My stand up comedy (or lack thereof)

[Keltron]

Ive been to 2 open mics so far. I can't find my first one but this is the 2nd one. This one's pretty bad but not as bad as my first one. It's about 4 minutes long. It's WAY harder than I thought it would be.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0aSUIRT6bNf

[HeatherH4ever]

Ive been to 2 open mics so far. I can't find my first one but this is the 2nd one. This one's pretty bad but not as bad as my first one. It's about 4 minutes long. It's WAY harder than I thought it would be.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0aSUIRT6bNf

OK. You have a good voice and seem comfortable on stage. I just think you need better jokes. The whole "kale" thing didn't work and the oral sex part seemed rushed...so to speak. But I think if you developed a strong persona and spoke about stuff you were passionate about it would be funny. When people really hate something and they go off on how much they hate it they're usually funny because they say such outrageous things. But I give you credit for getting up there. Standing on stage and trying to be funny must be massively difficult.

[Keltron]

OK. You have a good voice and seem comfortable on stage. I just think you need better jokes. The whole "kale" thing didn't work and the oral sex part seemed rushed...so to speak. But I think if you developed a strong persona and spoke about stuff you were passionate about it would be funny. When people really hate something and they go off on how much they hate it they're usually funny because they say such outrageous things. But I give you credit for getting up there. Standing on stage and trying to be funny must be massively difficult.

thanks. All the other comics say the same thing.. you're gonna suck for a while until you figure out what's funny and what isn't. I can make people laugh via an FB status or maybe something I might say here but turning that into a joke for a routine is way more difficult than I thought. I'm gonna keep trying until I get it. Or I get sick of trying LOL

[frozensparky]

Definitely takes some balls to get up there Kel, I've got respect for anybody who can put themselves out there like that.

The being good at receiving oral is a pretty funny concept and fine tuned could be a pretty good opener.

I'm guessing being nervous will make a guy rush through material pretty fast. I like writing stand up material but haven't made the leap to try an open mic yet. Plus being in the north there isn't much opportunity to try it.

[paolo59]

Props for getting up in front of a live crowd and telling some jokes. That's got to be one of the scariest things one could ever do. You did sound comfortable and at ease. I had to give a speech years ago at University in some silly prerequisite course. I pulled information from a National Geographic article on 'roaches,' of all things! I didn't intend it to be funny, but evidently it was. LOL It is an adrenaline rush to make folks laugh!

[MissHolly]

thanks. All the other comics say the same thing.. you're gonna suck for a while until you figure out what's funny and what isn't. I can make people laugh via an FB status or maybe something I might say here but turning that into a joke for a routine is way more difficult than I thought. I'm gonna keep trying until I get it. Or I get sick of trying LOL

Now is it an FB status? Or a FB status?

Haven't had a chance to listen. Will do when the kids go to bed. Props for getting up in front of people!

[NorwichGrad]

It takes ballz to do what you did, man.. Hats off..

Public speaking is not an easy thing to do for most people..

[Keltron]

Definitely takes some balls to get up there Kel, I've got respect for anybody who can put themselves out there like that.

The being good at receiving oral is a pretty funny concept and fine tuned could be a pretty good opener.

I'm guessing being nervous will make a guy rush through material pretty fast. I like writing stand up material but haven't made the leap to try an open mic yet. Plus being in the north there isn't much opportunity to try it.

Go for it!

Props for getting up in front of a live crowd and telling some jokes. That's got to be one of the scariest things one could ever do. You did sound comfortable and at ease. I had to give a speech years ago at University in some silly prerequisite course. I pulled information from a National Geographic article on 'roaches,' of all things! I didn't intend it to be funny, but evidently it was. LOL It is an adrenaline rush to make folks laugh!

ha nice.

Now is it an FB status? Or a FB status?

Haven't had a chance to listen. Will do when the kids go to bed. Props for getting up in front of people!

LOL I was actually being sarcastic with that whole MBA stuff. When they thought I was serious, I just went w/it just to see how far I could take it.

It takes ballz to do what you did, man.. Hats off..

Public speaking is not an easy thing to do for most people..

Thanks man. I figure if I can do karaoke 100% sober, I could do a comedy routine off of an IPA or two lol.

[MissHolly]

LOL I was actually being sarcastic with that whole MBA stuff. When they thought I was serious, I just went w/it just to see how far I could take it.

