Matches have pretty much died ³

[skinnyfat88]

These young guys crave attention/validation/sex so badly they are willing to go to copious lengths to get it, only to realize it was just a short-term fantasy and they either aren't interested longterm or aren't emotionally mature enough for something longterm.

Mature people won't love-bomb you the same way because they know better.

[PepperedAngus]

That was a year and a half ago. Since then my therapist has had me focus on finding someone closer to my age but I’ve had 2 dates with them in the last year that went nowhere. It’s so frustrating as I can’t relate to men my age after 16 years of dating men in their 20s. I keep trying though.

I just don’t get why this guy came out of the blue but wondering about it is just upsetting me.

sucks to have a good connection with someone who is just not in the same stage of life, so you need to protect yourself by not falling into the trap of going out with them. You opened pandoras box, and it sounds like your whole expectation and reward system is out of whack because of it.

[DustinTheHuss]

These young guys crave attention/validation/sex so badly they are willing to go to copious lengths to get it, only to realize it was just a short-term fantasy and they either aren't interested longterm or aren't emotionally mature enough for something longterm.

Mature people won't love-bomb you the same way because they know better.

You’re right! So many of them love bomb, bounce and then love bomb again. This guy is in the Middle East so it’s not like he’s going to get sex but he says the older women don’t give him the attention I did. Same with this guy who moved across the country.

Meanwhile older guys seem boring because they aren’t as enthusiastic about me. But maybe I need boring over the ups and downs the young guys do. It’s just a tough adjustment.

[DustinTheHuss]

sucks to have a good connection with someone who is just not in the same stage of life, so you need to protect yourself by not falling into the trap of going out with them. You opened pandoras box, and it sounds like your whole expectation and reward system is out of whack because of it.

You’re right. That’s why my therapist wants me to end it with the young guys as I get emotionally attached and hurt. I mean I don’t want to support them financially either and I’m done with having kids so we’re in different stages of life. My friends have found mature men who are empty nesters so I wish I could find the same. At this point I haven’t even been able to make 1 date with a guy over 30 since May and the ones I’ve talked to I’m not enthusiastic about so I don’t want to waste their time and mine.

[Fang2]

Good news for me...no STD's. Dr. recommended not to see sluts though.

[skinnyfat88]

You’re right! So many of them love bomb, bounce and then love bomb again. This guy is in the Middle East so it’s not like he’s going to get sex but he says the older women don’t give him the attention I did. Same with this guy who moved across the country.

Meanwhile older guys seem boring because they aren’t as enthusiastic about me. But maybe I need boring over the ups and downs the young guys do. It’s just a tough adjustment.

A big issue IMO is that the more age-appropriate men who would be capable of holding your attention likely disqualify you due to your living situation.

If you have a timeline in place in which you will be able to get your own place, I think you need a fresh opinion (new therapist or dating coach) to help set you up for success once you unburden yourself from your current living situation.

[stevesteve12]

Bit of an update and a self-realization:

I'm still dating the girl from dodgeball since late November now. I spoke to her about the whole ordeal with her ex following me on Instagram from a couple weeks back and she told me the truth. No red flags.

I think using online dating to find a partner is not the right way to do it - its not a "serious enough" of a process. There's too many options, too easy to write people off, not enough skin in the game for either person. There's no level of commitment required, and therefore, people aren't as willing to compromise for a partner. And as a result, you end up just dating lots of people until you find the "right" one, when at the end of the day, its all about compromise and what matters to you most.

Does my girlfriend exactly fit my entire list of what I'm looking for? No. And I don't think its ever possible to find such a person.
There's girls out there who come from wealthier families, make more income, look "hotter", are more ambitious. Its the mix of such factors that matters.

I find that in terms of personality and how she treats me when I need support, she's been among the best. And that's what I've realized matters the most. Its about their level of self-respect, their ability to deal with tough troughs in life, what they have going on in their own lives and how they manage it, their values, and how they treat other people in their lives.

There's a lot of people out there who are completely selfish when it comes to dating without realizing so, and they conciously think that may have good intentions, but you can end up being hurt so easily.There are a lot of people out there who will date you for the wrong reasons, whether its money, looks, sex, fill their own insecurities, solve their own personal and mental issues that they should be seeing a therapist for, need someone to "complete" their life, their clock is ticking, etc.

Ever since I broke up with my ex (also not form dating apps) back in January 2021, I've been on dates with at LEAST 20 different girls until I met my current gf. During this time, I've come to the realization that nothing matters more having a partner that likes/loves me unconditionally, which is what you all told me when I made a post about thinking of breaking up with her back in October 2020 (thread has been deleted due to the purge). I was stupid then to realise and understand how important her love and care was until now that I've dated around.

