Hi, usually I only post in the Equipment section and thank you to those that have gave me advice on picking out stuff. I'm going to buy Olympic weights by this month and order my rack/bench by this year as soon as I clean my house and make some room to put it in.
Anyways, I always been a pretty shy guy my whole life. I just have problem with talking in group full of people because I don't want to say something unpopular and have one of those movie moments where the DJ scratches the wax off and everybody in the room stare at me.
I have no problem talking to people in one-on-one conversation because I know that there won't be a group of people to look down on me and I have that individuals attention. I can talk about anything. I'm really funny and entertaining to people that I know. My friends say I'm the funniest person they ever met and I always have them cracking on the floor.
I was never the type to approach girls and the bad thing about that is I went 21 years of my life and never had a girl come approach me.
I have acne, but I'm working on that right now.
I have always been skinny my whole life, but 1st year of college I got fat by eating ice cream every night and crying myself to sleep (just joking about the crying part, but I had an eating disorder and almost died). I'm about 150 lbs now and in great mental and physical shape. I was at a 108 lbs at one point and damn near killed myself. I was mentally messed up and a lot had to do with things going on in my personal life.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't do drugs.
I don't go to parties or clubs.
I don't hang out late night.
I don't have a car or a driver's license.
I do have a monthly bus pass that I use to get from school to work and I do see girls sitting on the bus, but if I did hook up with them who the hell is going to drive to the date? It's really embarassing. I usually depend on my parents to drive me, which my parents has a van and there is no sit in the back, so I just sit on the floor and hang onto the seat belt. It's so embarassing to even be talking about this online, let alone in real life.
All of my best friends I had in the past. I don't talk to them because of distance and just kind of never called them and it kind of died down. I don't hang out with anybody. All I do is workout, go to work, and do my school work.
I don't have many clothes, so it's hard to match and be stylish. I only have three pairs of shoes; dress shoes, spalding basketball shoes, and LA Gear sandles. I use to dress urban/casual, but I dress more casual now. But it came to the point where I don't care about my looks anymore, so I just wear whatever.
I'm doing PE right now and have seen great results. I was packing a drastic 3 inches, but now it's 4-5 inches depending on whether I'm attracted to the pornstar or not.
I don't need advice because I'm doing fine now, but I think this is good therapy for me to write down and share my story with others.
21 years old
Live with parents
Pathetic Life that's not really going anywhere, but making progess
03-13-2007, 04:38 PM #1
21 Years Old, Virgin, never had GF, never kissed a girl, still live with parents
03-13-2007, 04:40 PM #2
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wow man, that's tough, and i thought i had it bad.....
get out more, get involved in some organizations which you have interests in, be they at your gym, or a local political group, etc.........meet and greet, and once you have a few friends, then start heading out and you'll start meeting females.
granted, this is coming from a guy who is a loner who also has never kissed a girl
03-13-2007, 04:44 PM #3
03-13-2007, 04:45 PM #4
03-13-2007, 04:47 PM #5The day you feel you know everything will mark the beginning of your fall.
The only losers are the ones that never learn from their losses.
03-13-2007, 04:49 PM #6
03-13-2007, 05:01 PM #7
You just need to go out more. A lot of that stuff will fix itself as long as you go out. You cant hook up with girls staying home by yourself. Just hit the weights and gain more confidence. Start going to public places to meet ppl. I know a couple ppl that are 20-21 and are virgins, not biggie to them. I know a couple ppl who live at home at that age and still go out and pick up girls. When I moved out I didnt start hooking up with a lot more girls, I hooked up with the same amount as I did at home. Thats not your problem, its the not going out thats hurting you.~Not the face! You bitch! Not the f***ing face, you piece of bitch trash!
03-13-2007, 05:15 PM #8
I used to be like you, take this experience from someone in your shoes
I would recommend you continue working out and start speaking with people socially. Lets take this one step at a time. LOOK UP when you walk, not at the ground. If you ever have to run errands at the supermarket for example, make small talk with people such as the cashier, no one is going to think you're weird for making small talk. Make sure you're clean, always have your hair done and face shaven appropriately, use deodorant if you don't already.
The first step to getting good with the ladies is being socially comfortable AND being comfortable with yourself. If you are happy, having a good time and you are confident about your actions, people will be attracted to you to make small talk and girls will pay attention to you. You need to talk to everyone you know, even if you know them little. Even if it's as little as "hey whatsup... you're in my psych 101 class right?" and EVEN if it lasts like 20 seconds.
