How much would you spend on an engagement ring?

[Silencespeaks]

If you don't mind, silencespeaks - from your posts it seems rather clear to me that you are not over your ex and that you're not really trying to 'get over' him - as if you've internalized how 'perfect' that relationship was. Am I right in my understanding here? Because I find that sort of approach to be very detrimental to ever building a serious relationship with someone else again.

Yeah I'm not really over him but I'm much better than before. I've done extensive work on myself (deep grieving, counseling, self reflection, self help reading etc) and on the divorce (finalizing all legal and financial matters which was a very lengthy and difficult process).

No the relationship was the opposite of perfect, but I didn't find out until the breakup because it was hidden. So I've struggled with this enormous cognitive dissonance between my happiness in the marriage and the truth. Was very difficult to reconcile mentally and emotionally and I've worked on that for years.

[wincel]

Yeah I'm not really over him but I'm much better than before. I've done extensive work on myself (deep grieving, counseling, self reflection, self help reading etc) and on the divorce (finalizing all legal and financial matters which was a very lengthy and difficult process).

No the relationship was the opposite of perfect, but I didn't find out until the breakup because it was hidden. So I've struggled with this enormous cognitive dissonance between my happiness in the marriage and the truth. Was very difficult to reconcile mentally and emotionally and I've worked on that for years.

Girlo you need to forget about Chad and find yourself a good Timothy.

[Silencespeaks]

Girlo you need to forget about Chad and find yourself a good Timothy.

No I'm just going to stay alone, unless I get really lucky and meet someone I like who likes me back.

[PowersKenny]

I’d probably go to $1k reluctantly.

For your butt plug boyfriend...10 k max

[PowersKenny]

No I'm just going to stay alone, unless I get really lucky and meet someone I like who likes me back.

That guy in your fake avi will never like yoi

[Luc1fer]

For your butt plug boyfriend...10 k max

You aren’t funny. I know you’re trying, but just so you know - work on some new material.

[gericon]

Up to $5 ...

[PowersKenny]

You aren’t funny. I know you’re trying, but just so you know - work on some new material.

Are you gay or bi...I don't care your posts screech of attention seeking....I wrote this song Google it it won't come up bc a band is taking it...she was a beauty a dream come true in a time of despair, showed me the light , to NOT fight, to love that is the answer...live life like the man you are...I write lyrics....I jest with you. All you do is complain

[Luc1fer]

Up to $5 ...

I gave my ex a $10 ring and she wore it everyday for the years we were together. She loved it. I asked her since she wore it everywhere had it degraded at all and she said no.

So for $1000 imagine what level of quality I could get. Just insane longevity.

[PowersKenny]

Let's hear yours I have written songs for bands you listen too..go then I'll give you more

Rebelution, slightly stoopid,natural incense and many others

[bretmarathon]

Why ask this question, unless you're planning to buy a ring?

[Silencespeaks]

That guy in your fake avi will never like yoi

You're such a weird poster. Popping up in all these random threads just to insult or mock people.

[Silencespeaks]

I gave my ex a $10 ring and she wore it everyday for the years we were together. She loved it. I asked her since she wore it everywhere had it degraded at all and she said no.

So for $1000 imagine what level of quality I could get. Just insane longevity.

Do you ever think about getting back together? Or are you over her?

[Legz422]

Both yourself and silencespeaks make a similar (but not identical) point - ask yourself if I would have tossed out a significant amount of items valued well into the five figures if I had simply had a "failed short term relationship" - mine was longer than most marriages these days. I related my behavior in my previous post to the people on this forum who preach 'no contact' who don't realize that the best way to get over an ex is to fully sever that person from your life. Where I will say this gets complicated is kids, because of course I'm not simply going to go liquid (completely), pull them out of school and fly halfway around the world to start again - not exactly fair to them. Of course if you say your ex wouldn't have taken the rings back, that's one thing, but I know a few guys who spent very significant amounts of money on engagement rings who ask for the rings back when a divorce comes and their partner says something like "it was a gift back then and it belongs to me" - not true. An 'engagement' ring is precisely that - to signify the engagement of A and/to B. Keeping it after the engagement comes to an end feels disingenuous to me unless there are mitigating reasons like the one you mention above.

