Ex wife just called me

[NerdyLady]

I literally was speechless. didn't recognize the number so I answered and it was her. No contact since late 2014. She cheated on me...enough said.

I was a man of few words on the phone with her. She apologized to me, first apology from her since this all happened summer 2014.

I don't know much. about her life since our divorce finalized in 2015. I do know the guy she left me for broke up with her and they were on ans off for a couple of years. Heard he was abusive to her. She seemed to know a lot about me though. She said she'd like to see me..."just to talk sometime".

Guys at a point in my life this girl was the love of my life and I absolutely loved her with everything in me.
I told her I wad headed into work and maybe we could talk another time.

Misc what would you do?

Deep down I'd like to see her and talk AND I know for a fact I'd never want to be with her again after what she did to me and I know things would never be the same again either.

The risk (of becoming emotionally reattached to someone who was once the love of your life) is not worth the reward. You will never be able to trust her again and it would be a wall between you. Don't do it, OP.

[jasticus]

If you want sloppy 100s go for it. She’s probably been with dozens of guys now and realizing she’s getting old and if she doesn’t settle it will be to late. Don’t do it op.

[Jayarbie]

I literally was speechless. didn't recognize the number so I answered and it was her. No contact since late 2014. She cheated on me...enough said.

I was a man of few words on the phone with her. She apologized to me, first apology from her since this all happened summer 2014.

I don't know much. about her life since our divorce finalized in 2015. I do know the guy she left me for broke up with her and they were on ans off for a couple of years. Heard he was abusive to her. She seemed to know a lot about me though. She said she'd like to see me..."just to talk sometime".

Guys at a point in my life this girl was the love of my life and I absolutely loved her with everything in me.
I told her I wad headed into work and maybe we could talk another time.

Misc what would you do?

Deep down I'd like to see her and talk AND I know for a fact I'd never want to be with her again after what she did to me and I know things would never be the same again either.

I'm going to break with the Misc standard and say go meet her. I think it's important to have relationships that were that important in your life left as a positive. Just set boundaries and be clear that you are not interested in getting back together and hash out your issues and leave it as a positive instead of a negative.

[ChristmasFnatic]

Wife cheated on me 2011(my story here in Misc). Years after, she contacts me, at first being nice, I kept going NC, she still contacts me now and then, sometimes being nice, sometimes sad, lately angry. Go thru different emotions trying to see which one Ill cave in to. lol

[DSTEE]

She just wants to ease her loneliness and conscience, and hopes to catch you in a soft spot that will give her approval which you might cave in for, but deep down you'll hold a strong grudge in yourself for it.

You weren't her first choice, she thought she found something better which she went for straight behind your back. Now after getting throat abused for years he dumped her, and that she is lonely sloppy seconds has the audacity to come back to you again. Have some dignity op



If you wanted to blue pill yourself you should have asked reddit or some chit instead. The truth is somewhere in between probably so pick your poison

[jimbob007]

She is probably lonely. Just ignore her.

[JStrez]

Tell her to meet you at starbucks in fukking NORTH CAROLINA OP

Never ever ever ever let her back in your life forever until the ever

[taf1968]

Hell no.

[GreatOldOne]

Perhaps you will find some more closure if you meet again. It will probably be quite emotional.

She may be looking for closure, and is struggling to accept that she betrayed you.

If it were me, I would probably meet with the idea to reconcile as friends. And that be it...close the loop and you can both go on with your lives with more internal peace.

Good luck.

[Pterodactyl314]

He’ll meet her. They never listen

[anonymous]

You should not talk to her again.

[OptimistPrime11]

Abort abort abort!

And let this be a lesson to all of you young guys out there.

Never ever ever even think about getting married until age 35 to 40.

[TomCruiseBrah]

that's desperate

[OptimistPrime11]

Perhaps you will find some more closure if you meet again. It will probably be quite emotional.

She may be looking for closure, and is struggling to accept that she betrayed you.

If it were me, I would probably meet with the idea to reconcile as friends. And that be it...close the loop and you can both go on with your lives with more internal peace.

Good luck.

If this had been a mutual break up I would agree.

But it wasn't. She cheated and divorced him when that was not what OP wanted.

