How do you guys not feel jealous towards people with better lives than you?

[xvicknumber7x]

I defintely do too,I enjoy my hobbies and everything but overall I feel like I'm just settling for the life I have because I can't actually get what I want if that makes sense. Which is what everyone does ultimately but I'm just not happy with that. And when I see someone that has what they want I just get so jealous

I understand that and feel the same, actually. I guess the difference is that I don't let it depress me. I instead try to maximize it. Guess it's a matter of how you frame things in your mind. I try to be an eternal optimist even when things are shiitty.

[jamesbwbevis]

That attitude is somewhat understandable but at the same time, you can't do anything about it. Accept life as it is and move on. It's like people who complain they aren't "Chads" +6" <10% bf, white, slaying poon all day, not a celebrity, not NBA/NFL/NHL player, can't find a 10/10 model gf, not a scientist, don't have a 12' dong, 10K ceo/day etc, etc. My friend who I no longer talk to, surrounds himself with people who are "inferior" than him in his eyes, so he can feel better about himself, instead of successful people. He started getting jealous and made witty passive aggressive remarks when I got my chit together. That's why I no longer associate with him. My other friend who I don't talk to either, his choice, is into prestige, materialistic and luxury lifestyle, was in clinical depression for years because he was stuck in a dead end job and a chitty marriage. He got jealous of people who were rich, good looking, or doing better than him, etc. He's still struggling to make it today, so he separated with the sloot and moved to another city to restart. Maybe that's the solution for you. At the same time, there is always someone out there better than you, also someone who is far off worse than you. You will be constantly meeting new people, friends, acquaintances in your life. Some of them will have the lifestyle you want, so you are going to be jealous and negative forever then? You got some thinking to do. Be realistic, stop complaining, move on, set new goals and values and do something about it.

TL;DR inb4 supreme gentlemen

Thanks good post. The difference between myself and supreme gentlemen is that SG felt entitled to what he wanted and was actively mad at those who had what he didn't.

I am not entitled, I understand that you get what you deserve most of the time in this life and if you can't well that's life. But that doesn't make it feel any better when I wake up everyday knowing I have to settle because I can't do any better

[JPF82]

Just because someone visually has a better life, does not mean its better.

Perspective is that I feel I am near the upper top of the middle of everyone. Focus on being better for myself and not care about other people and what they have. Put meaning into things that have value.

So ask yourself, is having the newest iPhone more important to yourself, or to everyone around you when you pull it out?

[jamesbwbevis]

Just because someone visually has a better life, does not mean its better.

Perspective is that I feel I am near the upper top of the middle of everyone. Focus on being better for myself and not care about other people and what they have. Put meaning into things that have value.

So ask yourself, is having the newest iPhone more important to yourself, or to everyone around you when you pull it out?

1. Most people feel they are "upper top of the middle of everyone", it's a cognitive bias and there are studies that suggest people get depressed without it because they can't handle reality.

2. I'm not that hung up on consumerism/material things. I'd love to be rich if I could but what makes me happy doesn't require being rich.

[Tornach]

I'm better looking than 97-99% of the population...
Thats how I do it.

I'd rather keep my looks and be a broke bum than be an ugly millionaire.

TheBeautifulones crew

[jwlee7ucla]

Most of the time there isn't anything magical to what other people are doing. They work hard and things fall into place for them. Other people work hard and it isn't good enough and they fail. My roommates brother was just a prodigy for example, he knew he was going to make it early on. Nothing I can learn from him.

I know other people doing what they want in life, and there's nothing really to learn from them either other than to be good at what you do and catch some breaks. *shrugs*

There is working hard, and there is working smart. This is way more prevalent than windfall, which you think to seem is happening to everybody. Huge stroke of luck is uncommon, most people get to where they get to, by working smart.

You can study for 8 hours on your own for a test, or study for 8 hours in a group, with a TA guiding it. You spend the same amount of time both ways, so you are working hard, but which will lead you to a better outcome?

P.S. social media is an amazing tool for life gains, and you'd be stupid to quit it.

[jamesbwbevis]

There is working hard, and there is working smart. This is way more prevalent than windfall, which you think to seem is happening to everybody. Huge stroke of luck is uncommon, most people get to where they get to, by working smart.

You can study for 8 hours on your own for a test, or study for 8 hours in a group, with a TA guiding it. You spend the same amount of time both ways, so you are working hard, but which will lead you to a better outcome?

I'll say it again, most people I see doing well/what they want in life are not doing anything special. They do mostly the same s*it that everyone else does, but they are just better at it, get the right opportunities etc. There is no magical secret. Call it working hard or smart or whatever.

[TommyTuffGuy]

OP is fantasizing on what 2% or less of the population has.

