Fiancee of 7 years broke up with me month before wedding
********Final Update post 179*******
Diagnosed with Parkisons disease
Update page 4
Feeling kinda low boyos.
Out of nowhere she says she cant marry me. She cancelled all of the wedding and honeymoon, which we lost quite a bit of money. I asked well if were not going to get married what is the point of us being together and she said none. She says she tried talking to me for two weeks about the issues that were bothering her but I just brushed them off. Among the reasons are:
1.) I didn't help plan the wedding, so she couldn't get excited (I was guilty of this but I felt the girl in the relationship likes this responsibility. Regardless I should have helped).
2.)I am very routine oriented in terms of working out at 4 am, regimented eating, work 9-5 etc, she is the same way, so at the end of the day I am tired and am content with being a homebody but apparently she wants to do more stuff. (I said I would def be open to this to make her happy, but she said people don't change. I would do this for a while and then go back to how I am)
3.)Thinks because I am independent and she is clingy/needs alot of attention, if we have kids she will be alone with them.
4.)I have OCD which can sometimes be a little stressful (I feel this one is just to tack on reasons)
I tried to address all of these issues with her, telling her that I will work on these things because I love her and want things to work but to no avail. All of these things are easily fixable and I feel if two people have a strong bond this is easy to overcome. But I guess these aren't the real issues than...
In the 7 years we have been through everything together and I have done everything for this girl. Got her into working out and trained her for 7 years (transformed her). Moved to a new town together. She broke up with me once because she didn't think I wanted kids or marriage and during the breakup she was still hanging out with me for the first little bit and being super shady texting other guys from the gym, being super flirty with other guys (one guy tried to brush her hair in the gym to see her earring and it almost caused a fight in the gym). We then completely broke things off and I went No Contact, she came back after 6 months. With hesitation I took her back. After we got back together, about 7 months later she had a scary medical emergency in which I saved her life, and after that I was there for her night and day for the next 8 months (like fanatical).
Now she is packing her things (we share a house) and I am kinda completely blind sighted. Sometimes I try and look at it as if there is a purpose for everything and that maybe we got back together so I could be there for her in her time of need to keep her safe. Which even though I am hurt right now, I would always want to help someone I care about in there time of need, regardless of anything.
Anyways, don't know what to do. Feel a little lost at 32 years old which is weird. Might be a forever alone at this point. Not bad looking or anything, in great shape, etc but I have never really approached anyone before, been in two long term relationships. I have done the whole tinder thing in between, not really my jam. No real social circle. Anyways, Sorry just needed to vent as the hurt is still fresh.
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06-24-2019, 07:33 AM #1Registered User
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Fiancee of 7 years broke up with me month before wedding
Last edited by wonderbat00; 02-26-2020 at 04:52 PM.
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06-24-2019, 07:38 AM #2Registered User
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Another proof that no social circle= death sentence for attracting women. If you had friends, she wouldnt have gotten bored of you.
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06-24-2019, 07:40 AM #3
Congratulations, dodged a bullet.
Time to rethink life and find a good woman or just be happy doing your thing.
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06-24-2019, 07:45 AM #4🤡🌎
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Originally Posted by wonderbat00
Bro you dodged a bullet, be thankful for this [srs]
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06-24-2019, 07:46 AM #5Registered User
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Sorry OP, but this^Originally Posted by ymer
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06-24-2019, 07:50 AM #6Registered User
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Sounds like you stopped dating her OP, I think we are all guilty of this sometimes.
Women also check out long before they break it off.
Dont chase her and try watching some Corey Wayne vids on youtube.
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06-24-2019, 07:50 AM #7Registered User
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She wasn’t the one.
There will be a woman out there who doesn’t complain about any of the things you listed.
In fact there is a woman out there who would be extremely grateful to be in the position your ex was in. Fuk that kunt. You deserve better.( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)
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06-24-2019, 08:00 AM #8You are OCD, you have to learn from your mistakes, and see what you did wrong. Hope this helpsOriginally Posted by wonderbat00
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06-24-2019, 08:04 AM #9
Shud have kept her fat.
