Anyone here made a drastic trajectory change in their mid 30’s-40’s?

[jtaylor2010]

Probably just going through a midlife crisis, but interested to hear from others who drastically changed directions in the middle of their life? Could be anything…career, relationship, moving to a new area, etc.


If so what was your thought process and was there anything that helped you make such a big decision?

[Wayne Evans]

Probably just going through a midlife crisis, but interested to hear from others who drastically changed directions in the middle of their life? Could be anything…career, relationship, moving to a new area, etc. If so what was your thought process and was there anything that helped you make such a big decision?

Howdy JT2010....

Personally, I prefer the term "mid life metamorphosis"

Yes...we moved from CA after my wife retired (2018) to the midwest for several reasons....some of which you may even guess correctly.
It was absolute HELL moving across country and expensive.
But...when actual wisdom considers the big picture, it was an imperative....not a 'crisis'.

Doubt if I helped much with your query but you got a bump.

Have a great weekend.....

[Tommy W.]

I was 55. Divorced my wife of 23 years (terrible mean drunk, etc). Re connected with a girlfriend from 25 years prior. Married 8 months later. Living happily ever after.

[bingpwr]

Not a huge change, but shifted my career in a different field (still within R&D). It feels like I am a professional basketball player now learning to play soccer.

Do I regret it? Nope. It's a huge challenge and I'm up for it. Just be ready mentally to feel ****ty for a bit until you get used to it.

Best of luck and happy easter fellow miscer.

[weiss1967]

For me it wasn't a midlife crisis. I learnt flying sailplanes and it became my passion of many years after. How did it go? Not good.

Switched to power, and went as far as half way to commercial pilot. And it would have been very doable, smooth transition. However, keep in mind that middle age (I was 40 at the time) means commitments, mortgage, loans and car payments and responsibilities of a father. Don't forget that your wife placed her bets on you too, her life will be greatly affected by your career transition.

Changing career path invariably means a reduced income, and loss of whatever qualifications you obtained in your current field. I began considering, how much I invested, who knows, the society invested in me. How can I turn around and throw it all in a garbage bean. I thought about some younger fella, who will not be able to land that dream job because of some middle-aged dreamer who took his place.

One more point to consider. Any field becomes just another job after a while. Even as demanding and exciting as flying an aircraft, after a while was becomes hard and stressful work, with inadequate compensation in foreseeable future.

[jtaylor2010]

I was 55. Divorced my wife of 23 years (terrible mean drunk, etc). Re connected with a girlfriend from 25 years prior. Married 8 months later. Living happily ever after.

Glad everything is working out for you. Was there anything in particular that made up your mind, or just a culmination of things day after day? Also how did the process go?

[jtaylor2010]

For me it wasn't a midlife crisis. I learnt flying sailplanes and it became my passion of many years after. How did it go? Not good.

Switched to power, and went as far as half way to commercial pilot. And it would have been very doable, smooth transition. However, keep in mind that middle age (I was 40 at the time) means commitments, mortgage, loans and car payments and responsibilities of a father. Don't forget that your wife placed her bets on you too, her life will be greatly affected by your career transition.

Changing career path invariably means a reduced income, and loss of whatever qualifications you obtained in your current field. I began considering, how much I invested, who knows, the society invested in me. How can I turn around and throw it all in a garbage bean. I thought about some younger fella, who will not be able to land that dream job because of some middle-aged dreamer who took his place.

One more point to consider. Any field becomes just another job after a while. Even as demanding and exciting as flying an aircraft, after a while was becomes hard and stressful work, with inadequate compensation in foreseeable future.

Hate to hear that it didn’t work out, but at least you took yourself to that point and won’t have to look back wondering “what if….?”. Sounds like your comfortable with your ultimate decision even if you view that as somewhat “wasted time”.

[Eternalstuden79]

I've had two major life changes in that age range.

Used to work for big pharma. Realized I was going to end up a miserable drunk so quit and went back to school.

Studied medicine qualified as a doctor.

Then realized I hate the NHS almost as much as I loved medicine.

Joined the army as a Doc at 37. Best decision I ever made. 😁.

Changing career is scary and involved a lot of financial instability, I'll never make back the money that it cost me to go through med school, and going from a good job to student sucked. But still glad I did it.

Good luck to you

[Wayne Evans]

Hate to hear that it didn’t work out, but at least you took yourself to that point and won’t have to look back wondering “what if….?”. Sounds like your comfortable with your ultimate decision even if you view that as somewhat “wasted time”.

I think that is a worthy reminder for all of us that face profound life decisions.
It's a judgment call...that's for damn sure.

Back to it....

[Lou1se]

Life is too short and NOT perfect. There will always be stress and obstacles. Save your mental and physical health, pay attention to whatever that is making you unhappy. I prefer a simple life and have always loved a connection with nature. The relationship had been rocky for years, yet here we are still together In saying this - the right decision for you is the one only you can decide.

I also changed from a stressful job over 20 years ago and worked hard ..very hard, suffering some big financial losses to get to where we are now. We had some luck recently in that an opportunity presented itself and the timing was perfect for a move from a busy city, leaving an unpleasant neighbour and to a quiet town not too far from essential services. Love this place! The reality is that the clock is ticking and retirement is around the corner. And if you asked me now IF we will have a happy life? I'd LOL and say yes!! Keep your focus on what truly matters in life, the rest is unnecessary... u can choof that stuff off!

