Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat

[BetaThanU]

This is probably a stupid question, but how do you guys keep a conversation going for hours (in person)?
I mean, I understanding talking about your hobbies, your day ,etc. but after about 15 minutes, I'm at a loss for words.

and asking her questions repeatedly seems like an interrogation.

This is coming from someone with zero success with girls/women (kissless virgin) who's trying to change things for the better.
thanks!!

Some girls it's easy some are like pulling teeth. Find the ones it's easy with.
Usually the long conversations are about nothing, flirty, teasy, having inside jokes etc

[T00thus]

This is probably a stupid question, but how do you guys keep a conversation going for hours (in person)?
I mean, I understanding talking about your hobbies, your day ,etc. but after about 15 minutes, I'm at a loss for words.

and asking her questions repeatedly seems like an interrogation.

This is coming from someone with zero success with girls/women (kissless virgin) who's trying to change things for the better.
thanks!!

If a girl likes you she will make the conversation fun and natural. The problem is that you're talking to girls who just aren't that into you. I have always found that with girls who were into me I could say almost anything and get away with it.

Also if you suspect a girl is into you, try to practice flirting with her and see if she reciprocates. Watch her body language and see if she is showing signs of interest. Try gentle non threatening touches on the arms. If she looks uncomfortable. Stop. She isn't into you and move on.

Just my two cents.

[HockeyBacon18]

This is probably a stupid question, but how do you guys keep a conversation going for hours (in person)?
I mean, I understanding talking about your hobbies, your day ,etc. but after about 15 minutes, I'm at a loss for words.

and asking her questions repeatedly seems like an interrogation.

This is coming from someone with zero success with girls/women (kissless virgin) who's trying to change things for the better.
thanks!!

the entire conversation doesnt have to be serious. mess around with her, make some jokes, tell some of your stories of past experiences. Keep things fun. Like you said no girl wants to be interrogated on a date

[mhrreturns]

Update:

So Columbian girl bailed on plans to go to the beach. I knew the previous night she was at a friends party, (I was also invited), but one of my friends was being dj at another venue which I had plans to attend for months. She asked what time I was going and I said around 11-1pm, depending on the weather. got no reply until the next day at 5pm with her saying she partied too hard and has only just woken up.

So she's on her last chance to redeem herself, maybe I'll hit her up tomorrow with a hail mary. Supposed to be going to salsa with her again on Tuesday but something else has come up.

[HockeyBacon18]

first date with new chick

went out for lunch- she ordered first and said she was buying mine as well, never had that happen before.

cane back to my place after, made out but didnt wanna bang

rate/10

id give it an 8

Update

Smashed last night

[Nedo]

What advice do people in this thread have regarding meeting girls solo in real life. I only have a few friends so it isn't always practical to go out with them. Am I doomed to fail if I go places on my own and try to meet new girls? I sometimes do reading and writing at a local coffee shop but I basically never see approachable girls to talk to there.

Do the online thing, specifically paid sites.

[DanielleGreen]

Which ones the engineer?


Some how I've scored a hot FWB who is a freak in the sack.
Don't know how I did this, she acts super into me to.
It's the difference in quality picking up girls irl vs tinder I guess

The home state guy is in oil & gas. He hasn't texted in awhile so I assume he's about to ghost? I genuinely was interested in him, guess I wasn't fast enough? On the app he listed his height at 5'11 and really he's my height, 5'4. Men/Women please don't lie about yourself on apps. I don't care about height, but come on embrace it.

I did go out with an engineer and our first date we both geeked out to coding, beer, and our city's football team. He said he was going to help me with the coding, wooohooo! I honestly felt more spark with him. Something about his shyness and nervousness... We made out after and he asked if I wanted to see him again on Sunday, I agreed. We watched the game and found out we both have interest in the same Marvel movies (huge plus). Went back to his place made out some more and other stuff.... No sex though. I told I was kinda slow at this and he told me the same. He wants to do dinner tonight, but I'm neck deep in work and told him maybe. He told me that I was beautiful and to be honest a guy hasn't said that to me in a long time. Confidence booster right there. If things go well with him I'm going to delete the app.

9.5/10 Weekend

[repreprep2017]

Do the online thing, specifically paid sites.

OkCupid has changed a lot in the past month or so that's made it better as a free site. They eliminated profile views for one, which I think is helpful since it used to be distracting to see which members viewed your profile and didn't bother to reach out or reply back. They've also cracked down hard on rude messages, and there's a notification now when you join saying that if someone reports you for making a sexually explicit or harassing comment, you get kicked off. There's also more you can interact with in the profiles, so it's not as much geared to swipe culture.

