There's this girl at my gym and I want to make something happen

[FitCross]

This is putting sex and girls on a pedestal. Most sex, even if the girl is attracted to you, is empty or meaningless.

So what's the point?

[Logix128]

So what's the point?

procreation in the missionary position

[someguy58]

I never considered myself attractive. Had little reason to. If every picture of myself makes me cringe, then what reason do I have to find myself attractive?

If that's how you see yourself, then what makes you think women will see you in a different light? Just stop already.

[FitCross]

If that's how you see yourself, then what makes you think women will see you in a different light? Just stop already.

Please. You think every guy who has or has had a girlfriend all honestly think they're good-looking?

[someguy58]

Please. You think every guy who has or has had a girlfriend all honestly think they're good-looking?

How would you know when you've never had a girlfriend?

[alltrapbrah]

Of course I want validation. The idea that I "only want" that is ridiculous; that's part of the idea. And yes, I do want to go through the wonderful experience of sex and companionship, but without that validation, its completely empty.

I didn't say that you "only" want to be validated.

I implied that your desire for validation is stronger than your desire for experience, which is why you're crippled by inaction.

You'll start moving forward when/if you find a way to flip that.

[alltrapbrah]

So what's the point?

There isn't any, at least for you...

Hence why you don't do anything.

[BetaThanU]

So what's the point?

your brain is just wired to chase it. Then alot of the times afterward youre like wtf am i doing this.

[FAPhaggot]

I didn't say that you "only" want to be validated.

I implied that your desire for validation is stronger than your desire for experience, which is why you're crippled by inaction.

You'll start moving forward when/if you find a way to flip that.

There isn't any, at least for you...

Hence why you don't do anything.

[pondus_levo]

That's why it fills me with dark thoughts, makes me feel like hurting someone who questions my masculinity, who tells me to grow a pair, etc.

As they should question it. Survival of the fittest. If you can't do what it takes, then you get taken out of the equation by default.

Like alltrapbrah, said. Most FA's = guys who's desire to find a mate is less than the sum of all parts.

All I know is, when I went from FA to having success in my early 20's, it's because I put 110% into that result. It's all I lived for.

[FitCross]

As they should question it. Survival of the fittest. If you can't do what it takes, then you get taken out of the equation by default.

Like alltrapbrah, said. Most FA's = guys who's desire to find a mate is less than the sum of all parts.

All I know is, when I went from FA to having success in my early 20's, it's because I put 110% into that result. It's all I lived for.

So what'd 110% effort look like?

[pondus_levo]

So what'd 110% effort look like?

Continued my education and career. Worked on fitness, style, attitude. Took up a bunch of new hobbies. Made new friends. Started going out to bars and clubbing more. Read pages upon pages of how to pick up girls, how to play the game, etc.

WENT OUT AND PRACTICED.

I've already told you 100 times what you needed to do.

[someguy58]

I've already told you 100 times what you needed to do.

Forget it, he doesn't listen. He's finished.

[AlexNYC7]

Something won’t happen in you just think about doing something but freeze up and end up doing chit.

You don’t need 100 pages of advice, it’s quite simple: GO TALK TO THE FUKIN GIRL and stop talking to us.

[zeronotyethero]

That's why it fills me with dark thoughts, makes me feel like hurting someone who questions my masculinity, who tells me to grow a pair, etc.

Can't take criticism, so resorts to threatening physical harm. Yeah, you're not totally messed up in the head.

[BlackScorpio91]

I bet this clown still haven't did anything. He's a lost cause. The only person that can truly help him is himself.

[alltrapbrah]

I bet this clown still haven't did anything. He's a lost cause. The only person that can truly help him is himself.

I disagree. I think he needs professional help.

Opie's problem isn't so much his situation but rather his irrational psychology that keeps him in his situation.

