Anyone else lose their dad at an early age...

[travellingbrah]

....like early 30's and under. How'd you cope?

[Lama94]

Lost my dad when I was 21 absolutely fuked me up.

[sword_]

I lost my dad this year man. I was 33. My sister was 20 and we both just had our birthdays.

Cant' say it's easy man. I think about him every day. I had a dream about him last night that brought me to tears when I woke up and in the middle of the day.

Best thing I can do is remember the good times and honor him by exemplifying what he taught me as a man and be there for my mom and sister.

[celticbhoy88]

Lost mine when I was 9 to Cancer. I think when you lose a parent that young, it affects you in a deeper way than most people realize. I was always told "you're too young to fully understand what losing a parent is", but I can hardly remember anything that happened in my life before that age. It's as if my mind blocked out that period in my life and the period before. That made coping easier, but now that I am a Dad myself, a lot of it is coming back and sometimes it's hard to handle.

Did you lose yours, OP?

[travellingbrah]

I lost my dad this year man. I was 33. My sister was 20 and we both just had our birthdays.

Cant' say it's easy man. I think about him every day. I had a dream about him last night that brought me to tears when I woke up and in the middle of the day.

Best thing I can do is remember the good times and honor him by exemplifying what he taught me as a man and be there for my mom and sister.

This is basically how I feel about it, try to honor him. Do as he would. Do what I think would make him proud. It just sucks. It's still fresh, the funeral was a week ago and everything reminds me of him. Just hearing songs on the radio that I remember he liked, bringing me close to tears. And I'm terrible at opening up about this stuff with people in real life so I don't allow myself to get much support. My dad died 4 days after my birthday too.

I had a very vivid dream about him about a week after he died too.

[travellingbrah]

Lost my dad when I was 21 absolutely fuked me up.

Phuck I think I negged you but meant to rep. i'll get you back.

[dj924s]

I lost my Dad to cancer a few years ago. sword_ nailed it.

[Nicklol]

he left the day I was born, does that count

[travellingbrah]

Lost mine when I was 9 to Cancer. I think when you lose a parent that young, it affects you in a deeper way than most people realize. I was always told "you're too young to fully understand what losing a parent is", but I can hardly remember anything that happened in my life before that age. It's as if my mind blocked out that period in my life and the period before. That made coping easier, but now that I am a Dad myself, a lot of it is coming back and sometimes it's hard to handle.

Did you lose yours, OP?

Yeah few weeks ago. Fortunately I'm obviously a bit older. Can't imagine losing him at 9 though, too much for someone that age to deal with.

[IAmThee]

I know this is about dads. But I lost my mom at 14. Had a close call with my dad last year, he got breast cancer of all things but the doctors were able to stop the spread.

I have always coped by teaching myself life is about living and then dying. All our times will come and the scariest thing that no one knows when. So it is best to enjoy your time with those you love and if you lose them mourn the loss but continue living a your life to the highest quality in the way they'd want you to live.

26 now.

EDIT: Sister is also dying from what my mom had

[sword_]

This is basically how I feel about it, try to honor him. Do as he would. Do what I think would make him proud. It just sucks. It's still fresh, the funeral was a week ago and everything reminds me of him. And I'm terrible at opening up about this stuff with people in real life so I don't allow myself to get much support. My dad died 4 days after my birthday too.

I had a very vivid dream about him about a week after he died too.

How old are you?

Man I will tell you some things that happened to me. The first half of this year I was dealing with some BS at my last employer. Boss hated me. My father had a heart attack in May and I couldn't see him. I lost my job late June. Late July was when had a cardiac event which lasted six days into August until he died. The past few months have been hard for me to deal with. A death and losing my job.

My sister just started her last year of college after having been half way across the world. I recall a few days prior my sister was asking me to go to Seattle with her then all of THIS happened and we are both flying to Atlanta.

You have to open up brother. People will open up to you. I'm thankful that people have contacted me asking me how I'm doing. I talk to my mother almost every day because she needs support being home. My sister definitely needs us there and I'm not letting her not finish.

My dream was sad but beautiful. Your loved ones definitely leave an indelible mark on you and the best thing you can do I think coming from man to man is to honor him in your actions thereafter.

