*Morbid topic* How do people survive the death of a child? Any direct stories?

[lightsarefallin]

I've been feeling much more existential lately, contemplating the big questions in life, getting older, my family getting older, things happened recently in my social circle, etc. Without getting into too many personal details on my end, I was wondering if anyone had any insight about the process of losing a child? Hopefully not a direct experience but also interested in hearing about any accounts you might have of people around you who've found themselves in this horrifying situation and how they survived something of this magnitude.

Apologies for the morbid topic this morning. Just interested, and not in a morbid curiosity way. More from the angle of a human being's capacity for profound healing.

[goingcia]

One of my closest friends was the only child. His parents were super caring/protective, basically floating around him like fairies his entire life.

He died in a crash one day. His mom had to be around 50 at the time. She couldn't take it and actually somehow got pregnant shortly after. The kid looked EXACTLY like the one who died. She seemed pretty happy.

[notbadnotbrad]

This topic makes me question having kids

I don’t know if I could deal w that chit

I have a much younger bro and sis and if anything happened to them I think it’d legit be over for me and my family

[darkninja67]

Go watch Anti-Christ, see how it goes for that couple.

[Kokanee]

I lost a sister so my parents lost a daughter. Psychologically we are programmed to deal with loss. It was inevitable especially in the past and you go through a period of grief and then more or less move on.

[x-trainer ben]

Most of the couples broke up because they couldn't handle the loss and the connection was ruined.

[Pats2022SBwin]

One of my closest friends was the only child. His parents were super caring/protective, basically floating around him like fairies his entire life.

He died in a crash one day. His mom had to be around 50 at the time. She couldn't take it and actually somehow got pregnant shortly after. The kid looked EXACTLY like the one who died. She seemed pretty happy.

Imagine how creepy it would've been if they gave the new child the exact same name.

[wrassler45]

Can't imagine a worse pain. One of my best friends lost his wife during child birth only to lose the baby after three weeks in the NICU. He couldn't grieve his wife while the baby was still alive, but when she passed it all hit. He was inconsolable. He is still broken three years later

[ZeGermans94]

I'm an only child, and have lost both my parents recently.

My aunt and cousin is what keeps me alive.

[Bo_Flecks]

My first child passed away in 2004. It was the last time I cried.

[Adam16121]

I have no idea how anyone endures that kind of loss. My wife works in a children's hospital and describes the things she witnesses on some nights. I have a hard time just listening to it.

[steeperdolphin]

It is the absolute hardest thing to deal with. Life has lost it's spark. I don't want to be here. I live in a prison. It is something I will never get over. I never understood how someone could randomly take their own life until now.

[Destor]

I think the logical coping strategy would be making more

Max tragedy would be losing children when you no longer have the ability to make more and they also hadn't made babies, ending the family line -- especially if you place a lot of emphasis on that type of thing

[freeburn]

You just go on. What other choice is there?

In 2019 my dad and my brother died within a month of eachother. My bro had cancer and my dad had a stroke. My bro was in such bad shape we couldnt even tell him dad passed away. It was covid so we weren't even able to have services until nearly a year later.

What else can you do other then just go on

[ZeGermans94]

You just go on. What other choice is there?

In 2019 my dad and my brother died within a month of eachother. My bro had cancer and my dad had a stroke. My bro was in such bad shape we couldnt even tell him dad passed away. It was covid so we weren't even able to have services until nearly a year later.

What else can you do other then just go on

I guess it's easier to just say that? Deep down you know you still miss them hard. I went to therapy, and what I learned was to celebrate their life, and not saying what else can you do??

That worked for me..maybe it doesn't for you..at the end of the day we're all brothers and sisters here on the misc.

[35OLbGorilla]

clones

[GuineaDago585]

I have no idea. When I was 14 my best friend died in a freak accident and his mother was crushed. We tried to be there for her as much as possible but as a teenager you deal with chit differently, I wish I did more for her. The pain that our friend group felt and the way it permanently changed my perspective on life was so profound, I can’t even imagine the deep grief and endless sorrow a parent would experience in such a situation. I don’t think you can ever recover srs. I’ve seen her post on FB in recent years and she seems happy and successful, but I know the first couple years were difficult. I’m sure birthdays and holidays are still sorrowful.