OP can now have full power and hand knowing that in the end, it was she who regretted it all and it is she who is now suffering.

OP wins and comes out of it a stronger, better, and more satisfied man.

[Legz422]

I'm gob smacked that meeting her is even a consideration. She called and apologized. Tell her thank you for the apology and then never speak to her again. You have no ties to each other at this point and there is no reason to keep in contact. Trying to be friends with an ex is not a good idea and pretty much never works out well. The only time it's ok is if you share a kid(s) and need to remain civil with them.

[LovePollution]

Going NC is the ONLY option you should ever consider when it is an ex you have no children with. Especially an ex that disrespected you in the worst possible way by cheating. Listen to the misc brah.

[elterrible987]

lol she ran through all the dink in her city and now is trying to settle but she cant find a better deal than the one she used to have so is crawling back. Women ALWAYS do this. lol at even considering being her beta provider for a second time.

[sg1976]

She needs you to rescue her OP. Be her hero.

In reality it’s dumb when teens and early twenty somethings cheat. It can be chalked up to immaturity. When grown ass people do it tho it’s pretty pathetic and screams poor life skills.

[DeadlyStriker]

Op, block the number, and move on with your life. If she wanted to be in it, she would have never cheated. She chose her path. That is not worth your time or effort anymore.

Nothing else needs to be said or done. Do not meet with her. Enjoy your life now. Find someone that cares for you and respects you unlike the way she did. Don't let her calling manipulate your emotions to thinking about all the good times. She sacrificed that.

[MadNinjaSkills]

That’s a strong nope for me. The ONLY reason I still communicate with my ex husband is because we have a daughter together. That’s it. Don’t get me wrong, we coparent extremely well. But if she wasn’t around we wouldn’t have anything to do with each other. There is absolutely no reason why you should chat with her. She’s just going to end up using you as a dumping ground for all her problems. Not to mention if you ever find a special someone, they might have an issue and question why your ex hanging around like a bad habit.

[ralphlaurenbrah]

**** that bitch bro! All that can come of this is you getting hurt. There is nothing you can gain from this as it seems you are completely past all of the pain that she caused you and this will only bring it all back

[backinthegymbro]

The only reason she would like to see you, is because the other guy dumped her and you're her temporary back up plan.
Just lmao @ wanting to see her again. You want to get cucked all over again and feel like chit?
If you forgive a sloot for cheating, then all you show her is that cheating is within her boundaries because you'll just forgive her anyway.
Stay nc unless you want to be used all over again. Have some dignity and self respect. Nothing good can come from this.

[EDMFloridaBrah]

lmao you seeing her and giving in to what she wants would only just reassure her that even after everything she did to you there’s still a chance to reconcile


The answer? **** no. There’s nothing on your end to gain. You made the biggest commitment you can to a person and she decided she’d still rather ride the cock carousel and get abused for YEARS then come back to you. Don’t go and white knight this idiot and fall for her bs game of trying to turn the situation to make you feel bad for her. Reminds me of that movie Along Came Polly.

[MarinoMike]

No no no no NO! Do I need to fly to wherever you are and slap you like a bish op??

MOVE ON

[GreatOldOne]

If this had been a mutual break up I would agree.

But it wasn't. She cheated and divorced him when that was not what OP wanted.

OP can now have full power and hand knowing that in the end, it was she who regretted it all and it is she who is now suffering.

OP wins and comes out of it a stronger, better, and more satisfied man.

My comments were thinking of OP still needing to complete a grieving process. He may still be grieving the relationship, or this would not be a question.

Grieving ends with acceptance.

Consider why victims families often forgive the attackers of a loved one. It allows them to be free of the internal struggle and pain following the loss.

This could be an opportunity to complete the grieving process, and forever move past denial, anger, depression, and bargaining...leave the pain behind.

It's been years, so he's perhaps ready for that step.

I would not have suggested it early, when he would be suffering anger and sadness.

I understand people might not want to face someone who's truly hurt them, though.

'Let them rot'

That's just not my personality. At least not anymore. I don't have a lot of extra energy for grudges anymore, and personally look for internal peace and acceptance.