And that's what I realized I missed from my ex and what none of these girls I dated via Hinge were able to or wanted to provide. Because when you're 38 and have a mortgage/bills to pay, a job, and have 2 kids to take care of, the sex, fancy dates, that piece of jewelry, vacation etc. is the last thing on your mind when you're having nights of very little sleep. And what keeps your relationship alive is the amount of care, support, and respect you have for one another to help eachother keep going to keep the lights on for yourself and your kids.

So one word of advice for all you folks in here: If you're looking for something serious, get off the dating apps. You'll find better luck just walking up to/texting and asking someone you personally know out.

lol shut the fuk up idiot

your entire post is a cope

just because you managed to find one girl and date her for the past 3 months without breaking up yet, doesn't mean you discovered some scandalous insight or holy grail to dating

there is nothing fundamentally different from a girl who uses dating app, vs one who does not

if your girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, would that invalidate all the characteristics you currently project onto her and change her into an entirely new person?

lmao

btw 60% of people who got married in the past 5 years met online. I guess all those marriages are shams

[skinnyfat88]

just because you managed to find one girl and date her for the past 3 months without breaking up yet, doesn't mean you discovered some scandalous insight or holy grail to dating

there is nothing fundamentally different from a girl who uses dating app, vs one who does not

if your girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, would that invalidate all the characteristics you currently project onto her and change her into an entirely new person?

lmao

btw 60% of people who got married in the past 5 years met online. I guess all those marriages are shams

Somewhat agree with this.

If you have a good head on your shoulders you can figure out who the quality potential partners are regardless of where you meet them.

[xbluexhawkx]

lol shut the fuk up idiot

your entire post is a cope

just because you managed to find one girl and date her for the past 3 months without breaking up yet, doesn't mean you discovered some scandalous insight or holy grail to dating

there is nothing fundamentally different from a girl who uses dating app, vs one who does not

if your girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, would that invalidate all the characteristics you currently project onto her and change her into an entirely new person?

lmao

btw 60% of people who got married in the past 5 years met online. I guess all those marriages are shams

need a source on that

sounds like absolute nonsense

highest I found was 22% since 2015

[DustinTheHuss]

A big issue IMO is that the more age-appropriate men who would be capable of holding your attention likely disqualify you due to your living situation.

If you have a timeline in place in which you will be able to get your own place, I think you need a fresh opinion (new therapist or dating coach) to help set you up for success once you unburden yourself from your current living situation.

I find myself telling the age appropriate men about my living situation because I'm not so into them. It's really hard because I'm so used to seeing the young face and those guys are so much more enthusiastic to meet me. But my other thread on here where Nissan contributed makes sense about working on my eating disorder and physique first and getting myself back on track before I meet a man my age. Maybe I'll attract more attractive men with being in better shape as my meal plan is totally different than it was in 2012 (no EOD) as I just took those core foods like greek yogurt and cottage cheese and added a lot of cheese, cereal, honey, etc. to make them taste better, but of course that's extra calories. Then my nutritionist wanted me to add in sandwiches, bagels and sandwiches and that's just not good.

I never was hungry on my former trainer's meal plan as it was full of a lot of lean protein without the additives. Going down to 800 calories a day was dumb too as I lost lean muscle.

lol shut the fuk up idiot

your entire post is a cope

just because you managed to find one girl and date her for the past 3 months without breaking up yet, doesn't mean you discovered some scandalous insight or holy grail to dating

there is nothing fundamentally different from a girl who uses dating app, vs one who does not

if your girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, would that invalidate all the characteristics you currently project onto her and change her into an entirely new person?

lmao

btw 60% of people who got married in the past 5 years met online. I guess all those marriages are shams

Dating apps are totally different from meeting people IRL. People on dating apps have that mentality of "I'll just keep swiping to find someone better" and it's honestly exhausting to swipe for years on end like I've been doing, only to see the same type of character guy on there over and over, usually a player because all you see are looks. You don't see if the guy's personality like if he's funny in person or if you share a similar interest like both playing volleyball or bowling.

I doubt that 60% of marriages are from online dating. I just looked it up and it's 17%.

Dating apps are best for hookups/FWB IMO.

[NissanskylineN1]

lol shut the fuk up idiot

your entire post is a cope

just because you managed to find one girl and date her for the past 3 months without breaking up yet, doesn't mean you discovered some scandalous insight or holy grail to dating

there is nothing fundamentally different from a girl who uses dating app, vs one who does not

if your girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, would that invalidate all the characteristics you currently project onto her and change her into an entirely new person?

lmao

btw 60% of people who got married in the past 5 years met online. I guess all those marriages are shams

You're a moron - do you only eat dick or something?