These dreams aren't realistic. And no, you cannot "be anything you want", the odds are impossible.

What you need to do is make yourself happy in the bubble you exist in. It's all relative.

[jamesbwbevis]

OP is fantasizing on what 2% or less of the population has.

These dreams aren't realistic. And no, you cannot "be anything you want", the odds are impossible.

What you need to do is make yourself happy in the bubble you exist in. It's all relative.

You're 100% right, I think I'm learning that I cant be happy in my bubble though. At best I can be resigned

[AngusPeppered]

Sometimes I get jealous, it is only natural, but I realize I have a better and more successful life than most people and I work everyday to make my life better so I'm content with where I'm at. Maybe it is a cope on my part but it is still comforting to know I'm making a conscious consistent effort to improve my life rather than LDAR

[GetoutMan]

You're 100% right, I think I'm learning that I cant be happy in my bubble though. At best I can be resigned

Does it really matter? everyone in the world has one thing in common and that's death. In the end none of this is worthwhile. Your emotions will always run high and you will never be satisfied even if you're a billionaire. Just try to live your life by doing things you enjoy. You can't escape death

[zergfest]

IDK if this makes sense at all or if anyone can relate but I'll try. So my dream was to play pro soccer, but I wasn't good enough. That's all I wanted to do in my life, every day I wish I was doing that.

Fast forward to today, my roommates brother plays for the Seattle Sounders in the MLS. He's living the dream, we watch his games on TV, I get a glimpse into his life and I'm so fuking jealous. While I work a job I don't care about, make average money, struggled to date fat chicks etc this guy's life is 10000x better and every time my roommate mentions his brother I just get so jealous and feel like s*it about my own life.


How do you people not feel the same? How do you not feel jealous towards all of the people living the lives you can only dream about but want?

Learn to focus on your strengths and capitalize on them instead of dreaming about fantasy.

You're 26. At this point, your being pro @ soccer dream is just stupid. You should've probably moved on from it about 6+ years ago because usually if you're not very talented @ the sports by 18 or so, you might as well forget about it.

Sorry if I come off harsh, but I figured some tough love might be needed to wake you up from dwelling over nothing.

[jamesbwbevis]

Learn to focus on your strengths and capitalize on them instead of dreaming about fantasy.

You're 26. At this point, your being pro @ soccer dream is just stupid. You should've probably moved on from it about 6+ years ago because usually if you're not very talented @ the sports by 18 or so, you might as well forget about it.

Sorry if I come off harsh, but I figured some tough love might be needed to wake you up from dwelling over nothing.

No worries, guess I wasn't that clear I gave up hope on that goal when I was in college since I was only borderline good enough to make a D1 team. But it's still what I wish I had. If you asked me today what I actually want to do with my life, that's what it would be.

I realize most people have similar "fantasy" lives they want, but for me lately I'm having a hard time looking at my life and realizing the best I can do is settle for s*it I dont even want

[jamesbwbevis]

You don't have to if its something not rewarding enough. Go find something that you can actually get really good at and work towards it. You're still 26, you have time to re-route your career.

There's nothing out there that I care enough about though srs. So then my thought was to just try to make as much money as possible but the routes that were available to me (I banking and other s*it with high salaries but horrible work-life balance) weren't for me. I srsly think I just need to lay down and rot.

[tim5p]

DELUSION and COPING

[jamesbwbevis]

DELUSION and COPING

lol exactly

[TinderGame]

lmao. You bring up a point though, the vast majority of us are never going to "achieve greatness" at anything no matter what you do. Think that's part of what is getting to me as well, I'm too aware of my own mediocrity

Bold is the biggest point that needs be said ITT.

Life is a long, well thought out and proactive scam. OP is just one of the few people who is completely aware of his inferiority and its killing him.

The only way you can get rid of this feeling is by deluding yourself of your mediocrity like everyone else is doing, or bite the bullet and just complete and totally accept your position and circumstances.

I think you are already heading towards the latter. You'll probably feel a lot better in a few years breah

[Tinge52]

i kick their asses, and chew bubble gum

[krazy33]

You try your best to strive to be better than them. Hopefully along the way you start to understand exactly what it is you want, in which case it doesnt matter what they are doing or how successful they are, so long as youre ok with how you spend your time

Really, you only dislike it because youre insecure where you currently stand. If you were trying your best and living life to.its fullest it wouldnt matter

Just for what its worth.. ive sewn you post a lot. Youre definitely depressed. It makes no sense now and you think youre in this never ending hole - but its only because youre in it. You CAN change your circumstances it just takes hard work

[FAPhaggot]

I know those feels OP.

I've got a relative of mine around my age who comes from some real money. His dad is a VP of something at a major insurance firm, I'd be shocked if his family didn't pull in 300K annually.