[ATT82121]

I'm going to break with the Misc standard and say go meet her. I think it's important to have relationships that were that important in your life left as a positive. Just set boundaries and be clear that you are not interested in getting back together and hash out your issues and leave it as a positive instead of a negative.

Perhaps you will find some more closure if you meet again. It will probably be quite emotional.

She may be looking for closure, and is struggling to accept that she betrayed you.

If it were me, I would probably meet with the idea to reconcile as friends. And that be it...close the loop and you can both go on with your lives with more internal peace.

Good luck.

My comments were thinking of OP still needing to complete a grieving process. He may still be grieving the relationship, or this would not be a question.

Grieving ends with acceptance.

Consider why victims families often forgive the attackers of a loved one. It allows them to be free of the internal struggle and pain following the loss.

This could be an opportunity to complete the grieving process, and forever move past denial, anger, depression, and bargaining...leave the pain behind.

It's been years, so he's perhaps ready for that step.

I would not have suggested it early, when he would be suffering anger and sadness.

I understand people might not want to face someone who's truly hurt them, though.

'Let them rot'

That's just not my personality. At least not anymore. I don't have a lot of extra energy for grudges anymore, and personally look for internal peace and acceptance.

These. NC is necessary for a certain period, but I think it's been long enough. If you're still repressing feelings for the girl and haven't accepted the loss then there may be a problem that you have to explore within yourself, and if that's the case then maybe continue the NC if seeing her is gonna wreck you.

But I think accepting the past, acknowledging any wrongdoing on either side, learning from the experience and taking the apology can set you free from the past if you still have any ill feelings toward the whole thing. People fuk up man. We're human. Just be careful isn't trying to gaslight you or anything but rather actually have a mature conversation so you both can have that positive memory and not some negative chit you carry with you for the rest of your life.

I'd say go through with it, with humility, as long as you've accepted the past and have let her go.

[OptimistPrime11]

My comments were thinking of OP still needing to complete a grieving process. He may still be grieving the relationship, or this would not be a question.

Grieving ends with acceptance.

Consider why victims families often forgive the attackers of a loved one. It allows them to be free of the internal struggle and pain following the loss.

This could be an opportunity to complete the grieving process, and forever move past denial, anger, depression, and bargaining...leave the pain behind.

It's been years, so he's perhaps ready for that step.

I would not have suggested it early, when he would be suffering anger and sadness.

I understand people might not want to face someone who's truly hurt them, though.

'Let them rot'

That's just not my personality. At least not anymore. I don't have a lot of extra energy for grudges anymore, and personally look for internal peace and acceptance.

Did you get all of this from the doctors telling you this during your group sessions?

The greatest revenge to someone who did you wrong is indifference. Not hate. Not love. Not acceptance.

Just indifference. And by OP showing that to his ex without having to meet or having to 'leave the pain behind'?

It will show his ex, the world, and most importantly himself that he has truly moved on with no baggage.

[OptimistPrime11]

These. NC is necessary for a certain period, but I think it's been long enough. If you're still repressing feelings for the girl and haven't accepted the loss then there may be a problem that you have to explore within yourself, and if that's the case then maybe continue the NC if seeing her is gonna wreck you.

But I think accepting the past, acknowledging any wrongdoing on either side, learning from the experience and taking the apology can set you free from the past if you still have any ill feelings toward the whole thing. People fuk up man. We're human.

I'd say go through with it.

But 99.99999% this is not an apology born out of true remorse. This is an apology born because she got dumped and needs someone to cry to, to monkey branch to.

We all know this.

[RazorM3]

should have just ended the phone call without saying a word john wick style srs

she had it too good with you cheated and now she wants you back just lol

NC

[ATT82121]

But 99.99999% this is not an apology born out of true remorse. This is an apology born because she got dumped and needs someone to cry to, to monkey branch to.

We all know this.

That may be true most of the time with most women, especially the younger they are. But I don't know the full circumstances in OP's relationship or the girl, and the phone call makes me think that she may just be seeking closure and trying to somehow let all the negative chit go by mutual acceptance.

But if she's trying to get back with OP then yea that's a problem and I'd say go back to NC.

But it is also imperative that OP not go in it expecting anything out of it other than acceptance and moving the fuk on.