Getting past the feeling of overweight shame when you start training at a gym

[EjnarKolinkar]

Perhaps we can share some tips on getting into the gym the first time? Dealing with shame or self consiousness about overweight stats.

For me I tried to focus on what I was doing. I got better at training because of it, more skillful. The focus tended to keep my mind off the extra pounds or the occasional unwanted thought that people were judging me. Also if I had a really negative thought about how I looked. I tried to redirect my mind away from that thought, or the mirror as the case might have been more often than not, and back to what I was doing. I have repeatededly posted in this and the motivation forums that thinking, "I'm paying to be here, this is my gym, and my workout" helped me and might help others.

What worked for you?

[Vualk]

I was never overweight.. more like spindly weak and very unhappy with being so small..

I was embarrassed about how small and weak I was. I was unhappy every morning with how I looked in the mirror..

I basically told myself. I'm done being weak and I don't care what anyone thinks I'm doing this for me..

Any criticism I got about being weak and small.. turned into I'm gonna show these *******s what I can do..

And a year from that point those comments turned to shock and jealousy at how much progress I made..
(Just yesterday one of those skeptics commented on how much mass I gained with an apology ... That is the best feeling in the world..)

What other people think does not matter ... All that matters is how you feel about yourself .

If you want to change your life .. change it ... If you want to lose or gain (in my case) ... Do it.. anyone who has any negative or hurtful things to say along the way will only be jealous of how amazing you look when you succeed...

Don't look at your success as an if... Look at it as inevitable if you work for it .. because it is.. and no one can stop you from achieving your goals except you

[Cammy91]

My gym had a smaller area upstairs, which mainly people out of shape tended to use more, which was not its intended use - but it was quieter for cardio and had dumbells, i always felt people would look at me as a 23 stone dude with my titties flapping about whilst running in the main area as id had comments before about it outside of the gym, my opinion when i see a big guy/girl there is "good on them" - because i was in that situation, but allot of people in my experience are very vain in certain enviroments and can say negitive things even if its not ment to be, but never once was i personally approached bad, i found my gym was very friendly and if you needed help - it was always there.

That space in the gym was where i felt most comfortable - but no gym is the same, but if you find a gym that has areas like that - id pick it anyday, i eventually got to a good weight and felt great and the feeling of insecurity in the gym naturally faded, until i was immobile for 6 months and went back to square one and started over again with the same feelings.

Theres no need to feel ashamed, i dont know why i felt so insecure in the first place, now i realise im there just for the reasons everyone else is..

The rewards of persistance and getting over your insecuritys outweigh everything in my opinion, i may not have a 6 pack or even close to it right now, but twice now ive lost allot of weight and BOTH times i will say people treat and view me in an entirely different perspective and it seems people seemingly give more respect compared to being clinicly obese, i am still the same guy, still the same personality - but ill take it through everything ive felt in my journey.

[spradish]

I'm pretty good about staying in my bubble and assuming that nobody is paying attention to whatever I do, which does mostly mean focusing on what I'm doing as opposed to what others are doing. Plus I figured that I was overweight whether I was at the gym or not--there was no way to hide that fact--and I'd rather be overweight and trying to get in shape/lose weight at the gym than overweight and sitting home doing nothing.

[scottcraft]

I was definitely nervous the first few times I went to the weight section from doing cardio. I started lifting at times where there weren't as many people so I could get a routine going and later when there were more people I wasn't as intimidated. Now even though I'm still not very strong I feel much more comfortable like it's my gym too.

[xsquid99]

The thing to remember about the gym is that most people are much more worried about themselves and their own workout than what others are doing. I respect the hell out of people that are overweight (or undermuscled) in the gym and working hard to improve themselves; it makes me happy to see them there... Sure, there will be young douchey kids that may snicker or point, but usually they're just teenagers or youngsters and who the hell cares what they think anyways.

The only people I have problems with in the gym are those that have horrible BO, are blatantly doing exercises wrong and risking injury, mistreating or mishandling gym equipment, leaving a sweaty mess behind, not re-racking their weights, sitting on equipment surfing their phone for extended periods of time, or being loud and obnoxious.

Don't be intimidated by the gym, if you're trying to improve yourself you are welcome to be there.

[BS57]

From a different viewpoint, I have nothing but respect for the person who wants to better their life.

[Loque]

From a different viewpoint, I have nothing but respect for the person who wants to better their life.

This, exactly.

Anytime I see someone that makes the first step to improve themselves I have nothing but respect for that. The hardest part is getting to the gym and sticking with it, if a person does that they will suceed in their goals.

I'm not in the best shape (was 230 now at 210) but working to achieve my goals, my biggest problem is remaining patient and realizing it will come in time.

Keep up the great work!

[JeremyM07201978]

My thoughts for the newcomer to the gym: remember you are there to improve your health, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I struggled with the feeling that I was being observed and judged, but after 21 months in the gym, I know that not only does everyone feel that way at first, but most of the people in there started somewhere - probably pretty close to where I was.

Take confidence and strength from the fact that you are doing this to improve your health, and before long, the people observing you will be doing so to offer support or even out of admiration of your accomplishments.