I know.

[Cass40]

OK. You have a good voice and seem comfortable on stage. I just think you need better jokes. The whole "kale" thing didn't work and the oral sex part seemed rushed...so to speak. But I think if you developed a strong persona and spoke about stuff you were passionate about it would be funny. When people really hate something and they go off on how much they hate it they're usually funny because they say such outrageous things. But I give you credit for getting up there. Standing on stage and trying to be funny must be massively difficult.

I agree with this. You have to talk about genuine things, not just what you think people would find funny.
I have to say that to me you come across someone who tries to get a reaction from people, and that doesn't seem at all genuine.
And you being from Afghanistan. Somewhere I read you were an afghan Jew but then you say you're a Muslim. Anyway, that alone would give you tons of material. I'm sure you have tons on funny relatives etc. you could talk about.

[Karl_Hungus]

I think you should do a bit on Ovaltine. Why is it called Ovaltine? The jar is round. The mug is round. They should call it Roundtine.

Trust me, it is gold!

[Keltron]

I agree with this. You have to talk about genuine things, not just what you think people would find funny.
I have to say that to me you come across someone who tries to get a reaction from people, and that doesn't seem at all genuine.
And you being from Afghanistan. Somewhere I read you were an afghan Jew but then you say you're a Muslim. Anyway, that alone would give you tons of material. I'm sure you have tons on funny relatives etc. you could talk about.

I'm agnostic. Former non-practicing muslim though. OTL says I'm jewish just to be funny ACC says I'm muslim because he thinks it'll make me respond to him. But yeah, I would say you're definitely right about the reaction thing. When I see that Karl or acc has replied to my one of my fake threads, I do get a little rush and can't click on it fast enough LOL.

But yeah, good advice. I think my story telling abilities are pretty good or are something I should try to hone in on and develop. When I tell people stories about the bar, i tend to get laughs easily but there's no punchline which wouldn't work for a standup comedy routine.. so I guess I have to figure that out.

[Keltron]

I think you should do a bit on Ovaltine. Why is it called Ovaltine? The jar is round. The mug is round. They should call it Roundtine.

Trust me, it is gold!

LOL is Ovaltine really even relevant anymore ?

[Karl_Hungus]

LOL is Ovaltine really even relevant anymore ?

Without Ovaltine, society devolves into chaos.

[Cass40]

I'm agnostic. Former non-practicing muslim though. OTL says I'm jewish just to be funny ACC says I'm muslim because he thinks it'll make me respond to him. But yeah, I would say you're definitely right about the reaction thing. When I see that Karl or acc has replied to my one of my fake threads, I do get a little rush and can't click on it fast enough LOL.

But yeah, good advice. I think my story telling abilities are pretty good or are something I should try to hone in on and develop. When I tell people stories about the bar, i tend to get laughs easily but there's no punchline which wouldn't work for a standup comedy routine.. so I guess I have to figure that out.

So you are not an afghan Jew?? That would be so perfect!

I can just hear you start your act by saying "I'm an afghan Jew"

The thing is that as a comedian, you have to kinda make fun of yourself and you can't be too sensitive about any racial issues or any of your shortcomings, in fact, just the opposite.

[frozensparky]

And you being from Afghanistan. Somewhere I read you were an afghan Jew but then you say you're a Muslim. Anyway, that alone would give you tons of material.

He could always say it's the most enjoyment anyone can get from watching a Muslim "bomb"

[Cass40]

He could always say it's the most enjoyment anyone can get from watching a Muslim "bomb"

See? That's what I'm talking about! That's actually a good joke.

[GuyJin]

He could always say it's the most enjoyment anyone can get from watching a Muslim "bomb"

-
Lulz.

FWIW, Kel, don't get incendiary over this ( ), but don't quit your day job. I realize that stand-up IS probably one of the hardest jobs out there. And it does take cojones to get up onstage and let it all hang out, so to speak. I just found your jokes kind of flat. I'll be honest, while I do tend to swear a lot in real life, I don't care for coarse humor in routines. Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock can get away with it. The late Buddy Hackett could turn the air blue with talk about genitalia, but the one thing they all possessed was good timing. Yours isn't there yet. That's not a knock, as many comedians had the same problem starting out.

