Need some mature men feedback

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 05:26 AM

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her. Now that thats out of the way; met some chick at the job who has the hots for me. I like her too ( she's hot ). Anyway, I find myself obsessing over this chick then finding myself feeling guilty for having done so. Of course I want to break it off..........I go over and over it in mind, but IT doesn't get done.

If youve experienced this, you know there's more to it than that. I want to hear from you then we can communicate more on the matter. BTW her husband is doing 10 years in jail...................

please respond with some thing more than, ' get yours.........."

**magnumfreak** · 03-17-2007, 05:32 AM

It just isn't worth it. With you being married you should do everything like she was standing next to you because in a sense she is standing next to you. Ask yourself how you would feel if you current wife did the same thing to you and you found out about it.

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 05:39 AM

You' re absolutely right. Thing is being torn between doing hte "right thing" and doing what "feels" good. My wife and I are lacking in the bedroom dept and that sucks BIG TIME cause she is the smartest woman I know. She has been there for me in ways I cannot begin to write. Brother she is the one with that one exeption...............I wish I could cut IT off and give to her before I go to work in the mornings it would save me soo much headaches.......

**cdoty** · 03-17-2007, 06:22 AM

You have 4 options:
A. Become a mormon, lol every guys dream!
B. Start swinging, some studies suggest this helps peoples problems in bed or out
C. Stay with the commitment that you made
D. get a divorce, to much $$$ for me, IMO
E. anything else over 35 groupies?????

You only live once, its time to make a choice.
I might try B and C

**Defiant1** · 03-17-2007, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by chancho

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her. Now that thats out of the way; met some chick at the job who has the hots for me. I like her too ( she's hot ). Anyway, I find myself obsessing over this chick then finding myself feeling guilty for having done so. Of course I want to break it off..........I go over and over it in mind, but IT doesn't get done.

If youve experienced this, you know there's more to it than that. I want to hear from you then we can communicate more on the matter. BTW her husband is doing 10 years in jail...................

please respond with some thing more than, ' get yours.........."

Marriage is a decision, and a choice. All choice involves giving something up.

In todays society, we seem to be taught that the urges shouldn't exist. What we should be taught, IMO, is to accept the urge, yet don't act on it. The urge loses some of it's power, then.

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 06:29 AM

I definately dig it..............someone mentioned my " denial" bro I have come to the realization that I am not the person I made myself up to be and that I am in need of some growing up in some areas.
i mean married life = commitment, trust, security, communication (overrated imo), safety.....long term

affair= exitement, adrenalyn

but with all the eveidance staring me in the face, I have to cop to that Bible scripture that reads, "... a dog always returns to is vomit.." or something like that

**back2it** · 03-17-2007, 06:29 AM

Give this some thought .Her husband is in jail ,so she is lonely and non commital to him. If you decide to take the risk ,once he is out how commited to you will she be .

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 06:34 AM

Hey back2it ! you say alot with that opinion. I am the one with more to lose in this matter. Her man has been in jail for 2 years so she knows how to go back to her life without him (however uncomfortable that may be), me? I have to admit to you guys that I would not know how to begin to "do my life over."

did I mention that this is my 2nd marriage?

**SumthinOrNuthin** · 03-17-2007, 06:46 AM

I'm a girl but maybe I can add an angle here.

My very best guy friend in the world has recently had this very same problem, and his home (bedroom) circumstances are just the same as yours.

I put this to him ...

So, you love and respect your wife (he also has grown-up kids who he dotes on), you have a close and loving family (kids, sisters etc), a great job, lovely comfortable home, nice car, money for holidays, financially secure future, a circle of friends who you share and whose company you enjoy and you're basically a happy and contented guy. And you're willing to risk all of that, and I mean ALL of it, for a roll or two in the hay with someone you barely know? Your life is great but you're willing to risk absolutely everything just so you can fill the one gap in your overall happiness (bedroom)? How selfish is that? Despite what you might think, nobody in this world has absolutely everything. You have an awful lot more than some so why risk throwing it all down the toilet for something that could end up being a nightmare anyway?

I know the temptation is strong, but just focus on the ways it could really go bad because there are a bazillion ways in which that could happen.

Iron will my friend, cherish the good life you have

**user67987300011654** · 03-17-2007, 06:50 AM

Not worth it bro, you will get tired of her in a while and the consequences it can have on your life far outweigh the poon you will get

and it might not be that good either

I have had that dillema many times, but I stayed true to my woman there is a reason I married her, and not the chicks I meet at work, gym etc.