LTC crew fail.
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06-24-2019, 08:09 AM #10🤡🌎
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Originally Posted by JohnTS1
This too
and from what I quoted above in my own post is a major red flag. Do not take her back under any circumstance , you can do better
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06-24-2019, 08:23 AM #11Multi-Platinum User
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She wasn't right for you and you're better off. You either grow together or you grow apart. You grew apart. Do your thing now and find someone who appreciates who you are and vice-versa.
When we met 12 years ago, my wife and I were a lot like you and your ex personality wise. The big difference was that my wife genuinely wanted to settle down and I genuinely wanted to ramp up. It was a great match because we met in the middle and have taken it from there. I became more extroverted and let go of some compulsive tendencies. She stopped partying so much and focused more on a core group of friends we both like. Now we have a kid and we both spend more time at home than we want.
The only way it works is if you both want the same things. It still isn't perfect, believe me, but at least we are cool with each other's personalities. You gotta have that.
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06-24-2019, 08:28 AM #12Registered User
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What a terrible thing to do to someone. In 7 years, she should have known that she can't be with you and shouldn't have waited until right before the wedding.
In this scenario, however, you won because based on what you wrote - she doesn't seem to be a good person. Eventually she would have cheated on you and taken half your chit in the divorce. Bullet dodged, count your lucky stars.Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.
2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
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06-24-2019, 08:30 AM #13Registered User
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i'll be in the minority and say this isn't about her being good or bad. she backed out and it was the right thing to do. that's very hard to suck up and do instead of settling. good for both of you, down the road this will likely be the right move for everyone involved. be glad this happened now instead of while you're married.
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06-24-2019, 08:33 AM #14Registered User
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She sounds like a piece of chit, she could've tried counseling as a last resort to at least say you guys tried everything. You'll find that one who makes you happy I'm sure and isn't selfish like her
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06-24-2019, 08:39 AM #15I woke up like dis
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Pretty much. Plus she is already fking someone else, guaranteed. Move on, OP. Better that this happened now than after the wedding. Learn from your mistakes and find another girl.Originally Posted by Claud3
Nuggets of Wisdom
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06-24-2019, 08:46 AM #16Alwayz SRS.
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Instead of attacking her...
Im actually gonna agree with her breaking it off.... Just think OP;
Married - Got a kid. Ahhh Chit, Now she's getting Banged by CHAD behind your back.
Ahhh ****, Goodbye 50% of everything you own.
At least she cut it off before the wedding & everything. Now you've got to grow balls and go NC. She isn't the one for you bro.- Cutz 4 Sloots
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06-24-2019, 09:31 AM #17Registered User
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Not about this. I could have friends if I wanted to, I just like spending my time soing other things, sports, guitar, hiking with my dogs etc. She also knew when she started dating me I didnt have one. She also does not have one either. When we do stuff we always do it together. And when we did do stuff we always had fun.Originally Posted by Claud3
She might have broken up with me for other things but being boring isnt one of them.
Either way thanks for the replies guys, puts some perspective on things for me....
Now its just trying to fend off the OCD that comes along with this stressful period....
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06-24-2019, 09:35 AM #18Registered User
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Sorry to hear OP.
Sounds like perhaps you could be a little more well-rounded and relax your routine a bit to have some fun but there are red flags with her that would've caused problems had you gone through with the wedding.
1. When you were "broken up" for 6 months, she essentially kept you around while testing out the waters to see if the grass was greener. That was disrespectful and selfish of her.
2. "Needs lots of attention." If she was an emotionally healthy person and had solid relationships with friends/family I don't think she'd need an unhealthy amount of attention from you. Based on how she acted during your breakup, she'd be quick to monkey branch if she ever felt "neglected."
Sucks now but she's coming at you with her mind made up and not a place of concern. Tough to swallow but should make for a clean break and you can start moving on with your life.
Good luck and let us know how things are going.
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06-24-2019, 11:16 AM #19Registered User
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Eh this sounds normal, people grow apart and sometimes discover they want something different.
