Potential Divorce (srs thread)(help me misc)

[RedRusty]

I feel ya. It's good to have some space..

Do you get that space? Time to yourself or time out with friends?

[DesiredUserphag]

to all the younger miscers out there, stop getting married

this

[LikeAMachine]

How you got two kids and been married a year?

[Peter Ruby]

She's cheating on you...

I guarantee it.

[BustaCapp]

Sounds like she has a few issues with overprotection, possibly a bit of post-natal depression.

You don't sound like you ever loved her.

But you know what?

Millions of people have arranged marriages that work out just fine.

Man the fuk up and stick around. It's not about you anymore.

[katya422]

Why not give marriage counselling a shot before doing anything crazy.

A divorce will be hard on the kids.

This. Even if you think counseling is stupid, at least do everything you can to fix thing for the kids. It’ll put your mind at ease later if things don’t work out

Agree. Mid divorce myself. I brought up marriage counseling a few years ago and he wasn't willing. Found someone else he likes better.

I want to stay because we been through a lot, I hold onto the awesome memories. We have two kids and thats my biggest reason why I am currently staying.

We are fighting about the most stupidest chit bro. Not even funny..

Example: I made my son dinner, he wouldn't eat it. I told him if you don't eat then you go to bed hungry because you eat what is in front of you and be thankful for it. Gave him 30 minutes to eat and he wouldn't because it wasnt what he wanted. He ate like 7 bites but still. I put him to bed, wife comes home, and goes off because he didn't eat and that I should of gave him what he wanted to eat. I told her well thats not how I was raised, and I turned out to respect what was in front of me at the dinner table. She then went off saying that she is thankful my parents didnt raise her and they werent her parents.

Honestly this doesn't sound divorce worthy to me. Sounds more like you both need to calm down and discuss things logically. Might be extra hard right now with a new baby due to lack of sleep and post birth hormones for her.

Best case if you disagree about something to do with the kids you discuss it when they aren't around and neither one of you is stirred up. If you don't agree on something like this then maybe read some expert opinions, talk about options you can both accept.

Some families I've read they have one dinner and if anyone doesn't like it they can make themselves a PB&J for dinner. Could be string cheese and applesauce...whatever is easy and okay. Not the same as getting exactly what you want a la your own short order cook.

So you have a 3 yr old and infant?

Go to counseling. Srsly. If there is no cheating and no addictions/abuse, you owe it to your kids to try that last ditch effort. We’re not talking about years here. Set a time frame. Give it your all. Then if you do go down the divorce road you’ll know you tried everything.

Yes. Sharing parenting time is tough enough with school age kids.

FYI studies show couples are unhappiest once children come into the picture. Not sure how old your kids are but there's a chart I remember seeing in school that shows a gradual decline in how couples rate satisfaction with their relationship starting from the birth of a child, bottoming out somewhere around 10-13 years old f the children, and finally rising back up during teenage years as they become independent and return to pre-child levels usually post college age.

Keep that in mind too

Interesting. Spouse started talking divorce around the time our daughter was 10.

OP: If you feel like you need to make a move know that in MI there is a 6 month waiting period for parents with minor children to divorce. Even if you don't want to go to couples counseling I would recommend talking to someone (qualified professional) about your side of what is happening. Might provide some clarity about what parts are you, what parts are her, and what could reasonably be changed or fixed. Maybe you both have unrealistic expectations, or maybe both of you just don't feel heard and understood.

[jeshelton]

Married 9 years, two kids.

Read to page three. You have a 1 month old daughter, your wife can be bat chit crazy or have postpartum, and anything in between. Having kids is stressful, crazy hormones re balancing after birth, making menial chit seem mountainous (fkin women, when will they learn).