Well I was with my ex for 17 years, so that's pretty significant. I also have a son with him. He did not and would not ask for the ring back. If he had, I would have given it to him. It wasn't a big flashy expensive ring either. Just a simple 1/2 carat solitaire that cost about $1500. I kept the house and I kept most of the furniture, kitchen stuff, etc. He made lots of money at the time of our divorce and I was just re-entering the work world so make peanuts compared to him. I could have never afforded to replace our stuff. We may not have been compatible, but he's a decent guy and he wouldn't leave me and my son sitting on the floor with no dishes. lol When I had to sell the house because I could no longer afford the upkeep on it, he even offered to give me more child support per month to stay in a safe area. I refused it.

Why do you keep the pictures? I went through that process at the ending of the relationship I've mentioning here and it felt sad but great to take all of our photos and destroy them. There is no trace in the physical world that my relationship with her ever existed - that's what I mean by 'sever'. I see people on this sub-forum talking about 'NC' and again, severing (Lushka16's guide to getting dumped and taking it like a champ) could really help some people who are in a position to truly do so.

Not Katya, but kept pics. You can't erase your past when you have kids together.

[katya422]

Why do you keep the pictures? I went through that process at the ending of the relationship I've mentioning here and it felt sad but great to take all of our photos and destroy them. There is no trace in the physical world that my relationship with her ever existed - that's what I mean by 'sever'. I see people on this sub-forum talking about 'NC' and again, severing (Lushka16's guide to getting dumped and taking it like a champ) could really help some people who are in a position to truly do so.


And I'm sighing with you. It took me a long time to meet my wife (got married in my 30s) but by the time I met her I had given up on having a successful long term relationship ever again. I had fully embraced hedonism in every single sense. That's why I came back to fitness after meeting my wife and believing I had something more long term to strive for - I remember you from O35 and like I said there, good luck. It's not just about the ring, and the subtlety in approach you highlight here (between severing and clutching) makes a lot of sense, especially since your daughter is involved. The ring is just something easily identifiable as having been purchased because of the relationship (hence this thread) - it's not just about the ring, but about all the 'reminders' of each other that I find interesting in a way. I was curious why anyone would want to keep something of either monetary or emotional value if it is directly linked to a failed relationship. For me it would be like living in a cemetery, though I recognize that my approach is rather 'harsh'.

End of my first marriage I kept very few pictures of us and they were put away out of sight. I didn't keep them to have pictures of him, but to have some travel pictures and pictures of me and my family. Actually put a few up on the wall here because those wedding pictures include family members since deceased that I don't have many pictures of.

Haven't seen or spoken to that man since the day we signed divorce papers.

To the second part I have a living reminder of him that I dearly love. She is 12 and staying with me half the time. I think maybe I feel that completely erasing him (family pictures) would hurt her in some way. I want her to have a sense of continuity and that things will be okay in this new normal even if it is hard and some parts really suck.

[Silencespeaks]

only if she was a virgin who would never cuck me

and not blood diamonds

Doubt it. If Barbara Palvin winked at you she'd melt your cold cold heart.

[wincel]

Doubt it. If Barbara Palvin winked at you she'd melt your cold cold heart.

Nope. Not interested in Chad's sloppy seconds. Barbara Palvin would only be useful as a walking cumtoilet. Also, there is nothing warmhearted about the slaughter and exploitation of African children.

[US_Ranger]

Nope. Not interested in Chad's sloppy seconds. Barbara Palvin would only be useful as a walking cumtoilet. Also, there is nothing warmhearted about the slaughter and exploitation of African children.

There's a mental block in western culture when it comes to that. You can literally explain this in someone's face and they'll forget what you said .0005 seconds later because....SHINY BIG ROCK. STATUS. IMPORTANT. OTHER WOMEN LOOK AT ME.

It's absolutely fcking disgusting and vile. It's almost straight evil for lack of a better term.

[Rebel012]

[QUOTE=Silencespeaks;1552890971]Idk much about that, just that there was a movie about it.


Ok, I'll rephrase. If it was brought to your attention that the social cost of luxury commodities such as diamonds was literally the blood and torture of African kids, would that in any way impact your decision to purchase such items, or not?

[bretmarathon]

There are ways around spending a lot of money.

