My love life is a joke

[sweetbecky]

I need some male perspective. Preferably from people over 21 and who are no longer virgins.

I've been dating this guy. So far so good. Boyfriend material... maybe more. Everything is great.

Until... we started getting intimate. I haven't had sex with him yet. For a while it's been kissing and dry humping. He told me that he had an average sized penis. When I actually saw it, it was probably the smallest I've ever seen. I thought, "Ok, with a cock this small, he must be a MASTER at eating pussy", so I went down to start blowing him and he went completely soft. I asked him if he had anxiety, and he said yes. So I told him it was ok and to relax. I should say here that he's a doctor, and he's written himself a presciption for Viagra, but hasn't used any.

I start to blow him and he got a little stiffer, but not much. He's so small that if I tried to jerk him off, I would not be able to use my whole hand. He didn't cum.

He told me he prefers straight sex, and doesn't like oral that much. I thought it was weird, but I've encountered stranger things in my love life.

Fast forward to this weekend. He came to my place, we went out to dinner... I shaved and got very clean because I figured I would be getting some kind of action. When we got back to my place, he acted a little weird in my bedroom. The lights were off but my screensaver on my computer was on. He got up and turned off the monitor. I have a lamp above my bed that I turn on for sex, but he said it was too bright. So I lit a few candles, but he didn't want all of them lit. He is way more high maintenance than me, btw.

So with the lighting all in place , he starts to undress me. This is the first time he's been in my pants (except I was wearing a skirt lol). As soon as it's off, he gets on top of me and starts the humping thing again. I'm like, Okay, this is all well and good, but let's get things moving along...

Things were going very slowly and he kept stopping. He would just lay there. I asked him if he was ok, and he said yes. Eventually my panties came off, so I pushed his head down, expecting to get some good oral. He had his head at the strangest angle I've ever seen someone eating pussy. It sucked. He used his tongue and that was it. I asked him to kiss it... and he gave me a look like he was on Fear Factor or something.. I was like, "Do I taste ok?" He said there was no taste at all, he just doesn't like to eat pussy So I'm thinking, ok no oral and he has a tiny cock. Where is this relationship going.

We had discussed anal a while ago, and the thought repulses him. I told him I wanted him to use a finger, and he said he can't. He said he had to give many rectal exams in medical school, and he couldn't see it as a sexy thing. I explained to him that I am a woman, I care about him, we're being intimate, I'm not on an exam table, I'm not his patient. He said he understood, but he wouldn't be able to do it. He joked about him finding something wrong and how would I explain to my doctor that my boyfriend who's also a doctor, was fingering my ass and found a polyp. I'm thinking, why would you even be looking for anything? You should be focused on giving me pleasure, not examining me..

So the other night after the sub-par oral, he said, "I know what you're thinking, and I need you to stop thinking it. It's going to be ok". I don't think any amount of talking or him forcing himself to do something he doesn't want to do is going to make this a normal relationship.

He's 38 and was only married for 8 months. His wife cheated on him and they divorced.

Everything else is great. I miss him when I don't see him, he's very considerate and makes me laugh all the time. He's cooked for me and tries to take me shopping, but I won't let him buy anything for me. He talks about us going on vacation and stuff, but that could be just talk.

All of this happened Friday night. He normally calls me every day, but I didn't hear from him Saturday. I called him this morning and left a message, but no return call. I think he might be embarrassed or I don't know what.

Thoughts?

[FunkDaddy]

Sounds like this guy has problems. Sorry, but if a dude has a small cock he NEEDS to learn how to go down and love it. Hell , even the guys who are equipped should know too.

He has too many intimacy problems. I'd say tell him to get some help, TRY and help him with it or call it a lost cause. Doesn't sound like a keeper to me.

It's not wrong for both people in a relationship to expect to be satisifed.

[e-reloaded]

sweetbecky you blow? wow

i would wanna meet you....

[ChefPhalBignuts]

Dump him and come with a real teenager.
<------

[Kodiac]

Tell him to use some viagra.

He doesn't want to go anal ? get over it.

Buy a dildo, tell him to stick it 2 ya.

He's rich, your set.

[JB20]

i drink alone yeah with nobody else

[Meshugener87]

Thats one of the sadest stories ive ever heard. How old are you, sweetbecky? If youre dating someone who is 38, ill say you are in your 30s? If you are, then you are in your sexual prime and should live it up. Get a real man to satisfy you. Your doctor friend sounds like he is a great guy except for the sex, and i think you would be better off as friends. Sex is an important part of any relationship, and you wont ever be truly happy with him unless you get your rocks off.

