Have You Ever Fallen Out of Love/Lost Interest After A long Relationship?

[SicilianPower]

Ok, then continue being miserable and unfulfilled? Idk, I've given you advice, but it's ultimately up to you my dude. I hope you both can find whatever makes y'all happy.
When I broke up with my ex boyfriend he CRIED. Right in front of me. A grown man. It was like the 2nd time in 10 years that he had ever cried. It was awful to watch, and at first I was like "oh my god what have i done, I need to take it back RIGHT NOW", but I didn't. I was unhappy and bored, wanted to go out and flirt and be a normal 22 year old, so I had to. He and I are actually still civil and talk once in a while, and we've both moved on. We're both way happier.

Yep, life's rough sometimes, this is one of those parts of life that are very difficult to go through.

[BbyGainz]

Oh man...it's so tough. I really appreciate the advice everyone. It has really helped me a lot. I don't know exactly what I'm gonna do just yet, but anytime I need to look for advice I'll re read through this thread.

No worries. It's a tough situation to be in, I hope everything turns out alright!

[SicilianPower]

No worries. It's a tough situation to be in, I hope everything turns out alright!

Me too, thanks.

[cookiefiend]

Negged whore

So on the one hand you're telling someone to stay with their cheating gf because it's not like they're married, and on the other you are negging someone for being a whore for breaking up with people?

Your priorities are all fked up.

[katya422]

Relationships change over time. The intense attraction/love/lust you have at the beginning of a relationship is never going to last forever. It slowly turns into that feeling of they are your family. You love them and can still have times of romance but if you expect teenage love feelings for the next 50 years with them, you will be very disappointed. That's the problem with people today. They want that intense feeling forever, and when it fades they lose interest.

This is true.

That said, OP you are too young to be settling down. Just be straight with her.

Why is this? Wolfinger can’t say for sure. But, as far as the pattern goes, he asserts that “its existence is beyond question.” When he replicated the finding using data from the 2011-2014 NSFG, the same trend emerged. After five years of marriage, couples who married as teens have a 38% risk of divorce; those in their early twenties are also highly vulnerable (27%), but then there’s a strong decline for couples who marry between ages of 25 and 29 (14%) and ages 30 to 34 (10%). Once again, though, couples who got married in their mid-30s saw an uptick in their divorce risk: Couples who wed for the first time at 35 or over had a 17% risk of divorce during their first five years of marriage.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...es-get-married

You don't even have a fully adult brain until age 25.

[Amino89]

I dated a girl for 2 years, broke up, went off and on dating etc, tried other people in between and what not, it never was the same. I did love her in the beginning, but too much happened in between.

[SicilianPower]

This is true.

That said, OP you are too young to be settling down. Just be straight with her.



https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...es-get-married

You don't even have a fully adult brain until age 25.

I know, I am too young to settle down. I just wish there was a way to have my cake and eat it too.

[TrinnieBuu]

So on the one hand you're telling someone to start with their cheating gf because it's not like they're married, and on the other you are negging someone for being a whore for breaking up with people?

Your priorities are all fked up.

His poocy ass didn't actually dare to neg me. Was disappoint. I think he's just trying to ruffle female feathers.

[Ratfish]

this is why you trade up on day 89 while they're still in their probationary period srs

[tng83]

Spend 10 years married to a woman that after 7 or 8 I didn't love anymore.

[TrinnieBuu]

Spend 10 years married to a woman that after 7 or 8 I didn't love anymore.

Hope you're out of that marriage now. My best friend was married for 10 years to her ex husband. She stopped loving him after year 5-6, I finally convinced her 32 is too freaking young to be stuck in a sexless dead marriage. Some people just don't belong together.

[SicilianPower]

Spend 10 years married to a woman that after 7 or 8 I didn't love anymore.

Seriously? Oh man that's so much wasted time. Also it seems to be a common theme right around the 2 year mark of being together is were people start experiencing loss of being in love, boredom, etc.

[fretslayer]

I have only had one relationship that I can draw any long term experience from. We were together 3+ years, and lived together for pretty much all of it. I can honestly say, that even towards the end, I was still totally in love, totally attracted to her and our sex never really cooled off. It may have gotten less frequent (this was mutual and not a bad thing) but it was always good. I liked how things were, we knew each other front back, and I've never been so comfortable and secure in a relationship. It didn't work out for various other reasons, but I was never bored.

