Obese mom giving up on self..It can't end like this!!! Where do I begin?

[angellepen]

I gained over 50lbs during pregnancy. I am now 8 months pp. I am doing nothing! It is saddening. Why can't I get the motivation to get up and move???? What am I doing wrong. I have hit rock bottom and it's really depressing. I am really looking for a good support system and anyone who can give me some tips on how to get started. This is going on too long I do not feel like my old self. For starters I have cut out all sugary beverages and I have only been drinking water for over a month. I also have cut a lot of meat out of my diet and mainly eat fish.

5''7
228lbs

[MyronTM]

I gained over 50lbs during pregnancy. I am now 8 months pp. I am doing nothing! It is saddening. Why can't I get the motivation to get up and move???? What am I doing wrong. I have hit rock bottom and it's really depressing. I am really looking for a good support system and anyone who can give me some tips on how to get started. This is going on too long I do not feel like my old self. For starters I have cut out all sugary beverages and I have only been drinking water for over a month. I also have cut a lot of meat out of my diet and mainly eat fish.

5''7
228lbs

First, congratulations on the birth of your now 8 month old!

I'd suggest to simply start moving. Motivation for me always comes within. If I'm tired of something, I put an end to it. You don't have to hard at once, you can simply decide to go on a walk every day for hmm, 15 or 20 minutes. Increase that time and begin incorporating some jogging, etc. Walk with some small dumbells, maybe 5lb. The sky is the limit, just get moving!

Check out some of the motivational videos on youtube, male and female ones, there's plenty. Don't look at those people and say, that can't be me. Look at those people as if they were you and where they currently are, if that's where you want to be.

Get up and GO FOR IT!!!

[Partyrocking]

It's all about your diet at this point. Keep making small changes that you can sustain. E.g. add more produce to your diet. Eat fewer sweets.

Weight lifting can help but many people change too many things at once and can't sustain it. I would keep working on your food choices and when you think you're ready for more, look for a beginner's program.

[LunaLifts]

Motivation isn't reliable, because it's not going to be there everyday. You may see a woman whose before and after looks like you now, and where you want to be, and be super inspired to do it. Three days later that may not even cross you mind as you're rationalizing why you can skip a workout, or eat a deficit busting cheat meal. You just have to do it, don't give yourself time to make excuses, do it when you don't want to because if you don't you're going to wish you did anyway.

There's no reason to cut meat, red meat has iron, and all meat has protein. You want to maintain muscle as you lose so more of what you lose is body fat. To do this, start doing some exercises a few times a week even just using resistance bands, as they'll be easier on your joints to start.

It's hard to make a ton of changes at once, so instead of worrying about specific macros, just try to get a good source of protein with each meal, and a few sources of fat throughout the day (fat is important for hormone health), like eggs, avocados, nuts, etc.

And don't try to go into this huge calorie deficit. Most people who go from eating a lot to a very restrictive diet (low calories, low variety) end up binging, and falling off the wagon. Use a calculator like this: link to get an idea of what you burn. If I punching in your stats, and a moderate activity level you burn 3100 cals, even at a lighter activity level it's about 2800. You can lose weight easily while eating 2000-2200cals, and you don't need to deprive yourself of anything. Eat plenty of nutrient rich foods, and you can still enjoy "treats" so long as you're within your calorie range.


Also, I recommend seeing a therapist if you're able. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of depression, and self-hate (or at least dislike), and learning to love yourself can help make you want to be healthier for you. Because you'll know, and feel you deserve it. It's a very mental process, and taking care of that depression can be the difference between pushing though the rough days, and giving up. Even if you're not happy with your weight, you don't have to hate yourself to change yourself. Learning to love yourself is one of the best things you can do to keep motivated.

[angellepen]

First, congratulations on the birth of your now 8 month old!

I'd suggest to simply start moving. Motivation for me always comes within. If I'm tired of something, I put an end to it. You don't have to hard at once, you can simply decide to go on a walk every day for hmm, 15 or 20 minutes. Increase that time and begin incorporating some jogging, etc. Walk with some small dumbells, maybe 5lb. The sky is the limit, just get moving!