[Nedo]

Some of you dudes really need to start putting yourself outside your comfort zone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with chatting this girl up in an innocent manner, making a few jokes along the way and if she doesn't reciprocate or engage you then just carry on as she ain't interested. Men are far too outcome dependent whereas they need to go with the flow more. Paralysis by analysis, time and time again. This nervousness and hesitancy shows when you actually do mustard up the courage to talk to them, so break that cycle by practicing. When single, I would briefly observe a group of women and then wait for an opportunity to approach them by myself. One time there was 3 of them 10 years older than me kicking their feet up near the bar so I took that opportunity to lightly make fun of them. This just to put myself outside my comfort zone.

[DanielleGreen]

Some of you dudes really need to start putting yourself outside your comfort zone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with chatting this girl up in an innocent manner, making a few jokes along the way and if she doesn't reciprocate or engage you then just carry on as she ain't interested. Men are far too outcome dependent whereas they need to go with the flow more. Paralysis by analysis, time and time again. This nervousness and hesitancy shows when you actually do mustard up the courage to talk to them, so break that cycle by practicing. When single, I would briefly observe a group of women and then wait for an opportunity to approach them by myself. One time there was 3 of them 10 years older than me kicking their feet up near the bar so I took that opportunity to lightly make fun of them. This just to put myself outside my comfort zone.

You took the opportunities that were presented. This the same in the banking world, take the opportunities or create them. That's the difference between the 1st year MD and the associate that's been in the same position for 10 years.

[NP603]

my 2 cents,

If you're thinking this much into it you're working up your nerves too much and you won't end up doing this. I live down at the beach, there is a cement wall everyone hangs out on if they dont go onto the sand. Plenty of times cute girls sit next to me and if i dont start chatting right away i think too much become to nervous and it never works as planned. This also goes with if there is an opening..for example other day cute one sat next to me asked me to watch her bags while she swam, here was my opening when she got back, ask her about the water which i did. we chatted for a little, then i said next time she sits up im going to leave and give her my number on paper i dont like the put my # in your phone. I did this, she never called but o well.

My advice is maybe go use some equipment she used like the cable machine something not awkward and just ask if she is all set with it, maybe ask if she's new to the gym and ask her her name etc. then the following say hi and ask how her weekend was or something then ask if she wants to grab a smoothie or hike or something. then do that take to dinner, then following time cook at your house THIS IS GUARNTEED LAY. make food have fun drink

JUST DONT THINK TOO MUCH INTO IT. while your trying to get her on a date, try it with other girls. Friends always told me to go on dates with many women same time, the other month i was seeing two girls it was the best feeling to choose one i had more fun with etc. but again i let it go to my head, got too excited etc and she broke it off. you have to play it cool. match her texts she takes a few hours, you take a few hours, she sends short text you do also. then maybe after second date ignore her completely for a day. you need to make them miss you and obsess over you not other way around.

[HangingChad]

my 2 cents,

If you're thinking this much into it you're working up your nerves too much and you won't end up doing this. I live down at the beach, there is a cement wall everyone hangs out on if they dont go onto the sand. Plenty of times cute girls sit next to me and if i dont start chatting right away i think too much become to nervous and it never works as planned. This also goes with if there is an opening..for example other day cute one sat next to me asked me to watch her bags while she swam, here was my opening when she got back, ask her about the water which i did. we chatted for a little, then i said next time she sits up im going to leave and give her my number on paper i dont like the put my # in your phone. I did this, she never called but o well.

My advice is maybe go use some equipment she used like the cable machine something not awkward and just ask if she is all set with it, maybe ask if she's new to the gym and ask her her name etc. then the following say hi and ask how her weekend was or something then ask if she wants to grab a smoothie or hike or something. then do that take to dinner, then following time cook at your house THIS IS GUARNTEED LAY. make food have fun drink

JUST DONT THINK TOO MUCH INTO IT. while your trying to get her on a date, try it with other girls. Friends always told me to go on dates with many women same time, the other month i was seeing two girls it was the best feeling to choose one i had more fun with etc. but again i let it go to my head, got too excited etc and she broke it off. you have to play it cool. match her texts she takes a few hours, you take a few hours, she sends short text you do also. then maybe after second date ignore her completely for a day. you need to make them miss you and obsess over you not other way around.