[BlackScorpio91]

The home state guy is in oil & gas. He hasn't texted in awhile so I assume he's about to ghost? I genuinely was interested in him, guess I wasn't fast enough? On the app he listed his height at 5'11 and really he's my height, 5'4. Men/Women please don't lie about yourself on apps. I don't care about height, but come on embrace it.

I did go out with an engineer and our first date we both geeked out to coding, beer, and our city's football team. He said he was going to help me with the coding, wooohooo! I honestly felt more spark with him. Something about his shyness and nervousness... We made out after and he asked if I wanted to see him again on Sunday, I agreed. We watched the game and found out we both have interest in the same Marvel movies (huge plus). Went back to his place made out some more and other stuff.... No sex though. I told I was kinda slow at this and he told me the same. He wants to do dinner tonight, but I'm neck deep in work and told him maybe. He told me that I was beautiful and to be honest a guy hasn't said that to me in a long time. Confidence booster right there. If things go well with him I'm going to delete the app.

9.5/10 Weekend

You got rid of awkward Asian boy?

[Nedo]

OkCupid has changed a lot in the past month or so that's made it better as a free site. They eliminated profile views for one, which I think is helpful since it used to be distracting to see which members viewed your profile and didn't bother to reach out or reply back. They've also cracked down hard on rude messages, and there's a notification now when you join saying that if someone reports you for making a sexually explicit or harassing comment, you get kicked off. There's also more you can interact with in the profiles, so it's not as much geared to swipe culture.

You will still have trash on there. When one pays for the service, there is higher probability that they are more serious. It also may suggest they are more financially stable. Every girl I went out with from E-Harmony had her chit together and had proper dating etiquette.

Side note, heard on radio this morning that E-Harmony looked at 12000 mens profiles to determine which key words triggered the most responses. Taking the cake was physically fit. I am one who does believe that looks do matter and this just further confirms things. We can be as bitter as we want gents, but we are just as shallow lol.

Runners up were optimistic, perceptive and spontaneous. There was one more, but I forget.

I need to work on the spontaneous one myself as every single women I ever knew liked it and many listed it in their profiles as well IME. I'm a planner though and don't like surprises.

[repreprep2017]

You will still have trash on there. When one pays for the service, there is higher probability that they are more serious. It also may suggest they are more financially stable. Every girl I went out with from E-Harmony had her chit together and had proper dating etiquette.

Side note, heard on radio this morning that E-Harmony looked at 12000 mens profiles to determine which key words triggered the most responses. Taking the cake was physically fit. I am one who does believe that looks do matter and this just further confirms things. We can be as bitter as we want gents, but we are just as shallow lol.

Runners up were optimistic, perceptive and spontaneous. There was one more, but I forget.

I need to work on the spontaneous one myself as every single women I ever knew liked it and many listed it in their profiles as well IME. I'm a planner though and don't like surprises.

I think the paid sites render better quality results, too, but since I'm at the point where I'm cynical about online dating as a whole, I look at the $20-$30 a month I'd spend on a site like Match as money better spent elsewhere, and leave it up to chance.

Those results of the study make sense, but I think we could probably all get a chuckle out of the fact that if we looked at the women who are expecting to find those traits in the men they try connect with don't reflect those same qualities, especially in fitness. I wrote another thread where I said I made a fake account as a muscular good looking "chad" just to see what interest it got, and if I wanted to be mean about it, I would have replied back to the messages I got with, "Do you honestly think you're in the same league as me? I'm like a 9 and you're maybe a 6 at best."

Optimism is another questionable trait, too, because of course everyone is going to market themselves as the happiest-go-lucky person you'll ever meet and that you'd want to know, and then you begin talking to them, and realize they're moody, have bad self-esteem, or really hate their job. Personally, when I read a profile where a girl says she "loves to laugh" or sounds like she's always happy, it's a a red flag, because I'd rather someone be real or maybe they live an ignorance is bliss state of mind, and I can't deal with that.

It sounds like a lot of users buy too much into the rom-com fantasy boyfriend fairytale they're fed in the media.

Ultimately, if the chemistry isn't there, then the chemistry isn't there, regardless of how good looking someone is (which probably explains why many settle for short lasting flings and hookups where you barely get to know the person.)

[DanielleGreen]

You got rid of awkward Asian boy?