Check out some of the motivational videos on youtube, male and female ones, there's plenty. Don't look at those people and say, that can't be me. Look at those people as if they were you and where they currently are, if that's where you want to be.

Get up and GO FOR IT!!!

Thanks. I do need to incorporate a daily walking routine to help get myself started.

[angellepen]

It's all about your diet at this point. Keep making small changes that you can sustain. E.g. add more produce to your diet. Eat fewer sweets.

Weight lifting can help but many people change too many things at once and can't sustain it. I would keep working on your food choices and when you think you're ready for more, look for a beginner's program.

Yes I feel I am making better choices of what I eat. I don't eat fast food and cook all my meals...... I just eat more then I should.

[BrotherWolf]

Yes I feel I am making better choices of what I eat. I don't eat fast food and cook all my meals...... I just eat more then I should.

you just need to eat less and learn to read labels for their calorie content , don't need to cut any food group , eating meat is fine as is anytihng else as long as you keep within a certain amount of calories
there's a sticky on the top of the forum .. read it it will help you understand

[BrotherWolf]

Thanks. I do need to incorporate a daily walking routine to help get myself started.

walking won't do much to your weight loss , it's healthy but the impact on weight loss is minimal so don't expect miracles by walking or running

focus on your diet to start

[Jammer02xd]

Motivation isn't reliable, because it's not going to be there everyday. You may see a woman whose before and after looks like you now, and where you want to be, and be super inspired to do it. Three days later that may not even cross you mind as you're rationalizing why you can skip a workout, or eat a deficit busting cheat meal. You just have to do it, don't give yourself time to make excuses, do it when you don't want to because if you don't you're going to wish you did anyway..

Luna always has to drop in the truth. Your motivation will not always be there. There will be days where you just want to quit or skip eating right/working out. THOSE ARE THE DAYS THAT MATTER THE MOST because those are the days that you have to make a conscious decision to continue working towards your goal when you aren't feeling like it. Meme below for obvious reasons:

[BrotherWolf]

You don't have to hard at once, you can simply decide to go on a walk every day for hmm, 15 or 20 minutes. Increase that time and begin incorporating some jogging, etc.

15-20 min of walking ?? for weight loss is totally useless .. that's like burning what ? 50-60 calories that's half a slice of dry bread

Walk with some small dumbells, maybe 5lb. The sky is the limit, just get moving!

she is 25 not 85 nobody has ever lost a lb or got fit by walking with 5lb db in their hands , when you start you have to start by doing it right .. it's too easy to give up and quit if you don't see any results quickly

but everything is much easier when you see it can be done , what you suggest is just a waste of time

[SoapQueen87]

You know, it's commendable to come on a site like this, post pictures and a forum that makes you vulnerable to what others see and say. So, first off, good for you for going forward. I can speak from experience that motivation isn't there every day and honestly, some days I am wondering WTH am I doing in the gym at 4:30 in the morning! (ok, I get there at 5, but you get my point).
I think that you just have to put away the "motivation" mentality and tell yourself that this is now your new life. Your new routine starts now and it's not a choice anymore. That's what I have to do. I have to make working out and planning my meals part of my life now and not just part of "something to do when I feel like it".

There are so many methods to getting back into shape and I think you should explore and do some research on which seems to be a good start for you. Some people, like my mom, do GREAT on programs like weight watchers where they go to meetings, seek counseling and are given easy to understand and follow programs.

Other people, like me, have to plan ahead for every thing or I get overwhelmed.

I'd say search around on this site, read some forums and start TODAY. Start eating nutritious foods, go to the gym and write down your goals TODAY. If you wait until next week, or give yourself this weekend to "prepare" or "have your last this or that", then you are just stalling. Do it NOW.
Once you get into a routine, you'll look forward to it (for me, anyways). Think about your family and how much better you'll be able to provide for them as a mom when you're healthier, happier and have a better lifestyle.

You don't have to be flowing with rainbows and butterflies, spewing motivation all over the place. Just make yourself do it one day and I know for a fact you'll feel proud of yourself for it. That pride will take you a long way.


And these ladies on this site are SO KNOWLEDGEABLE. You can find answers for sure!
You can do it!