This is actually one of my greatest fears in life. I am not a father but I would like to be one day. The thought of my child dying before me is just so horrifying to think about. The other thing would be if my kid were born with special needs or some other disability.

The risk you take on having kids is crazy.

[katya422]

My parents suffered 3 miscarriages and also lost their first child when he was days old from a birth injury. It is hard to comprehend that only 2 or 3 generations ago before vaccines and birth control that people often had a lot of children and also lost a lot of children at young ages. I believe that was part of the tradition of christening babies and not giving them names right away so you often see old grave markers that just say "Baby Smith" or "Baby Jones".

I had a lot of anxiety around my daughter when she was little, and still have some, but I just deal with it. I don't like her flying/traveling on her own, but of course I want her to be happy and have a life.

[FarmersSon]

My wife and I had a full-term stillborn baby. A day or so before the due date, my wife just didn't feel him moving anymore. We went in and there was no heartbeat. Not as traumatic as raising them for years and losing them, but it's the closest thing to it that I've personally experienced.

He looked perfect when he was born, and we got to hold him. You would have almost thought he was alive. I just remember an intense feeling of wrongness. Everything about it just felt wrong. When you have a baby coming you start thinking about names and future stuff you're going to do with them and it was all gone, just like that. I think that was what I grieved the most, just giving up on expectations. I know you're not a religious person, but the believe that some part of us endures was a big comfort for us. Mostly it just takes time. You muddle through the first few weeks when you think about it constantly. After a while you only think about it occasionally. It took long for my wife, then for me, I think. We still celebrate his birthday every year.

My best buddy from high school lost a daughter to cancer when she was 4. I think they found it when she was 2 and they did every treatment they could. At one point they had gotten rid of it and so they paused treatment and monitored to see if it would come back. It did, and I think from that point they knew they were going to lose her. They just focused on making memories. Make a wish gave her a trip to Disney World and she got a guided tour by Disney Princesses with no lines on any rides. I think their grieving was a lot like mine, except they did a lot up front when they found out she wasn't going to live. Her actual passing was still hard, but they knew it was coming and had come to terms with it. They also could see that the more aggressive treatments were wrecking her body and that she was done fighting.

My buddy's family is doing great though. They have 4 more kids and live a good life.

[JIA]

If we're talking unconditional love here then everything you do becomes meaningless and cope. I've heard everything from celebrate their life through memories or becoming the man they would be proud of you for but that's all cope. You can only heal with time and repetition of remembering their passing as it stings slightly less each time but the deep lingering sorrow remains forever.

[Silencespeaks]

This topic makes me question having kids

I don’t know if I could deal w that chit

I have a much younger bro and sis and if anything happened to them I think it’d legit be over for me and my family

This

One of the many reasons I don’t want kids is that I know I could not handle it if they got seriously ill or disabled or died.

[Ripper908]

My wife had a miscarriage and that was hard enough on her. Couldn't imagine losing a child

I'm gonna have a hard time when my dog passes away let alone if something should ever happen to my child

it's enough to break someone mentally permanently

I knew a really nice family (deeply involved in the community, super christian) who lost all three of there sons in a car crash when the boys were driving home for christmas. Makes me wonder why bad sh.it like that happens to such good people

[Silencespeaks]

My wife and I had a full-term stillborn baby. A day or so before the due date, my wife just didn't feel him moving anymore. We went in and there was no heartbeat. Not as traumatic as raising them for years and losing them, but it's the closest thing to it that I've personally experienced.

He looked perfect when he was born, and we got to hold him. You would have almost thought he was alive. I just remember an intense feeling of wrongness. Everything about it just felt wrong. When you have a baby coming you start thinking about names and future stuff you're going to do with them and it was all gone, just like that. I think that was what I grieved the most, just giving up on expectations. I know you're not a religious person, but the believe that some part of us endures was a big comfort for us. Mostly it just takes time. You muddle through the first few weeks when you think about it constantly. After a while you only think about it occasionally. It took long for my wife, then for me, I think. We still celebrate his birthday every year.