I think it was either Groucho Marx or Steve Allen who once commented that there was a big difference in saying funny things and saying things funny. Think about it. Your material just didn't grab me. Better jokes and better timing--reading the crowd, as it were--will make all the difference.

[Keltron]

So you are not an afghan Jew?? That would be so perfect!

I can just hear you start your act by saying "I'm an afghan Jew"

The thing is that as a comedian, you have to kinda make fun of yourself and you can't be too sensitive about any racial issues or any of your shortcomings, in fact, just the opposite.

Well my first act had some afghan middle eastern jokes but they didnt go over too well LOL. I said that I was going to write a screenplay for middle eastern love movie called "When a hairy guy met Sally" (When Harry Met Sally). I also made fun of my nose and said that it was ironic that it looked like a beak and made me look like an American eagle.


The Afghan Jew jokes definitely have potential. And I don't actually have to be an Afghan Jew, I can just say I am as part of the schtick.

He could always say it's the most enjoyment anyone can get from watching a Muslim "bomb"

LOL

[Keltron]

-
Lulz.

FWIW, Kel, don't get incendiary over this ( ), but don't quit your day job. I realize that stand-up IS probably one of the hardest jobs out there. And it does take cojones to get up onstage and let it all hang out, so to speak. I just found your jokes kind of flat. I'll be honest, while I do tend to swear a lot in real life, I don't care for coarse humor in routines. Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock can get away with it. The late Buddy Hackett could turn the air blue with talk about genitalia, but the one thing they all possessed was good timing. Yours isn't there yet. That's not a knock, as many comedians had the same problem starting out.

I think it was either Groucho Marx or Steve Allen who once commented that there was a big difference in saying funny things and saying things funny. Think about it. Your material just didn't grab me. Better jokes and better timing--reading the crowd, as it were--will make all the difference.

Oh I know it sucks. The host of the show basically told me to expect to not be funny for your first 10 or so performances lol. I do think I have some kind of raw comedic talent somewhere because people tell me on FB all the time that I'm funny. I just need to find a way to channel that into a successful routine. This stuff takes a lot of patience. Thanks for the feedback.

[7Seconds]

I worked the door at a comedy club in college and saw many open mic nights. One of the biggest mistakes I saw is people assuming that making your friends laugh at the bar equates to being funny on stage in front of strangers. And you may think that the idea of "have material" is obvious, but many people think that this means simply being able to think or talk for 5-7 minutes. That is not the case. It means having concise, thought out premises that are understandable and relateable to strangers (not just those that already know you), followed by funny. Being a 'story teller' type of comic can be great, but you need to know that you need to get plenty of laughs early- so you need quick, funny material. You have to remember the bigger comics you see in the clubs have audiences that are made up mostly of people who are already fans, and have a good understanding and knowledge of the personality and personna of that performer. Your audiences will be strangers... You dont have the time for them to 'get to know you'.

One last thing I wouldn't be too polarizing to start with doing religiously, or politically divisive material. You may think that [name your favorite political comic] is hilarious, well, chances are you agree with his views, and his audiences are made up of people like you. That will not be the case in a club, among people that did not come just to see you and your views on the other half of the population.


Good luck.

[Cass40]

-
Lulz.

FWIW, Kel, don't get incendiary over this ( ), but don't quit your day job. I realize that stand-up IS probably one of the hardest jobs out there. And it does take cojones to get up onstage and let it all hang out, so to speak. I just found your jokes kind of flat. I'll be honest, while I do tend to swear a lot in real life, I don't care for coarse humor in routines. Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock can get away with it. The late Buddy Hackett could turn the air blue with talk about genitalia, but the one thing they all possessed was good timing. Yours isn't there yet. That's not a knock, as many comedians had the same problem starting out.

I think it was either Groucho Marx or Steve Allen who once commented that there was a big difference in saying funny things and saying things funny. Think about it. Your material just didn't grab me. Better jokes and better timing--reading the crowd, as it were--will make all the difference.

Cursing suits someone like Louis C.K and most comedians.

I think it's almost weird that someone like Jerry Seinfeld can be that funny without ever cursing.
It's like he doesn't need to curse because he is THAT good!

[Frnkd]

I think you should do a bit on Ovaltine. Why is it called Ovaltine? The jar is round. The mug is round. They should call it Roundtine.

Trust me, it is gold!