[SoapQueen87]

15-20 min of walking ?? for weight loss is totally useless .. that's like burning what ? 50-60 calories that's half a slice of dry bread




she is 25 not 85 nobody has ever lost a lb or got fit by walking with 5lb db in their hands , when you start you have to start by doing it right .. it's too easy to give up and quit if you don't see any results quickly

but everything is much easier when you see it can be done , what you suggest is just a waste of time

I am sorry, but I disagree. I don't think losing fat or gaining muscle is an all-or-nothing. I'm by far an expert, but each individual works differently. 20 min of walking when she has been completely inactive for 8 months (I feel) is a great idea. Who cares if it burns 80 calories? It's learning to be more active along with eating healthier.
Any start is better than no start.

[spradish]

In defense of walking--for somebody who is completely out of shape and just getting started, it is a very good exercise. When you feel like chit and have terrible mobility from years of sedentary behavior, anything that gets you up and moving helps physically and mentally. When you are starting in a deep hole you have to take small steps to get out. It's not necessarily about calorie count, it's about physically feeling better and more mobile, which helps keep your mood up and is encouraging and leads you to look for other ways to improve. When I was overweight and out of shape my mobility was terrible--I could barely reach around to wash my back it was that bad. Walking was a gateway exercise to fitness for me.

[katya422]

Hi OP,

There is hope. I promise.

Defining what you want is a great place to start.

I'm 5'6 and at 35 years old I was near 280 at term with my daughter. So, really, I have a good idea of what it is like.

For me incrementalism wasn't all that effective. I cut soda, cut junk/fast food, went to the gym and plodded on a treadmill. The scales didn't move much and I got plantar fasciitis.

I ended up doing a physician supervised very low calorie diet. Not in any way saying you should do that or need to, just that I did.

I lost about 100 pounds. Then I had some stress/grief/depression and I gained back over 50. Crushing, to be honest.

So December 2015 I started again.

Back to regular exercise and weighing and tracking my food.

I'm 145 right now. I usually exercise at least an hour a day and I'm still weighing/tracking.

For me I may always have to do that. I have ADD (inattention, impulsivity, low dopamine = crave sugar) and I suck at just winging it.

Use the stickies. Figure out a reasonable calorie and protein goal for each day. Get a digital food scale, sign up for a tracking program (MyFitnessPal, LoseIt, etc.) and use them both. Watch out to be sure your entries are accurate...adding "usda" to searches for whole foods helps, and double checking info on packaged food against what is listed in the online database.

Set a goal...or a few...and go for it. Could be a certain number of pounds, or a percentage of weight, or a fitness goal, a size you want to wear again...whatever helps you focus.

Don't quit because you have a bad day. So, one meal you blew it? Or one day? Or more?

Just get up and start again. And again. And again. As long as it takes.

Determination and consistency are what you really need. Motivation tends to come with success. As you see your body improving you will feel motivated to keep going.

Walking is a perfectly okay place to start. When I lost 100 pounds I started walking 30 minutes twice a day. Then I added a water aerobics class (easier on the joints). Then tried Zumba (not for me). Then spinning class; which I like. This time picked up rowing; which I also like. And started strength training...still a noob...less than a year.

Be kind to yourself. I know that baby is taking so much of your focus and energy right now. But that will get easier with time.

[swooshie]

I gained over 50lbs during pregnancy. I am now 8 months pp. I am doing nothing! It is saddening. Why can't I get the motivation to get up and move???? What am I doing wrong. I have hit rock bottom and it's really depressing. I am really looking for a good support system and anyone who can give me some tips on how to get started. This is going on too long I do not feel like my old self. For starters I have cut out all sugary beverages and I have only been drinking water for over a month. I also have cut a lot of meat out of my diet and mainly eat fish.

