Approaching parents about wills and funeral arrangements.....

[x-trainer ben]

I know that this is a morbid topic that we all avoid but as we age so do our parents and i am wondering how you all dealt with this topic.
You have the organized parents that have it all done when they pass and you have the others that leave you a mess.
Is there a "cliff notes" for this eventual situation?
A packet of documents(@ Staples) that they sign and get notarized?
Any advice on this is helpful.

[supramax]

I know that this is a morbid topic that we all avoid but as we age so do our parents and i am wondering how you all dealt with this topic.
You have the organized parents that have it all done when they pass and you have the others that leave you a mess.
Is there a "cliff notes" for this eventual situation?
A packet of documents(@ Staples) that they sign and get notarized?
Any advice on this is helpful.

Make sure there's a will and make sure you know where it is. It still has to be probated, but better to have it than not have it. Most funeral homes will handle the majority of the notifications and cancellations and give you a list of what you have to do: ie. cancelling credit cards, paying debts, determining assets, etc. etc. It costs money, but it's worth it, especially since you'll likely be on an emotional roller coaster.

[Plateauplower]

I know that this is a morbid topic that we all avoid but as we age so do our parents and i am wondering how you all dealt with this topic.
You have the organized parents that have it all done when they pass and you have the others that leave you a mess.
Is there a "cliff notes" for this eventual situation?
A packet of documents(@ Staples) that they sign and get notarized?
Any advice on this is helpful.

That kind of stuff needs to be done properly, notarized etc. and depends on state law. First step would be contacting an attorney that does wills. They will have all the info you need.

[Bosko]

GET A TRUST!!!!

Wow this in 2022 people, you DO NOT want too deal with probate law

[Wayne Evans]

A packet of documents(@ Staples) that they sign and get notarized?
Any advice on this is helpful.

Howdy X....(on spread)

I'm unfamiliar with the availability of default 'packet' that could be purchased.
If that is true it could simplify the process for you.

Yes....could be a difficult topic to address but if parents are clear thinking they should want to get things in order prior to passing on.
My dad passed before my mom and she was not of a rational state of mind, in general.
We weren't rich at all but she owned her house and had a few thousand in savings.

What gave me my opportunity to deal with this conversation is when she broke her hip.
I then informed her that it would be best to hire a lawyer to draft up the 'power of attorney' documents.
There are (4) children in my case: I had POA for the house, another had POA of hard cash and another had POA of medical.
My mom did come around finally and I gathered all pertinent documents, bank statements, etc. and made an appt. with a local attorney that does wills & living trusts and all was notorized.

It was a mega PITA but if one doesn't get POA determined the whole thing goes into probate and will likely end up at the bottom of the pile on someones' desk....for an undetermined amount of time.
That process will not adhere to your preferred time frame.

Other contributors may have more accurate or up to date G2 in all this.
Things may be different now as I went through all this back in 2005.

If you are in this scenario I'd recommend taking the baton and address the conversation....and the sooner the better as parents age they can become more obstinate with unclear thinking.

Hmmm....IIRC 'keyboardworkout' is an attorney here that may be able to guide you better than myself.

Hope that helps a bit.

Back to it....hope all is well.

[supramax]

GET A TRUST!!!!

Wow this in 2022 people, you DO NOT want too deal with probate law

I don't kbow what happens in the States, but in Quebec, it's a matter of a Will search and determining that the Will is authentic and the final one... all for $280 or you can do it yourself.. just takes a whole lot longer.

[Tommy W.]

Get an attorney to draft everything up. If there is more than 1 sibling, one will be designated the executor and will be in charge of closing thing out and usually will get extra money from the trust for his duties. If there are very few assets you can usually do just do it with a form

[litljay]

Went through this 4 years ago when my dad passed. I was able to get POA (power of attorney) completed as my dad laid in the hospital. Nothing had been set up prior. No will.
After he passed, his accounts were frozen for 45 days and he was the only signatory on his accounts. After the hold, my sister and I were able to withdraw and close his accounts.

Yes, have the conversation now if you can.
1. make sure you know their wishes for funeral services, cremation, etc.
2. Know their insured situation (death benefits, etc.)
3. Know where their accounts are (found an account my dad had about 6 months after the fact)

4. The easiest way to tackle the financial stuff is to be added as a signatory to their accounts. That way there is no lapse in funding a funeral/cremation/viewing etc. This is the most difficult conversation to have as the older they get the more protective they get (generally speaking) with their assets.

Good Luck OP.

[Jtbny]

GET A TRUST!!!!

Wow this in 2022 people, you DO NOT want too deal with probate law

This. Having done it its a nightmare.

I don't kbow what happens in the States, but in Quebec, it's a matter of a Will search and determining that the Will is authentic and the final one... all for $280 or you can do it yourself.. just takes a whole lot longer.

It varies state to state. My mom passed in Florida and her will was pretty much worthless. I had to petition the counts to become the executor of her estate which helped a ton but I also had a probate lawyer. No way I'd have been able to do everything needed without the lawyer. Fortunately my sister didn't fight it but thats because she had already convinced my mom to alter her life insurance % to her favor.

[supramax]

This. Having done it its a nightmare.

No matter how organised and smooth things go, it's always a nightmare to lose a loved one.

