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  1. #1
    Registered User LatissimusDorsi's Avatar
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    Self conscious with no self esteem

    (Serious replies only please!)

    The problem is everyday I stare at myself in the mirror (it feels like OCD) for maybe five to ten minutes several times a day and I can never feel good about the way I look. I try to use that time to get ready but I always subconsciously judge myself negatively regardless. By the time I'm finished I feel like crap and don't want to go anywhere. I am more frequently missing days at the gym, my school attendance is down and I am avoiding people and the public.

    I compare my appearance that of most people I see in public and everyone else seems to be more attractive than me, it is really starting to affect me. I cannot accept being unattractive, it is like I have a belief that the only way I can truly feel good is if I am attractive. I started thinking this way maybe one or two years ago when a couple of girls called me ugly, months after that another girl called me ugly and ever since then I've started hating my appearance.

    I hate the sinking feeling I get when I've finished looking in the mirror and ready to walk out the door. I'm sick of wondering if some girl is about to make a rude comment about the way I look. I need my self-esteem back, I'm too self conscious!!! Do people really care if u aren't that good looking? I hope I'm putting too much importance in it...
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  2. #2
    Banned Samihassan's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LatissimusDorsi View Post
    (Serious replies only please!)

    The problem is everyday I stare at myself in the mirror (it feels like OCD) for maybe five to ten minutes several times a day and I can never feel good about the way I look. I try to use that time to get ready but I always subconsciously judge myself negatively regardless. By the time I'm finished I feel like crap and don't want to go anywhere. I am more frequently missing days at the gym, my school attendance is down and I am avoiding people and the public.

    I compare my appearance that of most people I see in public and everyone else seems to be more attractive than me, it is really starting to affect me. I cannot accept being unattractive, it is like I have a belief that the only way I can truly feel good is if I am attractive. I started thinking this way maybe one or two years ago when a couple of girls called me ugly, months after that another girl called me ugly and ever since then I've started hating my appearance.

    I hate the sinking feeling I get when I've finished looking in the mirror and ready to walk out the door. I'm sick of wondering if some girl is about to make a rude comment about the way I look. I need my self-esteem back, I'm too self conscious!!! Do people really care if u aren't that good looking? I hope I'm putting too much importance in it...

    Who cares what some other girls think about you. LIft your head up high and be proud of yourself. Im sure you have a great personality and alot of girls would love that.
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  3. #3
    Pasty Bell End nuttybl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LatissimusDorsi View Post
    (Serious replies only please!)

    The problem is everyday I stare at myself in the mirror (it feels like OCD) for maybe five to ten minutes several times a day and I can never feel good about the way I look. I try to use that time to get ready but I always subconsciously judge myself negatively regardless. By the time I'm finished I feel like crap and don't want to go anywhere. I am more frequently missing days at the gym, my school attendance is down and I am avoiding people and the public.

    I compare my appearance that of most people I see in public and everyone else seems to be more attractive than me, it is really starting to affect me. I cannot accept being unattractive, it is like I have a belief that the only way I can truly feel good is if I am attractive. I started thinking this way maybe one or two years ago when a couple of girls called me ugly, months after that another girl called me ugly and ever since then I've started hating my appearance.

    I hate the sinking feeling I get when I've finished looking in the mirror and ready to walk out the door. I'm sick of wondering if some girl is about to make a rude comment about the way I look. I need my self-esteem back, I'm too self conscious!!! Do people really care if u aren't that good looking? I hope I'm putting too much importance in it...
    1st dont worry what people think of your appearance, most probably don't give 2 sh!ts what you look like. 2nd even if you aren't self confident and have low self esteem (im the same btw) the most important thing is not to come off that way. I could imagine acting or singing lessons could help you become more confident as generally people shy away from such things. Also girls talk sh!t (no sexist) they play all kind of mind games and always fish for compliments calling you ugly was probably a sick why of boosting there own underdeveloped self esteem.
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  4. #4
    Registered User Ripped_carnt's Avatar
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    remove all mirrors from your house? just sayin'
    mercury build up from excessive tuna will kill your libido
    http://www.ph.ucla.edu/ehs/student%20hazards/mercury.pdf
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  5. #5
    Misc Ceo, feels good man Scofield's Avatar
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    dude letting your self esteem depend on whether girls think you are attractive or not is asking for trouble. I swear there are girls out there who would say you are "hot" no matter how ugly u are so dont get down on yourself.
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  6. #6
    Banned wildphucker's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LatissimusDorsi View Post
    (Serious replies only please!)

