What to do not to beat the crap out of my SIL

[so-tex]

But I wouldn't need to have any to still have the opinion.


I can form an opinion of how it comes off to me without ever having to have had personally experienced it.


You protect helpless newborns.

You TEACH growing children.

Adults with children of their own? Well...

I hear what you are saying. For some reason I thought you had two. One male and one female.
I have one daughter and granddaughter, and as much as I want to distance myself (which I do) from their choices, I still worry.
Luckily, everything has turned out well so far.
I'm sure if I had a son I wouldn't worry as much.
I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in bodyhard's position.

[discdoggie]

I hear what you are saying. For some reason I thought you had two. One male and one female.
I have one daughter and granddaughter, and as much as I want to distance myself (which I do) from their choices, I still worry.
Luckily, everything has turned out well so far.
I'm sure if I had a son I wouldn't worry as much.
I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in bodyhard's position.

My daughter is 9 and my son 21

She should have never put him in that position from jump street

[bodyhard]

Update, I spoke to both of them late last night. He has an interview on Monday from a program that hires people who have a felon. The net net of the conversation, he needs to work, she needs to stop involving me, if he ever hurts her in anyway I will take his life and do my time. I AM DONE..

[discdoggie]

Update, I spoke to both of them late last night. He has an interview on Monday from a program that hires people who have a felon. The net net of the conversation, he needs to work, she needs to stop involving me, if he ever hurts her in anyway I will take his life and do my time. I AM DONE..

Show him this.

It's not easy to be hired with a felony conviction, but it's not impossible either.


https://exoffenders.net/employment-jobs-for-felons/

[Old-Time-Lifter]

There are Pastors out there who are ex-felons.

[latebloomingmom]

oooo I'm gonna read this after my coffee kicks in..


ya know what I am in grad school for right John?

ok here we go..
there is a difference between a substance user: someone who choices to partake of the doobage

and a substance abuser: substance is now affecting your life, your relationships, your job, your health

now on surface level this guy might be classified as an abuser
however, you would have to look at his history
his personality ...

meaning was he always a lazy bum and he just happened to fall into smoking here and there
and if the Mary Jane was taken away..would he still be an unmotivated loser with unrealistic goals, no talent and no job?
ya feeling me on this one?

Your daughter is an adult
capable of deciding for herself
who she will be with


I know this sucks
is she enabling his behavior by staying with him?
Yes she is
why should he change if she is his safety net?

are you enabling his behavior by helping him to get a job?
YES you are
even though it was with the best intentions

if the boy wanted to go out and get a good paying job he would
what is stopping him from doing this now
so having a job handed to him on a silver platter?
he is not going to appreciate it or clean up his act


why John?
you cannot CHANGE someone who does not want to change
he must choose this for himself

[latebloomingmom]

Thanks for the feedback, but I guess I am not articulating myself correctly (my downfall as my writing sucks) but what I am trying to convey is how do I get THEM out of my MY mind.

I can not fix this, my daughter knows she could move in with me whenever she wants, she has a strong supporting family. She knows what it is like to be with a good man, she had that once. One thing good about her new man is that he is good with her, he just doesn't work and loves his weed. One time Sony came to my backyard and recorded him doing a verse, I thought maybe that was his break but nothing came out of it.

So what I was looking for was some kind of advice on how I could somehow (and this is hard believe me) just to not be so "involved" with their situation because I find myself at night thinking about how I can get him out of her life, if you know what I mean.

what have you already tried?
you are a clost knit family
it is wonderful that she has this support network

1. tell your daughter you never want to see her again
well that sucks who wants to ban their child?
2. keep your mouth shut about whole thing
while stewing in your own juices and blowing your top
well this one doesn't sound good either and might give ya a heart attack..
3 get him a job
well that did not work
4. give them money
well they just end up needing it again


you have the right John to let your daughter know
that you love her
that you do not hate him
you hate the behavior
that is damaging their family

if she chooses to go out and work to provide
and he stays home with the baby
is this an acceptable option for this couple?