I lost my Dad to cancer a few years ago. sword_ nailed it.

<3

[travellingbrah]

How old are you?

Man I will tell you some things that happened to me. The first half of this year I was dealing with some BS at my last employer. Boss hated me. My father had a heart attack in May and I couldn't see him. I lost my job late June. Late July was when had a cardiac event which lasted six days into August until he died. The past few months have been hard for me to deal with. A death and losing my job.

My sister just started her last year of college after having been half way across the world. I recall a few days prior my sister was asking me to go to Seattle with her then all of THIS happened and we are both flying to Atlanta.

You have to open up brother. People will open up to you. I'm thankful that people have contacted me asking me how I'm doing. I talk to my mother almost every day because she needs support being home. My sister definitely needs us there and I'm not letting her not finish.

My dream was sad but beautiful. Your loved ones definitely leave an indelible mark on you and the best thing you can do I think coming from man to man is to honor him in your actions thereafter.



<3

Man, that's tough. When it rains it pours, doesn't it...

The day after my dad died my wallet and laptop were stolen, so I kinda get it.

I had just turned 28 when he died. He died in another country. I hadn't seen him for several months. Hadn't talked to him for about a month. He was hard to reach. It's sad, we were playing phone tag for a couple weeks before he passed. Neither of us could reach each other. I don't think he died very happy. He was an alcoholic, went on a long bender, and the withdrawals were too much for him. I tried to talk some sense to him over the years about his drinking problem, but he was very proud and wouldn't have any of it. Wasn't willing to get help.

The reason I'm afraid to open up is because I'm afraid the flood gates will open. And nobodies ever seen me like that before. I've been repressing my emotions in regards to my dad for years because of his drinking problem. I just didn't see it ending like this, so quickly, without any kind of closure.

[axiom15]

Not yet, he has a pace maker and actually a few weeks ago had a massive heart attack and "died" a few times but the machine got his heart going again. They say he's lucky to be alive.

Not sure when I'll lose him or what I'll do/feel, I imagine it can be difficult.

[sword_]

Man, that's tough. When it rains it pours, doesn't it...

The day after my dad died my wallet and laptop were stolen, so I kinda get it.

I had just turned 28 when he died. He died in another country. I hadn't seen him for several months. Hadn't talked to him for about a month. He was hard to reach. It's sad, we were playing phone tag for a couple weeks before he passed. Neither of us could reach each other. I don't think he died very happy. He was an alcoholic, went on a long bender, and the withdrawals were too much for him. I tried to talk some sense to him over the years about his drinking problem, but he was very proud and wouldn't have any of it. Wasn't willing to get help.

The reason I'm afraid to open up is because I'm afraid the flood gates will open. And nobodies ever seen me like that before. I've been repressing my emotions in regards to my dad for years because of his drinking problem. I just didn't see it ending like this, so quickly, without any kind of closure.

Yeah but things seem to be turning around a bit for me. The thing is with my father was the past few months were rough for him with his career and accumulating health issues. Luckily he was about to go on disability and him and my mother are well off financially. Then all this other **** happened.

I wish he didn't have to suffer all the BS he did prior to his death and honestly with the health issues he had I wished at times I could have taken some of the pain from him somehow some way.

You will have to let it out eventually. It's cathartic. As "negative" as this place is many people are willing to help and lend an ear. I'm one of them if you need to talk srs.

[SCG]

Lost mine in mid 20's. Never really had much of a relationship with him that I can remember unfortunately since my parents split before I was 8. Still hit me pretty hard at the time unfortunately I don't have alot of memories with him so it hasn't had a huge impact.

Flip side now that I have 2 son's 5 and 1 1/2yrs old. My biggest fear is dying and them not remembering me. Hits me right in the feels.

[Moloholo]

Dad became a vegetable 2 years ago, just got out of the army (compulsory service, I'm from SEA), was 22. Wrecked me up totally, everything in my life turned upside down. His brain aneurysm ruptured, he saw the neurosurgeon in the afternoon to discuss if he wanted to go ahead with the operation and i guess he was too stressed about it so it ruptured that night.
I still remember extremely clearly and I have been trying to bury that scene deep inside everyday.