[Vualk]

From a different viewpoint, I have nothing but respect for the person who wants to better their life.

i actually had the opportunity to help a couple 17 year old kids (i think but not positive (maybe older)) day before yesterday at gym (and was happy to do it.) one of them was pretty overweight (with small arms) the other was just a tiny thing all over..

I was in the rack next to them doing shoulder presses.. which happend to be the same thing they were doing (only with completely terrible form.)
I casually ask them if they were indeed trying to do a shoulder press. when confirmed asked if they wanted a little advice.

I then proceeded to show them how to do it properly.. after that the same two kids basically asked me to show them proper lifts for just about everything they did during that workout.. Honestly i was quite happy to do it.

[SunshinyDaiz]

When I first wanted to joined a gym, I was way overwhelmed and intimidated. I really wanted to lift, but being a fat middle-aged woman was a bit freaked out by the guys. What I did was come up with a plan.

I joined, but spent the first week or two just doing the treadmill and observing. I got a feel for the regulars that would be there when I was and the gym etiquette among those particular people. I also thought that they would get used to seeing me there.

When I was ready to move to the weight section, I had my program ready, written out, and had gone over it multiple times. That way I wasn't fumbling around or getting in anyone's way. I knew what I was there to do.

And then what happens after you've been going a little while, you realize there is an underlying respect there. Not because you are lifting ungodly amounts of weight or because you've lost tons of weight, because you aren't and haven't, yet. It's there because you are showing up and trying.

That was my experience.

[Time4New]

So to look at this from the other side what can we say, if anything to encourage these people when we see them in the gym? I never say anything as don’t want to be inappropiate, but part of me wants to offer encouragement to these extremely overweight people who I haven’t seen in the gym before. Does anyone offer encouragement or just stay silent like me?

[SunshinyDaiz]

So to look at this from the other side what can we say, if anything to encourage these people when we see them in the gym? I never say anything as don’t want to be inappropiate, but part of me wants to offer encouragement to these extremely overweight people who I haven’t seen in the gym before. Does anyone offer encouragement or just stay silent like me?

I would think a small nod would be appropriate. Sort of in the same way wrangler and HD people acknowledge each other.

[Loque]

So to look at this from the other side what can we say, if anything to encourage these people when we see them in the gym? I never say anything as don’t want to be inappropiate, but part of me wants to offer encouragement to these extremely overweight people who I haven’t seen in the gym before. Does anyone offer encouragement or just stay silent like me?

I've seen individuals I wanted to support as well but never approach them as I don't want to offend someone unintentionally. I guess a friendly nod or hello is a start.

[BS57]

Why would anybody be offended by someone offering a simple "hello"? They're simply someone new to bettering their bodies, not lepers, lol.

[spradish]

I don't really make an effort to greet people at the gym but I'd say hi if we made eye contact or something like that. I'm not going to go out of my way to say hello to newbs/overweight/beginners though. It smacks too much of "well hello, my fat friend" to me. Could be me though. Like I said, I really do say in my own bubble and mind my own business when I'm out and about.

[JeremyM07201978]

I don't really make an effort to greet people at the gym but I'd say hi if we made eye contact or something like that. I'm not going to go out of my way to say hello to newbs/overweight/beginners though. It smacks too much of "well hello, my fat friend" to me. Could be me though. Like I said, I really do say in my own bubble and mind my own business when I'm out and about.

I tend to do this too. I'm really all business when I get there as I have just enough time for the workout. If I happen to see someone look my way, I'll nod or wave if I know them (small town). I rarely say much except common courtesies - excuse me, are you using this?, etc. People that know me well enough know I'm not there to chat.

All I can say is from what I see, most people are like this. If someone new to the gym is self-conscious, they should just keep that in mind. The gym is not really awkward or unapproachable, it's just that most people are focusing or busy with their workout. Anyone who isn't, and is just lurking around bothering people or casting judgement - they're the ones who don't belong in a gym IMO.

[ThatOneStudent]

I don't really make an effort to greet people at the gym but I'd say hi if we made eye contact or something like that. I'm not going to go out of my way to say hello to newbs/overweight/beginners though. It smacks too much of "well hello, my fat friend" to me. Could be me though. Like I said, I really do say in my own bubble and mind my own business when I'm out and about.

This.

If I'm at the gym, I don't want to be seen or looked at by anyone. It just makes me feel worse than I already do working out next to huge guys LOL and I always think that whenever someone looks at me they're mocking my form or something, or texting about me in their group chat.

I didn't start working out bc fat, but b/c underweight. I wouldn't have gone if I didn't have a few friends showing me what to do for everything. So my advice would be to find a friend that knows his ****.

I got pretty good at recognizing that most people don't even bother looking twice because they don't care what you're doing, but the anxiety in me refuses to let me believe that people truly don't care. lol

[MrCarrot]

I've never really been overweight and joined a pretty rough-ass gym at the age of 18, and an even rougher-ass gym at the age of 28, so I've never found them intimidating.

When I see someone overweight I think it's good that they're there, and doing something about it.