I did, felt bad though.
Didn't do dinner last night so we rescheduled for Sunday. About to get LIT

[repreprep2017]

I did, felt bad though.
Didn't do dinner last night so we rescheduled for Sunday. About to get LIT

Honestly, as a single guy, I would rather someone rip the bandaid off sooner than later. I had a girl do this to me the other week. We talked for a few days, and then the next morning I got a message saying she was already dating a couple of people and maybe I'd hear back from her. Glad she told me, because not only did it save me some time, but I know now in the future not to give her another shot since she's just juggling dem boyz, and I don't date that way.

[Nedo]

$20-$30 a month I'd spend on a site like Match as money better spent elsewhere, and leave it up to chance.

Meh, that's nothing man. Think about how much time and money you would spend going out to find someone. It would work out to more. The best thing is to use both TBH.

Have a gf for almost 6 months now and still on e-Harmony just incase because I scored a deal at 20$ for 3 months lmao. Yes I am behaving (not using it) for the curious and will prob be discontinuing the service as things are going real well and she wasn't overly impressed to begin with when she saw the app in my phone

[T00thus]

Do the online thing, specifically paid sites.

Looks like from your later posts you recommend eharmony. Have you had any experience with match or any other sites?

[repsDTGdaily]

Looks like from your later posts you recommend eharmony. Have you had any experience with match or any other sites?

I might give eharmony a go. I've had very little success with Match tbh. Probably because there are still an abundance of fake profiles and false notifications because of it. OKCupid, bumble, and tinder are better than match tbh.

edit: Try zoosk.

[repreprep2017]

I might give eharmony a go. I've had very little success with Match tbh. Probably because there are still an abundance of fake profiles and false notifications because of it. OKCupid, bumble, and tinder are better than match tbh.

edit: Try zoosk.

I did Match, and what I learned is you're just as likely to run into the same lesser quality kind of people you'd want to avoid on there, too. After one really bad experience, I swore off paying for dating sites altogether because of it. I think maybe the one upside is that you might get more mileage out of the conversations.

[Nedo]

Looks like from your later posts you recommend eharmony. Have you had any experience with match or any other sites?

I might give eharmony a go. I've had very little success with Match tbh. Probably because there are still an abundance of fake profiles and false notifications because of it. OKCupid, bumble, and tinder are better than match tbh.

edit: Try zoosk.

I found e-Harmony has alot of ugly women. Legit 1/20 of my matches I would consider dating and none were above 8 for certain (surprising given that Toronto and rest of GTA is included in my range). However, I do think this is location dependent too. The same could not be said for everywhere. IMO, the best would be to have both Match and e-Harmony so you maximize your odds and don't miss out on anything. When you think of the money you have to spend to go out, the paid sites are a fraction of the cost. They offer promotions all the time as well. At my age, it becomes difficult to find peeps to go out with as everyone is wifed. Your probability of finding a LDR are higher online than in the bars IMO. Many, many people in my area have married people they met online.

[repreprep2017]

I found e-Harmony has alot of ugly women. Legit 1/20 of my matches I would consider dating and none were above 8 for certain (surprising given that Toronto and rest of GTA is included in my range). However, I do think this is location dependent too. The same could not be said for everywhere. IMO, the best would be to have both Match and e-Harmony so you maximize your odds and don't miss out on anything. When you think of the money you have to spend to go out, the paid sites are a fraction of the cost. They offer promotions all the time as well. At my age, it becomes difficult to find peeps to go out with as everyone is wifed. Your probability of finding a LDR are higher online than in the bars IMO. Many, many people in my area have married people they met online.

How long do you stick around an online dating site when you're on? Month stints or longer? I've always felt that after a month, your profile hits a lull, and it's not until the week before your membership expires if you're on a 3 month plan that you begin seeing interest again because the site starts putting your profile in front of members trying to goad you into continuing your subscription.

With free sites like OkCupid, I've found myself throwing in the towel after a week lol

[Nedo]

How long do you stick around an online dating site when you're on? Month stints or longer? I've always felt that after a month, your profile hits a lull, and it's not until the week before your membership expires if you're on a 3 month plan that you begin seeing interest again because the site starts putting your profile in front of members trying to goad you into continuing your subscription.

With free sites like OkCupid, I've found myself throwing in the towel after a week lol

I'm decent looking but I'm not Chad so more persistence and patience is required for me online. I've been on there for months and stick around until I meet someone. It does get discouraging at times when only a fraction of women respond but you don't catch fish unless you go fishing right? And the more you fish, the higher probability of a catch right? My pics were chit though as majority were selfies and women ain't bout dat as they want to know that you have fun (which I do btw). Me and my buddies don't take pics when out/doing stuff unless its to expose/bust on them, typical men right. They actually howled at me when I asked them to take pics of me at the bar for my profile lol. Were a sarcastic bunch.