[SicilianPower]

I have only had one relationship that I can draw any long term experience from. We were together 3+ years, and lived together for pretty much all of it. I can honestly say, that even towards the end, I was still totally in love, totally attracted to her and our sex never really cooled off. It may have gotten less frequent (this was mutual and not a bad thing) but it was always good. I liked how things were, we knew each other front back, and I've never been so comfortable and secure in a relationship. It didn't work out for various other reasons, but I was never bored.

See that to me anyway seems like an example of two individuals who were the right people for each other. Obviously you said there were reasons it didn't work out and that's totally fine to not get into that. But other than that it's seems like you guys had good chemistry together and definitely loved each other.

[Slayermanlet]

Yeah

It's a gradual insidious process. But one day you just look at them and you know you're done. Some of the worst feels possible

[FastBack6]

I always wanted to the live the bachelor lifestyle. Going to bars and clubs experiences all I want, having a good time, making money.

That's basically me right now. If I'm not working I'm relaxing or out at the bar with old college buddies. Sometimes I chat up women, sometimes I don't. I'm focusing on myself right now and saving up so hopefully I can move to another state within a year, and experience a new environment.

[tng83]

Hope you're out of that marriage now. My best friend was married for 10 years to her ex husband. She stopped loving him after year 5-6, I finally convinced her 32 is too freaking young to be stuck in a sexless dead marriage. Some people just don't belong together.

Yea my divorce was final 2 weeks ago. I drove myself to alcoholism and depression at the thought of wasting my entire life with someone that I had no feelings for. The sex was bad, no passion, no flirting, no good conversation. We were like coworkers just raising our daughter. I finally made the decision to leave and haven't questioned it once. I met another woman and things are great. It makes me wonder if I ever really loved her considering I married her at 22 years old.

Seriously? Oh man that's so much wasted time. Also it seems to be a common theme right around the 2 year mark of being together is were people start experiencing loss of being in love, boredom, etc.

2 years in was fine. We still went out, danced, had fun. I just got sick of dragging her through life. 10 years after we met she still made the same amount of money. I didn't enjoy her company and wasn't attracted to her at all anymore. It was time to go.

[SicilianPower]

Yeah

It's a gradual insidious process. But one day you just look at them and you know you're done. Some of the worst feels possible

Oh man, I didn't know just how common it was.

[SicilianPower]

That's basically me right now. If I'm not working I'm relaxing or out at the bar with old college buddies. Sometimes I chat up women, sometimes I don't. I'm focusing on myself right now and saving up so hopefully I can move to another state within a year, and experience a new environment.

Sounds great, I'm turning 21 in a couple weeks. I hoping to be living a similair lifestyle.

[SicilianPower]

Yea my divorce was final 2 weeks ago. I drove myself to alcoholism and depression at the thought of wasting my entire life with someone that I had no feelings for. The sex was bad, no passion, no flirting, no good conversation. We were like coworkers just raising our daughter. I finally made the decision to leave and haven't questioned it once. I met another woman and things are great. It makes me wonder if I ever really loved her considering I married her at 22 years old.




2 years in was fine. We still went out, danced, had fun. I just got sick of dragging her through life. 10 years after we met she still made the same amount of money. I didn't enjoy her company and wasn't attracted to her at all anymore. It was time to go.

That's crazy man, but that's some interesting insight. I hope you found or find happiness.

[SicilianPower]

When you find someone special you hang on to her in my book.

I put up with her quirks, can't pretend I don't have any myself. It's mutual, but when she's special she's special. Sometimes you see a bad angle of her, or her laugh gets on your nerves, but when it comes right down to it there's no one else to talk about those memories with...it's hard breaking in a new relationship.

I know what you mean man.

[tng83]

That's crazy man, but that's some interesting insight. I hope you found or find happiness.

Thanks bro. I met someone this past December (so just 4 months after I separated) and it's been somewhat rocky but I'm crazy about her. The sex, the conversation, the connection, and even the drama is worlds different than my marriage was. I can't believe I'm saying it but she actually makes me feel like I could be married again.