The more time I spend with my wife, the more I realize that no woman can take her place, she could be the hottes piece of ass in the world, but compare to my woman she never will

Temptation bro, you are stronger than that

**back2it** · 03-17-2007, 06:52 AM

I agree ,you have the most to lose .
If there are problems at home that is the place to deal with them not in someone elses bedroom. Because once that line is crossed there is no going back .
But from your words I think you already know that ?
It is a tough decision ,I know that and only youi can decide what to do.

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 06:56 AM

My one wish would be: to do the "right" thing and feel "good" about it at the same time. Makes a brother want to drink................and I have 11 yrs off the stuff!

GUILT-what a useless emotion, but so damn! powerfull!!

**BergMuscle** · 03-17-2007, 07:04 AM

Totally agree with everything here. If some horny, hot chick with a husband in jail looks at you like you're prime beef, take it as a compliment then go home and hug that wife of yours. She's in with you for the long haul; this other woman may be hitting on other guys you don't know about. (And if she isn't, she might as soon as she's had you.)

I'm married 22 years later this month. There are so many reasons to stay committed in a marriage and so few reasons to mess up a great thing for a little bit of "fun".

**Firminator4** · 03-17-2007, 07:16 AM

Sounds to me that you are going through what some refer to as an emotional affair. This girl is fulfilling something that is lacking in your marriage. IF you value the things that are in your life right now - you will recognize it for what it is and don't let it grow into something more. If you do, you will end up losing your life as you know it now.

Many of us that train a lot, look different than most people our age. The temptation to stray is available often. I appreciate the attention I receive from the ladies at work and at the gym but that's it. When my day is done, I go home to the person I chose to be my partner. Guess I'm just loyal like that - LOL.

Gotta go to the gym - I'm much better at lifting than I am at advice!

Firm

**Revmachine21** · 03-17-2007, 08:17 AM

Forget the hot sex. You are actually considering messing about with a woman whose husband is in JAIL! JAIL is bad.

Cut it off now, men who get out of jail are unpredictable dangerous creatures. Men out of jail might find out their wife has been hanging with you, and hand you your ass on a platter.

Men in jail might send a "friend" to check up on the wife, find you, and hand you your ass on a platter.

Move your thought process up above your belt line....

I went to college in a state penitentiary town & dated a guard who worked there. Dumped his ass because I couldn't stand the things he had to do to survive working there. And he was a guard!

**namtrag** · 03-17-2007, 08:27 AM

5 short words of advice

A vow is a vow

**jwdjrs** · 03-17-2007, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by chancho

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her. Now that thats out of the way; met some chick at the job who has the hots for me. I like her too ( she's hot ). Anyway, I find myself obsessing over this chick then finding myself feeling guilty for having done so. Of course I want to break it off..........I go over and over it in mind, but IT doesn't get done.

If youve experienced this, you know there's more to it than that. I want to hear from you then we can communicate more on the matter. BTW her husband is doing 10 years in jail...................

please respond with some thing more than, ' get yours.........."

You say your married to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman ?? What more do you want ?? Don't follow the path of the devil for some (hot chick). A few years down the road you will find out that it ruined your life. In my opinion I have a Beautifull, loving wife and I could never ever do such a thing to her. You need to break it off bro !!

**Drop_Dead** · 03-17-2007, 08:46 AM

do on to others as you would have them do on to you. seriously what the hell man shes your WIFE!!!! your MARRIED!! think of it this way... try and think to yourself how youd feel if she cheated on you.

best advice i think is sorta like what that one person said.... always act as if your wife is right there next to you listening in and watching

**CH47G** · 03-17-2007, 08:50 AM

wakeoff

**fatjoe** · 03-17-2007, 08:52 AM

You just like that new car smell.

Realize if you fool around with her even if it is just a kiss you move forward into the possibility of a long drawn out affair. How bad will you feel when your emotions are real screwed up? How guilty will you feel then compared to now? what will you do if she decides she can call your cell or home phone at any time of the night when you are at home? what will you do if she is a loud mouth and tells everyone at work about you? You really do not know her so don't think for one minute you can answer all these questions.

And you are porbably assuming the wife will never find out? lol!

My suggestion. Go buy a really nice quality bottle of shampoo (not that cheap Sauve garbage). Enjoy your fantasy.

Try a weekend getaway with just you and the wife and do the whole spa, candles, flowers, etc. You could have the child(ren) go away to a relative for a weekend and do this at home.

I'm married to a beautiful wife and have a son and you have to remember how you felt when you first saw the beauty in your wife and thought you would never want to lose her.

