Anyone else facing sabotage?

[clovely]

It's so frustrating. Yesterday, my husband put out a bowl of M&Ms on the kitchen counter. Why would he do that to me just out of the blue? I've been OK with those, just kinda irritated. This morning in church (we were in the 2 year old room), I asked him if he was going to want to go somewhere after church or if I should eat the Zone bar in my purse. We were late and I didn't have time to make a shake so I grabbed a bar. That was bad enough but then he did want to take the kids to lunch. I know, I should've just sat there and not eaten. I'm mad at myself for not. But as if life and the regular junk I have to avoid aren't bad enough he seems to be trying to make it worse. Feels like I can't win. I'm going to just have to be ugly about it, I think - like starting with dumping the dumb M&Ms!

[polinutrigirl]

It's so frustrating. Yesterday, my husband put out a bowl of M&Ms on the kitchen counter. Why would he do that to me just out of the blue? I've been OK with those, just kinda irritated. This morning in church (we were in the 2 year old room), I asked him if he was going to want to go somewhere after church or if I should eat the Zone bar in my purse. We were late and I didn't have time to make a shake so I grabbed a bar. That was bad enough but then he did want to take the kids to lunch. I know, I should've just sat there and not eaten. I'm mad at myself for not. But as if life and the regular junk I have to avoid aren't bad enough he seems to be trying to make it worse. Feels like I can't win. I'm going to just have to be ugly about it, I think - like starting with dumping the dumb M&Ms!

I would've dumped the bowl of M&M's in the trash, and re-filled it w/ fresh apples, bananas, oranges, etc. That would teach him.

[clovely]

When I posted before I knew there was something else I was forgetting - Friday morning, when he came home from the gym, he brought me a latte from Starbucks. What's that about!?!?! He made a special stop, didn't get anything for himself, and I'm sure he didn't even think to ask for it made with skim milk. Under other circumstances, I guess that would be a sweet gesture. But he knows I'm working on a goal with a short deadline for something specific and I'm trying hard. Was that a sweet gesture or an attempt to undermine what I'm working toward? Is anyone really that clueless?? I felt like I had to drink it because it was so "thoughtful" of him (??was it??)

[BrookeBaby]

Girl I so know where your coming from. In my boyfriends truck, The fisrt thing I always do is look in the mirror, so he never EVER puts things (like bills etc.) in the fold. Last week I open it and A chinese food menu falls down. Grrrr. Sabotage. Then this AM, while we were on treadmills (and I'm running 3 miles uphill while hes walking at a steady pace next to me) opens a magazine (I use one to cover the time) Right to a page with a big strawberry cheesecake on it and pushes it closer to my treadmill like for me to look. I zoned back out into my mp3 player and he eventually turned the page. Do they want us to have jiggly bellies and big butts? I swear he would shove whole german chocolate cakes down my throat if he could. glad someone can relate!

it just pisses me off, because Ive always trained and dieted pretty hard, but now I'm on a whole different level and working my tail off and hes doing this.

ALSO...I hate out of shape middle aged women who stand around at the gym lifting 3 pound weight for like a zillion reps talking about what brand of freakin starch creases their husbands trousers the best. I was trying to get through an intense ab routinee and I felt like throwing my four pound medicine ball right at one of thier heads.

That is my vent for the day. Thanks for listening (if anyone did )

[lorabeann]

clovey, is your husband in this with you? I mean, you want to make a change- is he one the same page as far as fitness as a lifestyle?

You probably need to sit down and talk with him about your goals and that you are trying to make a change here. You need his support. You like his sweet gestures of him getting you a starbucks, but you need the latte with skim milk. Or just say you are trying to stay away from starbucks right now. Tell him you want to be his wife as long as possible and as healthy as possible. Tell him you want to see your kids have grandchildren and be a grandmother as long as you can.

At this point, (if he doesn't go to the gym with you), start inviting him to the gym and to make a change in his diet. When you start thinking about the future together, and the future of your kids- you want to be there, and in good health! You aren't doing this for just yourself, but for your family.