[TrinnieBuu]

Yea my divorce was final 2 weeks ago. I drove myself to alcoholism and depression at the thought of wasting my entire life with someone that I had no feelings for. The sex was bad, no passion, no flirting, no good conversation. We were like coworkers just raising our daughter. I finally made the decision to leave and haven't questioned it once. I met another woman and things are great. It makes me wonder if I ever really loved her considering I married her at 22 years old.




2 years in was fine. We still went out, danced, had fun. I just got sick of dragging her through life. 10 years after we met she still made the same amount of money. I didn't enjoy her company and wasn't attracted to her at all anymore. It was time to go.

Sounds like my friends story to the T (even the age). Well I'm glad you got out of that marriage! Do you think the new girl is LTR material? Or not trying to jump into another one just yet.

[SicilianPower]

Thanks bro. I met someone this past December (so just 4 months after I separated) and it's been somewhat rocky but I'm crazy about her. The sex, the conversation, the connection, and even the drama is worlds different than my marriage was. I can't believe I'm saying it but she actually makes me feel like I could be married again.

That's good to hear.

[Werehusky]

I always break-up after 3-6 months, for some reason I just get sick of them after X amount of time and have to move on. Did that a few times, now I just do FWB. Life is much easier, no one to answer too, don't feel lock down. It all comes down to what you're willing to compromise, in the end I'd rather just have 100% freedom.

[Nameless15]

I wouldn't use me as a stereotypical example though. I've only told my college bf the "I love you"s and I lied. Never been in love.

Now you got me thinking.
Care to elaborate on the never been in love part? Did you always just feel forced to show affection/didnt actually have feelings for him or were the feelings just not strong enough to consider love? Did the relationship feel bland and like you were just some person you happened to live with? I hear about never actually loving someone but never understood where the line between love and care starts

[SicilianPower]

I always break-up after 3-6 months, for some reason I just get sick of them after X amount of time and have to move on. Did that a few times, now I just do FWB. Life is much easier, no one to answer too, don't feel lock down. It all comes down to what you're willing to compromise, in the end I'd rather just have 100% freedom.

I know what you mean man, what is FWB?

[Nameless15]

Yeah, I broke up with my ex after 2 years. I get bored easily and have to be constantly challenged/stimulated mentally and he just wasn't doing either of those things.
I'm much happier now, it helped me learn what I like & dislike in a potential partner.

Examples of challenged and mentally stimulated?

[TrinnieBuu]

Now you got me thinking.
Care to elaborate on the never been in love part? Did you always just feel forced to show affection/didnt actually have feelings for him or were the feelings just not strong enough to consider love? Did the relationship feel bland and like you were just some person you happened to live with? I hear about never actually loving someone but never understood where the line between love and care starts

I'm actually very affectionate toward people I'm dating. I make sure they know I think they're amazing/sexy. I could be chasing a high that doesn't exist. I didn't feel trapped in any of the relationship, I liked all of them just fine and cared (still care for some of them - friends wise) for them deeply. I was just never *in love*. Being around them is nice, but a lot of the time being without them feels nicer. That's what happened with my last ex. He moved away, and instead of being sad.. I was very happy with all the free time I have now, hanging out with myself, etc. I take "I love you" very seriously. Will never say it unless I didn't mean it (made the mistake once, and it led the guy on way too much). I know infatuation and crushes don't last forever. I guess my problem is I keep going for the guy that seems "right", nice, affectionate, caring but the chemistry isn't all the way there.

I'm pretty easy to have chemistry with, chatty, open, and flirty, but I don't think I've ever dated a guy that actually managed to take me out of my comfort zone, make me grow, etc.

[jim-double-b]

Oh boy,the similarities...
I'm on the same boat as you OP, and she is expecting the same things from me but I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with her without cheating.Many times,I had thoughts of doing something behind her back in order to get those sloot urges out of my system but that would be very disrespectful to myself but also her,considering she's been loyal to me.

For some reason I can't cut her off of my life,she has become family and she has all the wifey values someone could ask for.
So what do?leave her to satisfy my biology needs and regret it down the road or stick with her and wonder what if?
Double edged sword...