He was watching the TV, asked me for a glass of water, wasn't feeling well.
Poured a glass for him and he told me he feels like vomitting
Next thing he says his vision is extremely blurry so I ran towards him
Suddenly grabbed my arm and started tearing saying he is super scared, his time is coming, don't tell your mum i'm scared
Lost control of his body momentarily and slid off the couch, got him back up again and could feel his body going limp on and off.
Suddenly he started hammering his head and groaning saying he is in extreme pain, immediately called the ambulance
Mum was bathing so i told her what happened and to get out asap and change. The moment the paramedics came my dad started convulsing and had a seizure

Doctors told me in the A&E that any later he would have passed on. They opened a hole in his skull and drained all the fluids out, the pressure caused his brain to swell and damaged 90% of his brain. He might be a vegetable for life or might not live through the next few nights. Was in the ICU for 2 weeks, his body started recovering but a pity they said his brain cells can't recover. Now he has been a vegetable for 2 years, brought him back to take care of him against all the doctors' advices. 2 months of 3 hours of sleep everyday wrecked me and my mum, one day my saliva started to just drip out from the left of my mouth and my mum decided that it was enough. He has been in the nursing home since then. My mum visits him everyday rain or shine, I started school at a local university and do visit him 3-4 times a week.

Still wrecks me everytime i think about that scene, did not voice it out to anyone. Glad i actually typed all this out, actually felt better. Chin up brahs, this incident changed my whole perspective about the life i was gonna live. Now i do my best to be my best everyday in honour of my dad and try to emulate the toughness in him. It was the first time ever i heard him telling anyone that he was afraid. I always looked up to him as someone that's absolutely fearless and can withstand any pain (accidentally hammered a nail through his thumb's nailbed and he didn't even shout or anything, plucked it out and applied antiseptics etc by himself). Doctor said it's one of the worst pain one can actually experience in their life and normally they die after that.

[Weezy32]

Lost my dad 2 years ago i was 28-29 at the time....absolutely crushed me.

Still think about him almost every day.

I dont think ill ever be the same person again...it completely changed me ...i was happy go lucky type of guy loving life but after he died i actually started asking wtf is the point of life.

This is basically how I feel about it, try to honor him. Do as he would. Do what I think would make him proud. It just sucks. It's still fresh, the funeral was a week ago and everything reminds me of him. Just hearing songs on the radio that I remember he liked, bringing me close to tears. And I'm terrible at opening up about this stuff with people in real life so I don't allow myself to get much support. My dad died 4 days after my birthday too.

I had a very vivid dream about him about a week after he died too.

I want to say it gets better bruh and it does but you will never be the same IMO.

Even 2 years later now when i eat a cheesesteak for example (his favorite) ill still always remember that it was his favorite. When i go to restaurant we used to go to it always reminds me of him..same thing as you when i hear a song that i listend to when i was with him in the car ill remember it.

Just writing this is making me tear up bruh.

[sword_]

Lost my dad 2 years ago i was 28-29 at the time....absolutely crushed me.

Still think about him almost every day.

I dont think ill ever be the same person again...it completely changed me ...i was happy go lucky type of guy loving life but after he died i actually started asking wtf is the point of life.

You had the honor of being his son, being a child under his wing. You're a man now for better or for worse. Think of it that way.

Dad became a vegetable 2 years ago, just got out of the army (compulsory service, I'm from SEA), was 22. Wrecked me up totally, everything in my life turned upside down. His brain aneurysm ruptured, he saw the neurosurgeon in the afternoon to discuss if he wanted to go ahead with the operation and i guess he was too stressed about it so it ruptured that night.
I still remember extremely clearly and I have been trying to bury that scene deep inside everyday.

