One of a Kind Gym Characters

[doughasmuscles]

OK, we have all know about classic "Gym Archetypes" like:

Gym Sluts
Breathers
Dumbbell Slammers
Cardio Bunnies
Screamers
Gym Rats
Advice Guy
The Farter


What we are looking for here are "one of a kind" types
that could only be found at your gym. These are from
my gym. Name and location of the gym supressed to
protect the guilty.


The Stripper: She walks into the gym wearing a tight
short sleeve compression shirt and long spandex pants.
After her first exercise she strips off her shirt to
reveal a crop top not much bigger than a running bra.
After her third exercise off comes the spandex pants to
reveal some very short gym shorts. She proceeds to do
bent over cable flys being careful to get into the cable
rack so she faces the most men. I can't figure out how
she gets those spandex pants off over those huge cross
trainers she's wearing.

Garlic Boy: Garlic breath so bad you would swear he
ate a half pound of raw garlic just before walking in
the door. To make things worse he's a screamer too.
You can smell him from 15 feet away.

Androgynous Kid: You can't tell if it's a male or
female but when it starts struggling with 20 lb dumbells
on the flat bench you feel compelled to spot it so it
doesn't hurt itself.

Gum Popping Girl: She's too shy to break the ice with
guys she's hot for so she walks by them again and again
popping her gum so loud it sounds like a firecracker.

The Shadow: She follows you around the gym and gets
into the machine/rack/bike either right next to you or
better yet right across from/facing you. If you start
toward the water cooler she runs to get there before you
do. When you go to the locker room to change and get
ready to leave she's waiting for you right outside the
locker room and walks right in front of you hoping you'll
speak to her.

Muscle Midget: Short guy with extreme muscularity. If
you took a picture of him along side children's furniture
he would still look short. Can be easily bench pressed
by the lightest 6 footer in the gym.

Kevlar Coated Steel Reinforced Concrete B!tch Shield Girl:
Her name says it all. Will still be a virgin at 35.




Please contribute your "one of a kind" type to this thread.

[the rich pimp]

This is possably one of the best threads ever.

[C Hall]

Good-natured Runner: There is this really tall and really thin guy who runs non-stop for 30 minutes every day. He is really nice and mellow and he's always trying to comfort people with kind words.

[Gr8Ape]

Mr Paranoid Partial reps

Theres this guy who uses the worst form on every exercises, and seems to have a workout composed of exclusively partials and cheating reps. The funny part is that he swings his like if trying to crack his neck before sets of bench press, looks at you with very aggressive eyes if you work on the same machine/cable station, but never says a word. Dang he freaks me out.


Huge guy who shoulder presses 20 pounds

i stilll dont get it

[fkarcha]

Paper Boy: Mid 30's fart who read his paper for a long ass time between sets.

[Kaja]

Steroid Man: you know, that dude in your gym who can bench a small automobile; the guy who says "just try a little, do it for the muscles", offering you D-Bol when just you and him are in the locker room together.

Gym queer: the person who seems to always be behind you when you're doing bent over cable flys; the one who always happens to be in the sauna, like he's "waiting for something"; gives you that 'wink wink' kinda look throughout your workout.

Overweight muscle champ: everyone knows that 300lb guy who loves going around telling you about his days when he would "compete". *eyeroll* The dude cant even stay alive on a treadmill for five minutes without going into cardiac arrest, but seems to expect everyone to take his advice on how to get into shape.

[weltweitefurcht]

This isnt' that unique, but it sure pisses me off.

"Nothing better to do than Stare, Man!"

Sits there and does a set every 20 minutes. Between those 20 minute sets, he stares at you without glancing away. Makes people real uncomfortable.

[Snafu]

Paper Boy: Mid 30's fart who read his paper for a long ass time between sets.

LMAO, 'Paper Boy.' Classic!

[Bushmaster]

How about...

Ugly "hot" chick: She is plain and sometimes overweight, but stares in the mirror on her way to the aerobics room. She is easily spotted when she enters the gym because she's the only chick in the entire gym who struts and looks as if she's seriously bothered by all the guys staring at her - even though they're not.
Ugly "hot" chick usually travels in packs of other, Ugly "hot" chicks and can be heard complaining about how "There wasn't ANY hot guys out this weekend!"

