Messed up with a guy... Can it be repaired? Wat do?

[Neezaa]

Medication and counseling can help but one can still get depressive spells, especially if she is not eating enough food to properly metabolize the medication.

Even when you eat enough food it's tough to find the right mix of medication, and it needs to be adjusted constantly. That's why I recommend working with a psychiatrist vs. a general practitioner. Some people need more medication in the winter due to SAD, sometimes life events (like a breakup or losing a job) can result in one needing more medication, etc.

OP, may I ask if the depression is related to an eating disorder? If your stats are accurate, then you are BMI 17.1 which is underweight. I only ask because I've had an ED for 22 years.....and I've been around many others who have it. There's a good support thread in the Nutrition section for this. And I know many ED sufferers struggle with relationships.

And regarding revealing depression and anxiety, I don't reveal that until I'm really, really comfortable with the person. I would say 10 dates in for me, because one can be judged negatively by it. And I don't say depression or anxiety, I say in recovery for an eating disorder as both of those (depression and anxiety) came out when I went into recovery.

No ED. depression causes lack of appetite so that's my reason. What you said makes a lot of sense. I'm working with a psychiatrist and she's monitoring my meds and weight. I've gained 1 lb since last week and hope to continue. Thanks for your message.

To the other poster. I think the NC will hopefully give me time to adjust to new meds and become more stable. Now that it has been a few days, I don't even know if I'm interested... I'll see in a bit. He was a cool dude, but oh well. Ultimately he's not what I'm looking for.

[daisygirl713]

Ultimately he's not what I'm looking for.

Why is that?

You seem like a really genuine, deep-feeling, seeking type of person. I wish you the best, and I say this from that standpoint- if a guy I had just started talking to leaned on me to be his emotional support so early on like you did, I would bail, because it's extremely draining to be around a person like that.
When you are in a tough spot & need to vent, go to either a best friend or a trusted family member...someone who has known you for many years and who can support you in the ways you need it. Someone you just met cannot [and often will not] do so, because there is no history or investment. It just comes off as unstable, you know what I mean?
I know you're working on getting better, but you have to cultivate boundaries with people you just meet, so you don't scare them off...boundaries as in, just get to know them as a person, for the POSITIVES, and leave the more intense, private issues for a later date [because these can shape a person's view of you, and you are NOT depression...you may be in a depressed state, but that is not the sum of you, and therefore, you don't want to make that the sole focus of what others see...]

[Neezaa]

Why is that?

You seem like a really genuine, deep-feeling, seeking type of person. I wish you the best, and I say this from that standpoint- if a guy I had just started talking to leaned on me to be his emotional support so early on like you did, I would bail, because it's extremely draining to be around a person like that.
When you are in a tough spot & need to vent, go to either a best friend or a trusted family member...someone who has known you for many years and who can support you in the ways you need it. Someone you just met cannot [and often will not] do so, because there is no history or investment. It just comes off as unstable, you know what I mean?
I know you're working on getting better, but you have to cultivate boundaries with people you just meet, so you don't scare them off...boundaries as in, just get to know them as a person, for the POSITIVES, and leave the more intense, private issues for a later date [because these can shape a person's view of you, and you are NOT depression...you may be in a depressed state, but that is not the sum of you, and therefore, you don't want to make that the sole focus of what others see...]

There's a lot of reasons. The #1 being that he is just now getting out of a LTR is is not ready for an emotional situation. He told me that he was having a hard time being there for his long term best friends, so a new person doesn't stand a chance. After his LTR he allowed himself to have feelings for another person and she left him. So really there is no place in his life for someone like me. On the flip side, I'm not sure there is room in my life for him either... I have depression but he has his own stuff going on. Everyone brings some sort of "baggage" to the table. I have not necessarily seen his side of that, but he has seen the worst of me.

Additional complicating factors: he's going to have an "ex-wife" (going through a divorce), has a young child, and is a little bit older than I am.

I think we are just going to let this go, especially now I think I have a just a little bit of distance from the situation. Like really, what did either of us expect...? It is kinda hurtful because I think we both really liked each other, but the timing/logistics are unfortunate. He has more experience so I think he saw where this was headed before I did and called it quits sooner rather than later.