As for what people think about me, I don't really care as I'm there for myself, and myself only.

[Serpentarius]

Why would anybody be offended by someone offering a simple "hello"? They're simply someone new to bettering their bodies, not lepers, lol.

We have a near death anorexic girl at our gym, anyone talking to her she acts like they are trying to kill her, a lot of people are not ready for interaction.

[Winningmind]

I honestly never judged or felt the need to judge anyone, whether are shredded bodybuilders, or fat dudes, or skinny geeks. Anyone who makes the decision to go to the gym to improve their health or appearance should never be shamed at all regardless of their current physical shape. I don't believe in fat or skinny shaming and it NEVER helps. Mocking a fat guy who is actively working out is the height of stupidity. Anyone who does that should be banned from the gym for harassment.

[vdudhe]

Never think what people think about you. They will always judge you, you shouldn’t care their opinion.
You are fat - people will say you are out of shape
You are skinny - people will say he got no muscle
You are buff and in good shape - people will say, what a big deal, if I exercise for couple of years, I will be like him.
You are mr universe with good muscular body - people will say you must be taking steroids.
My point is no matter what you are or where you reach, people will always judge, and you don’t care about them.
Just do your exercise and get your results, your sincerity in gym and diet will pay off.
When I went to gym in May I was 240 pound you can clearly see my stomach is sticking out from my T-shirt but I didn’t care I just control my diet, did cardio and lifting and now I have flat stomach, so who cares just do your thing. You will be more happy and more encouraged when you will see results.

[thatoneguy1313]

Pop in some headphones and focus up. Dont even look at or think about other people at the gym, just focus on your work. Just flat out don't care what other people think. I know this is harder said than done, this was my biggest problem. But this year I decided I didnt care anymore what other people thought because going to the gym was the only way I was gonna get the look I want.

[k41m]

Currently my bodyweight is a little over 215 lb and over the 20% bf mark, so i'm quite overweight and definitely not aesthetically pleasant (for anyone, but what's most important, for my OWN standard). However i know that i still don't lift heavy enough to have a good enough muscle base, so i can't find a good reason to cut back to 180 or less with zero muscle.

Finally, once you are a regular gym goer, it just becomes second nature to not give a single **** about what anyone thinks about you or what you're doing, i'm not an special snowflake who is the center of the world. That thought helps me to get into my zone, my groove, and ignore the half squatters that stares at my depth in awe, make silly comments on why i sumo dl or why i arch my back and stop every single rep at the bottom during the bench press.

[SkippyBH]

Best thing for a newcomer is just throwing in some music and have fun. I do little dances and stuff like that and mouth the music while doing whatever I'm doing. At the end of the day alot of the people judging aren't going to continue being at the gym, as often times I find that they are not dedicated. Another thing is making some friends at the gym. Just ask someone for a tip on a certain lift or anything you need help with and most of the time you'll make a friend. But mainly just throw in music and jam out.

[Burgerbuger]

Never been fat but when you first go to a gym it can be awkward/intimidating for some. Eventually you'll get over that feeling in due time.

I think bringing along a friend to run/lose weight with you is by far the best way to become accustomed to your environment. I can tell you from experience I hate going to events/learning new group hobbies alone. I feel so much more at ease when I bring a friend.

[LordVader88]

IDK some gyms it's easy to find a corner or wall to stare at and not think of anyone. Then other gyms are like window shops, where even people on the freeway can see inside.

We all start somewhere tho.


What would really worry me is if tigers and buffalo start showing up to get more pumped up. How would u ask a tiger if it's done with that machine.

[EjnarKolinkar]

So to look at this from the other side what can we say, if anything to encourage

I have tunnel vision in the gym usually, focused only on what I want to do and having a good time doing it. But I always try to say "Hey, hows it going?"

Like I said, I really do say in my own bubble and mind my own business when I'm out and about.

That's the thing about starting up at the gym. People assume that others are viewing and judging. IRL most folks have an agenda, are working against the clock to finish and get into work or go pick up the kids, and if they are more serious zero minutes per hour dedicated to fooling about.

Unless you are 'using' 7 pieces of equipment for some ridiculous circuit routine, or have half the dumbbell rack at your bench because you have no basic gym hygeine it's unlikly I or anyone else will notice, or judge you. Gyms are not high schools, they are a place of work/business.

Basic gym ettiqutte is pretty simple. You aren't using it unless you are using it, right now. Look at the area around where you just completed using equipment, is it cleaner than you found it? If someboby is carrying something and you aren't, you get out of the way. Avoid setting up a workout spack in a walkway. Look where you want to go before you go. Don't ask someone if they are 'using' something in the middle of a set when they obviously aren't. They are using the thing that is in their hands. They aren't interested in talking to you while they are concentrating on what they are doing.

[Nedo]

By not giving a chit what people think of you (other than maybe fam and friends), ESPECIALLY strangers. This for all aspects of life folks.

[wayllander]

If your fat and in the gym - why would you be embarrassed? Your doing something about it.

If your fat and wolfing down 3 big macs at mcdonalds - that's where you should be embarrassed.....