5''7
228lbs

Some statements in your post make me wonder if your suffering from some postpartum depression. Having worked in OB for 20+ years, I know that it's very common. Also, sometimes your thyroid can go a little off kilter postpartum. You may want to consider talking with you doctor about how you're feeling

[BrotherWolf]

I am sorry, but I disagree. I don't think losing fat or gaining muscle is an all-or-nothing. I'm by far an expert, but each individual works differently. 20 min of walking when she has been completely inactive for 8 months (I feel) is a great idea. Who cares if it burns 80 calories? It's learning to be more active along with eating healthier.
Any start is better than no start.

you misunderstood me .. I said it is healthy for cardiovascular reasons but it's not what makes you lose weight , 15 minutes of walking equals to a little more than 70 calories that's half a spoon of olive oil
since the goal here is to lose weight, a good start is better than a bad one , giving someone the illusion that walking is some kind of activity that will help you with that goal is wrong

[BrotherWolf]

In defense of walking--for somebody who is completely out of shape and just getting started, it is a very good exercise. When you feel like chit and have terrible mobility from years of sedentary behavior, anything that gets you up and moving helps physically and mentally. When you are starting in a deep hole you have to take small steps to get out. It's not necessarily about calorie count, it's about physically feeling better and more mobile, which helps keep your mood up and is encouraging and leads you to look for other ways to improve. When I was overweight and out of shape my mobility was terrible--I could barely reach around to wash my back it was that bad. Walking was a gateway exercise to fitness for me.

you can achieve that much more efficiently by doing something more appropriate .. again op is 25 yo not 85
she is perfectly able to do more than a 2 mile walk unless of course she has some medical condition .... walking will lead to no result in terms of weight loss and even mobility if you want to be specific, I am sure as a mom she does plenty of walking already

proper training combined with proper diet is what brings real change

of course, something is better than nothing but remember that most people do "something" then quit because they don't see changes , that is the planet fitness mentality "do something and get rewarded with free pizza"

so again it is better to start doing it right then to just do "something"

[spradish]

you can achieve that much more efficiently by doing something more appropriate .. again op is 25 yo not 85
she is perfectly able to do more than a 2 mile walk unless of course she has some medical condition .... walking will lead to no result in terms of weight loss and even mobility if you want to be specific, I am sure as a mom she does plenty of walking already

proper training combined with proper diet is what brings real change

of course, something is better than nothing but remember that most people do "something" then quit because they don't see changes , that is the planet fitness mentality "do something and get rewarded with free pizza"

so again it is better to start doing it right then to just do "something"

I'm not saying that she doesn't need to work on her diet. Nobody here has said that. But there's also no reason to discourage her from adding walking while she does that, which is what you are doing, whether you meant to or not, by repeatedly telling her it won't do anything and is inefficient.

I have no idea of your background but you are obviously in great shape and have been for quite some time. I'm coming to this conversation from the vantage point of having been in OP's shoes. I started 2014, sedentary and completely out of shape. I started focusing on eating better the first month, added some walking at the start of the second, and added resistance exercises at the start of the third. That year I lost over 50 lbs and I have kept up my fitness and better diet in the years since then. Small steps work and are efficient when long term sustainability is taken into account. This is a huge lifestyle change and easing into it rather than going full force from Day 1 makes sense.

[angellepen]

You know, it's commendable to come on a site like this, post pictures and a forum that makes you vulnerable to what others see and say. So, first off, good for you for going forward. I can speak from experience that motivation isn't there every day and honestly, some days I am wondering WTH am I doing in the gym at 4:30 in the morning! (ok, I get there at 5, but you get my point).
I think that you just have to put away the "motivation" mentality and tell yourself that this is now your new life. Your new routine starts now and it's not a choice anymore. That's what I have to do. I have to make working out and planning my meals part of my life now and not just part of "something to do when I feel like it".

There are so many methods to getting back into shape and I think you should explore and do some research on which seems to be a good start for you. Some people, like my mom, do GREAT on programs like weight watchers where they go to meetings, seek counseling and are given easy to understand and follow programs.

Other people, like me, have to plan ahead for every thing or I get overwhelmed.

I'd say search around on this site, read some forums and start TODAY. Start eating nutritious foods, go to the gym and write down your goals TODAY. If you wait until next week, or give yourself this weekend to "prepare" or "have your last this or that", then you are just stalling. Do it NOW.
Once you get into a routine, you'll look forward to it (for me, anyways). Think about your family and how much better you'll be able to provide for them as a mom when you're healthier, happier and have a better lifestyle.