I've been in your shoes, up until soph year of high school I was a loner, a nerd, had bad style, not exactly clean, overweight, didn't have confidence and always looked down to the ground when I walked. I also didn't have any friends.
I ended up making 1 friend, and friends make friends, which make friends, which make friends, in which you meet girls, meet more girls, and meet your GF. The trick to finding a girlfriend is that you don't really find her, you meet her through friends of friends of friends! You're probably not ready to approach girls, you need to develop a social circle and the girls come with it.
You need to start to become comfortable with yourself. If you have self image problems, start working on them! Get a tan, get your hair cut, shave, wear clean clothes, etc. Be friendly and have a smile on your face. Dont be afraid of judgement, just be yourself, be social and be happy. Forget the judgemental high school days, people hardly do those things in college.
Let me give you a list which will give you the order that you will achieve things. You can only do 1-3, and being successful at 1-3 will yield 4-7.
1. Prepared (clean)
2. Confidence (in yourself)
3. Social Engagement (talk to everyone, meet people and go places)
If you do that, then 4-7 will come without you asking for them!
4. You make friends
5. You meet girls.
6. You get a girlfriend.
7. Lose your virginity.
A lot of people think "AGH I have to lose my virginity! " In reality, they need to get through 1-3.
How to do 1-3?
1: Prepared (clean)
[I'm not saying you don't do these things, but do them if you dont already.]
Take showers daily, brush your teeth twice a day. Wear a change of clean clothes every day. Have your hair cut frequently and make sure it's done every day. Have your facial hair in check and make sure you're shaved every day (if it doesn't grow that fast every other day).
2: Confidence (in yourself)
Stop worrying about what other people have to say about you. Be YOU and people will respect you for being YOU. The people who are judging you are shallow and want to put other people down for what they are missing. Speak up when spoken to. Walk with your head up. Don't walk in a hurry, take your time. Be comfortable with yourself. There's many ways you can achieve this, you really have to find out what works best for you, it's all about being comfortable with yourself.
3. Social Engagement
Like I said, talk to everyone you somehow know, even if little. Make small talk with random people if appropriate. Take a public speaking course. Try a leadership camp. Go places where lots of people are and make small talk there.
This is coming straight from a kid who used to be picked on, had little to no friends (and no friends at one point), used to be very quiet, walked with his head down, never had a GF, etc. It took me a LONG time to learn all of this on my own and I now have a pretty large circle of friends, I've had quite a few girlfriends (no suprise I met them from friends of friends) and I lost my virginity finally at 18. I'm the life of the party, I'm the social dude in class, and I get called every weekend by many people to hang out.
Do 1-3 and you will get everything you want man. Glad I could help a little!The day you feel you know everything will mark the beginning of your fall.
The only losers are the ones that never learn from their losses.
03-13-2007, 05:37 PM #9
I may be only 17 but I was in your situation. I recommend you get a car or motorbike and make friends from school/collage. Make loads of friends imo, quantity not quility in this curcumstance, then you can chose to develop you freindship with the people you most like and get on with. Then hang out with your mates more outside of the normal time you spend with them. I meet girls through one of my mates who is a bit of a stud (no homo) this means the girls come over to my friend and I start a convo going on with them, trying not to sound like a weirdo or freak for the next 5-10 minutes. After that the girl/s will start to warm to you and bam there you go.
Also you say you have no car and no real choice of clothes. This im guessing is from a lack of money, then a job is the answer.I got some lil' red gems...
and if i get anymore I dont care necause im 450,000 in the red.
Silverback > Bruce Lee > Sparta
03-13-2007, 08:54 PM #10
What other people saying are right. You need to intiate the socializing and force yourself to talk to people, it doesn't matter if its a guy or a girl. Just talk. What you are doing right now is fine. Just make you get your life straighten out- get a car, get in good shape, get some money to afford those clothes and shoes that you want. You dont have to have lots of money to look good, just know how to put clothes together.
Small talk eventually builds frienships- youll realize that many people don't really "work" in this part of their life because they feel that they don't need to or it never occured to them that they can improve upon this or they never thought of the idea. Now we are telling you that you can improve on this- greatly improve. Alot of people will not intialize small talk, so you must do it. Be the one that always does small talk to other people. Don't be a follower, BE A LEADER! Eventually, those small talks that you have will get bigger and bigger and next time you know you guys will be friends- or even better a GF!!