1) I've had multiple meaningful relationships, none have been from dating apps. Most of the girls I've been out on dates with via apps have either been full of red flags, rebounding, losers stuck in a dead end career, or looking for a ONS. I've rarely seen quality on those apps.

2) There is a huge difference between using a dating app or not. Using a dating app is very low effort and therefore lets in a lot of people who don't/aren't willing to put in the effort to date

3) If my girl downloaded bumble tomorrow, it would be because we broke up and she wants to rebound. She also has never used Bumble and used Hinge in the past instead. In Toronto, Bumble is full of whales and <5s. I know lots of couples who met on Bumble, and every time the guy is absolutely getting scammed by a controlling, entitled whale.

4) Where did you get your statistic from? Stanford University survey shows 39% of all couples met online, but not married. Another study shows only 27% of married couples are from online dating, with that source also leading to the highest divorce rates.
https://marriagefoundation.org.uk/re...eting%20online.

Sounds like the only real sham here is you lol

[iloveus]

I just took those core foods like greek yogurt and cottage cheese and added a lot of cheese, cereal, honey, etc. to make them taste better, but of course that's extra calories. Then my nutritionist wanted me to add in sandwiches, bagels and sandwiches and that's just not good.

I never was hungry on my former trainer's meal plan as it was full of a lot of lean protein without the additives. Going down to 800 calories a day was dumb too as I lost lean muscle.



\

What kind of nutrition plan is this?

Why is your nutritionist giving you a bunch of processed sugar/garbage?

You'll feel like chit eating that kind of food.

Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Meat, fruits and vegetables.

Non processed whole foods.

I'd fire your nutritionist.

[NissanskylineN1]

Maybe I'll attract more attractive men with being in better shape as my meal plan is totally different than it was in 2012 (no EOD) as I just took those core foods like greek yogurt and cottage cheese and added .

Erm... Do you want to be with someone who wants you for how you look, or for someone who appreciates you for who you are? You should take pride in who you are in addition to your body physique. How much income you make, your hobbies, your kids, your passions, etc. etc. I guarantee that people who want you for how you look will most likely be the ones that also will treat you like a piece of meat since they'll mostly just be thinking with their dicks.

[Legz422]

What kind of nutrition plan is this?

Why is your nutritionist giving you a bunch of processed sugar/garbage?

You'll feel like chit eating that kind of food.

Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Meat, fruits and vegetables.

Non processed whole foods.

I'd fire your nutritionist.

Yeah I don't get this. Why would a nutritionist tell someone to eat junk? Someone could do the intuitive eating with healthy whole foods.

[stevesteve12]

need a source on that

sounds like absolute nonsense

highest I found was 22% since 2015

this was 2017. that's 5 years ago. cant remember where I saw the most recent

[stevesteve12]

Dating apps are totally different from meeting people IRL. People on dating apps have that mentality of "I'll just keep swiping to find someone better" and it's honestly exhausting to swipe for years on end like I've been doing, only to see the same type of character guy on there over and over, usually a player because all you see are looks. You don't see if the guy's personality like if he's funny in person or if you share a similar interest like both playing volleyball or bowling.

I doubt that 60% of marriages are from online dating. I just looked it up and it's 17%.

Dating apps are best for hookups/FWB IMO.

you are literally projecting.

you embody that slut sentiment and wallow in the dream of landing a chad while being a perimenopausal [insert whatever] with a failed marriage and burdened by a teenage daughter.

that's your personal MO on dating apps because of your circumstance in life (or should we say lack of)

you are not the desirable in-shape 20-30 year young professionals out there trying to find their forever person

from your view, of course all man online look from you is a a easy shag. what else is there

please stop interjecting your toxic view for attention and contaminating the minds of the young people out there still with a chance for a true fulfilling relationship

[imbored21]

online dating doesn't work for men unless you have gutter tier standards.

[imbored21]

I only like girls who are pretty and fun. That means online dating is not gong to work for me. Just gonna try to game my SBs and hope they fall for me at some point. If not at least I'm getting regular sex with hot babes.

[imbored21]

dating gets really boring after a while. Going to boring restuarants. Going to boring movies. Doing boring activities like minigolf/bowling/amusement parks. I rather just invite them over at this point for smash time. If they say no, IDGAF. I'll just go smash my SBs.

[imbored21]

if you aren't a stock character normie, girls don't understand you. These are things I've heard girls reject guys over

-not having a bedframe
-dirty car
-no trashcan cover
-picture with fish
-flipflops
-blank walls in apartment
-plays video games
-hires escorts
-never had a gf before
-no social life

Women are ****ing apes LOL

[FemaleWarriorxo]

What kind of nutrition plan is this?

