Letting missus go out to bars / clubs

[Nedo]

So the only way around this is to not allow her to go out?

She wouldn't have a need to go out, especially regularly if it wasn't for the wrong reasons IMO. Atleast from what I've seen with people I know, there is a reason most people in relationships don't go out. Milestone events are ok.

[HeBrewHammah]

I'm not really going to comment on whether it's okay or not. Two people in a relationship have to agree upon mutually defined boundaries and then once they are set, if someone crosses those boundaries then you either talk it over, or breakup. I was referring to the idea that abundance mentality doesn't solve everything, yes it helps you get another woman but betrayal still will hurt you like a bitch

It doesn't solve everything, I'm not telling you that it will, either. However, when you understand yourself as a human, your emotional capabilities, and how to direct your energy and focus - let someone try to derail you....odds are they aren't going to be very successful in the grand picture.

I am at peace with myself as a person. I have learned over the years, that I understand the way some people act isn't a reflection of myself, it is one of their own. I don't harness and hold onto all of those angry feelings.

[HeBrewHammah]

She wouldn't have a need to go out, especially regularly if it wasn't for the wrong reasons IMO. Atleast from what I've seen with people I know, there is a reason most people in relationships don't go out. Milestone events are ok.

And I won't contest this, either brother. I was never in the market for the woman that was out 24/7. Mine certainly isn't that way, but I do also know a few people that are openly more social than their SO's are. They're not at clubs or anything like that....but to me it sounded like OP was hinting at controlling what his SO is up to. THAT I don't agree with. I will never tell my gf what she can/cannot do, as I personally, expect her to have a relationship IQ.



edit: With that said though, my gf still has girls night with her friends. And it is a good thing, honestly. You need friends outside your relationships.

[Nedo]

And I won't contest this, either brother. I was never in the market for the woman that was out 24/7. Mine certainly isn't that way, but I do also know a few people that are openly more social than their SO's are. They're not at clubs or anything like that....but to me it sounded like OP was hinting at controlling what his SO is up to. THAT I don't agree with. I will never tell my gf what she can/cannot do, as I personally, expect her to have a relationship IQ.



edit: With that said though, my gf still has girls night with her friends. And it is a good thing, honestly. You need friends outside your relationships.

Agreed.

[screwnuts]

I don't need to worry about whether or not I'll let my wife go to a bar without me. She doesn't do it, because she's not a bar slut.

[soaponarope1]

You framed the question wrong. It isn't 'would you let her go to the bars', it is 'would you gf up a girl who goes to bars'.

I would 'let' my girl go to the bar if the question was asked, however I wouldn't be seriously dating someone who would be going out to bars/clubs without inviting me.

You date to disqualify someone, not to work around their faults. This would be a disqualification hopefully found before I began dating more than casually.

[j4am]

You framed the question wrong. It isn't 'would you let her go to the bars', it is 'would you gf up a girl who goes to bars'.

Fuking this.


My previous girlfriend used to be out once or twice a week with her friends doing basic bitch chit, one of the contributing factors to us breaking up. Learnt my lesson. Found a girl that hates clubs and bars and who has almost exclusively female friends.

[kel_varnsen]

What do you mean by "let her"? If she goes, she goes. But I would never be in a relationship with a club sloot.

[BetaBoy4life]

I'm not really going to comment on whether it's okay or not. Two people in a relationship have to agree upon mutually defined boundaries and then once they are set, if someone crosses those boundaries then you either talk it over, or breakup. I was referring to the idea that abundance mentality doesn't solve everything, yes it helps you get another woman but betrayal still will hurt you like a bitch

The thing is even if you don't let your woman go out to the bars or clubs, she's going to cheat regardless if that's what her intentions are. The whole bullchit idea of it's the alcohol is bs, if someone is going to cheat, they know full well what they're doing.

Good looking girls get hit on everywhere they go, not just the bars and clubs. So why be insecure about the idea about a girls night out once a month.

With ex's, I used to go out with them sometimes, but I really didnt feel like hearing them gossip or their crazy emotional friends talking about their chitty love lives while going out with them all the time.

[FitnessBlue]

I don't need to worry about whether or not I'll let my wife go to a bar without me. She doesn't do it, because she's not a bar slut.

lol nice.

Easy answer. Don't date girls that you feel you need to "change".

[Nedo]

lol nice.

Easy answer. Don't date girls that you feel you need to "change".

Project chicks never work out boyos, especially when it deals with attention from other males, guy friends etc.

[Konrai]

I couldn't careless OP. I am not insecure enough to feel like I have to lock my woman down. She is free to do as she wishes, whenever she wishes.


See, unlike 99.99999999% of this forum, I am not afraid to get cheated on, not in the slightest. My gf knows I am just as okay without her. If she ever did cheat, oh well. There's plenty of women in the world for me. I wish some of you had an abundance mentality as well. You'd probably less bothered by petty things.

Well said, but I suppose the difference between you and me is that I would rather not invest my time, and money and emotions into a woman then encourage her to do things that have a higher chance of potentially damaging the relationship. Trust is a wonderful thing, but I just don't agree with allowing people to exploit it for their own personal pleasure at the possible expense of my time.

Again you can't control anyone and no relationship is 100% perfect, but I believe fully in working on things you have control over and then let the rest worry about itself. If it falls apart then so be it, but I don't see a reason to be an indirect cause of why it failed. But again that's just me, if what you are doing is working for you then that's the important part.

[Girlgoneweird]

I noticed that. A year ago I went downtown for a nice dinner, and there was a nightclub next to us. The women seriously were dressed like streetwalkers!

