Cass's Cozy Corner

[ChazWood]

Sticky or stick it?

Stick it to prevent a sticky situation I suppose.

[Brackneyc]

Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.

[Corbi]

Do you really have to call her a "sloot"? Come on man, you are not 15 years old.

I read that the word skank had been trademarked so I couldn't use that one.

And yes this website has seen its share of marriages torn apart because people of both genders didn't know how to act like adults.

[Cass40]

I read that the word skank had been trademarked so I couldn't use that one.

And yes this website has seen its share of marriages torn apart because people of both genders didn't know how to act like adults.

Yes, skank is eomrat's...but you have cockwaffle

[Cass40]

Oops..that didn't come out right...oh well

[KeepItMoving]

Yes, skank is eomrat's...but you have cockwaffle

Yes, cockwaffle became beloved. Meanwhile, my lame follow-up, penistoast, never got traction.

[mcbourque]

I vote to sticky this glorious, wonderful thread.

I'm with you on this. Sticky this! I'm learning so much!

Still waiting to learn how to say skank in Finnish.

[Karl_Hungus]

Yes, cockwaffle became beloved. Meanwhile, my lame follow-up, penistoast, never got traction.

Blending genitalia with breakfast foods is tricky business. Random combinations like "dick-flakes" or "twat-krispies" just don't have the panache or artistic Gestalt of our beloved "cockwaffle".

[Mark1T]

I think skank is endearing. Who's got a problem with that?

Borkie-Thmorkie might get some good ideas here for her new steemy book

[deadliftbrah19]

Not 1 bit surprised by 1 damn thing in this thread, chick who admits she is pretty much a slut posts and then we get the assclowns fawning over her hoping to get a piece of her ass.

This place is fukkin sad.

OK so you call me a sloot but looking back at 2006, maybe I made the wrong decisions. Tell me what I should have done instead:

- Inpatient for anorexia in 2000
- 1 year old daughter
- Husband won't touch me or have anything to do with me. Even when I was pregnant he said I was now a mother and couldn't see me in a sexual light
- He leaves me alone every night. I spend every night alone in my bedroom while he is in his room.
- Lonely for human touch/companionship
- The world says to divorce. I move out as it got so bad that I couldn't take it anymore
- Take child over one weekend. She cries the entire time . I feel bad and decide to leave her at her home and visit her vs. force her to be with me 50%, until I can get a bigger place.
- Start dating men after zero dating experience. Men try to play me by saying they want a relationship and drop me, I learn, then realize how to weed those guys out. Start seeing a man who wants more than just sex.
- Bad mistake, divorce attorney says by moving out without a parenting agreement, I could lose all custody
- Guy I'm dating steals my computer (again, naive with men), I try to get it back and he threatens to send his family over to beat me up, he knows where I live
- Attorney says move home and make it look like reconciliation, then file for divorce in 6 months
- I lose job, bad recession hits. No jobs in sight.
- Go see minister and therapist. Therapist understands as her husband left her, and says to do what I need to do to make myself happy, including FWB relationships with outside men.
Minister says Jesus wants me to be happy and get divorced, and find a loving man because I really want to love and be loved.
- Daughter only wants Dad to care for her as I was gone for 6 months. Took 2 years caring for her day and night to rebuild that relationship and allow her to trust that Mommy isn't going to move out again
- Self esteem plummets. Ask men for a relationship and almost beg to find a man to move in with. They just want sex. Spiral more and more down depression and anxiety
- I come on here, meet others who in similar situations lost their children who never speak to them again
- Daughter is happy, goes to private school, thrives, our relationship improves. I pick her up from school, take her to go get frozen yogurt, schedule play dates or play Candy Land or Chutes and Ladders with her, or play Barbies. She and I develop a strong friendship and I wake up in the morning excited to see her. She goes from being shy to lead roles in plays.
- She is happy, well-adjusted, and is thriving at her school.
- Other parents at her school say we did the right thing by separated but living together after looking at families with divorced and stepfathers attending parent/teacher conferences so the whole dynamic is kids going between house to house and some of the children ending up with severe anxiety.
- Meanwhile I spend years along and posting on relationship forums how I wish I could find a relationship.

- I finally get a job and return to my career in 2011 once the economy improves
- Self esteem plummets further. Step away from religion. Decide that doing contest prep would help me find a man who really wants me (dumb). Hire a IFBB pro trainer in 2013 to prep for a figure contest.
- Strict diet causes anorexia and bulimia to relapse. I narrowly escape going inpatient again but bumping up my food and regaining what I lost, and going to DBT therapy.
- Ruptured eso****us, fainting and cut head open, etc. tons of physical problems.
- Now marriage is 11 years sexless but deteriorated to the point of avoiding each other as much as possible
- Daughter finds out we are separated but living together, says "why can't you just love Dad"? I approach him about counseling and reconciliation. He says no, he's happy being alone but needs my income to stay in our home. She is distraught that we live like this.