[CrazyTall]

My girlfriend is the same. She never wants to do **** except plain old misionary sex.
Ive pretty much givin up. Im tired of being rejected every time I want to try something different.(i like to do EVERYTHING)
So now its porno for me until I find a girl that likes to get freaky on the side.
She will never change, and I doubt your bf will either. You just have to make do, or find someone else to satisfy your intimate needs..

[tbomb]

he's probably embarassed. when he said he has an average size weener, he knew that he has a small one - he's a doctor for christ's sake. that would explain the lights being out. he was prolly just trying to ease you into the fact that hes not hung like a horse.

him being soft the other night - anxiety would explain that. apparently it happens.

maybe he doesnt like eating p*ssy; some guys dont. some guys also dont like oral, and some dont like anal. i guess its strange that he doesnt like anything except straight banging with his little weener, but im sure there are stranger things in the world. youre lucky if you find someone who likes EVERYTHING, but when someone is lacking in one area or doesnt like something, they usually make up for it in another area (which you seem to be aware of from the way youre talking.)

when he said, "I know what you're thinking, and I need you to stop thinking it. It's going to be ok". what do YOU think he meant? maybe you could use this as a way to open up and talk to him about this stuff.

is he religious? how long have you 2 been dating? does he like porn?...if he doesnt like porn, that would explain A LOT - i guarantee that's his lack of sexual education right there. has he had many lovers?...maybe hes just really inexperienced.

i'm sure some people will tell you to just tell the guy what to do and how you like it done, but thats usually a turn off for the person having things done to them (at least, for me it is; the last thing i wanna do is bark out orders. its a much bigger turn on when the girl im with just goes to town )

apparently something like this isnt terribly uncommon (i.e.: getting along great with someone, but the sexual side of things is severely lacking.) you have to decide if its something you can handle; is it that big of a deal to you (i'm assuming it is since you asked all of is for our thoughts.) can you talk to him openly about this stuff?...if you can, then GREAT...you guys can talk about it, get into it, figure out what the problems are, figure out some solutions, and get on with it. if you cant talk about it, then that's another problem. and theres no such thing as it being "too soon" to talk about something like this - youve already encountered the problem, and if you dont nip it in the bud soon, itll get worse. obviously this guy is pretty self-conscious about something...or maybe everything, heh.

he's probably not gonna wanna talk about this stuff, cuz hes gonan feel inferior (like i said, hes obviously self conscious about this stuff), so you gotta reassure him that it's something that you CAN work through and easily fix if you both just open up about it.

or on the other hand, maybe he doesnt think the sexual side of a relationship is that important? that would suck, but it would explain a lot also.

and on a final note, not that anyone cares, but the baked potato i just made is perhaps the greatest baked potato i've ever had in my entire life

sorry this is so long, but you asked for legitimate help, so i figured i'd some legitimate thought into it. hope it helps a little.

[sweetbecky]

Originally posted by Meshugener87
Thats one of the sadest stories ive ever heard. How old are you, sweetbecky? If youre dating someone who is 38, ill say you are in your 30s? If you are, then you are in your sexual prime and should live it up. Get a real man to satisfy you. Your doctor friend sounds like he is a great guy except for the sex, and i think you would be better off as friends. Sex is an important part of any relationship, and you wont ever be truly happy with him unless you get your rocks off.

I'm 29. I don't see a lot of potential right now for a long term relationship. It's very disappointing. He's Jewish, too. I always wanted to date a Jew. He actually lives in the next town over from you lol. But sex is like #2 in importance to me in a relationship. If the sex isn't right, nothing is.

I just tried to call him again and his phone is shut off. I wonder what's going through his head?

[Juggernaut]

i think it's unethical for him to write his own prescription

the guy's obviously a loser and has a desire for something else other than women... my guess being canines, or possibly hairy man ass.

[egoatdoor]

There seems to be big sexual compatibility issues here. If you really think this guy is long term, as in marriage, material (i.e. everything else is great), then you need to have a heart to heart talk about sex right now. Yours and his feelings, expectations and yes, what you like and dislike with what you have seen so far. Maybe you can work things out, but then again, there may be insurmountable issues that may say that the relationship needs to come to an end.

Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage. If you were a married couple, then talking about sex would be a common occurrence, so start the ball rolling now before its too late.

[rick martel]

strap on

[JB20]

damn look at all the serious replies http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...58#post3698258

[e-reloaded]

Originally posted by JB20
damn look at all the serious replies http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...58#post3698258

so true

[sweetbecky]

Originally posted by tbomb
he's probably embarassed. when he said he has an average size weener, he knew that he has a small one - he's a doctor for christ's sake. that would explain the lights being out. he was prolly just trying to ease you into the fact that hes not hung like a horse.

him being soft the other night - anxiety would explain that. apparently it happens.

maybe he doesnt like eating p*ssy; some guys dont. some guys also dont like oral, and some dont like anal. i guess its strange that he doesnt like anything except straight banging with his little weener, but im sure there are stranger things in the world. youre lucky if you find someone who likes EVERYTHING, but when someone is lacking in one area or doesnt like something, they usually make up for it in another area (which you seem to be aware of from the way youre talking.)

when he said, "I know what you're thinking, and I need you to stop thinking it. It's going to be ok". what do YOU think he meant? maybe you could use this as a way to open up and talk to him about this stuff.

is he religious? how long have you 2 been dating? does he like porn?...if he doesnt like porn, that would explain A LOT - i guarantee that's his lack of sexual education right there. has he had many lovers?...maybe hes just really inexperienced.

i'm sure some people will tell you to just tell the guy what to do and how you like it done, but thats usually a turn off for the person having things done to them (at least, for me it is; the last thing i wanna do is bark out orders. its a much bigger turn on when the girl im with just goes to town )

apparently something like this isnt terribly uncommon (i.e.: getting along great with someone, but the sexual side of things is severely lacking.) you have to decide if its something you can handle; is it that big of a deal to you (i'm assuming it is since you asked all of is for our thoughts.) can you talk to him openly about this stuff?...if you can, then GREAT...you guys can talk about it, get into it, figure out what the problems are, figure out some solutions, and get on with it. if you cant talk about it, then that's another problem. and theres no such thing as it being "too soon" to talk about something like this - youve already encountered the problem, and if you dont nip it in the bud soon, itll get worse. obviously this guy is pretty self-conscious about something...or maybe everything, heh.

he's probably not gonna wanna talk about this stuff, cuz hes gonan feel inferior (like i said, hes obviously self conscious about this stuff), so you gotta reassure him that it's something that you CAN work through and easily fix if you both just open up about it.

or on the other hand, maybe he doesnt think the sexual side of a relationship is that important? that would suck, but it would explain a lot also.

and on a final note, not that anyone cares, but the baked potato i just made is perhaps the greatest baked potato i've ever had in my entire life

sorry this is so long, but you asked for legitimate help, so i figured i'd some legitimate thought into it. hope it helps a little.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I'm glad your baked potato is good!
When he said, "I know what you're thinking, and I need you to stop thinking it. It's going to be ok", I think he knew that I was thinking the relationship wasn't going to work. But maybe he was thinking something else... I didn't ask, I was too disappointed.

He's not overly religious, but he does keep Judaism as his culture (foods, holidays, etc)... I'm Christian.

I'm not sure about the porn. I told him I was going to rent a bunch of anal porn so he could get used to the idea.. he is open to going to a sex toy shop, and he is willing to use toys. He said his girlfriends were all pretty inexperienced, and he had a lot of virgins. I saw pictures of some, and they are all very attractive women. He said he's never had someone push his head down for oral. That's something I've always done, because the men I usually date dig it.

I tried giving him some direction, but he got all weirded out... I said it in a sexy way, too.

I told him he needs to reconnect with his sexuality. I personally think he needs some therapy, because he can't seem to separate sex and clinical examinations. I can say that he knew exactly where my g spot was, so he was able to get me off.

He seems to have some self esteem problems... he said some woman was looking at him in a restaurant, and I said, Well, yeah, she wants you... and he said, "She's probably wondering what a beautiful girl like her (me) is doing with an ugly guy like him.. he must be really good in bed!" I said he must be joking because I think he's very sexy. He didn't say anything.

We've only been dating for a month, but it's the first guy in a long time that I thought I could have as my boyfriend. He took me to his neighbors' party... normally I wouldn't go for something like that if it was just sex, but I went for him.

It just feels like someone is watching over me and just laughing their ass off at my love life. This isn't the first weird thing that's happened recently.