    The problem is everyday I stare at myself in the mirror (it feels like OCD) for maybe five to ten minutes several times a day and I can never feel good about the way I look. I try to use that time to get ready but I always subconsciously judge myself negatively regardless. By the time I'm finished I feel like crap and don't want to go anywhere. I am more frequently missing days at the gym, my school attendance is down and I am avoiding people and the public.

    I compare my appearance that of most people I see in public and everyone else seems to be more attractive than me, it is really starting to affect me. I cannot accept being unattractive, it is like I have a belief that the only way I can truly feel good is if I am attractive. I started thinking this way maybe one or two years ago when a couple of girls called me ugly, months after that another girl called me ugly and ever since then I've started hating my appearance.

    I hate the sinking feeling I get when I've finished looking in the mirror and ready to walk out the door. I'm sick of wondering if some girl is about to make a rude comment about the way I look. I need my self-esteem back, I'm too self conscious!!! Do people really care if u aren't that good looking? I hope I'm putting too much importance in it...

    **** dude sounds like just me. I avoid mirros like the plague, if i accidentally make eye contact with one my neck snaps back like a motor reflex.

    I think a major, massive, huge thing with this is the gym. It's hard to be content with your appearance when you live off chicken and rice and pound the weights every day. If you sit on the couch and eat chips you just live with your shoddy physique because you don't put any effort into it. Its like 'oh well, its not like im even trying, its no surprise i look like this.' But when you work as hard as we do on your body anything short of perfection just isn't good enough.

    I've had identical problems to you, perhaps even more severe. Alot of times I refused to go out to clubs wiht my friends because I wasn't 'tanned' enough and needed more solarium sessions. My skin wasn't golden so how could i possibly pick up?

    you definitely put too much emphasis on it. i've seen dudes pull hot chicks when the only positives they've had in the looks department are a lack of any identifiable negatives. As in, they had nothing going for them except that they weren't fat or ugly.
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  7. #7
    Mr. Oats jordaro2002's Avatar
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    You sound exactly like me about 3 or 4 years ago. I too was self conscious and felt like I was ugly and that no girl or anyone in general would take me serious or even participate in a pleasant interaction with me. I've been a hermit for much of my life and I'm finally starting to make the changes now. Here is my advice to you. Take care of the things that you can control and you'll be just fine.

    As much as you want to hold on to your comfort zone (how you dress, your haircut how you act around people) you have to change it up. You sound like someone who is stuck in a rut. The best way to fix your current stagnance is to figure out what your 'look' is going to be.

    Every man has the ability to look decent. Facial hair and haircut choice is key here. Be serious about looking as good as you can. This means you'll have to experiment with new haircuts and facial hair styles until you find the one that best compliments your face.

    I guarentee that you're not as ugly as you think you are. Women want a man who is clean, demonstrates good taste in close and is reasonably in shape. If you handle the things you can control than you can be all of these things. I guarantee that even if you aren't classically good looking, you can present yourself in a way that women will respect and become attracted to.
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  8. #8
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    Lucky for you you're a male so you can do well without being physically attractive. Lots of ugly men go very far in life. Just get rich and succesfull and women will flock to your feet and tell you how gorgeous you are. Serious
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  9. #9
    Registered User LatissimusDorsi's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Samihassan View Post
    Who cares what some other girls think about you. LIft your head up high and be proud of yourself. Im sure you have a great personality and alot of girls would love that.
    I guess I just don't want to come off as inferior or something by not looking as good as the general population...

    Originally Posted by nuttybl View Post
    1st dont worry what people think of your appearance, most probably don't give 2 sh!ts what you look like. 2nd even if you aren't self confident and have low self esteem (im the same btw) the most important thing is not to come off that way. I could imagine acting or singing lessons could help you become more confident as generally people shy away from such things. Also girls talk sh!t (no sexist) they play all kind of mind games and always fish for compliments calling you ugly was probably a sick why of boosting there own underdeveloped self esteem.
    Thanks. I hope people generally don't care what another looks like and I will definitely get my body language and stuff sorted out so I don't come off as someone with no self esteem.

    Originally Posted by Scofield View Post
    dude letting your self esteem depend on whether girls think you are attractive or not is asking for trouble. I swear there are girls out there who would say you are "hot" no matter how ugly u are so dont get down on yourself.
    Yeah I agree it is asking for trouble. It's just hard when they put u down and u start feeling as if something is wrong with u.