I’m impressed she did it before you got married, it would have been hell for you.
You sound like at your core you’re a very steady but emotionally flat guy. That’s ok, you do you but you need to find someone similar.
Just go NC, let her find what she wants and you do the same, don’t try to change who you are deep down just to get back with her.
You only miss her because it’s the comfort of the known.“I have become blackpill, destroyer of cope.”
LTC crew
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06-24-2019, 11:21 AM #20ChatGPT4.5 Bot
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06-24-2019, 11:38 AM #21Registered User
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yeah keep copingOriginally Posted by wonderbat00
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06-24-2019, 12:18 PM #22Registered User
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OkayOriginally Posted by Claud3
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06-24-2019, 12:21 PM #23Registered User
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Thank you for this post buddy, insightful & helps give me perspective on some thingsOriginally Posted by skinnyfat88
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06-24-2019, 01:59 PM #24False Football Prophet
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you're 32. you wont be forever alone unless you choose to be
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06-24-2019, 05:11 PM #25Starvation Mode GO!
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Who owns the house?
Can you move back to your home town or will you stay there?
Time to start planing for your future when all her chit is out.
ON the plus side since neither of you have friends there aren't a lot of people to notify.
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06-24-2019, 05:38 PM #26Don't Treadmill On Me
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This. Be very thankful OP that this happened BEFORE you got married - and not a couple of years into the marriage with potentially kids and losing half your ****.Originally Posted by JohnTS1
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06-24-2019, 06:03 PM #27Registered User
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You trained her and helped turn her into another man’s prize. She was probably thinking about it before all that, but when she got in shape and the attention started rolling in en masse she thought “maybe I can really do better now...”Originally Posted by wonderbat00
Which leads to point two. She tried to monkey branch but the branch broke and she fell flat on her face. Happens a lot. She then came begging and you took her back like a true cuck. It’s ok, it happens to a lot of dudes. But you must learn from it. Now she knows she can get away with anything and face no real consequences for it. That was the real end of your relationship, and you should have walked then. That was the day she lost any remaining respect she had for you, which was very little to start with.
Now you’re on your third chance. Luckily you didn’t marry the bitch so you don’t owe her anything. Kick her ass out of the house, put all of her stuff on the porch, block her number and forget about it and her forever. She’s dead to you now. You might not think it at this moment because your co-dependent self is addicted to her, but you dodged a big, life altering bullet. Many men aren’t so lucky. Your life will only get better now, as long as you don’t fall into the stupid “soul mate and marriage” trap again. It doesn’t exist and women think men who believe in such are fools. Trust me on that one. She’s always looking for another potential option. You should be too. You’ve got a little catching up to do and there is going to be a learning curve for you, but there’s no better time than the present. Two long term relationships is nothing. I had already done that by the time I was 18. There’s a lot out there to see in the world, you need to start having fun now. Don’t ever consider marriage again, unless she’s a multi millionaire or something. There’s no other situation where you, as a man, could possibly have anything to gain from it.
Good luck.Last edited by FastBack6; 06-24-2019 at 06:15 PM.
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06-24-2019, 06:32 PM #28Registered User
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If OP was smart and had not taken her back to begin with, none of this would have happened.
And you think OP won’t take her back again even after all this?
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06-24-2019, 07:10 PM #29Registered User
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Lol'ed at this.Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget
OP, one thing you can learn from this is that when someone breaks up a ltr, the issues causing the problem have usually been discussed before or have at least been brought up. You likely didn't pay much attention to it, and by the time the other person makes the decision to pull the trigger, there is usually no convincing them, because you're dealing with emotions.
That said, as a poster above me stated, the issues you mentioned aren't egregious deal breakers, so if they bothered her that much it's a compatibility issue. You'll find someone you fit better with.Last edited by Rebel012; 06-24-2019 at 08:23 PM.
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06-24-2019, 08:10 PM #30Registered User
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Lol made me laugh. And its my home town but she lives here and has a good job, so other than moving out she aint going nowhereOriginally Posted by NitrogenWidget
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