Maybe she has diamonds that were in the family from a hundred years ago, that she's willing to donate so you don't have to pay an arm and a leg. That happened to a guy I know.

Women who want to spend a fortune on weddings and rings scream attention whore.

[Maatkarah]

If they weren't heirlooms but simply an 'investment' (a very elite diamond, say - forget the marketing around the bands) would you still have given it back? I argued above that it's not just about the ring - I know marriage == community of acquisition (especially in some EU member States), but I mean - if I got divorced I think I'd feel weird bringing someone else home to get in the bed I have only ever shared with my wife - see what I mean?

An investment for us or his family's investment?
If it was his family's investment, then they own it; so I'd give it back.

If it was an investment for us; it would depend on various factors like what resources I put into the marriage myself, how long we were married etc. etc. But I suppose it would be both our property (?) so it would be sold and the money split. If the marriage broke down very quickly and I hadn't contributed much by way of resources I'd probably just give it back.

And yeah for both practical and sentimental/emotional reasons I'd rather get rid of anything relationship-related after a divorce/major breakup.



But the majority of people are graspy/materialistic/low integrity and would keep whatever they could get away with to sell. Aw and that includes men, contrary to some posters' fantasy red-pill misogynist world; I know plenty of men who were the less well-off of the spouses in a marriage and who made out like bandits.
In two cases (off the top of my head) the women had to sell their homes i.e they owned them before marriage, the guy had rented; to give them their settlement money.

Despite it being a handmade teak (sustainably sourced) beauty

Lol'd, esp. at sustainably sourced (kudos to you tho).

[Nedo]

I've got a friend who boasts about putting a 1.5 karat ring on his wife's finger. I look at ring, and it looks cloudy AF and almost yellow in colour with absolutely no shine. Yep, that's what a couple G's will get you. I thought to myself how i'd be embarrassed to put that on my future wifes finger. I'm one who does most things right, or I don't do them at all. The scary reality is, 10K just scratches the surface in 2018. Might be worth a trip to St. Martin just to save on the diamond.

[Luc1fer]

I've got a friend who boasts about putting a 1.5 karat ring on his wife's finger. I look at ring, and it looks cloudy AF and almost yellow in colour with absolutely no shine. Yep, that's what a couple G's will get you. I thought to myself how i'd be embarrassed to put that on my future wifes finger. I'm one who does most things right, or I don't do them at all. The scary reality is, 10K just scratches the surface in 2018. Might be worth a trip to St. Martin just to save on the diamond.

De Beers loves you.

[Nedo]

De Beers loves you.

On dat smart time cuz, won't be shopping at De Beers

[AlexNYC7]

All my google ads suddenly have links to engagement ring sites. LOL

[jamestown0101]

No more thank 1k. If a girl is caught up on a ring to show off to people verus really caring about the relationship then **** it. Hopefully she'd be sensible want to go on a balling ass trip or just save the money.

Judging by the 80% of divorces + imitated by women it seems like a foolish idea IMHO but I digress. If it is symbolic of the love of the relationship, it is quite conceivable one could put that wasted resources to something useful.

It's wedding season boys. I will be attending several. While it isn't for me, I am OK with role playing, and seeing what happens at the singles tables.

I did have a weird incident last year. A married woman was texting me to 'come over. My husband is out.'

Fellas, I am the last person to moralize given the life of debauchery I've partaken on but, I must say, jimmies were rustled.

I think more gentlemen need run Elon Musks playbook and request a Post nup at the wedding.

And I obviously didn't go. I was annoyed she thought so little of me to do such a thing. This is not the first nor the last time.

[bretmarathon]

All my google ads suddenly have links to engagement ring sites. LOL

bb.com selling your browsing history to Google. Low-life parasites, all of them.

[AlexNYC7]

bb.com selling your browsing history to Google. Low-life parasites, all of them.

Chit, I have to make sure none of my dates google anything on my phone. They will see these ads and think I’m going to ask them to marry me. ROTFL.

[bretmarathon]

Chit, I have to make sure none of my dates google anything on my phone. They will see these ads and think I’m going to ask them to marry me. ROTFL.

That may work in your favor man, lmao.

[AlexNYC7]

That may work in your favor man, lmao.

I’m only going to click on the rings that are $50k and above then. Lol