However, I was also very selective in who I message as I am looking to settle down and know my worth. Retail store "manager" at clothing store GTFO, nomsayin (regardless of looks). Only educated 6-8's were getting messages from me. The paid sites helped tremendously with regard to offering women who have good careers. If you are decent looking or better, I highly recommend you give it a whirl. I did actually find my current gf on POF though. Nothing wrong with casting the web wide; free sites and paid to maximize probability for success. It is work but depending on how much time you have, prioritize your time with the paid sites and maybe just respond to women on the free sites.

When you start messaging with them, bust on her and make her laugh early and often. Limited getting to know her (save this for in person or if she asks) and maximal banter. Even open with something sarcastic which you could pick out from their profile. When in doubt or lazy, I just sent them "Pssssssssstt!!!" and it was always received well if they responded lol. Trigger her to respond, nomsayin. No e-brag, but all it takes for her to go on a date with me is sufficient attraction because my fun/playful personality captures them an overwhelming majority of the time.

[repreprep2017]

I'm decent looking but I'm not Chad so more persistence and patience is required for me online. I've been on there for months and stick around until I meet someone. It does get discouraging at times when only a fraction of women respond but you don't catch fish unless you go fishing right? And the more you fish, the higher probability of a catch right? My pics were chit though as majority were selfies and women ain't bout dat as they want to know that you have fun (which I do btw). Me and my buddies don't take pics when out/doing stuff unless its to expose/bust on them, typical men right. They actually howled at me when I asked them to take pics of me at the bar for my profile lol. Were a sarcastic bunch.

However, I was also very selective in who I message as I am looking to settle down and know my worth. Retail store "manager" at clothing store GTFO, nomsayin (regardless of looks). Only educated 6-8's were getting messages from me. The paid sites helped tremendously with regard to offering women who have good careers. If you are decent looking or better, I highly recommend you give it a whirl. I did actually find my current gf on POF though. Nothing wrong with casting the web wide; free sites and paid to maximize probability for success. It is work but depending on how much time you have, prioritize your time with the paid sites and maybe just respond to women on the free sites.

When you start messaging with them, bust on her and make her laugh early and often. Limited getting to know her (save this for in person or if she asks) and maximal banter. Even open with something sarcastic which you could pick out from their profile. When in doubt or lazy, I just sent them "Pssssssssstt!!!" and it was always received well if they responded lol. Trigger her to respond, nomsayin. No e-brag, but all it takes for her to go on a date with me is sufficient attraction because my fun/playful personality captures them an overwhelming majority of the time.

Definitely can relate to your position, as I would consider myself subjectively good looking but not a commercial Chad, and yeah, same here with the pictures. I'm usually the person taking the great pictures, but never the person in them. Whenever I ask someone to take one of me, it comes out terrible. I wish I could just clone myself so I could take my own!

I've been selective in my latest stint, too. I need to see something in the profile that would make me believe there'd be chemistry. Merely having a career and a balance of vague interests isn't good enough to make me reach out to someone. What I'm working on is reading the room better, though, because I think sometimes I might be overly witty or overly creative in my icebreakers, and if the person is tone deaf to any humor, it probably is received the wrong way.

[Nedo]

Definitely can relate to your position, as I would consider myself subjectively good looking but not a commercial Chad, and yeah, same here with the pictures. I'm usually the person taking the great pictures, but never the person in them. Whenever I ask someone to take one of me, it comes out terrible. I wish I could just clone myself so I could take my own!

I've been selective in my latest stint, too. I need to see something in the profile that would make me believe there'd be chemistry. Merely having a career and a balance of vague interests isn't good enough to make me reach out to someone. What I'm working on is reading the room better, though, because I think sometimes I might be overly witty or overly creative in my icebreakers, and if the person is tone deaf to any humor, it probably is received the wrong way.

At one point, I was contemplating professional pictures. Something you may want to consider. Finding a good woman is an investment if you eventually want to get married lol.

You will never know if chemistry is possible through reading a profile, it will only be known in person. Some women also put limited effort into their profiles (can suggest sl00t/not serious). Also, what the women say and what their like in person can also differ IME so its always best to meet in person. If I was attracted, she had a decent career and showed no red flags in her profile, I would message/respond.

Regarding the humour, dumb it down a little at first and make it obvious you are joking until you gather a better understanding of her intelligence. You can use winky emoji's, lol and lmao to let her know you playing around. Once she gets to know you then you, she will know you are joking and you won't need to use these.