I do mean acceptable to them John
not to you


your daughter is putting you in a difficult position every time she comes to you

on one hand she has made a commitment to this man
she is living with him and has a child with him

on other hand she is running back to mama and daddy everytime he does something she does not like
and expecting you to make it all better

is that your job? she is an adult

I would say setting limits on this behavior
this habit she has fallen into may be a good idea
for both of you

so end's the LBM counseling session for today
that will be 125 bucks
send it to my paypal account would ya?

[bodyhard]

LBM, thanks for the constructive feedback.

To be quite honest I really don't know much of him, but here is the little I do know of him. His father is rich, he lives in Honduras and owns many many real estates. He is divorced from his first wife, (his mother) she lives here in the Bronx and is poor. He has other siblings but I don't know any of them, the father doesn't bother with any of them but takes care of his new family.

My daughters man came into a lot of money when he was 18 or so (from a law suit) he spent it all and since then has been "hustling" to make ends meet. He has been in and out of jail on misdemeanors (mostly selling weed) but caught a felony 2 years ago on a gun charge.

The truth is he is a good kid, just caught up in the street and thinks being a "thug" is the way to be, I can respect that. What I don't like is the fact that he allows my daughter to "hold them down" and where I come from, real men don't do that, so there is where we are disconnected at. But I feel ya, I know that my daughter is enabling him, but also the man inside me says, "real" men don't do that, even if we could, we still have to pull our weight. And I know for sure that me helping them out is not helping the cause. It is hard not to help HER, but helping her is helping him, so I am done with that. I told my daughter I refuse to support another man.

[latebloomingmom]

it is your belief system John that is causing you this anger

here is the belief
" a man ain't no kind of man that does not take care of his own"

I am not saying it is a bad belief to have
so please do not misunderstand me but it is the one that is driving your anger on this
I am not going to tell you what to do
this is of course up to you

you are caught in a loop of repeating the same behavior
end up feeling the same way everytime it happens yes?

your daughter learned as a little girl that daddy fixes everything
and makes everything all better and no man will ever be as good as her daddy

now all little girls to some extent have this and it is not a bad thing
when she is a teenager and her car is acting up
she calls daddy
when a boy is mean to her on the school bus? daddy

but when she reaches the age of 18
and moves out of house

parents do not usually parent an adult child the same as they do a ten year old or a 16 year old
your relationship goes thru a transition to more of an adviser and a guide when asked
more of a hands off approach or a parenting from a distance kind of thing

depending on the family and how close you are..
do parents do their grown children a disservice by being too involved in their lives?
depends...are you butting your nose into something that is between a man and his wife?

alright I am gonna shut up about this now
do what ya need to do for you John
tell her ya love her but being caught in middle of this is killing ya

[bodyhard]

I agree with you LBM, I really do.

Also I think what bothers me about him is that I compare him to her first man, the one who passed away. (I never tell him that though) I know it is not fair to him to do that, but I do, I would be lying if I said otherwise and you know I don't hide anything.

[latebloomingmom]

like a ex wife comparing every man in her life to her ex husband and how great he was when they first fell in love

not realistic..might even be seen thru rose colored glasses

we tend to remember people fondly

you are right not fair to this guy to compare him to a man he never met

but ya know that


three possible scenarios can occur
1. he will wake up tomorrow and change
2. she will wake up tomorrow and change
3. things will remain exactly the same


so what will you do in the mean time?

[bodyhard]

like a ex wife comparing every man in her life to her ex husband and how great he was when they first fell in love

not realistic..might even be seen thru rose colored glasses

we tend to remember people fondly

you are right not fair to this guy to compare him to a man he never met

but ya know that


three possible scenarios can occur
1. he will wake up tomorrow and change
2. she will wake up tomorrow and change
3. things will remain exactly the same


so what will you do in the mean time?

Actually he did know him, they are all from the same neighborhood, just two different peas in the pod.


Right now, I am staying out of it, letting them figure it out. How I will react in the future is another story, but I am trying my best, I give you my word, to just stay out of it and hope for the best.

[bpagonis]

If it works it works. Dont be mad cause you dont agree with it, be happy for them instead.

[ajdahlheimer]

My daughter is 9 and my son 21

Different fathers?

[bodyhard]

Different fathers?

What makes you think that?

[so-tex]

Different fathers?

What difference does that make?

[mtdman]

Put a mask on and beat the **** out of him. Probably make you feel better.