Don't get bummed out by people that you talk to and don't want to socialize with you. There are just some people that does not want to talk to you or does not even give an effort to engage you in conversation. If a guy you talk with isn't really talking you back and forth, you should just move on to a different person. Say hi to them once in a while but don't focus your attention to them. For girls, they are used to small talk, so you talking to them about HW or their class won't hurt since they have been chatted up by guys so many times that its so normal to them. That small talk will eventually lead to friendship or a relationship- the outcome of your small talk really depends on your situation and hers. She could have a BF already, she doesn't like you, she was in a bad mood, etc.
Many of the PUAs are just like us, guys that got so frustrated on not getting girls, not having a good social circles and what not. What seperates them from all the AFC is that they have never thought or it has never occured to them that they could improve this part of their life.
Learn from others, watch how other social guys interact with people. If you can read books about these kinds of things. Watch the PUA videos if you can, they do help your confidence. Putting yourself in a self hating and self destructing path leads you nowhere. Stand up straight and CHANGE. NOW. It does not have to be tommorrow, next week, next month, but NOW!
Good Luck.**B.S. in Nutrition and Food Science**
"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success; we often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never make a mistake never made a discovery."
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are."
03-13-2007, 09:00 PM #11
Same situation here, except I am 19 - it seems that unless I do something to change too, the future will hold no miracles for me. In any case, I've been reading lately a bit about confidence, social strategy/dynamics, and generally being more comfortable around people, and it has given me some hope. Maybe you should check some of that stuff out.
My bigger problem is not necessarily interacting with girls, but rather talking to people in general - since I started university, I haven't talked to too many people or made too many friends (if any), so even if I could hook up with a girl if I had talked with her (which I doubt), I usually don't even get a chance. It sucks.
In any case, it seems that in the olden village-days, it was all so simple - the local girl and the local boy were always going to be married, and in the southern USA, you always had your sister to fill the need - just joking.
Best of luck, and know that you are not alone (though that definitely brings no comfort, I suppose).
PS - post in the Misc. in a couple of months if you have any progress - it would be interesting to see if something worked or didn't.
03-13-2007, 10:06 PM #12
You can always use dating sites, or even myspace works really well if the area you live is halfway populated.
I'm turning 22 in two days but I'm not a virgin and have kissed a girl. It has been 6 years since I've had a gf though... I think I'm just not that comfortable with kissing/making out for some reason. Probably something to do with my anxiety and getting that close to someones face... I guess thats a whole new issues though.
But yea the internet is a good way to meet girls and setup dates. Its very important that you spend as little time as possible chatting on AIM or any other way over the internet before you meet up. I chatted too much with a girl on AIM and I also drank when she came over, so I was too drunk and out of ideas to ask her so we both sat there in silence.
03-14-2007, 01:09 AM #13"I take everything thats thrown at me, put it on my shoulders, and just go." -Ray Lewis
03-14-2007, 01:20 AM #14
Never kissed a girl? I'm sure you just mean in a passionate since? In any event, there's still a lot of time left. Some people just develope slower but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong. In fact, these people usually have better a more lasting relationships. Remember, anyone can kiss a girl or have many conquests. The challenge is a losting relationship.Sig line can't be a novel
New Year's Resolution:
03-14-2007, 01:40 AM #15
03-14-2007, 03:26 AM #16Vince Gironda (1917-1997)
"... most bodybuilders are injecting horse steroids and you're afraid of an itty bitty egg! Go take up Ping Pong and leave me alone!"
"The Low Fat Diet is a superb way to develop gallstones and a vitamin deficiency."