[jtaylor2010]

Life is too short and NOT perfect. There will always be stress and obstacles. Save your mental and physical health, pay attention to whatever that is making you unhappy. I prefer a simple life and have always loved a connection with nature. The relationship had been rocky for years, yet here we are still together In saying this - the right decision for you is the one only you can decide.

I also changed from a stressful job over 20 years ago and worked hard ..very hard, suffering some big financial losses to get to where we are now. We had some luck recently in that an opportunity presented itself and the timing was perfect for a move from a busy city, leaving an unpleasant neighbour and to a quiet town not too far from essential services. Love this place! The reality is that the clock is ticking and retirement is around the corner. And if you asked me now IF we will have a happy life? I'd LOL and say yes!! Keep your focus on what truly matters in life, the rest is unnecessary... u can choof that stuff off!

Repped for the great reply. I look for resources and input from others to help with my decisions, but you are right that I’m the only one who can decide what the right move is. And that makes it even tougher. Sometimes I even think maybe there is no right and wrong path, just two roads that both offer lots of positives as well as negatives. Guess I’ll just take some more time for contemplation, but as you suggest I’ll try to not let it distract me from what’s really important. Glad to hear everything worked out for you though!

[Cantplankwell]

I would like to figure out how to retire. I like my work but I am weary of the people I have to deal with, and the predicaments they put me in....suppliers, customers and employees. I'm tired of people, tired of poor life/work balance.

So I would have to sell or close the 50 year old family business (I have no heir) with its long term workforce....the business is still a going concern. I would also sell the property it occupies. I think we are on the cusp of the financial world...the economy unravelling in the near future, so there is a lot of timing issues that are becoming increasing clear...and unclear. TBH I am not sure if I am financial ready yet either. My wife is 4 years older than me, I want to begin to enjoy our lives while we are somewhat () youthful, and my elderly parents are still healthy.

Its scary, like jumping from a moving train thats going around a curve. I greatly admire those who can make those tough decisions.

[jtaylor2010]

I would like to figure out how to retire. I like my work but I am weary of the people I have to deal with, and the predicaments they put me in....suppliers, customers and employees. I'm tired of people, tired of poor life/work balance.

So I would have to sell or close the 50 year old family business (I have no heir) with its long term workforce....the business is still a going concern. I would also sell the property it occupies. I think we are on the cusp of the financial world...the economy unravelling in the near future, so there is a lot of timing issues that are becoming increasing clear...and unclear. TBH I am not sure if I am financial ready yet either. My wife is 4 years older than me, I want to begin to enjoy our lives while we are somewhat () youthful, and my elderly parents are still healthy.

Its scary, like jumping from a moving train thats going around a curve. I greatly admire those who can make those tough decisions.

Good luck brother. I posted this in my other thread but decided to drop it here since you may find it helpful and/or interesting.


https://www.artofmanliness.com/chara...-time-podcast/



There are little decisions to make in life like what to wear to work and what to eat for lunch. Then there are potentially life-changing decisions like whether to move, take a new job, break up with someone, or get married. With these big decisions, you may never have faced that choice before, have to sacrifice one path to choose another, and have a hard time figuring out the right way to go. As a result of the high stakes and high uncertainty, we often flounder in this kind of decision-making, sometimes failing to make any decision at all.

My guests have studied those who have to make these kinds of critical choices more often — first responders and members of the military — to figure out how civilians can make better decisions in their everyday lives. Their names are Laurence Alison and Neil Shortland, and they’re the authors of Decision Time: How to Make the Choices Your Life Depends On. Today on the show, Laurence and Neil explain the mistakes people commonly fall into when making big decisions, including getting stuck in a cycle of redundant deliberation, where you forever circle around your options without ever pulling the trigger on one. They then unpack their model for more effective decision-making, including why it should follow a foxtrot pattern, and how to know when it’s time to stop ruminating and finally make a choice. Along the way, we discuss the importance of self-awareness in this process, and what it is you need to know about yourself to make better decisions.

[xsquid99]

At 35 I moved from California to Japan, stayed there for 7 years, then moved to Seattle area for a few years, then I realized I liked Japan better so I moved back here in 2016. Now I'm contemplating another move and trying to get into a slightly different career path so I'm currently trying to latch onto a job in Austin, TX. I'm the type of person who needs to change my scenery and job every 6-8 years. Since I left my parents home at age 18 the longest I ever lived in any one geographic area was 8 years, then I start going stir crazy for something different.

My thought process is always trying to look ahead 3-5 years. What will this new position (or area) be a stepping stone to? Does the job offer growth or perhaps the opportunity to network into a new path? What does the new geographic area offer as far as entertainment, quality of life, cost of living, convenience, people, etc. How hard would it be to pick up and move to the next place when we decide to leave. Now that I picked up a wife and dogs along the journey I also have to consider their well being and think about how they will react and adapt to a potential change. I'm lucky in that my wife is always up for new adventure and very open minded, so she just usually follows whatever I want to do, but if my ideas get too crazy sometimes she needs to talk me down off the ledge a bit.

[Wayne Evans]

I would like to figure out how to retire..

Ha....

It's a great feeling to live long enough to retire with the wifster.
Especially, considering reasons that you've already noted.

I retired 12/23/10 and she did in April of 2018.
In fact (shameless plug) the day I retried I wrote this song....took about a week or so to flesh out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U4cmkv-SNI

Life is hard....and life is very short which is not a concept fully perceived until one gets older.
To me....living this long is a gift.

Good luck with your goals.

Carry on....

[weiss1967]

Now that I picked up a wife and dogs along the journey I also have to consider their well being and think about how they will react and adapt to a potential change.

I think this is the meat of discussion right here.