the dry dessert, ie take pics of you in club lol.

[Konrai]

So this guy called my girl while we were hanging out, When the phone rang, she told me to pick it up.. when I picked up the guy ended up hanging up.
I then asked who he was, she told me it's some guy who's been asking her to go out with him and he's been super intense lately and she's been denying his approaches and ended up arguing with him. But he's no one. I brushed it off.

But then... then I started realizing something. and I put two and two together.
She's slept with him before we were exclusive... January of the year. It shouldn't bother me, we were casually dating. That's fine.

I doubt they've seen each other since we became exclusive (March). It bothers me that this guy called her.. Now April 21st.. Why are they still talking if we're exclusive. They must be pretty comfortable with each other if they're talking on the phone.

Matter of fact she told me this guy sent HER a picture of ME in the club last week, I wasn't doing any infidelity i actually invited my girl out to the club that same day i was just there to show up for a bit so she wasn't bothered.

This girl has treated me greatly since I've met her... but just figuring this out has bugged me.

I'm not sure how I should approach this situation... I'm not going to tell her I know they banged, and I don't want to tell her to "block" him... That's just not a good look. Just the fact that she even entertains this guy is what bothers me. She should just be ignoring him not arguing...

This relationship has always been GREAT, and honestly this is the only issued I've come by in the relationship

What do



CLIFFS:
GF one night stand calls her
GF passes tells me to pick up phone, one night stand guy hangs up
GF says dude has been intense, sent me a picture of me in the club
GF has been denying dudes advances
OP uncomfortable w/ the fact this guy called her in the first place(Feel like GFs been leading this guy on til just recently or possibly banging while we've been dating) when they banged in January and we're now in April, been exclusive since March
OP not sure what to do, great relationship until i found out.

Your woman I am sorry to say is either keeping her options open or at the very least enjoys the attention. Why in the world would she keep a guy on her phone when he is constantly asking her out ESPECIALLY when he knows she is in a relationship? This shows major disrespect not just on his end but on your partners end which would show me she clearly doesn't value the relationship the way SHE SHOULD. Honestly if it were me I would tell her straight up block him and delete him or it's over, as I have zero plans of being any womans plan B let alone some pathetic cuckold.

Think hard about it this OP, you want to maintain some 'image' you have, but you are letting your relationship potentially burn while potentially wasting time and money on a woman who you are allowing to continue with this nonsense...It's your choice at the end of the day but if you don't put your foot down now you are opening the window of opportunity for this to continue and potentially get worse in the future. Of course I am not saying she is not responsible for her own actions, but you aren't helping the situation either.

[Adam16121]

Peace out now... You can thank me later. I've been with some crazy chicks (narcissist/borderline personality disordered) and it usually takes 90 days for them to slip up and show you the crazy. It sounds like that is what just happened. Theres no winning with these types. Like SWHITESE said, she'll somehow try to guilt you or shame you for her wrongdoing. But, I'm just guessing, what do I know?

Look at it like this, when you're attached it's too easy to be the guy who thinks it won't happen to you or that this girl is different. What advice would you give to a friend having the same problem??

Can confirm, get out now. More weird **** is almost guaranteed in the future.

[NedStark]

fact she hasn't blocked him is a problem OP, if I message a girl and I'm being a cheeky **** n she isn't interested in me at all she will block me ... or say I've had a ONS with a girl and I message her to follow up a few weeks or months later then she blocks me, it's because she's in a relationship. Girls know how to behave OP, if they want to.

The fact this **** was taking pics of u in a club and sending them to your gf, personally I'd have a go at hacking into his emails/******** and have a look but each to their own. The perks of being technically inclined.

I am sorry to say this kind of fuqkery never stops either. You would think once you hit your late 20's early 30's you would be mature enough to deal with things appropriately... but nah... its easier to revert back to HighSchool he said she said Bull$hit.


Moral of the story Opie... just do you... if she is going do something stupid with this guy she is going to do it and you wont be able to stop it. But I would draw your line in the sand with it... tell her as confidently as you can without sounding insecure AF... that if she is with you then she needs to ghost this MF... like now.

I'm not going to tell you what to do or stop you from doing anything but there are consequences to actions. I'm not comfortable with you maintaining even casual conversation with guys you've been with or are pursuing you. I think you've been great since we started dating and I want that to continue. However I need to say that if needed I'm not afraid to move on.

This. Anytime a girl responds she is at least somewhat interested or wants the attention.

maybe she did, maybe she didn't cheat.
One thing is for sure, she is being shady and only giving you half-truths.
Also, this guy is actively pursuing her, sending her pics of you while out trying to get you in trouble and she hasn't blocked him?

That's a red-flag.

Why has she not blocked his number?

This


it's true, she's crossing the line by not blocking this guy and even entertaining him is why I even made this thread.


I'm getting mixed advice here though, I am not going to tell her to block him. This will only want to make her talk to him more and won't work in my favor, just make me look insecure. I don't like the fact that she even answers him though. This is really a tricky situation for me because I'm not trying to come off as insecure I am prepared to leave the relationship, I'm not going to let this type of sht slide because it's bs. She shouldn't even have this guy talking to her still.