    Originally Posted by wildphucker View Post
    **** dude sounds like just me. I avoid mirros like the plague, if i accidentally make eye contact with one my neck snaps back like a motor reflex.

    I think a major, massive, huge thing with this is the gym. It's hard to be content with your appearance when you live off chicken and rice and pound the weights every day. If you sit on the couch and eat chips you just live with your shoddy physique because you don't put any effort into it. Its like 'oh well, its not like im even trying, its no surprise i look like this.' But when you work as hard as we do on your body anything short of perfection just isn't good enough.

    I've had identical problems to you, perhaps even more severe. Alot of times I refused to go out to clubs wiht my friends because I wasn't 'tanned' enough and needed more solarium sessions. My skin wasn't golden so how could i possibly pick up?

    you definitely put too much emphasis on it. i've seen dudes pull hot chicks when the only positives they've had in the looks department are a lack of any identifiable negatives. As in, they had nothing going for them except that they weren't fat or ugly.
    Wow, thanks. I never thought of the gym being a source of this. I see how it works, and it makes perfect sense that working on an above average body would make for wanting an above average face too. I find stupid reasons for not going out too and I really hope I'm putting too much emphasis on this and over analyzing too much.

    Originally Posted by jordaro2002 View Post
    You sound exactly like me about 3 or 4 years ago. I too was self conscious and felt like I was ugly and that no girl or anyone in general would take me serious or even participate in a pleasant interaction with me. I've been a hermit for much of my life and I'm finally starting to make the changes now. Here is my advice to you. Take care of the things that you can control and you'll be just fine.

    As much as you want to hold on to your comfort zone (how you dress, your haircut how you act around people) you have to change it up. You sound like someone who is stuck in a rut. The best way to fix your current stagnance is to figure out what your 'look' is going to be.

    Every man has the ability to look decent. Facial hair and haircut choice is key here. Be serious about looking as good as you can. This means you'll have to experiment with new haircuts and facial hair styles until you find the one that best compliments your face.

    I guarentee that you're not as ugly as you think you are. Women want a man who is clean, demonstrates good taste in close and is reasonably in shape. If you handle the things you can control than you can be all of these things. I guarantee that even if you aren't classically good looking, you can present yourself in a way that women will respect and become attracted to.
    Thanks a lot. That is cool u got over it, gives me hope! I've been working on my look lately and I've made a little document on my computer about some things I'm going to buy when I get the money. Certain clothes, cologne, tanning sessions, etc. I'm going to spend some of my money on getting a professional haircut as well. I've been planning this for a little while.
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  10. #10
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    They saying examineing yourself in the mirror daily is good for your self-image, it helps you accept yourself for, yourself.

    Get over it dude!


    You know what helps me? wal-mart...


    Go into a wal-mart..go shopping, I'll be walking around in there, and by the time I'm done I wanna just raid camping supplies in sporting goods for one of those machete's, then I just wanna, wade into the frey and start hacking people apart.

    I mean look at em...there ****ing pathetic...I just wanna start twisting there heads off and then drink from the neck nub.


    wal-mart.
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  11. #11
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  12. #12
    Rep Power: Over 9000! Dysfunqtional's Avatar
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    It's not how you look, but how you carry yourself. If you walk/talk with confidence girls will be attracted to you. If you walk around with no confidence they will notice.
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  13. #13
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    Word to everything here.

    Gyms are also a distorted reality. When you collect the most massive mofo's of a particular suburban area and put them all in the one little weight room you can start to think your the worst off and you have a bad physique. This happens to me(even though I'd be in the top 20 biggest dudes in my gym) all the time. Whenever I need a grounding in reality I go into a McDonalds or a movie theater and get a pleasant reminder of what 'normal' people look like and what normal people like to eat. If I see anything other than M & Ms or a coke I'm surprised.

    If you're anything like me you have a horribly competitive nature and being anything less than number 1 isn't good enough. Even if you're 225lbs at 4%bodyfat, if you see just one dude out of thousands whos 230lbs at 3%, you'll freak out and think your progress means nothing.
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  14. #14
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    Originally Posted by LatissimusDorsi View Post
    (Serious replies only please!)

    The problem is everyday I stare at myself in the mirror (it feels like OCD) for maybe five to ten minutes several times a day and I can never feel good about the way I look. I try to use that time to get ready but I always subconsciously judge myself negatively regardless. By the time I'm finished I feel like crap and don't want to go anywhere. I am more frequently missing days at the gym, my school attendance is down and I am avoiding people and the public.