Commit yourselves to health as a couple

[terracotta]

You probably need to sit down and talk with him about your goals and that you are trying to make a change here. You need his support. You like his sweet gestures of him getting you a starbucks, but you need the latte with skim milk. Or just say you are trying to stay away from starbucks right now. Tell him you want to be his wife as long as possible and as healthy as possible. Tell him you want to see your kids have grandchildren and be a grandmother as long as you can.

I agree.. I think he was trying to be sweet, and is being pretty clueless about how to be helpful at the same time. I'm sure just a few words, and you should be able to sort it out.

[clovely]

clovey, is your husband in this with you? I mean, you want to make a change- is he one the same page as far as fitness as a lifestyle?

He's totally on the same page! He works out obsessively we just don't work out together. He just doesn't seem to understand I can't get away with eating crap every so often like he does. And we're having this big party for the 4th of July - I can't wait till mid-June to get serious like he can. Crap, it's probably too late for me already, especially at this rate.

[lorabeann]

Good! That's awesome- poor guys, they can eat whatever they want and work out like crazy and have abs. We can't. He will understand if you explain that to him. And tell him not to tempt you! OR... make certain days where he is allowed to tempt you... That could be fun

[Amanda76]

I would've dumped the bowl of M&M's in the trash, and re-filled it w/ fresh apples, bananas, oranges, etc. That would teach him.

LOL I was about to say the same thing! Just throw them in the trash and he'll learn to hide them better.

Your hubby probably just wasn't thinking in the same way you took it. He thought it would be nice (for him) to have easy access to M&M's. That's all.

[Leigh P.]

I deal with this ALL THE TIME with my clients.

Just because he wants to get fit, doesn't mean he wants you to.

I deal with clients all the time who's husbands and wives are trying to sabotages their efforts. They fear the changes. They fear you leaving them behind for someone or something else.

The best thing to do is to assure them of their importance in your life and that the change is for them as well.

[lorabeann]

They fear the changes. They fear you leaving them behind for someone or something else.

The best thing to do is to assure them of their importance in your life and that the change is for them as well.

Good point!

[samizmom]

I agree 100%. Most men who aren't interested in improving their own body, will not support their woman in her bodybuilding quest. The reason is, jealousy and insecurity. They don't want you to look so good that other men fall all over you. As much as men say they like a nice looking woman on their arm, when you are away from them, and not on their arm for ego purposes, they worry and fret over who may be trying to win you over. Looking good just makes this more of a reality. I deal with the same thing from my man.
He's skinny as hell and has minimal muscle. I work out and try to keep in shape and he's busy buying coffee cakes, ice cream and fried chicken.
Granted, he needs to GAIN and I am always trying to lose, but if he truly wanted to see his woman getting into better shape, he wouldn't sabotage.
You gotta set your mind to what you want, and then unfortunately, you may need to make yourself a seperate dinner cholce and let him eat all the M&M's he wants.

[sportyhp]

tell him to put peanut m&m's in there next time for extra protein...
no, in all seriousness i kinda understand where you are coming from. my sister complains a lot about her diet and exercise and i try to give her advice, but she doesnt really listen even when she tells me she wants my help. then, when we go out to eat, she tries to force different foods on me. when she wants ice cream, she tries to get me to get some too so she can validate her diet choices but all i say is no thank you and go home to eat my yogurt and peanut butter lol.

[clovely]

I agree 100%. Most men who aren't interested in improving their own body, will not support their woman in her bodybuilding quest. The reason is, jealousy and insecurity.

But mine is interested in his own diet and workouts. He can just afford a lot more leeway than I can. But I also wonder if it might be guilt and competition - the more I think about it. I think this pops up - like the M&Ms appearing (we never have candy sitting out, even when we're neither one trying to be serious about it)...maybe if he's been slacking or if he's had a few too many cheats (even for him)...or if it's a competition thing. I wonder if subconsciously he doesn't want me make more or faster progress than him leading up to our 4th of July party. He's a little challenged by the thought of inviting all his friends from the gym to our party . . . maybe if I get where I should be (chances of that getting slimmer by the day, though) - I'd just be one more person for him to worry about at the party.