A good therapist will help you both make the decisions to stay together or leave, they are not there to give you a marriage band-aid and take your cash. MFTs are a dime a dozen these days, look for someone with a Doctoral+ degree that has over ten years of experience in practice, and choose a male if you think all therapists are biased towards women. The absolute worst case is you are out one session and you both feel it is not worth your time, the best case is you uncover a number of problems you won't discuss with eachother and walk away with actual homework to implement during the week to stay accountable until the next session.

If you had zero kids and could exit the marriage amicably, that is one thing and 99% of responses will tell you to do this for your own interest.

You have kids, who have zero concept of why mom and dad couldn't work out their issues and did not want to pay for five sessions of hard work in a neutral/arbitrated situation to work their bullchit problems out.

Good luck to you brah and whatever happens, you must post results in this thread or negged *******.

[SoutheastBeast1]

Interesting. Spouse started talking divorce around the time our daughter was 10.

OP: If you feel like you need to make a move know that in MI there is a 6 month waiting period for parents with minor children to divorce. Even if you don't want to go to couples counseling I would recommend talking to someone (qualified professional) about your side of what is happening. Might provide some clarity about what parts are you, what parts are her, and what could reasonably be changed or fixed. Maybe you both have unrealistic expectations, or maybe both of you just don't feel heard and understood.

As a side note, if I remember right a lot of that had to do with financial restrictions playing a big factor which puts pressure on the couple's happiness. So it's not so much the kids as it is the financial toll it takes which makes everything much harder.

Couples that were well didn't see as much of a significant drop off in happiness. There was still a dip of course, but not to the same extent as the results of the total population.

[faxanadu]

Two nuggets of wisdom for you opie...

What people are most critical of in other people for ... are things they fear becoming or things they're ashamed of doing/being (projection).

If someone is willing to share something vulnerable about themselves. Take whatever truth there is in it, multiply it by 10, and that's really how bad the problem is. Even during vulnerable moments peoples egos will significantly downplay the truth/reality. Extreme example:





The only good thing about a counselor or therapist is that they can bring some objectiveness to a situation.

[Layne205]

Honestly you're probably simply tired from having an infant and a toddler. I doubt it's really the marriage that's the issue here.

I love my kids dude I am not tired of having an infant(s).

I dont think you really read into what Ive said

He said tired FROM having kids, not tired OF having kids. You cannot tell us having kids doesn't make you tired. In fact you seem tired right now.

[Zere0wn]

You should give working it out an honest effort. Kids do better if they grow up with two parents. If you both work at it, you most likely can be happy. Relationships take work.

[ADozenBroNuts]

Phuck idk what I want.

Seriously thinking about maybe talking to someone...

Bro, you absolutely need to talk to someone.

You’re married with kids......if you (AND your wife) don’t put forth a serious effort to work things out, you will 100% regret it later and wonder “what if”?

I have some questions for you, just out of curiosity-

Do the two of you genuinely enjoy each other’s company?
Do you find each other attractive?
Do you have the same fundamental core values/principles about life in general?
How long have you been together total?

I’ve been married ten years, and I know (like anyone else who’s been married this long or longer), that there are peaks and valleys and ups and downs.

One last question- do you believe that the greatest POTENTIAL for happiness in your life is being with your family - wife and kids together under one roof - or having your family be broken, with you and wife separated/divorced?

[Trigger543]

Not trying to be a d*ck but it sounds like you basically got married because you didn't use birth control or a condom? That's a piss poor reason to get married, but here you are so man up and do your best. Nobody ever said marriage was easy.

[TBO1313]

I want to stay because we been through a lot, I hold onto the awesome memories. We have two kids and thats my biggest reason why I am currently staying.

We are fighting about the most stupidest chit bro. Not even funny..

Example: I made my son dinner, he wouldn't eat it. I told him if you don't eat then you go to bed hungry because you eat what is in front of you and be thankful for it. Gave him 30 minutes to eat and he wouldn't because it wasnt what he wanted. He ate like 7 bites but still. I put him to bed, wife comes home, and goes off because he didn't eat and that I should of gave him what he wanted to eat. I told her well thats not how I was raised, and I turned out to respect what was in front of me at the dinner table. She then went off saying that she is thankful my parents didnt raise her and they werent her parents.