    I compare my appearance that of most people I see in public and everyone else seems to be more attractive than me, it is really starting to affect me. I cannot accept being unattractive, it is like I have a belief that the only way I can truly feel good is if I am attractive. I started thinking this way maybe one or two years ago when a couple of girls called me ugly, months after that another girl called me ugly and ever since then I've started hating my appearance.

    I hate the sinking feeling I get when I've finished looking in the mirror and ready to walk out the door. I'm sick of wondering if some girl is about to make a rude comment about the way I look. I need my self-esteem back, I'm too self conscious!!! Do people really care if u aren't that good looking? I hope I'm putting too much importance in it...
    Maybe I can help....

    This image you get when you look in the mirror is based on two things:

    1. Your own self perception

    2. Your "cultural conditioning," based on the media and other people

    There are many women I can look at and think, "Wow. She's beautiful," but she not only doesn't turn me on physically, but I also have no desire to even meet her. There are other women that I would rate as average or even below, but there's something about them that "does it" for me. Don't get me wrong; it's much more often that the beautiful woman will turn me on, but the exception proves a point: my thinking of her as beautiful is based on society's definiton of beauty. So when I see a woman who isn't "beautiful" by society's template, yet she still makes me want to hump her all night, that's nature and biology talking.

    I'm willing to bet that other people don't think of you as being nearly as ugly as you think you are, if at all. When you learn to change your own self-perception, you'll be amazed at how you begin to see yourself. That image you see in the mirror isn't coming so much from your eyes as it's coming from the psychological filter (low self esteem) you've installed.

    It's time to change that filter.
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  15. #15
    Registered User nognig's Avatar
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    This is along the same lines as Ex-terminators post.

    There is no man or woman who is demeed attractive by every single person. Ask chicks if they think Brad Pitts attractives, not everyone will say yes.

    You need to accept that fact that not everyone will find you attractive. However, if you take care of yourself, a lot of women will find you attractive. Mix that with a good personality and you'll have more than enough women interested in you.

    NN
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    Originally Posted by wildphucker View Post
    Word to everything here.

    Gyms are also a distorted reality. When you collect the most massive mofo's of a particular suburban area and put them all in the one little weight room you can start to think your the worst off and you have a bad physique. This happens to me(even though I'd be in the top 20 biggest dudes in my gym) all the time. Whenever I need a grounding in reality I go into a McDonalds or a movie theater and get a pleasant reminder of what 'normal' people look like and what normal people like to eat. If I see anything other than M & Ms or a coke I'm surprised.

    If you're anything like me you have a horribly competitive nature and being anything less than number 1 isn't good enough. Even if you're 225lbs at 4%bodyfat, if you see just one dude out of thousands whos 230lbs at 3%, you'll freak out and think your progress means nothing.
    I really like what you said about distorted realities, in a way bb.com is a distorted reality. I remember after I first came here and started learning all of the techniques and stuff, I was suprised that none of my friends knew how to eat right, what keto was, bulking, cutting , the importance of diet etc. I also thought everyone was a helluva lot stronger due to reading all these "New pr 660lb squat!" posts, but you can use these to your advantage, I definitely am.

    Now onto your problem of self image, I kinda had this prob, but thats cuz I had really bad acne. Look, it can always be worse, so hit the gym, attend school and get those grades up (youll regret it if you dont) and stop worrying so much. Just walk down the street and see if people stare at you or not, they probably wont, your just blowing this out of proportion.

    People can subconciously read you. If you think your ugly, you will become ugly. Just lighten up, hit the gym, its not as bad as you make it out to be. Go play a sport or something, jeez
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    Get confident, stupid.
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    Post a pic, maybe we can tell you if you can fix something.


    Do you have a unibrow or something ?
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    tranny prstitutes...they never judge anyone!
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    Thumbs up Thanks

    Originally Posted by XZionX View Post
    You have a problem that you need to take to a professional if it doesn't stop.
    I'll do that if it gets any worse.

    Originally Posted by ryanthompson7 View Post
    It's not how you look, but how you carry yourself. If you walk/talk with confidence girls will be attracted to you. If you walk around with no confidence they will notice.
    I agree the way u carry urself is half of the picture but looks are a huge part in todays society too.

    Originally Posted by wildphucker View Post
    Word to everything here.

    Gyms are also a distorted reality. When you collect the most massive mofo's of a particular suburban area and put them all in the one little weight room you can start to think your the worst off and you have a bad physique. This happens to me(even though I'd be in the top 20 biggest dudes in my gym) all the time. Whenever I need a grounding in reality I go into a McDonalds or a movie theater and get a pleasant reminder of what 'normal' people look like and what normal people like to eat. If I see anything other than M & Ms or a coke I'm surprised.

