50 mistakes Women Make(written by a woman)

[Wesbrow]

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid *****. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that ****. It makes men pass out.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That **** is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the **** that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that ****, but I'm pretty sure they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He's about to get some *****. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that **** if you want him to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it..

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it's just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a ***** to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women.

26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when hes touching you.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to stop, but don't look all ****ing surprised when he's confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big ****ing deal.


30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It's not his responsibility to start things all the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty **** you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it's hilarious.


38. Throwing a ***** fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream.

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth.

Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

41. *****ing when you get jizz on you. You're having sex. That will happen.

Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had, even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right. And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven't showered that day, and things smell a little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later.

And really ****ing you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens to every guy".

Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with him. He's still capable of getting you off.

Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

[limniade]

A woman didn't write that crap.

[TheDukeUSMC]

Interesting and funny

[TheDukeUSMC]

A woman didn't write that crap.

I have an odd request. Would you write 50 things and post it here or b)PM it to me?


Just asking....

[MisterChase]

A woman didn't write that crap.

I was thinking the same thing, but I couldn't be so certain. The only reason of my doubt is the tone, rather than the content. But what makes you so sure?

[Shangius]

Stolen from ********. Still gg.

[Violator009]

all women ignore no 32..

[ohsnap]

21. Being too much of a ***** to tell him what is or isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock in your butt.

i lol'd

[anonymous]

women are writing these days?

wow

[mvhs]

women are writing these days?

wow

Writing is a good skill for secretaries

[ceno]

I dont care who wrote it....

I agree with every single one of 'em....2 thumbs upzzz...

[MisterChase]

Writing is a good skill for secretaries

And for bitches that need to get some grocery shopping done.

[bignadsonme]

I was thinking the same thing, but I couldn't be so certain. The only reason of my doubt is the tone, rather than the content. But what makes you so sure?

i concur. while i agree with everything said, the tone of the list sounds like its from a guy, not a girl

[bignadsonme]

i concur. while i agree with everything said, the tone of the list sounds like its from a guy, not a girl

unless its a bull dyke

[Cosmonaut]

Who cares who wrote it, if a girl is active she should have that **** down pact.

[limniade]

A woman didn't write it because women who actually read Cosmo know that the sex articles are all about pleasing the guy; because women know that there is a perfectly legitimate reason why pushing her head down during a BJ is a bad idea (namely, breathing/gag reflex conflict), and so on.

Notice that every single point in the article is about how women SHOULDN'T expect men to do a certain thing, but how women SHOULD do certain things themselves. Like, I'm not supposed to expect the guy to be able to take his own pants off without giving himself a concussion, but *I'm* supposed to shower, take off the zit cream, have a bottle of water by the bed, give a BJ a certain way, touch the balls, use the nails but not too much, get on top, do my OWN foreplay while on top, and in the end, not expect him to give me an orgasm because that's my job and "men shouldn't have to do all the work". While getting jizzed on in the area of his choice. Then I should clean up but be fine with sleeping in the wet spot because changing the sheets ruins the moment. (The moment of getting jizzed in the eye, apparently.)

Please. Yeah, no woman wrote that garbage. If a woman wrote that list, it certainly wouldn't be 50 items long, it'd only be like 3 items long.

1. He can't tell if you're faking. Just do it, it'll make him feel better.
2. Yes, Virginia, he is only here for the sex.
3. Three words: Hitachi Magic Wand.

[JCAZ2010]

This girl seems pretty sure that she knows everything about women and sex.

[acetylator]

I need to meet this girl.


Really. Spot on.

[anonymous]

Notice that every single point in the article is about how women SHOULDN'T expect men to do a certain thing, but how women SHOULD do certain things themselves. Like, I'm not supposed to expect the guy to be able to take his own pants off without giving himself a concussion, but *I'm* supposed to shower, take off the zit cream, have a bottle of water by the bed, give a BJ a certain way, touch the balls, use the nails but not too much, get on top, do my OWN foreplay while on top, and in the end, not expect him to give me an orgasm because that's my job and "men shouldn't have to do all the work". While getting jizzed on in the area of his choice. Then I should clean up but be fine with sleeping in the wet spot because changing the sheets ruins the moment. (The moment of getting jizzed in the eye, apparently.)

yup you got it!