**IR45N** · 03-17-2007, 08:52 AM

Like the others say, be the mature one yourself and do the right thing. Also, 'lacking in the bedroom' is a 2 way street. You both need to work that out so you and your WIFE 'feel good' about that. She's worth it, you're worth it, the 'other woman' isn't worth it.

**r34man** · 03-17-2007, 09:02 AM

Originally Posted by chancho

Here goes guys, Im married 4 1/2 years to a beautifull, giving, caring sweet woman. No regrets whatsover about having asked her to marry me. For what its worth I love her and know that I am loved by her..."

I think that you have already answered your own question. I got divorced about 3 1/2 years ago and my wife at the time was in the same situation that you are in right now. Lets just say that her living standards have changed drastically since she gave into temptation. What was once a stay at home mom has now turned into a person that is basically on her own...working full time and she is without Mr. Right at her side anymore. **** like this happens everyday. While I could be the typical guy and say, "yea, f*ck anything that moves, you only live once!" I personally would take that time and effort that you are spending on this other prospective and use it with your current wife. If there is a lack of activity in the bedroom, I would seek counseling from a professional, not from another companion.
I believe that a lot of this could be sorted out with a quiet sit down with your wife. Tell her how you are concerned with the lack of physical affection that is missing. Be direct and ask her how she genuinely feels about you!

Jimislash · 03-17-2007, 09:04 AM

Ask yourself what kind of woman is going to reveal that she has the "hots" for a happily married man? Even if you think the sex is going to be incredible and mind-blowing, how long do you think a woman like this will be around? Maybe just long enough to prove that she can get you, a happily married man, to stray. For women like that, the game is the fun, not the relationship. She will look back at you and your newly messed up marriage as a trophy. Then she will move on to her next conquest.

If your wife is as intelligent and understanding as you say she is, then talk to her about what is going on. Explain to her the temptations that you have had, but have not acted on. I am sure you would like to know if there was a man hitting on her at work, but that out of her love for you, she rebuffed the man's advances.

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 09:05 AM

Aaaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 09:07 AM

....................I hate my dick !!!!!!!!!!...............

**jude-o** · 03-17-2007, 09:15 AM

5 short words of advice

A vow is a vow

Indeed, and it isn't simply about your wife. When a man doesn't live up to his commitments, more than anything he betrays himself. He sells out his own self-respect and honor.

If you keep sinking further under this gal's influence, you may have some fun and get some emotional gratification out of it...but in the back of your mind, you will be ashamed of it for the rest of your life, having betrayed the one person who's judgement you can never escape: Yourself.

**Rugger7** · 03-17-2007, 09:32 AM

I may not be 35, so sorry if my comments aren't welcome here, but come on dude, do you really need to bring this to a forum for advice? You obviously have a conscience on the matter. You know what's right, you know what's wrong, and you know the right answer. So make your choice, A or B, and live with it. You know the right answer, you know the consequences for making the wrong one. You got to decide on your own, and you got to live with whatever you decide. No typing from some person you dno't even know, no matter how eloquently put, is going to make the decision for you or change your path. Only you will choose your path, choose wisely my friend.

**chancho** · 03-17-2007, 09:39 AM

i appreciate your straightforwardness on the matter Rugger7, I really do. You're right, I do know what to do, however, despite how you may view it, it does help matters wrting about things and viewing people's response who (for the most part) have no investment in seeing one go down the drain and attempt to prevent it. I like to call it "brotherhood" and I like it. It works too, but I do appreciate your imput in the matter.

look bro I'm just bugging out here and releasing it the best way I know how. The Truth may set me free but it stings like hell before doing so.....

**Rugger7** · 03-17-2007, 09:48 AM

alright man, I totally know how you feel, I come to this forum for comfort and support when I think I'm about to eat a potato chip, so I know what your going through is infinitely more important than that, you need to realize that too. This ain't potato chips, it's your life man. I know how important careers are to people, some people go on shooting sprees or hang themselves over their freaking career, but compared to your marraige how important is it? If your weak and destined to fail, quit your job, find a new one, no matter how much less it pays, money's not worth the paper its printed on.

**bodyhard** · 03-17-2007, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by Rugger7

I may not be 35, so sorry if my comments aren't welcome here, but come on dude, do you really need to bring this to a forum for advice? You obviously have a conscience on the matter. You know what's right, you know what's wrong, and you know the right answer. So make your choice, A or B, and live with it. You know the right answer, you know the consequences for making the wrong one. You got to decide on your own, and you got to live with whatever you decide. No typing from some person you dno't even know, no matter how eloquently put, is going to make the decision for you or change your path. Only you will choose your path, choose wisely my friend.

Well put, reps

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