    If you're anything like me you have a horribly competitive nature and being anything less than number 1 isn't good enough. Even if you're 225lbs at 4%bodyfat, if you see just one dude out of thousands whos 230lbs at 3%, you'll freak out and think your progress means nothing.
    Yeah u're right. I've always wanted to be the best, have the best and do the best at everything I've focused on. I think now my focus is on my face. So maybe I need to shift my focus to something else.

    Originally Posted by Ex-Terminator View Post
    Maybe I can help....

    This image you get when you look in the mirror is based on two things:

    1. Your own self perception

    2. Your "cultural conditioning," based on the media and other people

    There are many women I can look at and think, "Wow. She's beautiful," but she not only doesn't turn me on physically, but I also have no desire to even meet her. There are other women that I would rate as average or even below, but there's something about them that "does it" for me. Don't get me wrong; it's much more often that the beautiful woman will turn me on, but the exception proves a point: my thinking of her as beautiful is based on society's definiton of beauty. So when I see a woman who isn't "beautiful" by society's template, yet she still makes me want to hump her all night, that's nature and biology talking.

    I'm willing to bet that other people don't think of you as being nearly as ugly as you think you are, if at all. When you learn to change your own self-perception, you'll be amazed at how you begin to see yourself. That image you see in the mirror isn't coming so much from your eyes as it's coming from the psychological filter (low self esteem) you've installed.

    It's time to change that filter.
    I've had the same experience in class with an average to below average girl doing something for me, when there was at least fifteen other girls in the room who looked twice as good...

    How do I learn to change self-perception? I don't want to analyze myself in the mirror today.

    Originally Posted by nognig View Post
    This is along the same lines as Ex-terminators post.

    There is no man or woman who is demeed attractive by every single person. Ask chicks if they think Brad Pitts attractives, not everyone will say yes.

    You need to accept that fact that not everyone will find you attractive. However, if you take care of yourself, a lot of women will find you attractive. Mix that with a good personality and you'll have more than enough women interested in you.

    NN
    That is quite simple and to the point. Thanks.

    Originally Posted by dempo25 View Post
    Now onto your problem of self image, I kinda had this prob, but thats cuz I had really bad acne. Look, it can always be worse, so hit the gym, attend school and get those grades up (youll regret it if you dont) and stop worrying so much. Just walk down the street and see if people stare at you or not, they probably wont, your just blowing this out of proportion.

    People can subconciously read you. If you think your ugly, you will become ugly. Just lighten up, hit the gym, its not as bad as you make it out to be. Go play a sport or something, jeez
    I agree with that.
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    man up, stop being such a pussy. either that or go kill yourself.

    also, post pics.
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    Originally Posted by LatissimusDorsi View Post
    How do I learn to change self-perception? I don't want to analyze myself in the mirror today.
    It isn't about analyzing yourself in the mirror. The fact is that you're analyzing yourself too much in the mirror already. I'll tell you from experience that the way you think you look will be exactly the way you look to yourself in the mirror.

    Now I'm going to demonstrate something that will blow your mind. Don't just read this and say, "oh, okay." I want you to actually DO THIS. It will take about two minutes, tops, and it will demonstrate what I'm talking about. Okay? Just have a little trust here and do what I ask you.

    Your thread isn't about height, but this will drive a serious point home. Stand in front of the mirror. Stand up straight, preferably against the opposite wall. Now, either mark or make a very accurate mental note of the height of your eyes (they're exactly the height of this particular ink splotch or whatever). It doesn't matter what your measuring criteria is as long as it's accurate.

    Got your eye-height position? Good. Now, stand back and look at the spot you marked on the wall. Not in the mirror, but directly at it from a few feet away. That is the height of your eyes. You saw it yourself, but you're probably thinking, "there's no damned way I'm that tall!" But again, you saw it yourself. When someone is looking you in the eye, that's the height they're looking.

    Now to the point. This demonstrates just how much differently we can see ourselves as opposed to how others see us. Whatever you see in the mirror can be severely skewed by what you expect to see.

    I used to be very self conscious about what I thought was my "pointy" chin. But now, I'm somewhat proud of my "manly" jawline. Did my jawline change in the least? Not at all, but my perception of it did.

    I'm totally serious about you doing that mirror trick (or anyone else who wants to try it). Let me know what you think.
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