You don't have to be flowing with rainbows and butterflies, spewing motivation all over the place. Just make yourself do it one day and I know for a fact you'll feel proud of yourself for it. That pride will take you a long way.


And these ladies on this site are SO KNOWLEDGEABLE. You can find answers for sure!
You can do it!

Thank you. I honestly am fed up with what people think. I know where I am at this point and what I have to do. I am just taking it day by day with better choices. I been here before after having my first child but I started at 224 and got down to 170. With my second pregnancy I got all the way up to 248 now I am at 228 after 8 months. I EBF so I don't know if that affects my appetite.

[angellepen]

Some statements in your post make me wonder if your suffering from some postpartum depression. Having worked in OB for 20+ years, I know that it's very common. Also, sometimes your thyroid can go a little off kilter postpartum. You may want to consider talking with you doctor about how you're feeling

I don't feel I experience the symptoms of depression. I think I am just stressed. I had to quit work because I couldn't afford day care. I also had to drop out of nursing school because my sons father is incapable of caring for a baby. So you see it was just too much for me. My life was at a high and it dropped suddenly. I am adjusting to my new life but the main issue for me is this heavy body weighing me down.

[angellepen]

Hi OP,

There is hope. I promise.

Defining what you want is a great place to start.

I'm 5'6 and at 35 years old I was near 280 at term with my daughter. So, really, I have a good idea of what it is like.

For me incrementalism wasn't all that effective. I cut soda, cut junk/fast food, went to the gym and plodded on a treadmill. The scales didn't move much and I got plantar fasciitis.

I ended up doing a physician supervised very low calorie diet. Not in any way saying you should do that or need to, just that I did.

I lost about 100 pounds. Then I had some stress/grief/depression and I gained back over 50. Crushing, to be honest.

So December 2015 I started again.

Back to regular exercise and weighing and tracking my food.

I'm 145 right now. I usually exercise at least an hour a day and I'm still weighing/tracking.

For me I may always have to do that. I have ADD (inattention, impulsivity, low dopamine = crave sugar) and I suck at just winging it.

Use the stickies. Figure out a reasonable calorie and protein goal for each day. Get a digital food scale, sign up for a tracking program (MyFitnessPal, LoseIt, etc.) and use them both. Watch out to be sure your entries are accurate...adding "usda" to searches for whole foods helps, and double checking info on packaged food against what is listed in the online database.

Set a goal...or a few...and go for it. Could be a certain number of pounds, or a percentage of weight, or a fitness goal, a size you want to wear again...whatever helps you focus.

Don't quit because you have a bad day. So, one meal you blew it? Or one day? Or more?

Just get up and start again. And again. And again. As long as it takes.

Determination and consistency are what you really need. Motivation tends to come with success. As you see your body improving you will feel motivated to keep going.

Walking is a perfectly okay place to start. When I lost 100 pounds I started walking 30 minutes twice a day. Then I added a water aerobics class (easier on the joints). Then tried Zumba (not for me). Then spinning class; which I like. This time picked up rowing; which I also like. And started strength training...still a noob...less than a year.

Be kind to yourself. I know that baby is taking so much of your focus and energy right now. But that will get easier with time.

I am glad you understand. It is truly a difficult journey to venture, but I am really trying .

[BrotherWolf]

I'm not saying that she doesn't need to work on her diet. Nobody here has said that. But there's also no reason to discourage her from adding walking while she does that, which is what you are doing, whether you meant to or not, by repeatedly telling her it won't do anything and is inefficient.

not discouraging her at all, walking is a healthy thing to do , great for your heart.. maybe you didn't understand my comment was a reply to what MyronTM advised her to do

I started focusing on eating better the first month, added some walking at the start of the second, and added resistance exercises at the start of the third

so you did exactly what I was talking about

[LisaSkinnoble]

Hang in there, OP. We all know how you feel.

I'm all in favour of walking too. Put some tunes on, and just get out in the fresh air and daylight. Bring baby if you want, in the pram. This will do great things for you spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am a huge fan of walking - I even like walking in the rain and snow (be careful of slipping though!). Everyone starts somewhere - 5 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever you can manage will absolutely make a difference.