She starts to suffer from anxiety....lashes out at Mom hitting and kicking. End up back in ambulance in March for something I can't post on here, decide to return to therapy after 3 year break.



So going back, what would you have done in 2006?

[Cantplankwell]

I am sorry for your situation. I think the first step here is to stop reaching out to strangers on the public internet looking for answers about something that is so deeply troubling, which may cause others to display contempt towards you or offer extreme opinions, maybe take a break from this forum for a period of time...no posting. Furthermore you need to be healthy to fix your problem, religion may or may not be a help, but I am very sure being physically fit will help, physically fit for you.....whatever that is regardless of weight or appearance. I would also suggest that you work on your problem with a medical professional, not the members generally here, or other strangers, get going on your DBT. You will not be in a position to help your daughter if you are a physical/emotional mess...."protect the house"...which is you. Once you are centered I think you will make good decisions about your personal/family life. In your best interest I cannot offer anything else further.

[JaymzJ]

Sounds like you have just been delt a chitty hand in life and you are making the best of it deadlift. Just keep trying your best, and try to be a little more selective with who you date, your husband sounds like a real dic, I don't blame you for the separation.

[mcbourque]

I am a middle school teacher so I will just put this up here:

I usually have a bunch of kids in my room at lunch. Today, I overheard one of the girls who is the most troubled saying and I quote: "my parents are always splitting up and coming back together - just make your fippin' mind already! I can deal with anything, together or not, but this constant drama is driving me crazy"

The kids I see that are hot messes have drama in their lives. In the middle of divorce or, like the one above, moving in and out constantly and using kids to get at the other parents, fights, etc.

Those who do well at school and socio-emotionally have clear situations: either parents are divorced in a split custody, or just mom, or just dad, with visitations or not. Or they have 2 parents (2 genders or same sex) who get along.

OP, the past is over. So you were a kid and you made bad decisions. Acknowledge your mistakes, then move on without repeating them.

What can you do today to make your daughter's life better.

EDITS: BTW, you cannot blame your husband for your decisions. Even if he did all this to you since your baby was born. You are the master of your fate and of how you react to what someone does to you. You need to own your mistakes entirely so you can move past them.

[Brackneyc]

I am a middle school teacher so I will just put this up here:

I usually have a bunch of kids in my room at lunch. Today, I overheard one of the girls who is the most troubled saying and I quote: "my parents are always splitting up and coming back together - just make your fippin' mind already! I can deal with anything, together or not, but this constant drama is driving me crazy"

The kids I see that are hot messes have drama in their lives. In the middle of divorce or, like the one above, moving in and out constantly and using kids to get at the other parents, fights, etc.

Those who do well at school and socio-emotionally have clear situations: either parents are divorced in a split custody, or just mom, or just dad, with visitations or not. Or they have 2 parents (2 genders or same sex) who get along.

OP, the past is over. So you were a kid and you made bad decisions. Acknowledge your mistakes, then move on without repeating them.

What can you do today to make your daughter's life better.

EDITS: BTW, you cannot blame your husband for your decisions. Even if he did all this to you since your baby was born. You are the master of your fate and of how you react to what someone does to you. You need to own your mistakes entirely so you can move past them.

The real question is, do you guys have a fidget spinner issue in your building. How about students flipping water bottles.

[mcbourque]

The real question is, do you guys have a fidget spinner issue in your building. How about students flipping water bottles.

Ahah! No kidding!

I'm the mean teacher - both are banned in my classroom!

Actually our principal banned spinners in the whole school after polling the teachers.

Do you guys have them?

[Brackneyc]

Ahah! No kidding!

I'm the mean teacher - both are banned in my classroom!

Actually our principal banned spinners in the whole school after polling the teachers.

Do you guys have them?

Oh god yes. Bottle flipping is dying off though. I suspect over the summer, spinners will too. I have a bunch on my desk. Teachers bring them to me daily. I tell students I will only give them back to parents. Not one has come in to get them.

[mcbourque]

I think skank is endearing. Who's got a problem with that?

Borkie-Thmorkie might get some good ideas here for her new steemy book

How about "Fishman and the Skanks" for that book title!

I need a good cover now.

[Mark1T]

How about "Fishman and the Skanks" for that book title!

I need a good cover now.

That sounds good. An alternative to discuss with your publisher would be "Fishman and the Spinner Skanks."

lol

[KyleAaron]

I am sorry for your situation. I think the first step here is to stop reaching out to strangers on the public internet looking for answers about something that is so deeply troubling, which may cause others to display contempt towards you or offer extreme opinions, maybe take a break from this forum for a period of time...no posting.

Correct. I don't see how this place is helping.

Much the same goes for many others with personal problems we see post on this and other forums.