[discdoggie]

Different fathers?

Yes.
My son's father was killed in a rock climbing accident during my 39tj week of pregnancy, and anyone who's been here a while that actually READs posts of others vs worrying about what THEY get to post next knows this about me.

[discdoggie]

What difference does that make?

I'm gonna go ahead and give the benefit of the doubt and say it was more observational curiosity because of the rather large age gap, than a judgmental statement.


Which even if it was, I DGAF lol. I KNOW I live a life of truth and love. That's all I care about. If I had 8 kids by 7 different fathers, as long I could support them all so all the neocons don't have to get butt hurt about "supporting my kids" (lmao) then who ****ing cares?

[discdoggie]

Yes.
My son's father was killed in a rock climbing accident during my 39tj week of pregnancy, and anyone who's been here a while that actually READs posts of others vs worrying about what THEY get to post next knows this about me.

Wait a minute! We DO know one another from the transformation threads!

I can't believe in my caloric deprived state I didn't clog up those threads with my life story ramblings lol.

Yes, my 20s were tragic lol. I lost 2 partners in 6 years.

No, I did not kill them.

[ajdahlheimer]

I'm gonna go ahead and give the benefit of the doubt and say it was more observational curiosity because of the rather large age gap,

Right you are. I've got a similar age gap w/my little brother. Also look nothing like him, so I've always had that inquiry from people. We are from the same father (or at least that's what I've been told )

[discdoggie]

Right you are. I've got a similar age gap w/my little brother. Also look nothing like him, so I've always had that inquiry from people. We are from the same father (or at least that's what I've been told )

I didn't recogniZe you from your profile pic


You've made progress and gains!

Very well done!

[ajdahlheimer]

I didn't recogniZe you from your profile pic


You've made progress and gains!

Very well done!

Thanks. I tried that whole "cut" thing for the first time last summer/fall at the suggestion of some peeps here.

[ChazWood]

The OV35 folks have always given me great advice (even my haters on here) there are some incredibly intelligent common sense folks here. So once again I find myself asking you guys for some advice.

There is nothing I can say to my daughter so I have to fix ME, to wrap my head around the fact there isn't anything I can do, so OV35 help me out here, what can I do to get this out of my mind before I kill this kid...

You have the freedom to live and let live, to love and let love. Granting yourself that freedom is one of the healthiest, most constructive things you can do for yourself and the people who matter to you. - Martha Beck

[so-tex]

You have the freedom to live and let live, to love and let love. Granting yourself that freedom is one of the healthiest, most constructive things you can do for yourself and the people who matter to you. - Martha Beck

That came out of left field, but then again, most of the $hit you post does.





















Xcept da goat gifs.

[ChazWood]

Xcept da goat gifs.

yeah, I had a decent run with the goat float gif. How it used to get under xcoot's skin, hehe. Good times...

Man, I need a new shtick.

[bodyhard]

This will be my last update on this thread as this motherf'cker is just flat out annoying the sh!t out of me and I don't want to write about this sh!t anymore, so if I hurt this guy i anyway you people will know why.

Update: He got the job, but did not take it because they would not allow cigarette breaks, when I said to him how the f'ck do you NOT take the job he told me could work whenever he wants with hi brother in boilers. So I said, whenever you want? So that means you chose NOT to f'cking work? And he said the work is too dirty, but he could work if he wanted to. I lost it.

[GnomusMaximus]

I lost it.

OK , I can definitely understand that.

[InternetTuffGuy]

If his major flaw is he's a lazy guy who contributes nothing I'm not sure there's anything for you to do. It sounds like your daughter is a grown woman who is capable of making her own choices. Even if her choice in a partner isn't one you approve of. Let them know you will no longer be able to help them financially if he refuses to hold down a job. If they don't have you as a safety net it will force them to make new and hopefully better choices. Should he get off the couch and find steady work then you can continue to support them if and when needed.

Bottom line is if your daughter truly loves this guy there's not a lot you can do that won't upset her should you attempt to split them up or tell her to move on. If she's happy then that's what really matters.

[pvsampson]

That came out of left field, but then again, most of the $hit you post does.





















Xcept da goat gifs.

How is that goat going? I mean,you were close.