[user23960508710783]

A woman didn't write it because women who actually read Cosmo know that the sex articles are all about pleasing the guy; because women know that there is a perfectly legitimate reason why pushing her head down during a BJ is a bad idea (namely, breathing/gag reflex conflict), and so on.

Notice that every single point in the article is about how women SHOULDN'T expect men to do a certain thing, but how women SHOULD do certain things themselves. Like, I'm not supposed to expect the guy to be able to take his own pants off without giving himself a concussion, but *I'm* supposed to shower, take off the zit cream, have a bottle of water by the bed, give a BJ a certain way, touch the balls, use the nails but not too much, get on top, do my OWN foreplay while on top, and in the end, not expect him to give me an orgasm because that's my job and "men shouldn't have to do all the work". While getting jizzed on in the area of his choice. Then I should clean up but be fine with sleeping in the wet spot because changing the sheets ruins the moment. (The moment of getting jizzed in the eye, apparently.)

Please. Yeah, no woman wrote that garbage. If a woman wrote that list, it certainly wouldn't be 50 items long, it'd only be like 3 items long.

1. He can't tell if you're faking. Just do it, it'll make him feel better.
2. Yes, Virginia, he is only here for the sex.
3. Three words: Hitachi Magic Wand.

If a woman wrote the list, it would be 1 item long:

1. Me, me, me.

[user178944]

doesnt seem like a women would write this, but only a women would be able to talk/write for that long no hate crime

[SFriday425]

1. Thinking her opinion matters
2. Leaving the kitchen
3. Thinking she is equal to a man
4. Not offering BJs 22 hours a day
5. Speaking when not spoken to
6. Not calling her spouse "sir" or "master"
7. Wearing clothes in the house
8. Eating more than 1500 cals a day
9. Not looking like Jessica Simpson
etc, etc.



















j/k

[acetylator]

1. He can't tell if you're faking. Just do it, it'll make him feel better.
2. Yes, Virginia, he is only here for the sex.
3. Three words: Hitachi Magic Wand.

1. are you kidding me? I could totally tell if a girl faked, you cant artificially replicate that cute little shudder and sweet helpless look on your face. I would get really annoyed if a girl thought she could pull that on me.

2. Well... but naps are sweet too.

3. I'm way better.

[Donkey Hunter]

A woman didn't write it because women who actually read Cosmo know that the sex articles are all about pleasing the guy; because women know that there is a perfectly legitimate reason why pushing her head down during a BJ is a bad idea (namely, breathing/gag reflex conflict), and so on.

Notice that every single point in the article is about how women SHOULDN'T expect men to do a certain thing, but how women SHOULD do certain things themselves. Like, I'm not supposed to expect the guy to be able to take his own pants off without giving himself a concussion, but *I'm* supposed to shower, take off the zit cream, have a bottle of water by the bed, give a BJ a certain way, touch the balls, use the nails but not too much, get on top, do my OWN foreplay while on top, and in the end, not expect him to give me an orgasm because that's my job and "men shouldn't have to do all the work". While getting jizzed on in the area of his choice. Then I should clean up but be fine with sleeping in the wet spot because changing the sheets ruins the moment. (The moment of getting jizzed in the eye, apparently.)

Please. Yeah, no woman wrote that garbage. If a woman wrote that list, it certainly wouldn't be 50 items long, it'd only be like 3 items long.

1. He can't tell if you're faking. Just do it, it'll make him feel better.
2. Yes, Virginia, he is only here for the sex.
3. Three words: Hitachi Magic Wand.

Damn, you need to get some

Seriously, it was written for women, i'm sure there is a list for men too.

Bottom line, everything on that list was spot on.

[user467848784578]

what ******** group is this?

[anonymous]

Want to hear a joke?











Women's sports

fixed

[limniade]

If everything on that list was spot-on, then I absolutely DON'T need to get some. Doesn't seem like there'd be anything in it for me.

[user23960508710783]

Damn, you need to get some

Seriously, it was written for women, i'm sure there is a list for men too.

Bottom line, everything on that list was spot on.

She's already posted about how she prefers her toys to men.

[limniade]

Don't be jealous. I'm sure that if they could make a toy that gave orgasms 10x better than any woman could, those things would be flying off the shelves.

[user23960508710783]

Don't be jealous. I'm sure that if they could make a toy that gave orgasms 10x better than any woman could, those things would be flying off the shelves.

I'm not jealous, I was just pointing out that appealing to your desire to have sex with a man is a fruitless endeavor.