The clothes were obscene: micro-mini dresses, high heels, low cut tops. I have never owned such attire, nor would go out in public dressed like that. It was like they were all competing with each other to see who was dressed the slootiest. I can only imagine how much that attire cost.

Back in the dark ages when I went out to bars and nightclubs, I wore jeans and a cute top?

100x yes,

We went to a piano bar a few weeks ago and my husband commented on how almost every one of those women were dressed like prostitutes (and that it was not attractive) .

They pulled a woman up on stage that was having her bachelorette party and she was groping on the mc ..Disgusting people.

I agree in most cases bars/clubs are not the best idea and if my husband had a problem with me going 2x a year or so to a gay club (nohomo- I love edm) then I'd stop going.

[Dirtylocks]

not even once

dead srs

there are places her and her friends can have fun outside of the bar and club

- oh they go for the music? Thats cute because you cant hear **** with how loud it is
- oh they go to talk with their friends? Thats cute because you cant hear **** with how loud it is
- oh they go to dance? Thats cute because its packed and she doesnt even dance she just aims her fingers to the sky
- oh they go to drink? Thats cute because you can do so anywhere for a whole lot cheaper
- oh they go for the ambiance? Thats cute because its dark as **** and smells like cigarettes
- oh they go to hang with their girls? Thats cute because you just bought a short dress and some new shoes

they go for male attention, only reason
same reason men go, for women attention

you think for a second a women will go to an entirely women bar/club not a chance

if you let your girl do this, she aint your girl fam she the peoples girl, shes everyones girl

this is coming from someone who doesnt go to bars or clubs
no hymen no diamond crew representing as usual

y u p

[Dirtylocks]

Fuk the losers that call you "insecure". I wouldn't prevent her from going to bars/clubs but if she can't figure out not to be going out to places where single dudes commemorate regularly of her own volition, she isn't relationship material. Any man worth his salt can call the shots of what kind of girl he wants hanging off his arms. These beta losers compromise on their standards then wonder why they get cheated on.

As one of my black buddies says so cool..."If that makes me insecure, then call me insecure....Sheeeeeeeiiiiiit"

[SUGALETSGETITON]

Op just follow her and try to catch her cheating,its better that way.

[deadliftbrah19]

100x yes,

We went to a piano bar a few weeks ago and my husband commented on how almost every one of those women were dressed like prostitutes (and that it was not attractive) .

They pulled a woman up on stage that was having her bachelorette party and she was groping on the mc ..Disgusting people.

I agree in most cases bars/clubs are not the best idea and if my husband had a problem with me going 2x a year or so to a gay club (nohomo- I love edm) then I'd stop going.

Well and once you hit a certain age, usually late 20s, the ladies stop going out to the bars and clubs and meet for dinners and tennis or other activities instead.

I was the one who stupidly enjoyed the attention of bars and nightclubs in my 20s because I thought I was ugly and constantly berated myself for being fat and ugly, and forced my girlfriends to go along. They hated it, the loud noise and drunk white knights. Now we just meet for dinner or a movie. Even then most of them can't stay awake plus 10. When you have kids waking you up at 6am, staying out until 2am at a bar is the last thing you want to do.

Yeah, the attire of women bars and nightclubs has certainly changed in the past 20 years. I think they all shop at bebe for the shortest dress and the highest heels.

[Cartiac]

Exactly this, I feel like a lot of people when faced with dilemma keep completely missing the real point here. It's not about if she will cheat, or would she cheat, and it's not about trust either, it's a matter of if you want to keep putting yourself and your relationship in a position for something to happen. Yes I 100% percent agree, cheating can happen anywhere at anytime, but you do increase the potential of it happening when you expose yourself to CERTAIN environments.

Me personally I would never consider dating a girl who enjoys 'partying' or the 'clubs', as I have already been there and done that and have seen and watched people learn the hard way what happens when you think that you are somehow immune to temptation if you just 'love' someone enough, or 'trust' each other enough. I would rather not put myself through this kind of potential heartache so I stay far away from it.

This pretty much sums it up. You can't change or control someone else. It is not your choice to allow it or not, that is up to her. If you try to force that on her it will only make you look weak and insecure and likely lead her to find someone else.

Your decision is to understand why she wants to be out at bars and clubs without you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go out with friends, have a few drinks, be social, and flirting a bit. On the other hand if she is shady, never wants you around in those environments, is going out with a bunch of single friends getting drunk and hooking up, or if you find other guys are included in the group without you then you should consider how much you can trust her and if she really respects you.

[Rabbitjb]

I went into town for cocktails and food with friends for the first time in years on Friday (we generally socialise closer to home). The place we were at was full of people of various ages, mainly seated, some standing, not an obviously slutty outfit in sight ...trousers, some low cut tops maybe, really not a sharking place, more an after work place I reckon. I go back to my previous comment there's bars and "bars"

Did notice one guy, must have been in his 40s with hair like trumps, pawing at a girl about 20 years younger than him, she was more in the tight fitted glittery style outfit. The look of revulsion on her face when he turned away though..she must have been a paid for escort or something else was going on there. Sad.

[aceroa]

If you don't want your gf going to bars and clubs with her friends then stop dating women that go out to bars and clubs regularly. It's simple, not every chick goes out every weekend.

[NWDub]

Fuking this.


My previous girlfriend used to be out once or twice a week with her friends doing basic bitch chit, one of the contributing factors to us breaking up. Learnt my lesson. Found a girl that hates clubs and bars and who has almost exclusively female friends.

yeah this sort of line of thinking. I'm not trying to age like chit so I try not to drink/party too hard or often. Plus i'd rather make some bomb food with a big group of friends and just hangout than go to bars and chit where there's a ton of *******s I don't even know