Your wife sounds spoiled. Why is she unhappy with where you live? Does she want to upgrade even though you are already working 2 jobs?

[WhirlwindTobias]

Yes we got married and we're happy.

2 kids now

Please explain OP.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...post1561270431

09.14.2018

[HouseOfISRAEL]

Didnt you just comment on a thread last week saying you were happy and shes the best thing thats ever happened to you???

Wtf man

married guys be lying to us

phuck you man
seriously phuck you

[DesiredUserphag]

Please explain OP.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...post1561270431

09.14.2018

Fake it til you make it?

80% of married men are lying to themselves about being happy and enjoying the marriage

[wincel]

Maybe Tyrone can help spice up your love life, OP. No but srsly, an actual human female decided to spend her life with you, and you want to throw all that away because things aren't perfect. Just fuking lol. Bitches fighting and nagging is a staple of married life. It's good for you. Sack up. My parents fought each other all the time and look how I turned out...ok fine I see your point.

[Frank Drebin]

Fks sake man you think you're the first couple to go through this with young kids? EVERY couple has a hard time when the kids are little and money is tight. You guys are probably getting chit sleeps, which makes you feel unhappy, and makes you short tempered with your spouse.

[Frank Drebin]

Didnt you just comment on a thread last week saying you were happy and shes the best thing thats ever happened to you???

Wtf man

married guys be lying to us

phuck you man
seriously phuck you

Thats a tell. No married person speaks about their spouse that way. Its not healthy or normal. My wife compliments my life, but without her I would have been fine too.

[HockeyBacon18]

serious question boyo, what do you do for you to need 2 jobs to afford to keep a house?

are you educated?

can you find a job where you only need 1 job to get the same amount of money?

[Frank Drebin]

3 years old.

I wouldn't do this to a newborn baby or anything but these young years will determine everything when they become teenagers.

So get a divorce so you and your idiot wife can traumatize them further as you treat them like pawns in your divorce proceedings.

2 idiots should never marry eachother.

[AltarOfPlagues]

married brehs you gotta have your bro time and your alone time and your hobbies and vice versa, or you become a codependent or enmeshed dickhead

Enmeshment is a description of a relationship between two or more people in which personal boundaries are permeable and unclear. This often happens on an emotional level in which two people “feel” each other's emotions, or when one person becomes emotionally escalated and the other family member does as well.

if it's "happy wife, happy life" hold this L. you gotta live your own muhfukkin life.

also OP that appreciation shiit is a form of manipulation. you clean shiit because you want a clean house, not for credit. you take care of your kids because it's your responsibility, you dont then go then ask for back pats. life can be hell when it's perpetual one upsmanship for shiit thats not even quantifiable.

[AlBHappy]

Married 22 years and 2 kids...

The two of you in regard to the kids NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

Your wife underminded you. You have to let her know that. In my opinion, 3 year olds are tougher and more stubborn than the 2's. You did the right thing. There is one meal that is prepared. Eat it or go hungry. Kid isn't going to die missing a meal, but he will become entitled if he get his way. Little kids are little lawyers and negotiators.

I think the best approach in handling the marriage is when you feel your anger going up, walk away, or speak in an extremely calm, quiet voice. Don't ever yell. When you yell, you've given up the power.

I also think there is some depression on her side going on.

[Trigger543]

Please explain OP.

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...post1561270431

09.14.2018

[Frank Drebin]

Married 22 years and 2 kids...

The two of you in regard to the kids NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE.

Your wife underminded you. You have to let her know that. In my opinion, 3 year olds are tougher and more stubborn than the 2's. You did the right thing. There is one meal that is prepared. Eat it or go hungry. Kid isn't going to die missing a meal, but he will become entitled if he get his way. Little kids are little lawyers and negotiators.