[PROSA]

The One-Rep Wonder:
I see this guy in the gym one or two evenings a week. He's in his early fifties or thereabouts and weighs maybe 160. Most of his workouts are the same: he goes to one of the benches and, without any warmup, does a single bench press rep of 245 to 265 - a pretty decent amount given his age and weight, that's for sure. He then wanders off and talks with other people in the gym for about ten minutes. When the ten minutes are up, he comes back to the bench and does another single rep at the same weight. He repeats the process a few more times, so that he ends up doing around six or seven reps over the course of an hour or more. Then he leaves.

[Kaja]

Haha, these are all pretty funny!

[cowboyathlete]

LMAO I love this thread, just what I need on a Monday afternoon.

The "I don't practice what I preach" trainer:

This is the guy (nearly always a guy) who gets paid to train others, usually newbies, in general fitness regimens. However, one look at them will tell you they can rattle off the phone number for Pizza Hut faster than they can load up weights for their third set. In other words, they have enough spare tires to take care of your entire car.

[doughasmuscles]

The Gun Slinger: Skinny guy that snatches up a pair of 65's and proceeds to use his entire body to "curl" them. Usually manages to cheat out only 2 or 3 reps out before he slams the 65's on the floor and looks around to see who is watching his display of "strength".

[Viking22]

Imagination Man: This guy goes into a corner of the gym and does what I can only describe as a cross between a kick boxing / Brittney Spears dance routine. This 125 lb'er prances around throwing dozens of punches at imaginary foes.

The Action Man: 150 Lb dude who only works out with 3 large black dudes. Carries his phone around and chews gum 100 miles per hour with a permagrin. Laughing quite often as if he's part of the "cool" gang who's in on some kind of inside joke. The only joke is watching all the plates come off the bar for his set and loaded back on for the other dudes along with his 1/8 rep speed pullups

[cowboyathlete]

Folks are gonna ask me tonight at the gym why I am breaking out into laughter for no apparent reason. LMAO

[nybble]

How about...

Ugly "hot" chick: She is plain and sometimes overweight, but stares in the mirror on her way to the aerobics room. She is easily spotted when she enters the gym because she's the only chick in the entire gym who struts and looks as if she's seriously bothered by all the guys staring at her - even though they're not.
Ugly "hot" chick usually travels in packs of other, Ugly "hot" chicks and can be heard complaining about how "There wasn't ANY hot guys out this weekend!"

ew i hate this group, they are like 40 and they talk like they are 20

[C Hall]

The Cranky Soccer-Mom: You know, the 35 year-old blonde with the wide hips and the baggy shirt, walking on the treadmill while Madonna's "The Immaculate Collection" blasts in her discman.

[Bushmaster]

I used to get a real kick out of this guy...

JEALOUS BOYFRIEND: Jealous boyfriend is a dweeb but is somehow dating a hot chick with big tits. Said hot chick is serious about her workouts though and can often be seen in the gym every evening. Jealous boyfriend though, doesn't seem to like working out but tags along and follows her around like a puppy.
Jealous Boyfriend also knows so little about working out that he doesn't pay attention to the fact that his girlfriend uses more weight than him on most every exercise they do together. No matter though, because 1-2 sets is all Jealous Boyfriend ever does. The rest of his evenings in the gym are spent giving hard looks to all the guys who are checking out his girlfriend.

[LatsMakeTheMan]

I hate the "old teenyboppers"

The 50 or 60 something ladies who dye their hair blonde, wear too much makeup, go tanning 5 times a week and dress like sluts at the gym. Often they have love handles and ratty skin, but don't seem to notice or care. No one can convince them that they're not hot.

[C Hall]

Bushmaster, yes!!! THE JEALOUS BOYFRIEND! At my gym, the girl is Tina and the guy is Jeremy!!! LOL!!! Tina is short and cute with dark hair and huge boobs. The other day, Jeremy said, "I'm telling Tina that we're not coming here anymore because I am so sick of all the guys looking at her tits!"