[ragingcrayon]

did u xchange noodz

[Neezaa]

did u xchange noodz

No. :/

[deadliftbrah19]

No ED. depression causes lack of appetite so that's my reason. What you said makes a lot of sense. I'm working with a psychiatrist and she's monitoring my meds and weight. I've gained 1 lb since last week and hope to continue. Thanks for your message.

To the other poster. I think the NC will hopefully give me time to adjust to new meds and become more stable. Now that it has been a few days, I don't even know if I'm interested... I'll see in a bit. He was a cool dude, but oh well. Ultimately he's not what I'm looking for.

Yeah that makes sense, I know people say that depression causes a loss in appetite. It's the reverse for me when I'm in a depressed mood. I lose my appetite when I'm anxious.

[Contribution05]

No. :/

your stats really 5'7 106 lbs? I know skinny girls who are 5'2 and that weight. You should eat something.

[MajesticLion]

Deal with the depression, then deal with other people.

[Neezaa]

Yeah that makes sense, I know people say that depression causes a loss in appetite. It's the reverse for me when I'm in a depressed mood. I lose my appetite when I'm anxious.

It just builds off the depression

Depression makes it physically hard to get out of bed. Over sleep, move slow, rush out, miss breakfast. Too depressed to eat at lunch, maybe eat a small snack... come home, don't have energy to grocery shop or cook... go to sleep or eat something like yogurt or cereal.

Just an example. Repeat that for a couple of years on and off and you end up with my stats.

New meds have been helping me have more energy so I have been eating more and doing more... unfortunately it kept me up last night so my routine is a bit off for today. Feel bad buy I will make the most of it and get back on track for friday...

Talking to someone I like but he hasn't responded since yesterday. Lol. It's such a stupid cycle. I didn't do anything stupid with him though.

[FriendOfFrank]

It just builds off the depression

Depression makes it physically hard to get out of bed. Over sleep, move slow, rush out, miss breakfast. Too depressed to eat at lunch, maybe eat a small snack... come home, don't have energy to grocery shop or cook... go to sleep or eat something like yogurt or cereal.

Sounds pretty miserable. Have you been lifting? If not, force yourself to do it. Exercise works wonders for my mood, not that I've ever had any real problems with depression.

[Neezaa]

Sounds pretty miserable. Have you been lifting? If not, force yourself to do it. Exercise works wonders for my mood, not that I've ever had any real problems with depression.

I have not. I am working up to it. I can't go 0 to lifting overnight. It is good advice, and I want to get back into it. Slowly but surely. Right now I have been doing yoga because it's easy and I can do it at home.

[Neezaa]

For the record, what has helped me the most is the meds. I have trained for and ran a half-marathon and still been depressed. I've lifted consistently and still been depressed, etc.

[Violettt]

- swiped right on Tinder (yes, downloaded it again)
- guy is cute, really smart, really funny...
- I'm myron
- He's myron
- talk on phone for 1 hour
- snapchat constantly for a week
- talk via snapchat video (so kind of like skyping)

Everything is going well. Then out of the blue he texts and says "hey, I think where I am and where you are, we would have hard time creating happiness for each other." (He's getting out of a LTR and I'm going through depression.)

I say, "I understand, take care"
He says "Does this mean we won't be chatting any more? That was not my intention"
I say "no, we can still talk"

This is where I goof... Few days later I have a huge emotional breakdown and texted him in the middle of the night. Saying stuff during depression like... You should stop talking to me, I have nothing to offer, etc. He says it was too emotional for him... Few days later exchange 2-3 lighthearted texts... I decided to back off and haven't talked in a few days. What do I do (if anything)? I really like him but obviously can't force anything. I think I scared/overwhelmed him... Mad.

Sounds like he is rebounding and you missy need to get yourself together before going forward with anyone. I honestly don't know if this can be fixed because your emotional breakdown made you look kind of cray. But...good news there are a lot of other people out there. I think you are just infatuated at this point. Good luck!

[Neezaa]

What's the difference between infatuation and being interested in someone?

[FriendOfFrank]

I have not. I am working up to it. I can't go 0 to lifting overnight. It is good advice, and I want to get back into it. Slowly but surely. Right now I have been doing yoga because it's easy and I can do it at home.

No reason you can't start right now.

It would do you good getting out of the house.

[Neezaa]

If I get home at 9pm I'm not going to leave the house to go lift...

Feeling down today... starting to lose hope

[BigPoppaPumpin]

You'd be draining to date, and he probably picked up on that and went for the hills.