03-14-2007, 05:10 AM #17
03-14-2007, 08:05 AM #18
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03-14-2007, 09:14 AM #19
03-14-2007, 10:04 AM #20
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03-14-2007, 10:07 AM #21
Quit bitching dude, it's pathetic. There are many things in your life you can change, but it won't happen if you don't want to:
-get a job/work more hours during school(any undergrad can work 20-30hours a week and get more than enough pocket change to buy new clothes, shoes, etc)
-be more outgoing, talk to as many people as you can on your way from school to work, no matter their gender/age/looks, socializing with another human being will help you, a gf shouldn't define who you are, it's nice to be romantically involved but it's not the end of the world if you're single, you'll be on bb.com crying about how much you hate your gf once you get one
-make friends in class, talk to someone and tell them you don't know anyone in class, that you guys should exchange lecture notes if one of you misses it
-join intramurals or play varsity(if you're good enough) sports, people are competitive in sports and it does 2 things; divides or brings people together
-work a lot more hours in the summer, 50-60hours, if you want a car so bad--just remember that the things you own end up owning you(ala FC)
-see a dermatologist or search various threads regarding acne on bb.com as well as the net(http://www.dermatologist.com/)
I don't mean to come off as a jackass but people like you piss me the **** off, you live in the WEST, you're not a child working for fifty cents a day in order to provide bread for their family in India, you're not a child from Uganada who's missing limbs after stepping on landmines, you're not a child from Brazil sleeping on the streets with an empty stomach because your mother is a crack whore.
You overcame an eating disorder and I congratulate you on that, you seem like an intelligent guy who knows his limits as a man(something many people refuse to acknowledge). As long as you have all your limbs, are sound of mind and are somewhat intelligent & driven then there's no reason why you should complain.
If you were to die in 12 months, what would you do? Live your life to the fullest, if you plan on doing something then do it right, no half measures, no exucses.
I apologize if this post comes off arrogant and condescending, it was not my intention, I just hate it when people throw their lives away one day at a time.
03-14-2007, 01:02 PM #22
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03-14-2007, 01:56 PM #23
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z-factor is right, I was the same way, and now since I work at the financial aid office I know a lot of people at the campus, and now people call me to hang out with them. I become the guy with plans I get to make the plans, they always ask me what I want to do or where to go.. When I was in High School I had a bad life.. Just like you guys. My head was always down, I was shy I couldn't look in to girls eyes or even say hi to them.. and now people think that I'm a player...
Nothing comes easy you just have to work for it, and make sure to lose the fear that keeping you locked inside..
03-14-2007, 03:40 PM #24
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03-14-2007, 03:52 PM #25
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Best post in this entire thread. Dont ask for cliff notes, read this whole post.
I wasn't as extreme as you, but all through High-School until my Junior year I had a couple of guy friends (no homo), and thats it. My life would consist of going to fast-food places, working out, and the occasional party. I did a 360 inbetween my sophomore and junior year. I cut my long hair short, started to care about the way I looked, lifted weights more, stopped drinking every weekend, got nicer clothes, got a job.
I really agree with the part about dont go looking for a relationship, if your social enough with no specific mindset, it will find you. All girls I had really tired for, and stressed over, nothing happened between us. My gf now, was a long time friend, and one day, there was a spark, and we never looked back.
Image is almost everything, but personallity and character is the other.S&P Crew
03-14-2007, 03:56 PM #26
03-14-2007, 04:14 PM #27
03-14-2007, 04:20 PM #28
03-14-2007, 04:26 PM #29
**** it! things are gonna change. you've admitted everything, so whats left to do but change yourself and help yourself? **** it. Life is fun! WHATEVER YOU DO RIGHT NOW, YOU'LL LOOK BACK AND LAUGH ON IN 5 YEARS TIME. You won't be laughing, however, if you're in the same situation 5 years down the line.
There really is no choice but to stop thinking with your head and start thinking with your cock.
07-25-2007, 10:52 PM #30
wow LOL, reading this thread made me feel alot better about myself.
I am also a virgin (18 years old), never had a G/f. I make over 1,800 a month right now working in retail. I drive an 05 acura TL (36,000 car if you were to buy it now), I am in very good shape (lean 6 foot 190). I am decent looking and generally have pretty good style (I can pretty much afford to buy anything I like). I guess I used to be more of a loner though I have become more social recently. I have been trying to date girls for the last year and a half, and it has been a gigantic failure. I try to have confidence with girls but I find myself mentally collapsing when I meet girls I really like. It's that pussy on the pedestal thing you always talk about. Despite the fact that I excel at everything across the board, I still don't see myself as good enough for attractive girls.
socially, I am widely respected by everybody, I have a good amount of friends and everybody likes me. I have no problem socializing with people but I am awful when it comes to attracting girls.
Last edited by DatDereCe11Tech; 07-25-2007 at 10:57 PM.