My best buddy from high school lost a daughter to cancer when she was 4. I think they found it when she was 2 and they did every treatment they could. At one point they had gotten rid of it and so they paused treatment and monitored to see if it would come back. It did, and I think from that point they knew they were going to lose her. They just focused on making memories. Make a wish gave her a trip to Disney World and she got a guided tour by Disney Princesses with no lines on any rides. I think their grieving was a lot like mine, except they did a lot up front when they found out she wasn't going to live. Her actual passing was still hard, but they knew it was coming and had come to terms with it. They also could see that the more aggressive treatments were wrecking her body and that she was done fighting.

My buddy's family is doing great though. They have 4 more kids and live a good life.

I’m really sorry that happened to you.

[metroins]

It isn't fun op.

[HMFIC_BROWSIN]

Everyone is different but I don't see how you escape the subconscious damage of that trauma.

Family friends of ours had a son kill himself in his 20s.... As a result they quickly divorced. One moved way out of state and the other lived in a camper in his warehouse. They had a ridiculously nice home and good life before that event. Seems like that fuked everything up.

[lightsarefallin]

My wife and I had a full-term stillborn baby. A day or so before the due date, my wife just didn't feel him moving anymore. We went in and there was no heartbeat. Not as traumatic as raising them for years and losing them, but it's the closest thing to it that I've personally experienced.

He looked perfect when he was born, and we got to hold him. You would have almost thought he was alive. I just remember an intense feeling of wrongness. Everything about it just felt wrong. When you have a baby coming you start thinking about names and future stuff you're going to do with them and it was all gone, just like that. I think that was what I grieved the most, just giving up on expectations. I know you're not a religious person, but the believe that some part of us endures was a big comfort for us. Mostly it just takes time. You muddle through the first few weeks when you think about it constantly. After a while you only think about it occasionally. It took long for my wife, then for me, I think. We still celebrate his birthday every year.

My best buddy from high school lost a daughter to cancer when she was 4. I think they found it when she was 2 and they did every treatment they could. At one point they had gotten rid of it and so they paused treatment and monitored to see if it would come back. It did, and I think from that point they knew they were going to lose her. They just focused on making memories. Make a wish gave her a trip to Disney World and she got a guided tour by Disney Princesses with no lines on any rides. I think their grieving was a lot like mine, except they did a lot up front when they found out she wasn't going to live. Her actual passing was still hard, but they knew it was coming and had come to terms with it. They also could see that the more aggressive treatments were wrecking her body and that she was done fighting.

My buddy's family is doing great though. They have 4 more kids and live a good life.

That's really awful. I'm so sorry you guys had to go through that.

[BlackJack619]

One of the first Bible verses I randomly turned today in 2 kings 11:1 says this

“When Athaliah, Ahaziah’s mother saw that her son was dead, she proceeded to annihilate all the royal heirs”

[Silencespeaks]

I think the logical coping strategy would be making more

Max tragedy would be losing children when you no longer have the ability to make more and they also hadn't made babies, ending the family line -- especially if you place a lot of emphasis on that type of thing

Yea my brother in law has six kids total, two youngest with my sister and two each from two prior marriages.

Whenever there is any issue with any of the kids he literally says out loud it’s okay we can just make more lmao

[Silencespeaks]

Everyone is different but I don't see how you escape the subconscious damage of that trauma.

Family friends of ours had a son kill himself in his 20s.... As a result they quickly divorced. One moved way out of state and the other lived in a camper in his warehouse. They had a ridiculously nice home and good life before that event. Seems like that fuked everything up.

Yes I think divorce is very common after death or serious illness/disability of a child because the parents each handle grief differently.

[ZeGermans94]

My parents suffered 3 miscarriages and also lost their first child when he was days old from a birth injury. It is hard to comprehend that only 2 or 3 generations ago before vaccines and birth control that people often had a lot of children and also lost a lot of children at young ages. I believe that was part of the tradition of christening babies and not giving them names right away so you often see old grave markers that just say "Baby Smith" or "Baby Jones".

I had a lot of anxiety around my daughter when she was little, and still have some, but I just deal with it. I don't like her flying/traveling on her own, but of course I want her to be happy and have a life.

How old is your daughter?