It varies state to state. My mom passed in Florida and her will was pretty much worthless. I had to petition the counts to become the executor of her estate which helped a ton but I also had a probate lawyer. No way I'd have been able to do everything needed without the lawyer. Fortunately my sister didn't fight it but thats because she had already convinced my mom to alter her life insurance % to her favor.

Here in Quebec, you're basically handcuffed until the Will is probated. The Will is THE final say.

[Jtbny]

No matter how organised and smooth things go, it's always a nightmare to lose a loved one.

My experience is limited to one. When my dad passed my mom was alive so nothing really to it.

Here in Quebec, you're basically handcuffed until the Will is probated. The Will is THE final say.

In Florida the courts basically shrugged off the will.

[Bando]

I guess things vary greatly by state, couple statements here surprised me.

What gave me my opportunity to deal with this conversation is when she broke her hip.
I then informed her that it would be best to hire a lawyer to draft up the 'power of attorney' documents.
There are (4) children in my case: I had POA for the house, another had POA of hard cash and another had POA of medical.
My mom did come around finally and I gathered all pertinent documents, bank statements, etc. and made an appt. with a local attorney that does wills & living trusts and all was notorized.

It was a mega PITA but if one doesn't get POA determined the whole thing goes into probate and will likely end up at the bottom of the pile on someones' desk....for an undetermined amount of time.
That process will not adhere to your preferred time frame.

There's no POA of medical, that's called a Healthcare Proxy.

POA expires when someone dies in my state and I would be surprised if it's different elsewhere. The thought of running around writing checks when Mom is declared dead with her money is more in line with a trustee than a POA.

GET A TRUST!!!!

Expensive and unnecessary.

Law firms try to sell these things with the idea that you're going to get out of paying for a Nursing Home, you're not. Better off biting the bullet and buying long term care insurance, it's expensive but will save the house in a lot of cases.

[Plateauplower]

I guess things vary greatly by state, couple statements here surprised me.



There's no POA of medical, that's called a Healthcare Proxy.

POA expires when someone dies in my state and I would be surprised if it's different elsewhere. The thought of running around writing checks when Mom is declared dead with her money is more in line with a trustee than a POA.



Expensive and unnecessary.

Law firms try to sell these things with the idea that you're going to get out of paying for a Nursing Home, you're not. Better off biting the bullet and buying long term care insurance, it's expensive but will save the house in a lot of cases.

State laws regulate this stuff. In IL a Trust is extremely valuable, not only to stay out of probate but to protect assets in general (they are "hidden"). I have been meaning to set one up, but probably not super necessary yet as marital property laws protect my wife pretty well in terms of everything being passed seamlessly to her.

[Wayne Evans]

There's no POA of medical, that's called a Healthcare Proxy.

Admittedly, some of those terms I have forgotten.

Back to it....

[x-trainer ben]

Thank you all for all of the advice, it is extremely helpful moving forward.
I will look into DC Laws, and see which move makes the best, fastest, most sense.
This isn't an emergency but the family lost a close friend 2 weeks ago, so many members are now discussing this and being prepared.

When my dad was sick, it was "next of kin" than made decisions, but in 12 years many things may have changed regarding the law.

If you think of anything else now or in the future, please update.

[PhDPepper1111]

Thank you all for all of the advice, it is extremely helpful moving forward.
I will look into DC Laws, and see which move makes the best, fastest, most sense.
This isn't an emergency but the family lost a close friend 2 weeks ago, so many members are now discussing this and being prepared.

When my dad was sick, it was "next of kin" than made decisions, but in 12 years many things may have changed regarding the law.

If you think of anything else now or in the future, please update.

Really great question for this group Ben, and some really good answers/discussion here.
I'm in this process currently as well. I was lucky to find an attorney who shifted his practice when his own parents died and he went through this nightmare - he makes it his focus now. My parents have been working with him for the POA/proxy etc. I have a meeting with the atty and my parents next week to follow up and get their wishes as well as the documentation all settled.
I'd love to protect some of their assets, but even if that doesn't happen, I want to be able to follow their wishes and take care of them they want to be cared for.

[x-trainer ben]

Really great question for this group Ben, and some really good answers/discussion here.
I'm in this process currently as well. I was lucky to find an attorney who shifted his practice when his own parents died and he went through this nightmare - he makes it his focus now. My parents have been working with him for the POA/proxy etc. I have a meeting with the atty and my parents next week to follow up and get their wishes as well as the documentation all settled.
I'd love to protect some of their assets, but even if that doesn't happen, I want to be able to follow their wishes and take care of them they want to be cared for.

Let me know what you learn after your meeting, thanks.

[Bando]

State laws regulate this stuff. In IL a Trust is extremely valuable, not only to stay out of probate but to protect assets in general (they are "hidden"). I have been meaning to set one up, but probably not super necessary yet as marital property laws protect my wife pretty well in terms of everything being passed seamlessly to her.

I know there's couple Attorneys in here so stop lurking and help me out or tell me I'm wrong.

You can't legally "hide assets" in an estate situation. I mean that's how they got Capone right?

[PhDPepper1111]

Let me know what you learn after your meeting, thanks.

Will do. It got pushed to first week of March but I'll post here or PM at least.

[supramax]

... as marital property laws protect my wife pretty well in terms of everything being passed seamlessly to her.

That's how I thought it was here in Quebec, but it's not. The WILL determines who gets what.