Keep us posted. Feel free to reach out anytime. Good luck!

[MyronTM]

15-20 min of walking ?? for weight loss is totally useless .. that's like burning what ? 50-60 calories that's half a slice of dry bread




she is 25 not 85 nobody has ever lost a lb or got fit by walking with 5lb db in their hands , when you start you have to start by doing it right .. it's too easy to give up and quit if you don't see any results quickly

but everything is much easier when you see it can be done , what you suggest is just a waste of time

Weight loss will come. She's crying out for help to get her started. If you read my post, I suggested she started out walking. If she's sitting on the couch and not doing anything, walking is the easiest thing for someone to do. Instead of trying to hijack someones thread who is obviously pleading for some help, why not simply offer some useful insight for the person, rather than attempting to badger other responses.

Go crawl under a rock somewhere.

[dsm246]

In defense of walking--for somebody who is completely out of shape and just getting started, it is a very good exercise. When you feel like chit and have terrible mobility from years of sedentary behavior, anything that gets you up and moving helps physically and mentally. When you are starting in a deep hole you have to take small steps to get out. It's not necessarily about calorie count, it's about physically feeling better and more mobile, which helps keep your mood up and is encouraging and leads you to look for other ways to improve. When I was overweight and out of shape my mobility was terrible--I could barely reach around to wash my back it was that bad. Walking was a gateway exercise to fitness for me.

This was also my experience. When I first started on this journey, I was completely out of condition, my nutrition/eating off the rails and I got no regular exercise. My primary focus early on was on fixing my eating habits but I also started taking a 30 minute walk everyday. While the walking didn't burn many calories, it did help me establish a habit of doing something physical each day and setting aside at least a little time each day for taking care of myself. Over time, the walks got longer, then they turned into runs and then they eventually led me into a gym and I started weight training. Now I primarily train olympic lifts. But it all started for me with a walk.

[BrotherWolf]

Weight loss will come. She's crying out for help to get her started. If you read my post, I suggested she started out walking. If she's sitting on the couch and not doing anything, walking is the easiest thing for someone to do. Instead of trying to hijack someones thread who is obviously pleading for some help, why not simply offer some useful insight for the person, rather than attempting to badger other responses.

Go crawl under a rock somewhere.

I gave solid advice but if your reading comprehension is limited I can't help it

[furiana]

OP - I don't think it's been mentioned yet, so I'll say that psyllium fiber has been a huge help for me. It's easier to avoid overeating when my stomach feels full. It was an easy habit to start, too. Once I had met that small goal (Metamucil for seven days a week), I found it much easier to meet my next goal (reduce calories to 1500).

I've also learned that intense cravings can be satisfied with any kind of endorphin rush. Really good music or a short burst of intense exercise (ex. jumping jacks) takes the craving back to a bearable level.

[SoapQueen87]

OP,

Why don't you start a journal in the misc section? I see a lot of people doing that and it'll be fun to see your progress!

[Photoglady]

I started 8 lbs shy of where you are now. I have photos in my bodyspace. So it can be done.

I would say forget about motivation. It wears off. Get disciplined. If you have to wake up early, do that. If you have to meal prep, do that. If you have to research and read, do that. When I'm too tired, too cold, in a funk, motivation doesn't get me in the gym or cake off my plate, discipline does.

Read the stickies on nutrition and find a program you can stick to. You can do this!!!

[SoapQueen87]

I started 8 lbs shy of where you are now. I have photos in my bodyspace. So it can be done.

I would say forget about motivation. It wears off. Get disciplined. If you have to wake up early, do that. If you have to meal prep, do that. If you have to research and read, do that. When I'm too tired, too cold, in a funk, motivation doesn't get me in the gym or cake off my plate, discipline does.

Read the stickies on nutrition and find a program you can stick to. You can do this!!!

AMEN to that. I've had one rough day so far and a few hours to go and the last thing I want to do right now is eat healthy and workout for an hour. BUUUUT it's my life now and I will regret it if I don't do the right thing so... It is what it is.