Jeremy is, God forgive me, a geek! He weighs around 135 lbs. and can barely lift a pencil!

[cowboyathlete]

I hate the "old teenyboppers"

The 50 or 60 something ladies who dye their hair blonde, wear too much makeup, go tanning 5 times a week and dress like sluts at the gym. Often they have love handles and ratty skin, but don't seem to notice or care. No one can convince them that they're not hot.

OH yeah, she will definitely be there tonight! At my place, she also wears a belt that she clearly does not need. LOL

[doughasmuscles]

Flip the Barbell Boy: Starts loading up one side of a barbell in the squat rack until it flips out of the rack and all the plates hit the floor with a resounding crash. Leaves quickly and doesn't come back for a month.

[C Hall]

The Cornball Doctor: You know, the guy in his early 40s with wire-rimmed glasses and a passion for racqetball.

[pinfrEak]

**** burger breath guy: Asks for a spot on bench and when he's about to lift he puffs some ****ty smelling breath in your face.

[LatsMakeTheMan]

These are the worst.....

The old men in the locker room who I SWEAR just LOVE to be naked! They sit on the benches naked, shave naked, go to the bathroom naked.....it drives me insane. They'll stand and have 20 minute conversations each other while totally naked. I'm not homophobic or anything, but c'mon guys....not while you're naked!

[Bushmaster]

THE PREACHER: The Preacher brings his bible to the gym with him and can often be heard loudly praying before his heavy sets. "HEP ME JESUS! HEP ME!"
Then, after each set, he follows up with "WOOOOO!! THANK YA JESUS! COULDN'T A DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!"

A few minutes later and the process repeats itself.
After The Preacher gets through working out, you can usually find him with bible in hand, shouting to some of the other gym members and quoting scripture.
But not all is as it seems with The Preacher though. While he certainly loves his bible and his religion, The Preacher has an eye for the ladies too and often uses his religious act as a means to talk to them.

[PROSA]

The Bride of Ben Dover:
A young woman who wears sweat pants that are so low-cut, every time she bends over her Whale Tail* and Tramp Stamp** are in plain sight. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not an unpleasant thing to see, it's just that it can be very distracting when you're in the middle of a heavy set.

* Whale Tail = a visible thong, so called due to its resemblance to the tail of a diving whale
** Tramp Stamp = a tattoo across a woman's lower back, just above the rear end

[Bushmaster]

Mr & Mrs STAIRMASTER TRICEPS: This title belongs to both men and women who get on the Stairmaster - presumeably to workout - but for some reason try to support themselves with their arms. They give it their all and you have to give them an "A" for effort, but 10 minutes or so on the machine is all they can stand because, in their own words, "My arms give out too fast."

Mr & Mrs STAIRMASTER TRICEPS, is closely related to Mr & Mrs. TREADMILL AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE: This couple gets on the treadmill, sets is at its steepest angle, revs it up to warp speed and then holds on for dear life while they "walk."

[cowboyathlete]

The Bride of Ben Dover:
A young woman who wears sweat pants that are so low-cut, every time she bends over her Whale Tail* and Tramp Stamp** are in plain sight. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not an unpleasant thing to see, it's just that it can be very distracting when you're in the middle of a heavy set.

* Whale Tail = a visible thong, so called due to its resemblance to the tail of a diving whale
** Tramp Stamp = a tattoo across a woman's lower back, just above the rear end

Actually that sounds a bit like a GUY where I work out. He does not come across as stereotypically gay at all, I think he is just dumber than dirt. When he crouches down, his baggy gym shorts slip and you can see his undies riding his crack.

[TBernard]

Belt Man: The guy who wears a weight belt the entire time he is in the gym. It is only a 1 in a million chance he will do an exercise that may need a weight belt (squats, dead lifts). He will proudly carry the weight belt to the gym on his shoulder, like he is a big man, ready for a big work out. He then tightens his belt, and does his usual work out, consisting of: Flys, followed by Preacher Curls, then Tricept push downs. Afterwards, the belt is removed, and placed back on his shoulder, as he struts to the stair stepper for 10 min. of "hard" cardio, and then home.