Anyway, this guy is a liberal arts major at a private school where his parents pay full tuition, but he's got an internship at his dad's firm working with retirement plans or something. And he knows jack **** about finance. He was telling me about how it makes no sense to invest in a 401(k), you should just put all your money in a Roth and pay those taxes up front. I just smiled and nodded. But guess what, that guy's going to party his way to an English degree and instantly start on the fast track of corporate finance, just by an accident of birth.

My parents got on my case the other day about why I never go outside and do anything interesting, and why I don't have an internship this summer. I just went off, saying that I have to work to pay for my own school and that I could easily be doing the job that my relative's doing right now if my parents had connections and didn't make poverty-line money.

Made me look like a giant ****head, I know. But **** that, stuff like that is just unfair, and I get that life's not fair, but when people start saying "well why aren't you like that", then there's some outside circumstances to factor in.

[Muchano]

Stop being a downer brah. We're all gonna make it.

[jwlee7ucla]

I'll say it again, most people I see doing well/what they want in life are not doing anything special. They do mostly the same s*it that everyone else does, but they are just better at it, get the right opportunities etc. There is no magical secret. Call it working hard or smart or whatever.

if you are wanting what 10% of the population has, you don't get it by doing what 90% of the population does.

[jwlee7ucla]

I know those feels OP.

I've got a relative of mine around my age who comes from some real money. His dad is a VP of something at a major insurance firm, I'd be shocked if his family didn't pull in 300K annually.

Anyway, this guy is a liberal arts major at a private school where his parents pay full tuition, but he's got an internship at his dad's firm working with retirement plans or something. And he knows jack **** about finance. He was telling me about how it makes no sense to invest in a 401(k), you should just put all your money in a Roth and pay those taxes up front. I just smiled and nodded. But guess what, that guy's going to party his way to an English degree and instantly start on the fast track of corporate finance, just by an accident of birth.

My parents got on my case the other day about why I never go outside and do anything interesting, and why I don't have an internship this summer. I just went off, saying that I have to work to pay for my own school and that I could easily be doing the job that my relative's doing right now if my parents had connections and didn't make poverty-line money.

Made me look like a giant ****head, I know. But **** that, stuff like that is just unfair, and I get that life's not fair, but when people start saying "well why aren't you like that", then there's some outside circumstances to factor in.

These are things that doesn't require your parents help at all, for you to do. If they were asking why you weren't born with a big silver spoon then you can bitch, but otherwise (like in this case) you are a complete *******.

[Eskimo]

Did what I always wanted to do since I was a kid
Respected, good money, excelled at it, got awards and recognition, had a purpose
It defined me as an adult
Life happened
Bye bye all dat stuff

Spent next couple years trying to figure it out
Moved around, started and stopped schools, random jobs etc...

I was depressed about it, probably still am. But I understand major factors in life happening are uncontrollable

Ended up landing a good job, put my head down and just grinded it out for the last almost 2 years and was offered a management position, co workers always asking me why I smile so much at work or why I enjoyed being there all the time and none of them know that if i hadn't found a little purpose in this job/life I would of killed myself.

Just be happy to be alive brah and focus on you, everyone has something ****ed up in their life. Whether your closet is the trunk of your car or a entire room in a mansion they all have skeletons in them.

[jamesbwbevis]

if you are wanting what 10% of the population has, you don't get it by doing what 90% of the population does.

this assumes that the 10% are doing something that the 90% are not, and that usually is not true. That's kind of like survivorship bias(google it)

[jwlee7ucla]

this assumes that the 10% are doing something that the 90% are not, and that usually is not true. That's kind of like survivorship bias(google it)

from my personal experience, it is.

[FAPhaggot]

These are things that doesn't require your parents help at all, for you to do. If they were asking why you weren't born with a big silver spoon then you can bitch, but otherwise (like in this case) you are a complete *******.

Brah, I spend 80 hours a week minimum on schoolwork, just to maintain the scholarships that are paying for my college. I applied for 40 internships this summer and never got a single call back. I'm working hard to make it and the returns just aren't there.

[jamesbwbevis]

from my personal experience, it is.

Then you don't meet enough people. Most people that do all the right things still fail, because achieving anything is hard and most people don't and never will. That's reality for your a$$

[joykilla]

Jealously is not something you just get rid of, you just learn to live with it. There will always be someone better, stronger, luckier, and in that persons eyes there will always be a person luckier, faster, better than them.

Be greatfull for what you have, and do the best you can. Also remove fb that is a cancer for jealous I have removed it the last 6 months and I am SO MUCH HAPPIER.

[CherryPopinski]

Ehhh IDK I guess I'm naturally humble. I only care about what makes me happy, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to do those things.

My uncle used to play Arena Football but he's a district training manager for a chain of restaurants now.