Or maybe I'm projecting from myself. What a mess! I'm pretty sure now I'm just over-thinking it. He's a guy. Whatever it is, I guess I can be sure he's not put much if any thought into the goofy things he's put in front of me. I shouldn't look for motives that probably aren't there or aren't intentional.

[terracotta]

You just seriously have to talk to him.. imagining up things doesn't help.

[gfundaro]

Haha....I think a lot of time women read into this stuff too much. When my boyfriend eats a hamburger, he's not trying to sabotage my efforts.
He's hungry, so he's eating. He wants a hamburger, so he's eating one. :-)
It's that simple, there's no malice involved. My bodybuilding and my way of eating is MY choice, and this is MY life. He has his own life and his own choices, and my willpower isn't so weak that looking at a bit of junkfood tears down my resolve or throws me into emotional agony.
And a latte won't kill you, I promise. :-) I've had an extra cheat this month and it didn't do anything but improve my lifts the next day. And the cheat was my choice, and it wasn't a result of anyone consciously or subconsciously tempting me.

[TurbulentFluid]

Haha....I think a lot of time women read into this stuff too much. When my boyfriend eats a hamburger, he's not trying to sabotage my efforts.
He's hungry, so he's eating. He wants a hamburger, so he's eating one. :-)
It's that simple, there's no malice involved. My bodybuilding and my way of eating is MY choice, and this is MY life. He has his own life and his own choices, and my willpower isn't so weak that looking at a bit of junkfood tears down my resolve or throws me into emotional agony.
And a latte won't kill you, I promise. :-) I've had an extra cheat this month and it didn't do anything but improve my lifts the next day. And the cheat was my choice, and it wasn't a result of anyone consciously or subconsciously tempting me.

I agree.
I think the point is, to "train" oneself NOT to eat everything in sight, not to harras everyone ELSE into "not tempting" us.

[imperfectly_lou]

I have to agree with the last two posts. I don't think we can expect people to walk around on tiptoes due to our choices clashing with theirs....

[twinnett]

Yep...my husband and roommate get pizza all the time..I don't think they're trying to "sabatoge" me...they just want to eat pizza! lol

[gfundaro]

Yep...my husband and roommate get pizza all the time..I don't think they're trying to "sabatoge" me...they just want to eat pizza! lol

LOL that's exactly the living situation I was in :-) I was always surrounded by pizza, chinese food, subs, and whatever my bf brought back from work (he's a cook). But I know they were surprised by my progress and my bf is very supportive, they'd never purposely try to hamper my success.

[fitinidaho]

My husband eats peanuts and M&M's every fricking Nite...but it doesnt bother me. I grab my cottage cheese and almonds and know that Im doing something good for my body.

[DumpyMom]

I think it depends on the security level of your husband. I do believe there are people that will try to sabotage you. You hear about friends who are both heavy and when one decides to lose weight the other all of a sudden starts delivering yummy treats or makes exercise plans and at last minute suggests something else and guilts the friend into missing the exercise also.

With my husband, I know he's very threatened by the fact that I've decided to get back into shape. He's always been very fit. He eats right, exercises, etc. Looks great and I see the ladies look at him when we go places. But he seems to think that if I'm trying to improve myself that it's a reflection on our relationship. In his head I wouldn't be trying to look better just for myself or for him.

So, I get offered ice cream, extra helpings at dinner, etc. I decline (most of the time). I figure he'll get over it and in the meantime I think of it as a challenge to my commitment. If I can't say 'no' it's not his fault - it's mine. I can rationalize my eating or drinking a cheat as not wanting to hurt his feelings but it's really an easy way for me to cheat and not feel guilty. (I'm not saying that's what you do) Better to hurt his feelings once and clear the air than to build resentment and blame him for any lack of progress.

I can't clear junk food from my house. That wouldn't be fair to my husband and daughter. It's more of my self-control issue. I need to train myself to say no and not try to train the world to keep temptation from my door.

[terracotta]

If my husband kept tempting stuff within reach of me, he'd have a fat wife. He doesn't want a fat wife.

I'm not going to have junk in my house when I have children. Something like crackers and cheese is fine. But true junk will be a RARITY.

[anandagirl]

I have several rants in my BodyBlog from last week relating specifically to sabotage in your closest relationship.