Why is your nutritionist giving you a bunch of processed sugar/garbage?

You'll feel like chit eating that kind of food.

Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Meat, fruits and vegetables.

Non processed whole foods.

I'd fire your nutritionist.

It’s how a lot of the nutritionist promote now tbh. “It’s okay to eat processed food if your body is craving it”. It’s a crappy thing to say to people with EDs

[imbored21]

can't even log on hinge anymore. it's too boring matching with boring fat girls who complain when a guy has a picture of a fish when I can just pipe a hot babe for $200 who jesters me.

[brightbrah]

Encountered my first "crazy" last night after all these years on and off the apps...
She showed up a half hour late, was on the phone with someone when we met. (some sort of family trauma, allegedly)
Starts telling me her whole life story how she was married before and it was "emotionally abusive" etc etc
Basically runs a questionnaire by me (annoying/not appropriate for first date IMO)

She's starting on her 3rd beer and I realize her speech is slurred and she could barely walk when getting up to go to the restroom. I asked her if she had been drinking prior to showing up and she said "a little"

I suggested that she get an Uber home since I had to work at 8am. She could barely even operate her phone to set the pickup point, I had to assist her.

I took a video of her getting into the Uber. Had to avoid her attempted kiss. If balconybrah taught me one thing, it's to always have evidence that you did nothing wrong.

Other than her pictures being a little iffy, I didn't see any red flags on her profile/over text. Seemed like an up and coming medical professional who I could possibly vibe with.

I'm done with girls older than me lol

[DustinTheHuss]

What kind of nutrition plan is this?

Why is your nutritionist giving you a bunch of processed sugar/garbage?

You'll feel like chit eating that kind of food.

Shop the perimeter of the grocery store. Meat, fruits and vegetables.

Non processed whole foods.

I'd fire your nutritionist.

I don't see her anymore but you'd have to read the book or summaries online of "Intuitive Eating" to understand it. The book has been around since the mid-90s and they've had done a lot of studies since then when people "normalize" food and don't put it in "good food" and "bad food" categories that people are less likely to binge eat or excessively diet. It's written by 2 nutritionists and most in the eating disorder recovery world use it.

So you start off by allowing yourself a donut or bagels and your nutrition goes to mush for a couple of months, but then you realize you feel crappy after eating the stuff and start to crave fruits and veggies again. She's right that I did start to crave salads and lean protein after eating sandwiches so I'm rarely eating them now.

Yeah I don't get this. Why would a nutritionist tell someone to eat junk? Someone could do the intuitive eating with healthy whole foods.

Healthy whole foods is food labeling and is not "intuitive". The book uses a toddler as an example, as a toddler won't binge eat or diet. He or she eats until they're full and that's that.

It’s how a lot of the nutritionist promote now tbh. “It’s okay to eat processed food if your body is craving it”. It’s a crappy thing to say to people with EDs

That book has been around since 1995, but nutritionists are embracing it more lately they say because they realize that diets don't work and 95% of the clients regain the weight plus more. I did it back in 1996 and gained 6 lbs in a month so I dropped it. Obviously it felt great to eat ice cream and donuts most of the day! lol until you see the results and panic......!

I honestly think they don't know how to cure EDs given how we live in a country with obesity so everywhere you turn someone is going on about some diet like keto, paleo, intermittent fasting, etc. But if I feel like having a cookie or ice cream I'll have it. I don't excessively restrict those foods anymore but I don't eat them daily. Maybe once or twice a week.

The book is full of a lot of *crap* (IMO) about size acceptance as even those who eat intuitively can be overweight, according to the nutritionists. So they talk about a lot of discrimination that people get when they're overweight/obese.

[Luc1fer]

Encountered my first "crazy" last night after all these years on and off the apps...
She showed up a half hour late, was on the phone with someone when we met. (some sort of family trauma, allegedly)
Starts telling me her whole life story how she was married before and it was "emotionally abusive" etc etc

[brightbrah]

bro it was so bad
she texted me this morning asking to hangout again and i politely declined
hopefully, this is the conclusion of our interactions.

[imbored21]

another day another round of 4/10s on Hinge trying to get this prime c0ck. I just can't do it anymore. It's too boring. I'm only interested in 7+.

[imbored21]

i give them a chance and they disapoint man

[elterrible987]

this was 2017. that's 5 years ago. cant remember where I saw the most recent

I dont like how human interactions and relationships have become monetized. its fuking creepy and cant be good for society

[imbored21]

i can't stop thinking about my SB. All I think about is seeing her and planning dates/gifts for her. Man I am a SIMP. I can't even get into these Hinge girls because they don't compare one bit.