[Cass40]

I don't know if it's helping or hurting but I don't think constantly bringing up the past is helping at least. It's like reliving that trauma, that's what it looks like. It's like you go on this place, where you can't stop and you're in your own zone reliving the horrible things that happened.
Try not to do that Linny pooh..focus on the positive and the future

[deadliftbrah19]

Sounds like you have just been delt a chitty hand in life and you are making the best of it deadlift. Just keep trying your best, and try to be a little more selective with who you date, your husband sounds like a real dic, I don't blame you for the separation.

Thank you. Oh yes, I have learned the hard way. I tend to be naive and only look for the good in people, and I have learned to watch for red flags after a lifetime of being sheltered.

Correct. I don't see how this place is helping.

Much the same goes for many others with personal problems we see post on this and other forums.

I guess it was helping because I was using it as a substitute for therapy. But yes then the thread goes on and on through my head when I'm trying to focus on getting ready for work, I come back on here, start crying and then end up late for work which isn't good at all and does no one any favors.

Thankfully I am going to be away for the weekend so I'll be away from a computer as I'm a rapid typist, so just having my phone means I won't post on forums.

I don't know if it's helping or hurting but I don't think constantly bringing up the past is helping at least. It's like reliving that trauma, that's what it looks like. It's like you go on this place, where you can't stop and you're in your own zone reliving the horrible things that happened.
Try not to do that Linny pooh..focus on the positive and the future

Yes in my DBT group last night we talked about forgetting the past and only focusing on the present by using mindfulness, and even went through some exercises. I do better when I meditate regularly and need to get back in the habit of doing that again. At least my homework for this week is to perform meditation and be in the present.

Constantly having 3 streams of distressed thoughts: usually a song like right now it's Pearl Jam's Dissident, usually a conversation about my relationships and worries about work go through my head at once, and then I can't find my phone charger because I'm not being present.

[KyleAaron]

I guess it was helping because I was using it as a substitute for therapy.

Using a forum as a substitute for therapy is like using a rusty blunt pocketknife as a substitute for a surgical kit.

[deadliftbrah19]

Using a forum as a substitute for therapy is like using a rusty blunt pocketknife as a substitute for a surgical kit.

Well, it's free whereas DBT therapy is running me $160 a session. I stopped going when my contract ended 3 years ago and I just fell back into bad habits. I still used some skills, but not as many as I am using now when I fill out the diary card daily. It's a great reminder of healthy coping skills I know how to use to handle high levels of stress.

But it's worth it every penny even if I go into debt because I was this close to lose my job and go on disability. My husband is furious at the cost of therapy and called me a loser this morning, said that therapists just convince you to go forever and go into debt and they are a waste of time and money.


He said I'm a loser because I can't control a high stress job (meanwhile he also has a high stress job but drinks, I rarely drink), but I told him it's either that or lose my job and teach tennis as I did back in 2009. Even though I qualify, I didn't want to go on disability and get into that mode. Working even if it's a few hundred a week, is better than nothing.

I want to get better and start using my healthy coping skills again. Last night was the first night of group session.

I'll end individual therapy and just do the groups which are $100 a session, so that will help.

[vakrka]

Everything is a choice.
End of thread.

[Cass40]

Everything is a choice.
End of thread.

You took a day off from work to catch up and came up with THAT advice??

It sounds very existentialist

[Cass40]

Also, I just realized I cannot afford to become crazy

[peequi]

Back to the initial question,

Avoiding divorce is easy in my opinion, accept that you will change and your spouse will change. Deal with it instead of trying to fight it. Your spouse isn't the only one person in the world placed here to be paired up with you. It was by pure chance you two met. Work at the marriage and improve yourself and help your spouse improve him/her self. You signed up to be part of a life long team, keep it together. And if you have to divorce, at least wait till the kids are grown up. I don't care what people like Joe Rogan says, he thinks young kids going through a divorce challenges them. Yeah if I cut my legs off that will challenge me too, but I am better off without going through that challenge.

[Jtbny]

This thread is still going? I feel like this is a major troll job by OP. Look at the screen name for starters- 40+ year old women chooses Deadliftbrah? And 19? Where the other 18 taken? Sounds an awful lot like a person who's trolling but I guess it beats the endless politics

[vakrka]

You took a day off from work to catch up and came up with THAT advice??

It sounds very existentialist

Actually was at a dept of education conference for 3 days after 3 nights of drinking with other higher ed administrators ...I'm full of wisdom

[Cass40]

This thread is still going? I feel like this is a major troll job by OP. Look at the screen name for starters- 40+ year old women chooses Deadliftbrah? And 19? Where the other 18 taken? Sounds an awful lot like a person who's trolling but I guess it beats the endless politics

Well, sometimes people with mental issues come here for attention, like the depressed bus driver or the alien guy. Whether trolling or not, negative attention is still attention and they keep coming back for more. But great that you are mentally healthy and can get enjoyment out of others misery.