Two lifelessons from this:

- never ever ever text anyone you're interested in seeing when going through one of your depression spells. Nothing good can come of it. Maybe instead you can write them a letter but then never send it. Or an email and never press send.
- don't tell people about your depression issues until you feel the relationship has potential. This usually means at least after a few dates. You don't owe them anything.

[Neezaa]

You'd be draining to date, and he probably picked up on that and went for the hills.

Two lifelessons from this:

- never ever ever text anyone you're interested in seeing when going through one of your depression spells. Nothing good can come of it. Maybe instead you can write them a letter but then never send it. Or an email and never press send.
- don't tell people about your depression issues until you feel the relationship has potential. This usually means at least after a few dates. You don't owe them anything.

I think this has been said enough times ITT. it was a mistake and I've learned from it. I just wish I could undo it... a part of me is scared that I might not ever get better. I would like to be close to someone

[Thebunz]

I'm going to tell you how to salvage this.
Tell him you're sorry, you were immature and childish, blame it on PMS and too much alcohol
Ask him if he'd allow you to treat him to dinner as an apology.
Dress super sexy, show some cleavage, wear a dress, perfume, the works.
When he talks about things, just agree completely and fake interest, his hobbies are yours. So much in common
Then you have to make out with him but not give him the sex.

After that you can go back to being crazy, just make sure you give him something to look forward to in these bs dates.
You're welcome

[Neezaa]

What makes you think he'd agree to that date...? Don't think he would. I have effed it up for sure. Sent a quick meaningless text and got one word answers

[BigPoppaPumpin]

I think this has been said enough times ITT. it was a mistake and I've learned from it. I just wish I could undo it... a part of me is scared that I might not ever get better. I would like to be close to someone

The initial stages of dating are about showing the other person your best self.

Low self esteem / worth is one of the ugliest qualities a person can have. Next time just fake it.

[BigPoppaPumpin]

The best way to try to get him back is to go for the hail-mary pass. It'll probably fail but it's worth a shot.

Send him a text next week; something like.. "Hey what are you up to this weekend? Let's grab a drink"

[Neezaa]

The initial stages of dating are about showing the other person your best self.

Low self esteem / worth is one of the ugliest qualities a person can have. Next time just fake it.

Dang enough already.

I have good self esteem in my normal life. Feeling low is part of the depression. That's a direct symptom. Jesus. I know I messed up, I know how it was stupid, I just wish I could move on from it. Not sure how to undo it...

[Thebunz]

What makes you think he'd agree to that date...? Don't think he would. I have effed it up for sure. Sent a quick meaningless text and got one word answers

Because I'm a guy. I know how this **** works. Blame it on being drunk and PMS. He'll believe it.

[Neezaa]

Thanks but no thanks brah. I told him I hope he was doing well and deleted him from snap/contacts. I can't deal with the headache. I'm only liking him out of desperation. It's not fair. Neither of us are in a position to date anyone. :/

[Thebunz]

Bro! Way to set the bar low. Running from a challenge, no wonder you have depression.

[Neezaa]

TFW the only thing I need to repair is my soul.

[Lightsoft]

honestly, if you were attractive he could easily look pass it... Being srs here.

If my dream girl in the looks department did this, i would easily looks passed it.

[daisygirl713]

Blame it on being drunk and PMS. He'll believe it.

Lmao

True story Explains practically everythang

[WILLISMCGAHEE]

- swiped right on Tinder (yes, downloaded it again)
- guy is cute, really smart, really funny...
- I'm myron
- He's myron
- talk on phone for 1 hour
- snapchat constantly for a week
- talk via snapchat video (so kind of like skyping)

Everything is going well. Then out of the blue he texts and says "hey, I think where I am and where you are, we would have hard time creating happiness for each other." (He's getting out of a LTR and I'm going through depression.)

I say, "I understand, take care"
He says "Does this mean we won't be chatting any more? That was not my intention"
I say "no, we can still talk"

This is where I goof... Few days later I have a huge emotional breakdown and texted him in the middle of the night. Saying stuff during depression like... You should stop talking to me, I have nothing to offer, etc. He says it was too emotional for him... Few days later exchange 2-3 lighthearted texts... I decided to back off and haven't talked in a few days. What do I do (if anything)? I really like him but obviously can't force anything. I think I scared/overwhelmed him... Mad.

he doenst like you, move on...