He was watching the TV, asked me for a glass of water, wasn't feeling well.
Poured a glass for him and he told me he feels like vomitting
Next thing he says his vision is extremely blurry so I ran towards him
Suddenly grabbed my arm and started tearing saying he is super scared, his time is coming, don't tell your mum i'm scared
Lost control of his body momentarily and slid off the couch, got him back up again and could feel his body going limp on and off.
Suddenly he started hammering his head and groaning saying he is in extreme pain, immediately called the ambulance
Mum was bathing so i told her what happened and to get out asap and change. The moment the paramedics came my dad started convulsing and had a seizure

Doctors told me in the A&E that any later he would have passed on. They opened a hole in his skull and drained all the fluids out, the pressure caused his brain to swell and damaged 90% of his brain. He might be a vegetable for life or might not live through the next few nights. Was in the ICU for 2 weeks, his body started recovering but a pity they said his brain cells can't recover. Now he has been a vegetable for 2 years, brought him back to take care of him against all the doctors' advices. 2 months of 3 hours of sleep everyday wrecked me and my mum, one day my saliva started to just drip out from the left of my mouth and my mum decided that it was enough. He has been in the nursing home since then. My mum visits him everyday rain or shine, I started school at a local university and do visit him 3-4 times a week.

Still wrecks me everytime i think about that scene, did not voice it out to anyone. Glad i actually typed all this out, actually felt better. Chin up brahs, this incident changed my whole perspective about the life i was gonna live. Now i do my best to be my best everyday in honour of my dad and try to emulate the toughness in him. It was the first time ever i heard him telling anyone that he was afraid. I always looked up to him as someone that's absolutely fearless and can withstand any pain (accidentally hammered a nail through his thumb's nailbed and he didn't even shout or anything, plucked it out and applied antiseptics etc by himself). Doctor said it's one of the worst pain one can actually experience in their life and normally they die after that.

I can relate. Not quite like that, but seeing my father dying was an absolute nightmare man. When I went home I was there for many days.

GravityLee said something that resonated with me a few months ago about parents. You eventually realize that parents do stuff for you in your life not because they have to or obligated to, but because they love you.

[infinityplus1]

I grew up not knowing my father much, but he end up dying when i was in my early 20s

[freuddcoco]

My dad was never there. Ppl ask me if that hurts. But nah. I have an amazing mother.

I don't even waste time thinking rn about it much at all. Why should sit and ponder and cry about him and try and reach out to him before he dies and waste my energy on someone who didn't have the courage to man up and be a father to his son?

Instead I'll sit around and ponder about things I can actually control. Like my future. That's why I'm fixing to graduate from Texas A&M university in Computer science.

It does motivate me a lot to try and become something in life because I really want to be a good dad one day and be there for my kids and be able to spoil them unlike my ******* father.

If I live long enough all I really want is a happy family. fuk money. Fuk politics. Fuk arguing with everyone over stupid sht. It's too much effort to do all that. Let the clown have the circus. Stay out of trouble.

Just me tho

[Weezy32]

How old are you?

Man I will tell you some things that happened to me. The first half of this year I was dealing with some BS at my last employer. Boss hated me. My father had a heart attack in May and I couldn't see him. I lost my job late June. Late July was when had a cardiac event which lasted six days into August until he died. The past few months have been hard for me to deal with. A death and losing my job.

My sister just started her last year of college after having been half way across the world. I recall a few days prior my sister was asking me to go to Seattle with her then all of THIS happened and we are both flying to Atlanta.

You have to open up brother. People will open up to you. I'm thankful that people have contacted me asking me how I'm doing. I talk to my mother almost every day because she needs support being home. My sister definitely needs us there and I'm not letting her not finish.

My dream was sad but beautiful. Your loved ones definitely leave an indelible mark on you and the best thing you can do I think coming from man to man is to honor him in your actions thereafter.



<3

Damn bruh did this happen recently i can definitely relate to you bro...