What a wise azz!!!!! I rolled on this. Gold pure gold K_H. 😜

[Frnkd]

Check out 24/7 Comedy on I heart radio. Almost every stand up comic can be heard. Makes my drive entertaining.

Guyjin had a good point regarding use of profanity, you can hear a cleaned up Chris Rock, Patton Oswalt, Wendy Sykes, Mitch Hedberg- love his style to bad drugs got him, died too young, these guys acts are peppered with profanity but on 24/7 Comedy they are blipped out.


Good luck.

[Fishman15]

Cursing suits someone like Louis C.K and most comedians.

I think it's almost weird that someone like Jerry Seinfeld can be that funny without ever cursing.
It's like he doesn't need to curse because he is THAT good!

This^^^add Larry David with Jerry Seinfeld. He was on 60 minutes of all things last night. Charlie Rose tried to get a serious interview from him...wasn't happening and Larry wasn't even trying. Some people just have a funny persona. You just look at them and it makes you laugh. Keltron, I'll call Larry and tell him you want a couple tips. Me and Larry go way back...

[paolo59]

LOL It may seem counter-intuitive. Churchill would write and re-write a speech, and practice it for hours before he would ever stand in the House of Commons to deliver it. He was an orator! But it didn't come 'naturally!' Ha! Comedy is much the same I would think. Those who everyone recognizes as 'heavy weights,' not just folks who throw out 'filth' for a cheap and easy laugh...they've spent hours and hours honing in on their material! Ha! A 4 or 5 minute stand up routine could represent 75 hours of preparation! You notice those things, if you stop and think about it. Good comedy is an 'art.' A 'skill' that requires some preparation.

[GuyJin]

Cursing suits someone like Louis C.K and most comedians.

I think it's almost weird that someone like Jerry Seinfeld can be that funny without ever cursing.
It's like he doesn't need to curse because he is THAT good!

---

My late father once told me that swearing was the avenue of the ignorant. I must have pigeonholed that line because I put it in my first novel and it sort of set the tone. I realize that these days everyone is swearing. But there's a right way and a wrong way. If you have the material and the timing, you can get away with it. Eddie Murphy, Louis C.K., Chris Rock, and a few others like Kathy Griffin and Susan Silverman can swear, but they have good material to back them up.

OTOH, Lisa Lampardnelli swears a lot and she comes across as simply vulgar. Ralphie May is the same way. He starts off by using his weight as a joke, and it goes downhill from there.

Seinfeld, on the other hand, plays it safe, but his type of humor isn't toilet humor, therefore no four-letter words needed. The late John Pinette also used his weight as a starting point, but he hardly ever swore. Trying to be the "everyman, funny, hey, you wanna hear a joke" dude or dudette does not work. It bombs faster than Milli Vanilli trying to actually sing.

What it really comes down to is sort of like training. You find out what works and what doesn't. If Eddie Murphy or Chris Rock didn't swear, would they be as funny? Maybe and maybe not. But clever humor doesn't need four-letter words. It needs thought and timing and accessibility to everyone. That's why Bill Cosby (say what you like about his personal life, I'm talking about his brand of humor) was so accessible, because he talked about everyday situations and people of all colors and religions could relate to that.

Find that which is relatable and make it work. My two yen for the funnybone...

[NorwichGrad]

You talk "white" Big K. You should consider developing a fake Arab accent. And you should try the art of ventriloquism. Then you can be the "reverse" Jeff Dunham. You can talk with a fake Arab accent as Khalid when addressing the audience. Then your dummy can be a white character - like a ditzy blonde or a redneck - and it can talk white.

You live in SF where it's racially diverse. People love ethnic jokes with funny accents. Just look at Dat Phan.

[mtpockets]

You talk "white" Big K. You should consider developing a fake Arab accent. And you should try the art of ventriloquism. Then you can be the "reverse" Jeff Dunham. You can talk with a fake Arab accent as Khalid when addressing the audience. Then your dummy can be a white character - like a ditzy blonde or a redneck - and it can talk white.

You live in SF where it's racially diverse. People love ethnic jokes with funny accents. Just look at Dat Phan.

Genius ^^


Props for gettin up on stage keltron!

[ArchAngel'73]

that and dead baby jokes... You can never go wrong with dead baby jokes

Wut's pink and bubbly and scratches at the window?





























Baby in a microwave.