Why would you put it on her to call you? Why not ask her for her number? The way you did it just seems like you're setting yourself up to fail gently. It's better to take the initiative and be in control.

[NP603]

Why would you put it on her to call you? Why not ask her for her number? The way you did it just seems like you're setting yourself up to fail gently. It's better to take the initiative and be in control.

Yeah thats true, but in these situations i never get talking to them enough to where i think they would be cool giving out their number. Plus if she was interested she would text or something i dont wanna be texting a girl if she potentially has a bf.

also im not very good at approaching women, im fine on blind date type shyt, but casually chatting with a girl then asking for a number ive never really done.

[HangingChad]

Yeah thats true, but in these situations i never get talking to them enough to where i think they would be cool giving out their number. Plus if she was interested she would text or something i dont wanna be texting a girl if she potentially has a bf.

also im not very good at approaching women, im fine on blind date type shyt, but casually chatting with a girl then asking for a number ive never really done.

If she's not interested, she won't give you the number so you know up front. A lot of girls will tell you they have a bf or something even if they don't to let you down easy. At least you feel good about taking the chance and don't waste any energy thinking about it (very different from waiting and wondering if she'll ring). Even if she does give you the number, you still might not get anywhere, but it seems like that would be the next step for you. It sounds like you've done a good job pushing yourself outside your comfort zone -- if you keep doing that you'll be successful, and not just with women.

[FitCross]

So I hadn't seen her in a few days, but then saw her yesterday. Strangely, she showed up, but ended up not working out and just leaving.

my 2 cents,

If you're thinking this much into it you're working up your nerves too much and you won't end up doing this. I live down at the beach, there is a cement wall everyone hangs out on if they dont go onto the sand. Plenty of times cute girls sit next to me and if i dont start chatting right away i think too much become to nervous and it never works as planned. This also goes with if there is an opening..for example other day cute one sat next to me asked me to watch her bags while she swam, here was my opening when she got back, ask her about the water which i did. we chatted for a little, then i said next time she sits up im going to leave and give her my number on paper i dont like the put my # in your phone. I did this, she never called but o well.

My advice is maybe go use some equipment she used like the cable machine something not awkward and just ask if she is all set with it, maybe ask if she's new to the gym and ask her her name etc. then the following say hi and ask how her weekend was or something then ask if she wants to grab a smoothie or hike or something. then do that take to dinner, then following time cook at your house THIS IS GUARNTEED LAY. make food have fun drink

JUST DONT THINK TOO MUCH INTO IT. while your trying to get her on a date, try it with other girls. Friends always told me to go on dates with many women same time, the other month i was seeing two girls it was the best feeling to choose one i had more fun with etc. but again i let it go to my head, got too excited etc and she broke it off. you have to play it cool. match her texts she takes a few hours, you take a few hours, she sends short text you do also. then maybe after second date ignore her completely for a day. you need to make them miss you and obsess over you not other way around.

The problem is, nothing to say comes to mind. The whole thing about "say the first thing that comes to mind" never works for me because nothing comes to mind. And I can never think quickly enough to do something situation-specific, like ask how the water was. This leads to me thinking about something to say, but, as you said, the more I think, the harder it gets.

For example, this past Sunday, I blew a golden opportunity. I was at a coffee shop and sat down at a crowded table to do some work. There was a gorgeous girl sitting at the same table adjacent to me. Within minutes, the guy sitting across from her got up to leave and I moved over across from her (so I could be close to the outlet to plug in my laptop, double-whammy).