-First my mom got sick really bad she literally kept calling out for work 6 months and refused to go to the doctor .. she went to doctor turned out her suger lever was near 400 (very very high) so she had diabetes and some other issues. Told her to retire and i would take care of her cuse i was making like 10k a month at the time (my mom helped me alot through college so she deserved it great mom).
-Just as she starts getting better my dad calls me and tells me he is in ambulance and he thinks hes having heart attack. His heart stopped they had to revive him...
-They tell him he needs to have heart surgery and its 99.7% chance it would be success
- Surgery was suppose to be 2 hours it ended up being like 7-8hrs ...his heart stopped again during surgery and they had to bring him back...
- After surgery he was totally ****ed up pretty much in comma...for 1.5 months. Constant up and down he starts getting better then bam his heart stops working and back to square one or worse.
- So finally he gets better to the point where he comes out of comma and actually opens his eyes i remember telling him he has been in hospital for 1 month and his eyes went wide...
- I promise him everything is going to be ok doctors are saying they will move him from ICU and everything will be OK he will be leaving ICU and going to regular room in 2 days...I tell him you will be ok you trust me right you will be ok ... and he nods.....THATS THE LAST THING I TOLD HIM (that promise still hunts me to this day).
- 2 days later the doctors tell us that there is bacteria in his lungs and there is blood going into his brain nothing they can do for him... they ask us if they can remove him from the machines and let him die...Mom doesnt let it happen and then he dies anyway few hours later.
- After having to pay for his funeral like 6 k and being a total mess...3 weeks later my income goes down from 10k to 2k a month so now i got to support me and my mom on 2k a month (i am self employed)
- Few months later i find out the reason my income went down had something to do with my best friend of 20 years...literally had that guy as "brother" in my contact list and he ****ed me over.
- I work hard af and get my income back up few months after that but that was hard time in my life bruh...

[sword_]

Damn bruh did this happen recently i can definitely relate to you bro...

-First my mom got sick really bad she literally kept calling out for work 6 months and refused to go to the doctor .. she went to doctor turned out her suger lever was near 400 (very very high) so she had diabetes and some other issues. Told her to retire and i would take care of her cuse i was making like 10k a month at the time (my mom helped me alot through college so she deserved it great mom).
-Just as she starts getting better my dad calls me and tells me he is in ambulance and he thinks hes having heart attack. His heart stopped they had to revive him...
-They tell him he needs to have heart surgery and its 99.7% chance it would be success
- Surgery was suppose to be 2 hours it ended up being like 7-8hrs ...his heart stopped again during surgery and they had to bring him back...
- After surgery he was totally ****ed up pretty much in comma...for 1.5 months. Constant up and down he starts getting better then bam his heart stops working and back to square one or worse.
- So finally he gets better to the point where he comes out of comma and actually opens his eyes i remember telling him he has been in hospital for 1 month and his eyes went wide...
- I promise him everything is going to be ok doctors are saying they will move him from ICU and everything will be OK he will be leaving ICU and going to regular room in 2 days...I tell him you will be ok you trust me right you will be ok ... and he nods.....THATS THE LAST THING I TOLD HIM (that promise still hunts me to this day).
- 2 days later the doctors tell us that there is bacteria in his lungs and there is blood going into his brain nothing they can do for him... they ask us if they can remove him from the machines and let him die...Mom doesnt let it happen and then he dies anyway few hours later.
- After having to pay for his funeral like 6 k and being a total mess...3 weeks later my income goes down from 10k to 2k a month so now i got to support me and my mom on 2k a month (i am self employed)
- Few months later i find out the reason my income went down had something to do with my best friend of 20 years...literally had that guy as "brother" in my contact list and he ****ed me over.
- I work hard af and get my income back up few months after that but that was hard time in my life bruh...

Yeah back to back to back with the chit I understand.

Similar thing happened to my dad. He had a cardiac event (later realized he had v-fib) and was resuscitated. When he was there for a day or so he had another cardiac event briefly and they revived him again. They planned surgery for him within two days. The night of the surgery his vitals dropped so they were afraid to do surgery.

What you were saying about bacteria in the body too I heard also because my dad's intestines were dying because there wasn't enough blood getting there. His aorta was blocked more severe than we though. He was supposed to just get two ****ing stints in his heart dude! It went from thinking he'd be OK and this was minor to dealing with his death over the course of 5-6 days. There's more detail but it was a blur.

I ended up helping with funeral arrangements and speaking at the funeral as well.

Such is life man you have to push forward and I'm glad you got through it. You'd make your father proud.

[papi89]

At 13.

It's not the pain that persisted the longest for me, it was the effects of losing him, hard to explain. Was pretty hard the first couple of years since it was a serious hit, affected my confidence a lot and grew up uninterested in doing a lot of the things teens my age did.

Probably didn't fully recover until I was 19, I guess what helped me out was my drive to make him proud if he one day knew what I became

[BericDondarrion]

it's too early for these feels brahs...