I think the best approach in handling the marriage is when you feel your anger going up, walk away, or speak in an extremely calm, quiet voice. Don't ever yell. When you yell, you've given up the power.

I also think there is some depression on her side going on.

This isn't a make or break thing though. Lots of parents spoil their kids with eating habits - its not something I'd like to do but its not the end of the world.

Explain to your wife "if we continue to give in to him now we're going to have a fussy eater at 10 years old who we will have to cook plain noodles for every day. I don't want that." "I see that you don't want him to go to bed hungry but I think if we outwait him now he will learn to eat what he's given. If you insist on feeding him only what he wants its on you"

Pick your battles, if she's insistent on something like that just let it go. So what if you have a kid who is a fussy eater. Worse things could happen.

And if you start picking your battles chances are she will too.

[DCutch]

Kind of troubling to see that you're not willing to give counseling a chance. Isn't just aboug anything worth trying if it means your kids won't grow up in a broken home? It seems like you already have a preconceived idea of how the marriage counseling would go, which is unfortunate. I say give it a try, if anything do it for your kids.

[fmylife4real]

We thought about marriage counseling but we don't want to waste money on that crap. I don't need someone to tell me how unhappy we are or that we need to communicate more. Chit, the only time we are communicating is if we are fighting like hell. Only time we are good around each other is around family or friends every now and then.

Man, the fact that you don't want to spend money on trying to figure out why you two fight all the time and think that it would be crap, says a lot about how little you truly care about the relationship.

You've only been married a year and feel it's falling apart. Talking to a real good marriage counselor won't cost too much in the long run compared to a divorce, alimony and custody battle. If you're just fighting with each over stupid **** then having a counselor in the middle will help each of you figure out what's causing it and how to work with each other and not against. It's not a quick fix though...it takes time to make it work. It could be a few sessions or 6 months or more depending on how stubborn each of you are. You owe it to your children to figure this out.

The first year for us was rough as fuk and it ended up lasting far longer than I ever thought it could. She started off with some bad chit from her parents and eventually developed some physical issues that crippled her health pretty bad. At one time we even took a break and she went to live with her grandmother in California for about 8 months while we sorted chit out. It still wasn't all that great when she got home either. Her health took another turn for the worse but I stuck by her. It took me a long time to deal with my own issues that I had against but I knew deep down that she was still an amazing woman and worth fighting for. She's been on a tough road to recovery and I'm hoping this surgery coming up in a couple weeks will make a dramatic improvement in her quality of life and overall well being.

With all that said, a lot of people tend to lose focus on why they ended up with the person they've chosen. It's hard work growing with someone that you aren't 100% eye to eye with on everything but once you get things figured out it really becomes worth it. Another positive attribute to making it through these ****ty situations is "if I can make it through this mess then anything else shouldn't be so bad!".

[Destor]

I want to stay because we been through a lot, I hold onto the awesome memories. We have two kids and thats my biggest reason why I am currently staying.

We are fighting about the most stupidest chit bro. Not even funny..

Example: I made my son dinner, he wouldn't eat it. I told him if you don't eat then you go to bed hungry because you eat what is in front of you and be thankful for it. Gave him 30 minutes to eat and he wouldn't because it wasnt what he wanted. He ate like 7 bites but still. I put him to bed, wife comes home, and goes off because he didn't eat and that I should of gave him what he wanted to eat. I told her well thats not how I was raised, and I turned out to respect what was in front of me at the dinner table. She then went off saying that she is thankful my parents didnt raise her and they werent her parents.

Despite your comments about not wanting to pay to be told you need to communicate better, that ^^ is an example of chit communication brah

[tnthudson]

Counseling (and me being humble enough to work on my attitude and take the counselor's advice) saved my marriage. We're going on 28 years and are more in love than when we were newlyweds. It's worth a shot, man.