[mhrreturns]

A few days ago I went all in with Columbian girl and asked her round to watch horror movies at my place today. Asked her earlier if she will still game and she says yes for between 8pm and 10pm after she has finished transcribing an interview. Looking promising but I'm sure there will be 100 possibilities of a stupid excuse coming from her. Guess I will update later

[GoobyPls]

all right brahs, wut do?

- meet girl on tinder
- next day she travels across the city to come to my neighbourhood
- we smoke at my place, then go for a walk
- week later meet again
- restaurant, my place, smoke, movie, buy coke, bang, she stays the night
- morning after I got the feeling she was being kind of distant but I dunno
- she says shell get back to me when she has some weed since I had it last time
- havent spoken to her in 3 weeks, kind of weird since we had sex and girls will usually want to talk a bit after that (I dont think I was that terrible, I hope)
- girl has a buch of tattoos, clit piercing, not over her ex etc so not relationship material and one giant red flag
- but i had a good time and I wanna hang out some more


should I just shoot her a last chance text to see whats up or wait a bit more? what would you do in my place?

[Cadet4life]

all right brahs, wut do?

- meet girl on tinder
- next day she travels across the city to come to my neighbourhood
- we smoke at my place, then go for a walk
- week later meet again
- restaurant, my place, smoke, movie, buy coke, bang, she stays the night
- morning after I got the feeling she was being kind of distant but I dunno
- she says shell get back to me when she has some weed since I had it last time
- havent spoken to her in 3 weeks, kind of weird since we had sex and girls will usually want to talk a bit after that (I dont think I was that terrible, I hope)
- girl has a buch of tattoos, clit piercing, not over her ex etc so not relationship material and one giant red flag
- but i had a good time and I wanna hang out some more


should I just shoot her a last chance text to see whats up or wait a bit more? what would you do in my place?

i wouldnt expect anything serious from that interaction. was prolly a fling she does often. Hit her up if u want another quick bang but i highly doubt she wants to be wifed up

[FU3L]

all right brahs, wut do?

- meet girl on tinder
- next day she travels across the city to come to my neighbourhood
- we smoke at my place, then go for a walk
- week later meet again
- restaurant, my place, smoke, movie, buy coke, bang, she stays the night
- morning after I got the feeling she was being kind of distant but I dunno
- she says shell get back to me when she has some weed since I had it last time
- havent spoken to her in 3 weeks, kind of weird since we had sex and girls will usually want to talk a bit after that (I dont think I was that terrible, I hope)
- girl has a buch of tattoos, clit piercing, not over her ex etc so not relationship material and one giant red flag
- but i had a good time and I wanna hang out some more


should I just shoot her a last chance text to see whats up or wait a bit more? what would you do in my place?

Likely not the first or last time she's done this, you can send a hail Mary text if you want but don't expect anything to come of it.

[clydecash]

-gym girl 6/10 light skin black pretty serious about fitness

-I approach her and ask her about her spartan run shirt we BS for like 10 mins

-dont see her till around like week later
-talk w her a bit then maybe 10 mins

-I was just flowing through the convo, ended up calling her good looking and saying we should workout together(not sure if I jumped gun on these or not)

-she says yea we should on like a saturday do like a free for all (???) but youd have to give me 2 weeks to get back into it(shes returning to gym from brief break)

-see her yesterday she comes over as Im doin cable flys and stats deadlifting. Doesnt say anything

-We make eye contact and wave (we’re like 4 ft apart)

-still hasnt said anything so I just walk over and start talking

-bla bla she says shes here for a quick workout cuz she has softball gane later

-start talking for a little more

- buncha ppl come up and keep asking if Im done w cable machine

-she ends convo says shes gonna let me get back to workout before they kill me(I shiuld have ended convo earlier)

What should my next move be? I wont see her till next week. I was thinking something along “bla bla bla give me your number so we can talk outside gym cuz your so focused in gym” something along those lines. Or maybe Ill build rapport/kino first Idk But open to all critique and advice

Inb4 strong first post Ihad to make an alt cuz I forgot my original login.

[Nedo]

Next time you see her chat her up again, try to make her laugh and then: "you seem cool, we should get together sometime".

[T00thus]

To the guy above me talking to a gym girl... seems like you did alright man. My experience has always been that if they aren't even slightly interested they will be super dismissive in a gym environment.

[clydecash]

Hmm ok thanks for the advice guys. I just wish she would approach me. Make this chit easier