Grateful everyday that my parents are healthy and happy, e-hugs to you brahs itt, can't imagine how it must feel

[nate1918]

I'm fortunate enough that both my parents are still alive, but my best boyo (he was 23 at the time IIRC) lost his dad to cancer a few years back. He hasn't handled it well, he needs to open up and talk to somebody about it. Thats the best thing you can do, see a professional no matter the cost, it doesnt have to be for life, but several visits would probably do you a whole lot of good.

Currently my cousins (both are 24) dad is dying of cancer, my uncles such a great dude. seeing the changes in my cousins is painful even for me, they both just graduated uni and theyre father couldnt make it to their graduation. Every time I chill with my cousin I can tell he gets more and more depressed, knowing that soon my uncles final day will come. im almost in tears just typing this, my cousins and i grew up together, I'm closer with them than I am with my own brothers.

I can't imagine loosing my father, hes taught me so much in life. I dont really have any good advice other than to open up to your family, and a professional. condolences to everybody in here thats lost a parent.

[401Delta]

Age 7.

The stories in this thread kill me.

[Weezy32]

I'm fortunate enough that both my parents are still alive, but my best boyo (he was 23 at the time IIRC) lost his dad to cancer a few years back. He hasn't handled it well, he needs to open up and talk to somebody about it. Thats the best thing you can do, see a professional no matter the cost, it doesnt have to be for life, but several visits would probably do you a whole lot of good.

Currently my cousins (both are 24) dad is dying of cancer, my uncles such a great dude. seeing the changes in my cousins is painful even for me, they both just graduated uni and theyre father couldnt make it to their graduation. Every time I chill with my cousin I can tell he gets more and more depressed, knowing that soon my uncles final day will come. im almost in tears just typing this, my cousins and i grew up together, I'm closer with them than I am with my own brothers.

I can't imagine loosing my father, hes taught me so much in life. I dont really have any good advice other than to open up to your family, and a professional. condolences to everybody in here thats lost a parent.

Yah bro its one of those things that you think you know its hard going through it but when you actually do go through it ....its 100x harder...one of those things that you have to experience to really know how bad it is.

Prior to my dad dying i had close friends and family members lose one of their parents and i would say damn i know its hard i cant even imagine then when it happened to me i was right i could have not imagined it would be that hard and have such a big impact on me.

[sword_]

Yah bro its one of those things that you think you know its hard going through it but when you actually do go through it ....its 100x harder...one of those things that you have to experience to really know how bad it is.

Prior to my dad dying i had close friends and family members lose one of their parents and i would say damn i know its hard i cant even imagine then when it happened to me i was right i could have not imagined it would be that hard and have such a big impact on me.

With losing a parent you definitely are included in a certain group of people. I know people open up to me more about that now since they have lost a loved one before as well.

Most significant person I lost prior to my father was my grandfather but I knew him a a kid.

[nate1918]

Age 7.

The stories in this thread kill me.

I'm all for fun and games on misc, but this is just a dik comment bro. have some respect for people who have lost their loved ones.

Yah bro its one of those things that you think you know its hard going through it but when you actually do go through it ....its 100x harder...one of those things that you have to experience to really know how bad it is.

Prior to my dad dying i had close friends and family members lose one of their parents and i would say damn i know its hard i cant even imagine then when it happened to me i was right i could have not imagined it would be that hard and have such a big impact on me.

This is what I'm worried about. I have this bad nagging feeling that I'll just lose it when my parents go.

[Aristotelian]

I lost my father in my early teens. I was wrecked for a long time without even realizing it. Anyone who has lost a parent knows there's no real way to give advice on how to deal with it - I was active in a number of sword's threads but no idea whether or not those posts could have helped - I doubt it.

At the end of the day some of the hardest parts with something like this are - for example - me needing to be really strong to help my mom who was devastated, crying herself to sleep for years. And in my early teens I didn't have the strength to do that so I just withdrew.

And yet, having said all this, it is a major part of what has made me the man I am today. So I can still think about my dad and know that I've done right by his memory, for whatever that's worth in this world.

I guess the one key piece of advice I have is: let yourself feel it, and do not bottle up your grief or distract yourself from it. Avoiding your grief will make things much harder in the long run.