Some time later, she appeared like she was searching for the outlet and I offered to plug her laptop in. This was the icebreaker and I took advantage of it. Normally, I would've been too chicken to do something that simple. But from that point forward, I said nothing because I had nothing in mind to say to her. It didn't help that I was physically uncomfortable because of muscular pain resulting from lifting and I was still somewhat hungover from all the day-drinking the day before. I'm sure I didn't look my best, not that my best is anything to brag about.

I didn't speak to her again until she asked me to unplug her laptop. I had difficulty making eye contact and I'm sure I came off as a loser as a result. I'm always wishing I'd run into good opportunities like that and I always end up making nothing of them. What's the use?

[pondus_levo]

I didn't speak to her again until she asked me to unplug her laptop. I had difficulty making eye contact and I'm sure I came off as a loser as a result. I'm always wishing I'd run into good opportunities like that and I always end up making nothing of them. What's the use?

Don't ever thing about what she may be thinking. You have absolutely no idea so unless she tells you what she is thinking, assume the best, not the worst.

It doesn't matter if nothing comes of the opportunity, the important thing is that you did something. Every time you do something, it becomes easier and less of a big deal. Eventually it will turn into something.

You HAVE to keep pushing the boundaries. If you cross the line, she will let you know. respect her boundaries and you won't have any issues, but you won't know what they are unless you take risks.

[eod8989]

So I hadn't seen her in a few days, but then saw her yesterday. Strangely, she showed up, but ended up not working out and just leaving.



The problem is, nothing to say comes to mind. The whole thing about "say the first thing that comes to mind" never works for me because nothing comes to mind. And I can never think quickly enough to do something situation-specific, like ask how the water was. This leads to me thinking about something to say, but, as you said, the more I think, the harder it gets.

For example, this past Sunday, I blew a golden opportunity. I was at a coffee shop and sat down at a crowded table to do some work. There was a gorgeous girl sitting at the same table adjacent to me. Within minutes, the guy sitting across from her got up to leave and I moved over across from her (so I could be close to the outlet to plug in my laptop, double-whammy).

Some time later, she appeared like she was searching for the outlet and I offered to plug her laptop in. This was the icebreaker and I took advantage of it. Normally, I would've been too chicken to do something that simple. But from that point forward, I said nothing because I had nothing in mind to say to her. It didn't help that I was physically uncomfortable because of muscular pain resulting from lifting and I was still somewhat hungover from all the day-drinking the day before. I'm sure I didn't look my best, not that my best is anything to brag about.

I didn't speak to her again until she asked me to unplug her laptop. I had difficulty making eye contact and I'm sure I came off as a loser as a result. I'm always wishing I'd run into good opportunities like that and I always end up making nothing of them. What's the use?

Idk what to tell you man it's good that you are making some moves but i don't think women like being approached that way. You have to be quick and be a good talker if you are going to approach random women. The opportunity has to be right like you run into them at the counter or in passing. I wouldn't just scoot over next to them lol.

[pondus_levo]

Idk what to tell you man it's good that you are making some moves but i don't think women like being approached that way. You have to be quick and be a good talker if you are going to approach random women. The opportunity has to be right like you run into them at the counter or in passing. I wouldn't just scoot over next to them lol.

Uh, no, the opportunity doesn't have to be right. That's pure FA talk right there. Real men create their own opportunities, which is exactly what he did. He did everything right, EXCEPT doubting himself.

[DanielleGreen]

Idk what to tell you man it's good that you are making some moves but i don't think women like being approached that way. You have to be quick and be a good talker if you are going to approach random women. The opportunity has to be right like you run into them at the counter or in passing. I wouldn't just scoot over next to them lol.

Get out here with that weak FA BS.

[eod8989]

Get out here with that weak FA BS.

Are you denying you have to be socially skilled to approach a girl? Or that there isn't a place and time to approach? Don't know about you but i don't know anyone who wants to be approached when they are just sitting somewhere.

[DanielleGreen]

Don't know about you but i don't know anyone who wants to be approached when they are just sitting somewhere.

You don't know anyone cause according to your post you don't even have any hobbies and you don't go out. So how would YOU know about people?