[JB20]

a guy could get on here "well my girlfriend has the smallest tits i have ever seen she cant suck dick she told me she prefer straight sex but her p*ssy is so fat and loose im thinking where is this relationship going" expect a guy wouldnt be stupid enough to wonder where the relationship was going he would get rid of the bitch you had to post this on the internet because you couldnt come up with an answer by yourself?

[sweetbecky]

Originally posted by JB20
a guy could get on here "well my girlfriend has the smallest tits i have ever seen she cant suck dick she told me she prefer straight sex but her p*ssy is so fat and loose im thinking where is this relationship going" expect a guy wouldnt be stupid enough to wonder where the relationship was going he would get rid of the bitch you had to post this on the internet because you couldnt come up with an answer by yourself?

I'm not 16 and I'm not into sport ****ing. There's more than sex involved here, and I think people closer to my age understand that. Thanks for your thoughts.

[egoatdoor]

He thinks he's "ugly". Serious self esteem issues.


Becky, you're only 29. Don't fall into the trap of "settling".

[tbomb]

Originally posted by JB20
a guy could get on here "well my girlfriend has the smallest tits i have ever seen she cant suck dick she told me she prefer straight sex but her p*ssy is so fat and loose im thinking where is this relationship going" expect a guy wouldnt be stupid enough to wonder where the relationship was going he would get rid of the bitch you had to post this on the internet because you couldnt come up with an answer by yourself?

thats your 3rd post on this thread. you've offered nothing helpful, and your credibility has consistently declined with each post.

[JB20]

haha

[SteakNPotatoes]

Originally posted by sweetbecky
I need some male perspective. Preferably from people[...]who are no longer virgins.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Oh seriously...good luck finding them on these boards!

[tbomb]

sweetbecky, i guess, for lack of better advice, you should wait until he calls you and then try to talk to him about it. when theres a relationship or potential relationship involved, thats usually the way i go...things dont always go how i want, but i dont like beating around the bush (no pun intended, heh), and everyday that goes by where i have something like that weighing on my mind is lost time, as far as im concerned.

[Apotheosis]

8 months? wtf were u thinkin????? if you seirously want to salvage this mess because u find him so attractive to talk to just give him some more secksi pointers. if he continues to be "grossed out" then wtf???? seems to me its goin nowhere either!


p.s. take every response with a grain o salt

[SpiRit]

must suck maybe he needs to grow into your different sexual habits compared to his previous women

I very much enjoy a woman telling me what I should do and anything to add to her pleasure (well knowing what kinda of people hang around these boards I'll add "there is a line") so perhaps you should allow him to become comfertable around you and then give him some pointers

really if a girl is crappy in bed I'll tell her what she should do and if she freaks out or keeps ignoring it she's out of there ... UNLESS unless we have a enormous connection this friday I'm probably going to have sex with a girl that I have an enormous connection with I won't say f_ck off just because of crappy sex

so do what you feel .... FEEL not think is right and just give it a little time

Best of luck

[mhs23]

Tell him to jelq.

[LadyStarlight]

hey Becky.........

I think you already know the conclusion you'll come to. you've said in another post ".....if the sex is not on point, everything else suffers".....and you repeated it in this post. I remembered that quote specifically because it's something I've been thinking about for a long time. But then again.......have you ever met someone you really had an urge to work it out with because he fit so well with you?

The sex part may be workable, but it will take a lot of work on your part to get him to the level of being comfortable enough to discuss and work on this. He's got size issues and inexperience to deal with, along with a strong defense mechanism. Seems to me he was never allowed, or never allowed himself, to be less than excellent in anything so when he is, he shuts down and you're going to have to get over that hurdle to start dealing with it. (That little pearl of wisdom taken from my own personality). Your openess and comfort level will make it that much easier, though.




And by the way, I've also had some extremely strange experiences this past year........unfortunately you're not alone!

[egoatdoor]

Originally posted by Apotheosis
8 months? wtf were u thinkin????? if you seirously want to salvage this mess because u find him so attractive to talk to just give him some more secksi pointers. if he continues to be "grossed out" then wtf???? seems to me its goin nowhere either!


p.s. take every response with a grain o salt

Read the rules. Only 21 and over in this forum.

[Apotheosis]

shut up. im 21 or older :-p

[egoatdoor]

Your profile says DOB 1990. If that's not right, correct it.